iSS;}

iSS;} Stephanje Mineart 2~~-! 1/2 N. Dill St. Muncie. Indiana 47303 'j~hcy t.hpm; J 1 tcr-:.l.l1y, whCln theil- pye2",; y()U I'm :-:',carr:hinn saw thpm Vf)U fnt:";~ n.liy. WPY-e 'WrH~ld nGt 1 iqhL nor ca.t.ch your I-ike hers. rarely "een. j.n a ctn\Jn·-tiltt?<1 face. one:' wi.th snft tJhjte si<in :tnd ::;ensual Mn~t lips. trying 1.0 s~p it the first time their people qav0 up friendlin~ss met. with silence. But thE' Inner dark haIr and pale skin C'auqht my curiosity. rhen, one l"al-C moment. she' leant'r1 fnrwa.rd and tilted hpr' chin UP. They haunted JCC'. Mincar-tl Lhouqht. I ~at behind her day after iust peekin(J out of her sh-Lr!-~ C'('ve; rt~y. lind watching her and 1 felt ;j curious shock that :Jomethinrx 'i;Jas 'I,Jr-onl.'j. books to leave the y'u()m. 1 o,t:"pped up to h('r d',',,", and took I her wrist gl?ntly in mv hand. ~lid bilC~ the shirt ~leevp to ['ushed f rom the room. I knew from my claGs that her name was Rebecra. thp name tlrr f~lther "ho'.lnd." In tin;e T tl.ld C.3:T\(.":'I ch0~pn It was for her- -a Hpbrcw name meAning cn-!l her- :by her' second namp~ Amanda, She was beautiful and fragile, clnsed ~nd withrtr~wn. I wus beautiful, outspoken, cy:travaq':'lnt., tiif7prent. Arl'i obspsspd. My friend Tom was standing at my tockpr the n"xt rlay. lIAthena, what~ha up t-(~7" "We're all supposed t(' '10 to the drivp-in; 'Ji1l you he ~~inear.tj 3 there?" "T t-h ink s () ... and got out at he,,~; . I'm me tonight. II I dumped my books in my locker T hav'2n) t She'll never S11PPOSC She's a that stuff. "1 thci"lk I ' l l m(~. supposed to mcpt She r:, I to help her study_" spen he r . q(~t studying w.i t-h 'Whpt"e':;:-, Sherry';> manage. lost causp. though. I've studjed with her before." attpntion to what's she pay~ StlP fln:.i ke wi. trl you." J q':PJi"' him a sDrcast-ic smile. "r-1aybe (:.hr: should pay a,ttcntion t'u ''''ha.t you're doing. "Excllse me'? irJ.hat i:::; th::l!~ SllPP():~,(""d to mean?" attention shifted fr"om my books to him. implying anything: whe':~-:? He rouldn't be I'd always kept my thoughts to myself. "I really don't think I'm thn only motjvPf'. My Sherry' :-; concprned." 1: Olle gU(-~~-,S with T u]terio~ wa~--} more transparent than r thought. face, but 1 took offense "My ul tcrior moti,Ve2"3 said, anv~~y. :1t:'C~ none elf yc)ur damn 1 sJamm:lng the lo("kcr door. rrhat was a i(")K:c No need to be bitchy. i to say anythinq about whilt you do? YDU businF~;-)~~! II ("an hav~~ anything you ,\,.Jant He was right. I cClulci A.nn I~harm Who am I The way 'lOU look ancl act. eV~:t'yone ..lnynne; j{nOW5 :i t-. I knpw exact-l y when Mincart i '1 to play by the rill es ;'end when to break them. At that moment. Hebecca 'dalked by. rnvollJntarily~ mv t~y('~) followed her. a.nd then my feet went, too. Over my shoulder I tW,'ird Tom mutter. I for Sherry." "Ob oh. So much iqnclY'ed h j m a,nd 'WE'nt. Or'. lIRebec·:a .... " She stiffened up as hack. V\rnen T stood she had been stabbed in the ~houqh bf~sid(' het'- r ('ould 2:·ee her face w.,~:; ('rimson and her hands trembled, "I'm sorry if 1 fr-iqhtened Y"l1 before ... br'illianti0c eyes, still I ;3tarted my up slightly a.nd her In(~ked explanation. bllt then she " fearful~ met my dark ones, sending a shimmcr'_ng shock thrO;lQhout lty bc.dv ,'1m' making me suddenly liqhtheadpri. ~:;ompthi.ng to "My namp rpas~:~ure t;:;- T b,c'r. ~tarted. and her mn\~th formed the Y(~nl know who T ,"lm.1I She nodded. "Can : carry your books fnr you?" hands hpfoY"e she could an~)VJrr. It was I unburdened her ,q llfiC Less gestur'(:', and "T'll walk YOII tnpre." pressed on; She didn't flee. answe~, but looked around a:o if "hE"' '",anted to WE' w,lked in si.'l()ncC' for .:lvJhi1c. "1 didn't mean to hurt you, or frj'Jhtpn you beTon'. usually not that ahnlDt or' t'llriE'. wa~') ... yes, Thf' I rio. It ':",) YOUy- mtltt('r-'of-fal~+-'npss and for the first tim," I'm I don't know why I Pyps." of ElY l;)st 'Words m;:vl.f.' her she' tur-n0d 1v~'r full. 3tOp .. ,-!uC'stjoninq (J(.l'z:e on me. "You h3.vC beauti.rul eyes." Wp were at hpY.' c Lassro'-.nTl door ~ Sf) J handed bac-:k h(:r book. She said a silent thank··,v(')u. rind turned.. heari bent again, into the room. I t"ea 1 i zed Tom, with therp a~ Wfl~-3 :-;ompone at my elbow. I tut'ned to sec impish"onspiratorial crrin on his face. "You'):"':::: late to "()h~ I stood il1 a da7e f()r a minllto, llntil (~la::.:3." shut up." ThE' pE':lple J knew, to wond('r ,::It what I did. too self-confident, r--:a ring Ltnd qnod. the ones who knew me well, had ceasE'd I was too charmi ng, Hqt thpy ,'1150 knew I was Nc) nne c'vcr -l2.kcd me if 1 ton darinq, ::t_nn a.1;::50 1'",.j'(13 loyal, f,':111inq in Minearti love with heT; But it was never' t.'!,lKC'd abo1!t. f) I knew that my friends could see it ,lnd they became comfortable. "'len fascinated. with it. I moved qently, I talked to her in slowly, calmly, when shp "la", near. "Jhi ~3pers an1 she qradua [.Ly ,3cknowledged what whisper. It vJa s It was soft ane! low Uk", bel!!3 that chimed rapidly. blendinq to make a sOlmd ] ike ripplinq water. rpmemher anyt-hinq ~:;he ~:;nid, bllt I rpmemb~r T krH";J she wondereci "hy I did it. about her I ,,',aid, h~mpwork. hpr classes. ;·Ja~~ T never her family. ~nd T lceallv don't t.he voice. T ""oked quest ions her" possessinns. l)llt d.fra:i.d to t-ouch that subject.. amazed that sompone sr) beautiful could [ was completely isolate 50 her-splf from friends itnd attention, but I was "\.Ir", that her I wa~) sight, followtnq her, taJkinq to after t.he cau;)(:>. I spO·CC' ~ mu~t have been a strangely romic family her~ .::lnd she speaking nn]y lookinq as thou(,Jh ;".ihe wanteri to hide. But sh,o didn't r.i.