Announcements
1. Next week: Donna Buchwald, Iowa DOT
2. How to do well in CE 104
a. Ask the professor for help
b. Read the comments on the assignments
c. Revise your speaker reports
d. Submit extra credit
Technical writing 2
Motivation
A high school student seeks an internship with Civil
Solutions Inc., which is managed by vice president
Richard Rehmann.
The student walks into the office of Civil Solutions
and says,
“Where’s Rich?”
Could the student have improved his communication?
How?
Rhetorical factors
The student did not consider the factors important in
communication:
1. Purpose
What do you want?
2. Audience
What information does the reader need?
3. Context
What is the history? The future?
4. Content
Is the content appropriate? Accurate?
Speaker report: rhetorical factors
1. Purpose:
To record lessons from a CE
2. Audience:
Yourself, group members, professor
3. Context:
Show learning from presentations
Show improvement in writing
4. Content:
(next slide)
Example: speaker report
Write a report of no more than one page (12 point font, single spaced) on the
speaker’s presentation. Answer the following questions:
1. What is the speaker’s background? Describe the speaker’s career path
briefly.
2. What sort of projects or positions did the speaker describe?
3. What obstacles, barriers, or professional issues arose in the speaker’s
career? In particular, discuss how the speaker addressed communication
skills, ethics, and leadership in his or her career.
4. What were the key lessons you learned from the talk?
Next steps
• Generating ideas
• Gathering information
• Narrowing the information
• Outlining
Assignment 3: ideas
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Visited CE 104
Talked about being small contractor
Got BS and MS from ISU
VP of company in 50th year
Grandfather started it
Why?
Few companies succeed, up & down
80% do < $5M
Why?
Profit, not volume, measures success
Expect many things as a contractor
Workday is long
Season depends on weather
What is missing?
How should this be organized?
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Estimating is a gambling game What?
Remember employees at bottom And?
Good and bad technological changes Why?
Safety is a big responsibility
Must work hard, etc.
Communication > classes
Attitude, Golden Rule are important
Lead balanced life; keep perspective
Background
Projects/positions
Obstacles/prof. issues
Lessons
Assignment 3: possible structure
• Background: Mr. Doe spoke to class about working as a
small contractor.
• Obstacles: The success of Mr. Doe’s company is
remarkable. (Volatile business, work season,…)
Projects?
• Responsibilities: Mr. Doe wears many hats.
• Advice: Mr. Doe gave us some advice. (Work hard, Ethics?
communicate well, have a good attitude, consider
employees at all levels, etc.)
Lessons?
Revising the document
Use a top-down approach:
1. Structure
2. Paragraphs
3. Sentences and words
a. Sentences
b. Grammar
c. Word choice
d. Punctuation
http://www.ucalgary.ca/uofc/eduweb/grammar/marking/
Revising the document
1. Structure
Revisit purpose, audience, context, content
a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
f.
Did you meet your purpose?
Do you have a new purpose?
Did you address the audience properly?
Did you provide the right content?
Do you need more?
Can you cut anything extraneous?
Revising the document
2. Paragraphs
a. Make the paragraph the unit
of composition.
b. Ask whether you developed
the idea sufficiently.
< 100 words: Developed enough?
> 200 words: Split into two?
Revising the document
3a. Sentences
Sentence errors are legion:
1.

 2.
3.
4.
 5.
6.

 7.
 8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
Sentence fragment
Run-on sentence and comma splice
Fused sentences
Overloaded sentence
Mixed construction
Faulty parallelism
Dangling modifier
Misplaced sentence elements
Shift of number or person
Shift of tense, mood or voice
Omissions
Lack of variety
Illogical sentence (e.g., faulty co-ordination, faulty subordination)
Revising the document
Sentence fragments
“If you write a fragment, you fail.” (W. Heston, 1984)
Propane and natural gas on the other hand are still
fossil fuels, but they hold the potential for a very good
short term solution. Short term meaning eventually
fossil fuels will be completely depleted.
Where’s the fragment? How would you revise?
Revising the document
Run-ons and fused sentences
I also have us booked at Fareway on Friday from 4-8 pm
the store manager said the store is busier on Friday than
Saturday.
How would you revise?
I also have us booked at Fareway on Friday from 4-8 pm.
The store manager said the store is busier on Friday than
Saturday.
