Des Moines Register
04-14-06
Crawford: Iowans, defend your state
ERIN CRAWFORD
LIFE SO FAR
It happened again about a week ago. An unexpected Iowa bash.
We all know the feeling.
I'm reading a story about restaurant service on the New York Times Web site and
I come across this line: "All New Yorkers hold restaurant grudges. When
something goes really wrong, you say, 'Hold it! Do I live in Sioux City or New
York City?'"
Weird. I had good service the last few times I ate in Sioux City. Good sushi, too.
So I'm guessing the writer decided to dump on Sioux City for one of two reasons:
1. Sioux City and New York City both end in "city," giving the comparison a
pleasant lyrical ring.
2. If you live on the East or West coasts, any city in Iowa can be used as a
shorthand for "Pig-riddled nowhere."
Hearing Iowa used as a cheap punch line gets old. Iowa deserves better. So this
time, instead of just being annoyed that the New York Times was dumping on
Iowa, I wrote the article's author a letter with restaurant recommendations for the
next time she's in the Sioux City metro area.
I'm sure I'll receive a thanks back, once she visits the restaurants.
I don't think Iowa would be such an easy target, if Iowans weren't constantly awshucksing and self-deprecating every time someone called the state a manure
pile.
Now, I got training at this from an early age, when my family uprooted from
Johnston and moved to the Twin Cities, where I spent the next few years
explaining that Iowa did, in fact, have electricity and plumbing.
I had lots of time to do this, since the Johnston school district was about a year
ahead of my Minnesota one in math and reading.
So this is my new line in the sand. When someone who has never spent a
moment in the state ridicules it, I'm speaking up.
When a guy who went to my high school sent an e-mail with a line that read, "Is
Des Moines really the cultural mecca it appeared to be from the highway the 4 to
6 times I've driven through it without slowing down?"
I didn't join in the mockery. Instead, I lambasted him with an explanation of why
his life would be better if he lived here.
He apologized and sent me a recipe for "Impossibly Easy Corn Pie."
Iowa's going to be in the news a lot more if Gov. Tom Vilsack runs for president
and new Superman Brandon Routh becomes as iconic as his role. So time to
step up with some sass, Iowa.
Not sure what to say? Here are a few lines you might use:
• "I can't imagine how hard it must be to garden in a state that doesn't have the
best soil in the world. I mean, I've never done it."
• "Did you know the University of Iowa was the first in the nation to admit women
on an equal basis with men? What's it like living in a state that only thinks half of
its population is worth educating?"
• "Commute? I'm sorry. I've never heard the word before."
• "Superman is from my state."
• "How ironic that you wrote that insult on a computer. The first one was built at
Iowa State University."
• "I understand why you just said that mean thing about Iowa. You're overcome
with jealousy over our affordable housing."
• "Whoops. Gotta run. A presidential candidate is giving a speech in my front
yard."
Remember, you can't stop people from other states from being jerks. But you
don't have to take it, Iowa.