-u'e tell me to step, her, and shp sonn ~0a'ized it. T I ~ontrolled wasn·t tpasing every movement 1 made. every expressior! on mv [ace Rnd every tone nf my voice to convir,r:c her that became more a~ case Her answprs a~~ timp went by, but I ~uspecterl that it Mineartl was only because the que:3tions Tasked wprf..:' safe ones. think ,;he r"oillized th,tt :~l'VJays f w()I.lldn'1-, al';,Jays be havI? I T wouldn't h'1nr: her. I want '-:.d to see her out. of she rlidn t 7 sC)rn~th:lnq d~-'itrart(-'d t~he rnr't('xt of sr:hool. where she ncpdcd to rIo. f~om mc. where :;r)p T wanted to know more about her and to have her attention. I asked her standing There's a park near my house. T want to tal', r.o you. I'll bring foori. We can talk. "Al ~ riqht," to <Jo now." she said, hardly looking at me. "But I have And she hurried off to Class. The park was secluded enough that ,she c()lJlrjn'l: hide from my attenticn by watchinq things ar'ound bcr. picn.ir~ I laid t'he our on tbe lawn 'with c, y'ecl-chccked tab'p, rloth; as she sat under the surround i.nq trf'p~:,; the c:ontrCl;3t.s bptwPE'n them and bel" skin, hair. and eyes were beAutiful. played; a 50ft, low woman's voice sanq: "Headed out th1,; mot"ninq into the sun. F"idinq on th(:- rl:iamond wave:::; little darling one. v-larm w1nds r'aress her. tier lovpr it seems. and The radio t.t1in(l-arti 8 Oh. Annie. ,ireamboat Annie. ship of drO.lm?l. " II Wt\a t, music do you "Classica1," other direction, caress. :;hc whispered, '~~'kpd. lonktnq a:3 alway~:;~ "It feels good to listen to, Ln some Like a I" "Wha t qO 1 i sten to?" I out? io you do? ilclhen you' n, at rH)me. Do you have friends? T wat,'h TV, "I study. We m()vecL many peop-Ic. 1 mean, Do you How cio you spenri time?" I don·t go out. i. n 13:3 t yea r ~ and r e!on't know T h[lVen t J rea.11 y .. she trai led off as thr)ugh sne had tOtlcr.eri a subiect that she didn't want to thi.nk about. She beqan dgain. t.hough, lot of it. like to painie. 1 I do a I know interest tnq. " is. It'" much mnn' cul.tllred and L,lrnted than anything anyone T kno\J I'm good." ane! she was hi.dinq a "mil€' , h(~,ld to look I'd lik", teo rin(,G. "I'm really nnt sur n ducked my I I like larldscapes. and sorne port.raits. that's not, "Yes "1. .. '.In "I hel'eve you are." hp~.- r ';'0F' you painl." She ducked her heRd in leaned over r.:lose to hpr and face. 1 ",aid softly. Mineartl T wctnted to "I'm sorry. you. I you srrd 1 (~. SPfl 9 wouldn't hurt T promise." She smiled at me. shy and embarrassed, and moved back. The si',ht of her smiling, :'.n hpalltiful and i.n such a thi~11 perfect place as was like a. drr::'a.m. I want(lr1 to touch instinctively~ real; but I wasn't sW'P to make hl?r·~ StIre how she w01ljd rpspond. calmly, diY'(:I("tlv into my F'yes, so didn't ~;\he she W~-lf:l She stared SPp how my hand T took her hand and held it. She d idn' t react. as t.houqh ::hp d "ldn' t: rea 1 i ze I had i It was slim and :Joft-" fr,-,.')cd 10. I have crusherl iJ ':~ould j'. in mine with a little cffnrt. W': didn't move in what: q("'emed like forever. grew more T srni]~d with i.t:. webs. 3 1:eady. back anrt tnnk a lork ()f h~r hair ~nd played It was smooth and silky and as thin as spiders' Tt waved and f.; oW0'd t:itn)lIqh my fingers and glinted in t.he sunl iqht. T tracpd tt,e shape of her nose with my finger. Her skin wa'; the softest r h.:ld ever rpl j". It got very late bef()re either of us notic0d. I 1 noked at my watch . "What t:ime l~~) it~'" afraid; the radtance 3hr -'l?ked. cis~~ppeC'l~-ed and Sh(? \.-Jas :::;uddenl y very qavf;;~ way to the r1ineaxt J ] 0 tenseness she had before. !'Five. " " "I have to go. She got up and hurriedly collected hpr hooks and coat. "Wait. Why? You could stay, or- I'll walk home with you. IINo! N:.1~ I have '":0 qn; I'm :30rry. ,. "m'IY are you ,J.frdid of hejnq }ate?" make her stay ilnd tal~ me and I cClught her arm to 10 me, but I accidentillly caught jt Suddpnly a] 1 her and held it too hard. I fE'''~.r ~Nas dirpcted at could feel and see her start to tremble .lcd move away from me as if she expected astontshed; I let ,:>0 YOIl C<':Ul tell them where you at"p. "I havl? to go." r:it her. ~:n I wa~3 (juickly. "T'm sorry. Plea:-iC' wait. come to my house? m~~ If you'rf' afra. i/l . . . . C".,.ll vnllt"' Will you parent;) fr('lm t-he!"c and P1.F:.'d ~~.P don: t- 1 eave. " I could see that staying wouldn't r-elieve her fr"ight and would rr'oiJably ma.ke it Worse. "P1pasp .... Take ("are." stepped IIp I took her hilnds gently, close tn hF'r and l()oked steadily in her eyes. worrted abo\lt you and ... your safety. mp." What I said came outI rf-'illizerl tbat halt.jnqly~-as I was trembU.nq, too. !'T'm Y()u're ... impnrtant to a hoarse whisper--and Mineartl I met ~er at her lncker the next day. introverted; she barely spoke to me when I "Would you ·-ome to my over night." tlUU'5P 11 She was much more talked to her. Y,-,1.1 could stay to study toniqht? She lookerl surprised and::l. litt10 :J\.ared. s() T dropppd it. but I asked again the next day and the next. I didn't- plead, or push, but she knew I was seriou;; a.nd I was friqhtened for her. On a and asked F'~iday i~ afternoon in mid-September, she miqht stay the niqnl that she knew T loved her, an'l that: she came to me with me. I aueseed I wouldn't callse her' pain. durinq th" day she wOllldn' t was around IIp.t''. :;peak, although she seemed glad I I wa'; u'lipvpd that she had ('orne to me, that T ehdn't ha'!" to un,p her to stay, but J was friqhtened of what would happen to her J.atpr if shp did. W~5 what sh(~ I went to thp I thouoht doo~. on the pajana top. abused. SlH"P that. wanted. Amanda went to drpss waited unLil She was in ~y paiamas in tho bathroom. I she m'iqht be partially dressed before ~:he s+:.norl wit"h hpy- hack to t.he mirror. She had unmi stakab 1 y .