Revising the document
Comma splice
Volume is not a measure of success, profit is a measure
of success.
How would you revise?
Volume is not a measure of success. Profit is a measure
of success.
Profit, not volume, is a measure of success.
Revising the document
Mixed construction
Convective heat transfer is when the flow carries the heat.
In convective heat transfer the flow carries the heat.
The reason the coverage of the Olympics frustrates him
is because NBC focuses on the stories instead of the sports.
NBC’s coverage of the Olympics frustrates him because
it focuses on the stories instead of the sports.
Temperatures in Ames will be warmer this weekend.
Temperatures in Ames will be higher this weekend.
Ames will be warmer this weekend.
Revising the document
Faulty parallelism
Sugarbush Ski Instruction
● Exciting
● Lots
of experience
● Enjoyable
● You’ll
have a great time!
Revising the document
Faulty parallelism
Elements of a list must have the same grammatical form.
Compare apples to apples.
The experiments will involve measuring velocity, sampling
the water quality, and to record the wind speed.
How would you revise?
The experiments will involve measuring velocity, sampling
the water quality, and recording the wind speed.
Revising the document
Faulty parallelism
Elements of a list must have the same grammatical form.
Compare apples to apples.
He does assistance in estimating materials, checking shop
drawings, in the field running crews, inspections, and
interactions with crews.
How would you revise?
He helps to estimate materials, check shop drawings,
direct field crews, and inspect job sites.
Revising the document
Misplaced modifier
What is wrong with these sentences?
Nailed to the fence, Julie read the sign.
Having eaten the remains of the zebra, we watched the lion
lick its chops.
Revising the document
Dangling modifier
What is wrong with these sentences?
Groundwater contamination is a major concern when
designing the geologic repository.
Varying from a simple lime softening system to a complex
electrodialysis reversal operation, the incidence of radium
in drinking water can be greatly reduced.
Based on these tests, we conclude that this option is
not feasible.
How would you revise them?
Revising the document
3b. Grammar
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
 6.
 7.
8.
Idiomatic grammatical constructions
Syntax
Usage
Case
Verb form
References
Subject-verb agreement
Parts of speech
Revising the document
General pronoun reference
Antecedents of pronouns need to be unambiguous.
These conditions allow MTBE to travel quickly and with
little hindrance into the groundwater. This poses a huge
problem because the plume for MTBE is much longer than
that for any other gasoline product.
What is “This” in this passage?
Revising the document
Subject-verb agreement
What is wrong with this sentence?
Revising the document
3c. Word choice
 1.
 2.
 3.
 4.
 5.
Wrong word
Too many words
Excessive compression
Diction
Active/passive voice
Revising the document
Wrong word
Correct the errors in these messages:
Your ignorant of the ways of the world.
This is a reminder email that I send to all the authors.
If you have all ready uploaded all your papers and
have received confirmation emails than your okay.
Revising the document
Wrong word
Correct the errors in these messages:
His company is in it’s 50th year.
His company is in its 50th year.
His company is 50 years old.
Revising the document
Too many words
15% of words in technical writing are unnecessary.
Unnecessary
Necessary
Source: Rehmann made this up.
Revising the document
Too many words
Shorten these sentences:
At this point in time, the firetrucks have not arrived at the airport.
The firetrucks have not arrived at the airport.
In order to give an estimate of the dissipation, we made measurements
of the velocity with PIV, which is capable of achieving small-scale
resolution.
To estimate the dissipation, we measured the velocity with PIV, which
can resolve small scales.
Revising the document
Too many words
Shorten these sentences:
He utilized a saw to facilitate the cutting of the wood.
He cut the wood with a saw.
Upon visual inspection, there are three discernible regimes.
There are three regimes.
Revising the document
Too many words
Put action in verbs, not nouns. Clue: look for “of”.
In all cases the variable dispersion coefficient model provided
a much more accurate description of experimental results.
The variable dispersion coefficient describes the experimental
results more accurately.
Electrodialysis reversal (EDR) uses electric current to
achieve removal of hardness and other ions.
Electrodialysis reversal (EDR) uses electric current to
remove hardness and other ions.
Revising the document
Too many words
Just say it:
You should have a discussion with Prof. Rehmann if you
are in a situation in which you have questions concerning
the matter of written technical communication.