~)een spxuall y I ,;tepped up and leaned in the door·way. buttonpd up and turned to leavr". She jumped She in surprise anrl Mineart I 12 I took her She didn't speak. in and kissed her ()n the heAri. I t.\J.cked hp·[, I sat -irl t.he rhair and watched her sleep. pxpectinq somethirlq to We were nervous the npxt morning, happen. I knew she had tn '1'-' home and I was afraid nf what would happen to her. She ",'ouldn't. stay or }et mr: qo "ri.th She w'as ('ompr:lled to qo. and I her. She came tc see me Sllnday, drunk to even notice she r hands. :3.'1 t ('flulrin't under'stand why. in the morn'i ng. He had b(,E-~n too gone. wa~ behi nei her, P'lt my arm.s a round her and he Id her She wouldn't look ,3t me "hile "he talked. I sat down behind her a.,e! breathr:d into her hair. IIOften?" A sliqht-. nod. "Why c,o y'lU Ipt "lim?" "He says he loves me." I went home with her one day after sr:honl. beautiful. T bt"H:.:;hed .:i.qa.inst. ,) crystal roses t.hat sat on th", tab]" door. j She told ;ne she filled wit-b siJk n the pntyyway to the fnmt Her mother nffared me food and was there. va~)e Her mother v,'-Tcl~::; ~r:emr:d pleased thJt I qlud "Rf'h('cca" had brought one of her friends home to visit. When Amanda left the room, Mineartl she sa'let she thnuqh h,?y Rc:hec(:a \,y~~s was shy. She' h"d been wo".,,- ied th.:.' t 3. ~he Cf(lOd 13 gJrl, but that she hadn't. made many friends. I was surprised a.net llncornfortable at thE' way she acted, and ,)t how norma.l d.nd typi_cal Amanda' s house and mot.her It :"eemed was qoing on. un~eal that hp,,- mother mlai'lt not know what Amanda's room ·w':lS Many of landscape5 ~nd filled with the oil ~hpm were very beautiful some wprc portraits of people or ~renes. They all seemed to reflect the life around her. howev"r, npver her own thoughts. As it grew closer and closer to four o'clnrk. her mother grew more realized ,]I'-:XJOU5 !'.ib(" and she watched thp r";.ock oft.en. did know. ,3nci that her (~~ctions 'Were mask it from me or to preserv p an illusion she T t~it";hr.'r h~d to her~elf. I was carefl..ll t.o leave before futtr. I used to love having my room face the east, SQ the sunl ight: wnuld wakp mF' throuqh the 0E:'E'n window in thE,' morninq. I ~woke to lind Amanda snuggled up against ~y back, curled up in a little ball with her arms wrapped around my Mineartl Wh.en she bear, Knickerbocker. different r'erson; ~~Jf'pt she was a {:"omplctely t.he ten:3ion that always showed ir: her face Her expresslon one of anq~lic up and still vanish l~he T longed La b" contentment. ~ee 14 that lonk minute her ey~s i., her face. oppnpd, 3bl~ w~s to wake her But I knew it would so r kjsspd hpr. and thp bear, and ,",E?nt down to make breakfaGt. r~ddi.n(l My moth"r was stdndtnq in the kitdH'n the paper with a shocked look on her face. "Athena., read th'1.s." ;::;he said, headU.nes. pointjnq to nne of the It read: "Local Man Beats WifF' , Flees With Di'lughter" Thomas J. Thorne, last night, pos~jbly 31. ,~f 4101 N. R,C)sewflod .'lve, fled to,,,n with his teeni'lqe daughtE?r. after allegedl_y bl?ating his wife, Pelicia, into Police wer(~ call('d to thf.? ThorTl(~ uncon~(-inllsnes5. hous€'huLrl at 2 a.m. last night by neighbol's complaining of a noise djsturbance. Office"5 found the front door opren, and Fe1 iela Thorne lying unconscious on t.he living room floor, vicious aSRault. the victim of a T'horne and his daughter, Rebecca, 16, ,",prp nowhere to bp found. Wi tnesc;es stat.ed they S.,,", Thorne "peed away from his Minear"tl hom~ a 15 :i.n hjs raY' soon 3fter a crystal vase wa:::; t.hrown through plat.f' 'Jlass winnow in thC' f,·onc. of t.hC' house. They werp unahlf' to netermine 'if fh::>becca Thorne WAS wi_ t-h him. and stated t.hat the girl might he spending the night with friends. rei 1 i diffet"~nt (~C' have been ca.lI ed j";) the' Tho}~n() occasions in thr> P.:J.st fiv(·'" Yf'':lY5 complaining of noi::3P caused by domestic d i Thorne has ,",'1l;")o been the subject for the past t.wo Group. wppk:~ cd~ hCJlJ.seho.l d on three J)Y neiqhb()r~3 ::iput-C'~:;. f)(JJ,ice inver_~tiqati()n for embezzlement- from the Livinqston Inc .• where hE' works" Investigatinq offi("'(>r Lt" Mike flart-igan Y"elatcs that the' Thorne heavily in the crimp. Mrs. ThornC' WilS j-akc'n to Riverside Hospital, where 'ih" remains in :3table concLitj,on. I went up immediately to wake Rebecca up. f'k~r .]\'Jakened. mother wa?, c(lnsciou5 when we arrived; she had iust She gathered Reb0r r a into "He noticed you were qone." while. laok:ng at each at.))py-, h~~ arms l saying only, They sat tnqethpr t'or a long neither knowinq what to say. Then her mother lnoked over at lJS~ saying, !!hl:"s not a Mineartl bad man. r~ally. he j~sl has so much stress; 15 it's like little demons inside him eatinq away." I wasnt wining to agree with hpt'. He had no qualms ·.l.i1out-, set t. i ng those d':?mons nfj nt-her s. She curled up witch her arms arnund me and huried her face in my Shol,lder. The rurv':s of her body f ] t into mine. a Therp Wii:~ ('{:'mfortably smooth rhythm bct'VJeen her breathing and her heartbeat; I ,:ould feel both as she pressf'd aCJa'inst me. Her- moist breath was wa.Xffi aqaitu:;t my neck. the tip of')er nose and her cheek under' my chin. C could feel entwinf'd with mine. through my:'ody. III Love you," r could fepi Her leqs a waY'mth begin to flow y;he said, befor~ !::;he ff::ll into sleep. Hf'r moe.her (lot seemed to be al! Ollt: righi~. of th,., hospital She didn't. that her husband left her. Tat,'r in the week and say m\l("h. hut she ("ricd She w0uldn't listen to what r or my family or Amanda said to her about him. him. T think Amanda did too. t.hat love was dest.y·uel.ive. She s t -i l] loved in a way. but she knew t.hat I wasn't wIlling to take anythinq from her that. she didn't feel good Rbnut givinq me. I didn't,: want· to be like her fat.her. I felt t.hat I ("ouldn't rC'al1y '·reV(2 her J tolci her Lhat once r what~ '3he needed. when she wa.:-; curled up next to mp. Mincar't / l7 "I'm sorry." "lfiJhy? You havp n:.Jthinq tc" be sorry ab01Jt. II "I wasn't ablC' t," stand up to your fathC'Y', have told him to something. .l(~av':-" you a1Dne. I shou;d I should have dnne I should have protected you. If'~t Instead T you q-et hurt, " "You cUd do sorne'c.hinq, You let me know you love me, and that you could lO'Te m" without hurtinq me, and that love without fparinq you yOlJ 01" r can I npvpr knew feelinq ashamed. that befDre," I never thought The ba:3ketball ~ could feel so happy as I g':lme la.steel longer than usual raining, '30 t-he ri.de home was tre.::tchercu5. behind did then, Amanda's mothpr, ~ and it '"vJ.:lS 1 d. Yove c Jose At a sharp t'urn, I saw the glare of headlights through the trees and at the turn realized they Wf're in nur lane. right, Amanda'~ Rather than swerving off the road to the mnther went Ipf~. and the car. rC'alizing thp mistake, al!io swerved into t-hp other 1.3ne. the ditch, I scrambled The C'ngine of Amanda'" 0Ut ct!r of thp rar "H" ~nd Ours went into up orl to the rond, ]';ft('ci ])y the forcF' and Cihoved Mineart! 18 into her lap. T brok" the wincLlw but the' donr Wu!o couldn't do more than stick my head in. liqht was slowly flashing, so roang] p(j I The car's nverhead the result c.f a 5ho(·t in the syst.em. It seemed like a slow strobc light flashirlg on the horrible sc'~ne. her thierh tl~at I could see that therE' was a lonq gash on bl00d l"IJshed from. She had a larere gash on her forehead t00. and the blood surged from the openings in time with her heartbeat. ShF:' was consci OU5, and ~"hc could see me. "Hp.lp me. please; love. help mel" over. but r couldn't reach her. T She screamed over and tried to pry the door open. I t riyd to n,ach her through thp nther door·s. but I couldn't. Her VO:lce grew f>linter 3.'3 t:.h!-:, ;:.ircns grc''\",J louder, still heard her last words. "Help me, please. love" hut 1 and all I wa s Ipft wi t.h wa.s the memor'J nf thosE' words she ?pclKe and the cr'imson blood that reH' into her b'l ue eyes. her when she needecl mE: I could nC)\: heJp most, and that thought \.;Ii.l1 be the one that quides me the re,t of my life. - an~, ":"OVe bv De,;.-:.h" S~ephani0 Mi~eart Di i l ,',. :ndi,ana, Mllnei'?, hEr S2~:li~g aCCOElp::"'i:3h St.. 4-7303 father s and preparing aff~i~s ~r re-i~\est "_veL' ~~: ~~an that he was dead we~ltnlP. 3he ste eve: ~~an il.j ~as wIlen he Mnst ex~ect~d. C ',.; ~live. people w~ul~ te ce:;"e:Jrat,irlg. sne was. ~-s cancel the by couch. Ii e He -=- e :~: t t L ~--, her 0 f f i : e ~1~eting5 door It fer :J.adr:' a.nd on c.l r" 1 y, the W&y ':lroppell chil:y. was e [;e:- so :- ell i n 0 ]1 e 1 ~; c ere :--ier' at ~ &. I" Y t a ll 0 ll~~. '.v'r:it.::- she ,verc:::a.t a ~irE' ,)~-~t'-.l a~d the closed w:--;i~-e the French windo':,vs. 2.r.d a .Ieal':'.zE'd sculpt~~e that sh,? standing 'vOlj';' i:1 t~e r, c t ~atGe~ In ,~- statue in her bea~ltif~~ , fact iC.', .~: (1 _~ '_. As . -'-..>.- .. ~;:-le Mineart! d rJrl p:ayed the ressages while sh~ a Eixert I the a.irpcrt. d~ink jar. ,n jL- wi-c:--r y0U. drink a the a~ 'I Sl1e was wi:e. O~! fort~ne complete i~tact very sor!:"y. w~on9 a H0,",' ·:ame a:-l\lW·::~'/ ':~id much yc~ !o propose to . :--! ~·~2~. last ::a. '1 , when ~ut :'m hoplng up. yo~'ll ~e see ~{n 0 "Sweetheart? t21k me. to !',urt you, bu t . . wa; and s0::r~;. I'm t.imes, me. :'ffi after. yo:..;. not with her, I afraid 'IT:. yo don' t \l t.y 1a!er '11 a r. '": to nee:].. Deares-~ y c:~dn'+ )~..:. I It :",;oJ.·~d Please, ~,V C:,:, P 2. e a s e t .",:"l love '::l0u! ~11ST vJ ~r~p ,U a man again. y.,'>at I'll again. ~i' 0::: YO;J':: '? Lot. ~~{:-al::'\ p _ease C3.1l r:l~_..L me Ycu tc: ~:10~~ f:r;(! o,.;.t T':-:a t 's Y"-- :lot h'ers. 1':'2. , dr')ppe1 you t~is ~0te to t011 yo~ Happy Birthday. Mi::-l~2.l:~,1 T g~tt it. :ll:.l~,urd "+:-::1.S We've had :3 litt::cc:: a s~ch goed Iduyh over ours ~aving ~0ne. Enj ('y and yo~rsel~, tell me how it went ex-sistel--ill-:aw a :~ne And io drop your ~aby so~~tim0! Lo\;e, Inside was a card HER that read: SYE SEES KN8WI.EDGE I~~ER OTHER FRO~ YO) ARS DIME~S:O~~;! ENTITLED TO: f:orn MaadIne Bulova. ~ul~a bad mood wi~h drove the ~o silly. address a:)s~r~i reading hand into her some"thing and put was her other a at :roo,~ t:be lighten~ng LP a '.