You should speak with Prof. Rehmann if you have questions
about technical writing.
Revising the document
Too many words
Just say it:
I am in a position to complete a purchase of a new car.
I can buy a new car.
Due to the fact that he experienced a sudden illness, it was
necessary that the trip be cancelled.
Because he suddenly became ill, the trip had to be cancelled.
Revising the document
Too many words
Don’t oversay it.
past memories
various differences
each individual
basic fundamentals
true facts
important essentials
future plans
terrible tragedy
end result
final outcome
free gift
past history
unexpected surprise
sudden crisis
very unique
large in size
often times
of a bright color
heavy in weight
period in time
round in shape
at an early time
economics field
of cheap quality
honest in character
of an uncertain condition
in a confused state
unusual in nature
extreme in degree
of a strange type
Revising the document
Too many words
Don’t oversay it.
John handles personnel relations.
John handles personnel.
The work season is dependent on the weather conditions.
The work season depends on the weather.
The weather controls the work season.
Revising the document
Too many words
Subordinate (or remove) less important material.
He is the vice president of his company, which is in its
50th year. His grandfather started the company in 1957.
He is the vice president of his company, which his
grandfather started in 1957.
He is the vice president of his company, which his
grandfather started over 50 years ago.
Revising the document
Too few words: excessive compression
Omit needless words, but don’t overdo it.
An efficient anti-aliasing spectral continuous window shifting
technique for PIV (article title)
Revising the document
Diction
Avoid slang:
This report will take an in-depth look at the Yucca
Mountain Project.
Avoid cliches:
These experiments go hand-in-hand with the numerical
simulations.
Don’t inflate your language:
The skier’s speed is dependent on many factors.
Revising the document
Diction
Don’t mix metaphors:
He is not the sharpest cookie in the jar.
You can beat a dead horse to water, but you can't make him drink.
That's the pot calling the kettle's bluff.
He's got too many oars in the fire.
It's not rocket surgery.
I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.
The monkey is in your court.
Not to put her up on a limestone, but my sister is really terrific.
We are treading on thin water
We'll burn those bridges when we get to them.
Revising the document
Active/passive voice
Prefer the active voice:
The effect of flow length on longitudinal dispersivity was studied by Xu and
Eckstein (1995), and it was found that the dispersivity increases with length.
Xu and Eckstein (1995) studied the effect of flow length on longitudinal
dispersivity and found that the dispersivity increases with length.
The longitudinal dispersivity increases with flow length (Xu and Eckstein 1995).
Revising the document
Active/passive voice
Prefer the active voice:
There are very few successful companies in construction
engineering.
Very few companies succeed in construction engineering.
You must be a good motivator of employees.
You must motivate employees well.
Revising the document
3d. Punctuation
Separate independent clauses with a comma before the
conjunction (and, but, or,…).
We went to the store and bought milk.
We went to the store, and then Gunnar called.
Revising the document
Use a comma or commas to set off a non-restrictive (i.e.,
non-essential information) phrase or clause…
Richard, my brother, did not hire that high school student.
I drove my Subaru, which is green.
…but if the phrase or clause is restrictive, do not use commas.
I drove my car that I bought in Hyannis, Massachusetts.
Revising the document
Use a comma or commas to set off a non-restrictive (i.e.,
non-essential information) phrase or clause…
He is the vice president of his company which is in its
50th year.
Does he have more than one company? If so, write
He is the vice president of his company that is in its
50th year.
If not, write
He is the vice president of his company, which is in its
50th year.
Revising the document
Use commas to separate items in a list:
I bought eggs, milk, and bread.
The comma before the conjunction is optional, but it helps
avoid confusion:
I thank my parents, Hillary Clinton and Mitt Romney.
Revising the document
Use a comma after an introductory subordinate clause:
Because the weather was good, they worked a long day.
Do not use a comma if the clause is later in the sentence:
They worked a long day because the weather was good.
Revising the document
Use a colon (not a semicolon) to introduce a list:
His work as a small contractor involved many tasks:
estimating materials, checking drawings, running crews,
and inspecting job sites.
The above sentence could also be written:
His work as a small contractor involved estimating
materials, checking drawings, running crews,
and inspecting job sites.
Do not use a colon after a verb:
I bought: butter, milk, and eggs.