~ard. mi~-~o~t'yish tidy face. rla~c of ~a:::k b~ig]lt. tn h.·r always pr·ese~ts. the 0;'1 The fortuneteller invited her was at nome. She her t c'ok ba~~. housewife who She 'llold looked at \_'f )-ler her I,eft and gui:1ed her to a MineaI'T / - comfortable ctair. of question:::: her palm. f':,·,:t'lLetel}.e~' The I with a read your leok ~L ~ fut~re read your tarot The wizards. them, over O~ the her She :icur as she of d!.,-e nev-er h0nest. yc~ can't feel y')u, r:.or fer yor; wi t::. prob::'eITl. Yo.::. She the~ ntl1St :1rid ~~y,)ne I've re-ad ;~rpGse "!v!ay h a IJ yo know I:: • ~eck men, t~em: She them ~;ot l2Lge ]Jeautifu! cleA~ed 3~d ind ar:anged She had a :uok little c~ wome~, shuffl.ed them in ~f May d a3t~nis~ment Mi:::anc:,] '·D~shJnest~· you be~aGse can ~ell tte that pro~lem y0U~ really kr.o\.;r n~?ve:::.: they beca~se is c~~'t be so::",,::: ~o -i-t :::2.~.ional~.'':t· anat!:er. adhere to ~t. a, . d t~ern. honEst witt; must !n~tter emctiona:"'ly." r&tional ~h~ set wh~t yo~~ S0:~t~on ~ind happens. i~ :ove~s them Gest~re~ ,a~d ~n to li~e a y,)~ one w0~ld "T iumped up a YClU ::-~at asked, 2 card. You are un1appy life. She startlpd at. on~ f~ce. li~e she was ~he3 at po~nted her a~j love Miran,ia nodde(j; m)~st~r~:. fi!~ tl~~ (,~ ~ha~ careeully pictures face w~man an .. then drew an~ t~an pictu.:es on castl~s ~aJlll, her Tt.e woman dlready. ~hci: questi~~. card;?" older had T~ey cards. intensity repeated the your abo~t her Miranda was car~s?" fort~lneteller more of knew h~ Sue c e- s 5 f '11- - yes ~,r?~~':.J..e:s a She took about :1er backg:::c"ln,::l and ':::-lreel'. ine:; lines, 2,.,.t:ed Mirc;nc'.2 4 :0 Mineart,/ She to the poin~ed 5 ~hird. vunerabilit'l. need." She the picked forces that to you. time It r e1a you 311 card. yo n~~~ have She the hel'] ~he it down. '.Ie' forces )f ca~'~ "ThB card represents fifth that yeu will but 0 r~ the problem. tte at loc)ked for it oute-orne of You w:l1 e t h ~I t wi l} 0 ~l'~ working u~iversp meet the t r a ,-; j (' a 11 y, i long d problem. yo~r d1d you wi:l haV9 d long and desire. ion s hip; and ~ap;,y. be card represenrs 'Tllis -,.re ,':;01. p~t heart's t tc fourth before she shows your -:he w0r~ing appears help up lever of happy vic:::' e Yl ~-; t deat.h." She louked longings and s~ ~t Mir~n0d owed in her he got -:lP and got showed her ~o the door. So 5 before she went Then she to gauge face c oa t .-ler as her she :nelped squeezing her reaction :::' dred 1, e l' hand to at put ~~ ~ this. the on. t and cal' -:1 s all d ~eass~rance out. - 1S , ""'-- the and death .love repeated, staring off and l·.:.-.'e deJTh _nta space and cares ane again. Love and death roc~i~g slowly back and forth. Miranda walked of the left ~ar. in-c Ynick~rbocker's The (irag S~GW Wd~ tla~t and sat at way over; the Vicci end Mineart/ - Layne was rec:ognizec. Vicci th~ lipsyncing to he~ E_~~ythmics 'i"laved and Shp hadn't really to wd~ted f::::'cm the 1_'~G~pect. rhe bar hanc and at on her her palm again. interpretation and nothing be:ieved in left wondering tJ.ese from she tonic. noise. ()?ened i t bei~g an~ stared ~otten that had been weeks, It tc db3G:!-(':' ~t ~u~ ~dd t~uly nave :h0~gh. .;let ua2.2.y shaken ner up to OT..:..:':!n AJthougr. 7he but A Mdll. tl:1d ?1ira..nda the wcn;an had was It s~id, gin and s~e lir.es had l,appened. wha~ t.0W Need "1 floor, rau=ou~ alone seemed a TItore bleak sho~e the or-1er~ct face :~0ng 6 floor Jive tr ~er :l~S. 'Jicei '-IlhE';l vias throu'Jh, a:-ld :11)/ ~lO\"l J.no'ther placed her .. ands on he si1,~ ulcers. "Hel."~i), 'ied!.', a~e you tonight? She was as ea.r. she heard that very p~etty too. "Ye'" "Oh, startLe~ voice f:om the =n street ~')man. re3.11y'~' row as Why IS ';he hac of wilat ~()Jth clothes. rhdt': jeen An rj t~e appedre~ e was h'':-~ E It (. 0 first a } to time ~e a pretty mar! rJ e t to H: e <:~ t tje elusive AThena?" I and don'T know abou ideo.. ..... ~ that_ -- ~ llJ.j'-r-..~: '- '~'--" ~ Yl)\l know ::ow she is. BG.t she Mineal't / he:r'~ lady over tc be as She bE~for-e; this nat:: sat: :;tron~r; i on \-;'.-::"S creased and She r~a::; her Else back her (J tten hE!r took She seems '~he mig~lt finish '~nE;;" 11 e o : : :; ;)J:' t' had ;:lE:v>?r seen This ~~a:::~. Wd~ ·:;tal~ddl'ds the i ';UL ... 1: hem ":Jy '.. o_<,;klli9. long anG ~as ~~~leri I the S[;e OV0~ seened W 2.:J d ,J i it tG the "Ca r: . ':: S.i1e l00ke,1 in Iler and talk 10 :,,;u;..'pr-ised, d)(in sat aad foul pleasantly. She op~aed ner mO·ltt~ as t~o~J~ WE.l'l .she t ~.':"~: L.t..:' S:-;'; • C_0-~.n''?:3 db12 Wd S flexed. jaw were L commarJu themse~ve3. Grlrl~ sho::- hung Th,,· l~. s:~igl~-;-_:"y muscles I,E'I' goldev r.er c'Jrnpany. aown. "He:lo. "What?· ~ lovel whiclJ -...J.~l;)t a~fined (Jut SLe ,:"'::> ~alr ~nd weil.-d.cesse(;, to if ml':";'':;~8:j tne well attenticn Idte:y. Dl~ tbouyn girl. ~he acc) 1')0 {>7.'z.i her face. down 0-Zpr0'; s as ilna9ined: had ar.G taJfway 3t ~OOK everyone soft a q~lte ~coks yo~. 1.,-:OlT:emtJEl: she alone. was to wou::.(.:. what jU'iged as i:. been. r 0.::, rum tonight Turned was swee~r of 5[;e .;i Tt ing off ba~ fifth wilole Sht'? 7 r .; l'::ttle aTt9ry t~nsed. "I a r.t ; T w "" n t j ~v l i t e r ... ~ ') ':.; e './'::' r: E' •. , ;.-: n c '.-/ • " ~; Far too u. P a : 1 ~: ' .. :.i.~.:n. . .. Wh d'': : ' [; EO' 'd i. :.: l ...".,;..' 'e' per k e '.: r -1, d. ;:: .. 0 ,,: t-O' • .i. s 1 :: of :hecries ~ess .:: 1 ).:..- e] \' t ~1~.Le. ,'·ing ~ass oS 0 ,3 a~d than a t~hav~c=s mo'nerl'!.- tL9 ., LEy an '::_11".,,:;, teCto LdI;ge it was cast a::"mo::. l.' r des~er2r2!,Y t~ t a': . arc·uTl.' "J r;s M1-r.eaIt:, ; '.j tto~,~ {~(. :: [; E' She and toe:,}: lefir:e ber-;av~(:,r n '.: i t l c sut,jects -( C j' (, f another ~ C V E:' :;':'1.;111. in my mi-;L_:, ~l two ~-, it t ). \'; ~" ,_" ,::,. ~ tctr;'.:,.,:~d:::.. emot~c'l.l. 1. W 1. i ~ Eo d i'~ to.: '" d g a i Il, : n i~ ,~~ I=' E- whoever ~hat st i) . ~e~~s ~y . ; Wl~ l' Y .... earn. 1"1 ~ -:::' s'~P't)'_)sed ·:1'.e a 1= __ -1-_ '-- ~L _, ._ l, ., ,_' ,:-,-} caL --.- E-"'_: 112V,,:1' r:-, d.1. y,lhy can. ->-_ 1- I1 '~--Pi-'r: "_ c- can \?dSy t'y.,lO lr)'-'8 t way W~;y r 'L-'- '-'1-' can't "Death'; answe:!..-~~~ need mi~d. the b~t it sits like 3~ "lDfinished tah::"~ it I nevel t-'~.l '. 0 jigsaw to had a rea_ exp~ri3nse i t :;,Y puz=:~ end with de3tt a 1..i. dE, O~ its 1 ~ Ii '> wi. ~o~~('al my wholr:" sprawl Lr:.':J family- --:to O~i"" •. ot eve.:: It: :ioesn' t t, ::,;€err: fl Minea.l'+- inevitable I ~o m~. ~CII;'!- I know SQoner or later long. dea~~ ~~~ there kno~ ~t on~'l the (I unc:erlyinq connection r I ,;:,,~.:t- -'Fv~ryo~e left--I'm o~e m~ in can a~ I the ~dS ct I ha~e oddest fa~ily died. 31c'ne." 11)v~--eve~yt~inJ's 19nore because up t 1;1 tL.e::::'e. The comes sonle the IJV2 The WOGan answersi. I'm the ~~ and ;:.i..eces . . .. ant "' ,~ C' ff'·el come, few and I between experience wi!: S0m~ forc+':" ='11 be j::'Jzzle, W.?!.~ ,:' ~ r. ' -#- tire~s. T __ T '~ " -:'!..' t-'- "~. T- 1 tc e . f.3.te dan ,~, e . j for -=-ive one frozen in momerLt. torm~nt. ~al:y f@el/ the ~wist fakinq. "T~is i; 1.1 S the bitt-":Jces~ ::' '/e i?V8r feJ t T:t:ere :5 0~ my t :~ Mi.near-;'-:, ~meone and bei~g in iove wit:-i them. r 0 Ir, J. :-; t i .:; ?l. J "c \' r ,:3.nd htrrt sorreone tell the~ I'm L il wB:'?n'·'· haPIV :ared a)o~r I ~errible for because I had to Do yOI, t~in1 ~e h(lne~r arId t· c0cldn'r T 'ir,!asn :: () '.J ,." • what I've d0~P. I'rr a terrible po::''.:'son? " Nat dr1lnk but I I've ever eve been do be~ieve that you are the most coheren~ illet." mor~ d::unk ttan "IOU sho~ld t'~:~ t!l~ qirl chair. "Why not?" "Becaus? I think come hc~e wIth ~e." stood ) € ~ r4 (: w ro ro ~ ::::' ~, ~ ~ ~ W n ,,,o ~ m ~ o ~i m m h 1-1 ~, ~ m ~ < w ~J m o w ~J ~ ~~ ro o~ ~J ~ ~ o ~ ::1 ~ 0' ro c' c" ", U; t,' o c' '<I o ,,, c" p. ~ "C ro ~ o ~ ~ OJ '<: =! .'., o ~ p: ~ <, ~' C. ~ ro .' 0' c· '" PI .: ::0;' ::1' p: '<:, p, ~ ", "'I 0' ~ c" n ::1' " ~ n c" UI (I 0' 1-" ,,,'" c c' "p n ::0:' p, 1-: .' u' 'C .'" ~ "' 1-: U' o "cc ", p, 0' <,. ~ ", ,.'" eI, .." 0' <,. r' o <,. ,., ri- " o =1 ",,',,' 1-', ;::1" 0' UI "o .; ro :::1' .' U' 'I o c" 1-" c" n c" ::::1' "' 1-; c" " ' " <,. ,,,'I ,,,<: .' '<' U: ::! <,. " ""p, 1-, u, ""a," i.CI <I. <: <c .' a, 'D p' <,. :::1" a, ~; t,' al >: '<:1 .' n <: 1-] cl' ::1' 1-" c" (I ('i' G .: U' ::1' .' :::1 1-' 1-" a' .'" U: ~ 'I .' ('1" o U: fJI ::1' UI .' (> (, " h o ('i' PI "' UI o ,,, U' UI (> U' c" ::1' Li. ".: "o "=1 .; "' 1-; n <" '" UI 1-" n iLl ~ VI 1-" ~:: " c UI c' 1-" ::! U' i.C, 1-' c < i.C, ::1' 1-] ::1' a, " U, c' tl' 1-' t!' ro C c cI' r!" I- 1'-':' " " a, o ('i' :::!" 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VI r~- V' .'a, al <' .... rio r· m o e Cl ,. ::1 ICI ::1" al I-! e UI ' ::! n ::1' o c'' a,"' <: <" '<' o U ICI e: ::1' Cl p. o., '<' n o.. ::: o.' <'" .: c· n ro ~~ ....:] <: >.. n :::' a, :' '" Ii' H ::!" 0' II, o UI ...::: ;:1 ',' .'...v, .' ::: .'.... :'.... I', n c,· VI n >.. o., r!' c' .' .'"' ., 0' . c,· p, u: o .. :' lCi o UI cl ::1' Tn >,. ::1' o rr ., ICI "," II >, I,o.. Tn ICi ICI ••c' ,. .o.'' c' 1-" .' '<:: :' ..,. .' c· .>' o.' ro <" UI (I I', a' .' .' >' I: u' (I :1 (I (> :< ci .' 1,,(: .'. al :1' rr U' ~I ~I e: ::1 >" U. (I U' U, o.' V, m ~:: 1:1 ,<:1 c,· ::,' .... cl <I, r t- o .,"' .' .' ., .'c, c, a, a, .' a .' .' ,,"" .." U' ~~ :' ICI ri- :-:' ~! .'<"m • ., ... .' ., '-I, ,i" o.. Ii a, 01 :' II ;:J al L, al " .al o.' '0 II o o "''<I." .'n ... "' ~:: C al o o I ICI U' .>'' E: cl U' e o., cl ):L ICI al r. CI o :1 >, III Ii C', o I >, .' E! ',. :J:: al U' :::r UI al <: al o.' .... c,· cl' ::1' c,· ...to, >.. :' u, (.. CI t-!, a, , Il, r~' ;J ICI >, >.. ,. 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" ICI '<:1 ;J .'....r·· a ""' UI o o o ("1 al '< :'"' o "' I: c' .: .' .':' '" a, c- .: I, 0' ICI "' ..'. .. m ., (I (I Ih al 1-; a, t:' ...>' 1 al ".. Ninea.i:t/ - belng alone from one te.i.':cified ille, Lo relationshi~ I giI."lfriend. coo. and be~11Y soc:i..al suicide. ~ll o~r friell~s oue friends il.1.~. wheII w~ S-(I.·ong, faCldl up ~ere sLar~ed cleaiJ featu.i."es, was alone. a~ways seIlse of .1. SODleone's belongiIl~. would be ~()nirn~Ltlng lliuLual. Actually, w~re wene all Wlcn m..l...ne out. and .1.ee WciS that alone been tie:::. gOln~ cut., ne-veL .1. bupport, ~on Breaking Q the Iiexc needed that ~lch I 3 ha.ilU::;ome. blue blond hol::C he to genulnely dPp~eCl.ate eyes U.s.Udl.l.Y he had aL~ra~Live, and ver.-y sno..L:t, easy-golI1g dIiu neaL, qu.iLt s~riking i'loI."d.l..~ ..:.:iJar:iU.lay, me. Vlews. . .. future wi';::€: Sii.VU..l..U De. 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F t hi way a yea~ last "Jessica l·i5.st IiO e a::c t / fathe:L ""COu_.Q you do "'It '"0 Ii J.. ,_ I'. "" ~ ~ "., Su . :.U , honey u u', 5 • DilE. could do :0 thinK, - - . . . , '., ,-. -. ~ 'what but. for hours ,I'! }''-'UI.,"Jt:::".I.'':. away "It "I 5 not J.. ,L ...l . ,.-.1. Y IO:L me; it 5 gift. d Could yo~ ~ec It as r g~ft strange ExplaiiJ. "Nt:'.l-.Lr a3..J.. n::;w, right. .-- - "Jwt:::"c: -' ~, 1.0 -'- ~ _ ... '. 1),=,"c":l..1. ' •• .. r J..ov~ go you; stdy out of iiie. '-' Bye. we:1t sta.lJ.:"S, stopped. to DI'eakfast and Crime f l - OIlI the door Don and four ~ . .., .., H"".l-J... but olheI Lhe wall. :'on ~lad :'1 V, m rc <, ~, '<:1 el. p, t:I o :1 ,..) ~ "' .' VI ~ .' rl- e'- "' ~ e, ,'"0:.'" <: :::1" e'EJ o <, (" e: ~ rl ("I' .'"' rl- e" 1M :' .' o <I (: ::1' e, 'o.'" ~ .' '"" .' ,,-"' .' .' ::1 .' Ii' ru e" e' (" o ~ '<I o <: 8 ~ 9 ro ~ q rl- ~ ::1' e" rl' PI ::) ::r" I-j ~:" (l; :'1 ~ ~ ~: o <I M ~ ~ (:. ~J, o ~ ~ r" rt 51 '",,' ro '< o <, ::1 m rIO 1~ (.I (":. o ::J" '<:1 M m Ii' (l ~' o <, rl- ro ~: <. ~ .' ~ ~ rl- C ~ = Ei (1: ., ''.'"" "" I-i II e'- :1 '" .' ::,' e' " ::l" c <, ,'- V It e" tl' e' o (: p, VI r'- ,i' c .' '<' p, rl' o o :1 9 ro n '<:1 '<:' '" <I, t:l co ~ e'- :1 ::1" e'- :1 o ::1" :1 ", ' ::1' Ii' I! t-h e'- r" H co <, (I, (I :1 " .'.' '<I II: I! ~:' '<I o r" el. e' e' o 1-, 1-:1 ~' e" ill < 1-, Ii' '<' ::1" o :1 '<' o <: H <:. C' :1 I' :1 rl' :1 <: o el. r: m '<:1 e" m r: h :J ,,, !=! m M e'- :' II <: m 'e'" ,I, .' ,I" (I :( <oo ,:. :1 .' :1 (I, e' <' ::1" .' (I ::1" eI, 0' 0' • n 1-:: 01 (I (: <" ::1 :1 11; rl- "e" o ,.J .,' e' el. rl- <' ' Ii' m rl M '"- r'- " p, rl <: ::1 :1 ,I, I, (: e' VI '<(I e'- e-' <:. I-h ;:1 p; e'- (I b' eI, .' e' e' :( :' ': <" r l- ,I,:1 t:I e' o r' H o :1 /JI >"VI ~ o :1 .' ::1" e" r' (: (I ~:" o o r) rl .' <, m p, Ii' " U 0' "' VI .' p, .,'" " .' '" .' .' V> '",I <0 tl' 1-'- Ii' <" o ,i" (: .,'" (: tl' '<' H m ::1" <' n II o '<I ,<' e'- e" ., '"::1",,- '<I :1 ::1" I! <, n ;" !:! II: e'- ro ' :1 :::1' E1 (I :1 <' oj r" ~: '<I e' m '<I VI (I r' ~' II o co t:" ~;" :::1" VI E~ e" e' ::1" e'- rl- ::r" I" e' :1 p, :( II e" Ii' ::!~ :1 ro '<I II: (I .'e' <: ., ,I, .' ., ":1<:. '" Ii' v: I! ro (I (I ~ e' :1 :1 (I ~;" .'", .' II <: II 1-, p, t:l o El r' ~i" Ii' m rl- (I II p, 1-, <I rl- C' H ::1' ri" It I,' ::' :, r'- (I Ii Ii ~;. '<I II: H :1 e" :::' e" ,.,. :1 <" ::)' 1-, :' r'- ::1" rl- rio ::1" e" II ' M V> t,' ro ,1' .''" " .' .' ,J. .' .' ., " .' .' ", .' " a '" .' • ", a .' '.'" .' .' .' .' .' .' ,:. .' .' .'" " .' " '" .' .' ': '" ' " " " .' '" .'" .' "" '" ' "' .' " ., e, "" .' " .'",:. " ::! '" ''"" .' .' " ",.' .' " .' .' '" " ., ' " .'., '.'" '",I, .' "' .' ., .' .' .' .' ,: ".' .' .' "", .' ", ,,- p.: o o e'- H /JI rt rl 0 (:. "' ' o ::1' ~ '< (1: ,!" '<I <: o o .' .':1 :L: r: rl- '<' e' r'- ::1" (: <, '=," ~ .. e" :1 .'.' 1-1 rI H e' <...;\ e" :1 I-fineart/ tie won't die. We dian h-..lrt him '(:ha t. t sick. lesson. to be taught a 1. __ .LU ne needed ,~ .ua.u. he If he deserves i t . !·since die? .. I ~hen dre you God, that you decide who deserves to didn't expect the blow that knocked me to the floor. "Don t question what I he left. And don t yOU ever talk back to me. I do. He said in a low, t.eard the door lool<:ed out. vicious voice. to the stairs shut, Phil wasn't there. you ever so I Then got up lay down on the bed and ~ He came back an hour later. "Darlino;-, it. It I'm sorry hit you. just upset me that the wrong :;: thing. fault me for you questioned my judgment. Nobody wo uld say good ChristiC:tn. that. should never have done did wha t , ho. t was bes t It bothers fiie I f tl1at ill 0,(" bad , ~ , He sat down next ··Dd.L"ling, do that again. tonight, you know I ~ ca~~ed I you because I .L.L~e sU.L"rendere~ my fear sorJ.::y. c an , t I that ..,.. .1. f .L.L never ~ ~ wanted to go out all right?" It seemed that he was truly sorry, I In u did I Ch~il. to me and lifted my love you. 0 agree. t think i t wou].d be best if you let me make decisions all right?!· . L.na t O.L" soc ie t y yau don I'm a and that touched me. to my lleed for stability and fdmlliarity and that he would do the same thing to me, and I ~o nodded my head. I was ullcomfortable during the whole date, wIlen he puL Ilis arm arouild me in the especially theater and squeezed me. j·iinear:L/ :L prayed back, that: my roommate, so that: Don wouldn have sex, ad I sLay. I the knew lIe would want idea, to but Iliad no clue how in an BIlergetic mood and yrajbeJ me roughly and kissed me aft.er he shut and I would be llum-e when we got She wasn Don was I N:eade, cuuldn't stand to handle but t 17 move co~ldl~'t ~n doo~ the h~s I tried to loose, squ~~m He finally relaxed his grip arDIS. shoved away for him. "What's "I don the matter?" (. you "Oh, feel ,'1 '1 .L.L ~L. like feel I .i,t m tired. in. a he said, m~nute, com~ng diter me. "Don, me up to please go, Don .. va , 'l.- ":L 011 , yo u never." ac ted l i ke thi s be f Y0 don li wan t l t. want it! VB never I attracted to you. had to hurt moving away again. He backed vr e . never have. :L asked, the bed. .. Come ,'" I I to belong." him enough to expressions e,n his and y v u t :L don krJow i t . t you. WdilL loved you alld ve only been I filake said nlm lL ln go away Iace before, do r never I ve never been ~ w~th :L you because I rush, 1',1 hoping that tllought ~~ would seeH many h~m but I'd never seeil look completely st.unned. "What dc, you mean? been at tractE,d me. iOU Lo me? He shook his head. ve never loved me? all thi67 i ou -'ie never You co d ", "p I~ co 'v '0 .,~ :~ Tl '. .e .,J .'j 1 C-O '0 .,j .,J 'V '. I) '. "Ij I. :" " ,n .c .c :" .,. ... " :. I. " H ,0 .1 ,) .'j 4J I,. :1 4J ';-1 .,J .~ . 'j IV ,J 'V H .p 1 .1" :1 I) :" ,J .'" " .p .p P ;j :" ') '0 :1 .,j I) I) '. I< H ,e:: 11 '0 H -i.) .1" Z :1 '0 :" +' 'V .,~ . ,I::: ;J .,-1 : " 'v :> ,~ '0 '. d I> IV I~ I), '0 .,j d 'j 11 '0 ',' I) .,J ,,. ., . ;:::: .iJ ,~ -OJ '0 In ,j ,e:: :" '. I. ,. '0 '0 .,J .,~ 'V I~ .,J ;J ,n ,~ ,0 '. 'V 'j '0 ,. ,I::: ,1 H ;j '0 .,J :> I) d I) .p :1 CO 'V ":" .,J ",. I.) '0 ·d 'V I:;; .,J ~ '0 I> '0 1::: H '. I. ." :" 1= • ~id '0 I) .':::: In H In ,. 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"'o h c,· VI "'., ';::1" «:, c'- ::f .' r" ::J c,· 'r'" C ;::1' Co, .: r" n .' " .'=,c.:. .' .' E: 1-" rOo S .' ~:: m .' .' p, ::J' ;::1' .' .' al c ;:; tl' ::1 «:, '" C', "' '1:' "'a, H, '" "' 1-; al t' V, :::"1' n cl \Cl a, .,a, H m 1-: c,· V' V' C E! C' n .' rI n' ., o e '1:' .'" c VI "' V, ro "a, .,o '" ~~ V, .' C .' c' til al c' al S:::. H Cc VI '" rI' "a. '" «:, c,· VI .,.' Ci, "'<: .'., .' .,., .' .' CJ· =, ': r' VI CO' ~: '" C" '1:1 ill n >0 (: >: H ., m .'"' .'<: "'.. .' .' a, r' I.Ci I-i r!- al cl !-i 1-'" al tc V, ," (: VI rI '<I .' V, .' ::J EI C' ., .' .'., '1:' .'" r,.' r" r' '<' ., "r' (I; 1-; e, n c,' ('"~. r: ;:1 "' 01 rOo r" r" =, '<I r" EI c,· (T (: rOo EI r' (: .' .' .' .' =, .'.... .1 =, e' V, '1:1 E: El o "rOo 0' cl ("i" a, :Q t-h " .' ):' lJ;;' C" rI (; '1:' '1:1 al (; :1' tl' 'I, p. al e ::1 «:, n' rOo s .' r: r' EI ill p, ::: '" 0, c,· CI 1-" CO' r' c' !-'i H al r' a, r" ::1 .' =, ' ., r' t" (I ;:0:" 2:: ",' .' V r: r' v H, ::" m "., ., o c,c, "'a,al C' CI, =, .' '1:' '1:' eI "'"" "'=, .'=, ~;. '1:' .' .'.J ., C" 1-" :::1" '1:1 c' (> :>:" '<I ::'1" 1-" 9 (: rl" '' r' r' .' .' c,· "' E! r" .' a' VI a, r" ::1" (> '<' tl c,=,"' ":::1" eI' C>' '1 V, r" ::: .'.' ., .' "a, .'" .' .' "' a, .'::! ., .'c;. " "' .' .'e', r' EI .' :::1 H, c,· .,"' al C o (: .' =" rI' (: r' .' «:, C <' al c: rio ~:: V' r" ",' ::J a' ...: V. r" ri- a' .'., r" r' '" MineaJ:"t/ 20 ~ really dUll t understand I got thi~ ticket far yo~. We ciren t as ~ was hop~i~g we could ta~~. why you wanted i t . close ciS we were Wl18ii you weJ:"e a liLLle Ylrl, alid ~ DllSS love I Wdnt to know what s gOlng on in your life. that. :i: hope this 15 you very ioueh and I want yo~ to be happy. what you WdI1Cea. Love, Daddy read it I 111 ~f tWlce. my life he would 11dve he naU any laea what was going on heart attack. ci :i: sUllled a little Meade WdS watching me closely and saw the edges of iOY ~mile. "Is it 50mething good?" yes. ,-,ust note. d I noticed my c1.othes lylng on ,r'ushing DciCK. "Are yo~ on her I tilac s a..L..L. J.. m got.. floo,r Lilt up and Yo~ don t it on my I 'Che memory came and threw 'Cliem In well. seenl des~. the closet... She 'had a lace. lnto We had a bad upsec. jUs'C "Do you wanl to droPPlilg sald, tileD. rlght? d~~ lOO~ SUSP1ClOilS plc~ed I She asked. She sal .iJeJ.. 'Cal~ aLouL dOWll argumen~, ileXL lo me. i.t? anymoJ:"e? .. She helG my hand smoo"Ch caJ:"liig. I re~lly ~t Oieans ~ didii'L Wdne don a "C waiit lot llar fingers 'Chrough my Ildlr to to to see hiill anymore ana 118 got talk about it... Tr.LanK you 1.01." to me. "You car( coun'C on tile. need? " rail .1.1.... told him angry. diid Is tllere anycll~ng you " ;-1 ,~ 'V ", ,'- ,0 '" i...j '. " '~ ,j J ,I:: .~J ,'" o ,~ :" i< '::1 d cj o 'V ,: '1 ''."..j 'V ,,, ," c-. ,," "J '=. ,,~ '"u :-1 I:::: 'V ,I::: "~ ,. 'V 'V 'V i< I:: ,:,: ,0 :::: '~ " I) ,) ',j 'j ,~ ,) ,J ;-1 '. U :-1 '" ':.' 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IT ': 1-" 0, UI " " "' :::1 0' <: <[I r'" ::1' 0, c· e (: P' Pi " '" ',Li 01 c" ~. I", ~.r' ~l. ,., " '" 'J" UI :...,' ,a' (I ~\: C .: ~ H c· o c· c c " , ". c'· ::'1 n "t: p, " t~' "' C' CI' "'c'· o " <11 o >. rI- ~:: h' " ""' r: :;1 c. I' >: 0: ~-,. "(I c, ::1' cl ([i Ci 0' she hacin" ~ <.. me be -_ ... ..-.. " 11[""<::' " l.-. ___ " GLopped L Ii.~, that like e.::.- est deeper tlldIl t. hat 3 a and blue . - been .- oJ. _... Cl ,_ l.Hi...eresti_lg. feet light. , 9 ~eveallrlg said, L L_ surpr~se ciilU mE, l V ~ tii1 9 on n9 iii e ci ''; the r:::::;': y \. . l5 turned to the up on only 110";':J yOUI." aro0I~d ~o d[lOlller 50ilg. W!l~re W~~ : thiI1Y ii '. [u:;. ~~lnK to () . out propped a~~ a;a~;:, irrtrod~c~d. she we walked ilEr s~e eyes?"" SU~P~lS~~ Jessica began Sl"C t2.i.:.' cOilip.:'etely discarded mask. hew as '~e .,.. was a t know Meade?" u '';;::';:'- as i.. ca.:..·efu..:...:.y hair yo~ "'We JUS~ arId before. tUl:rreu The mask went up was t.if,~n. ~ yes. a ceaction IIer how do apaL" As dar~ short my t3.ken '".;as doWdY .. Athena She ... Ut::"L. ~~~~[l~d COliSldeI: ,- •• C1 V t:"' sl~e won roommate. \. . m~nQ Thdt 5 £a~e supposed or ~he 1 CJ 0 k . to llieet i..idCK Wlildshield, a:l Mea~er to carelessllEsS who cii1d and ':p, U, c' c c ,: al t:I o ~ '1:' PI "il: Cc al {!I t!' p, "". ", r;, t:' '<: ,~ n o :' :' al c I (!; U c:- ",01. ::1 :1 ," r' ,,," a> n o c, ", " ,. :':1' el !Jl (Ji , :::r' ", f); p, ", ~': '<: t·, "'w c' 'l:: o r" n ,i- r" :' n ci " r' c" c' 01, c' <Ci p, ,. 'i a' ,,', C " t,] c' ;::J o ,: ~ .!.. ~,. C: t!' (fl r~· p, "" P' :' c n, U, UI I-! ,.. (I ," 0., ~ ; ~, H I' e c ,: "0" UI 1; ;:1 (; ".a, C" c' C UI ,:. p, ::: nl (I c" 1£; ,..:- 1-; 0.. 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P' ~' ", ';' c" I' 'lJ <I '<I " "" "', ~'i p, :":1' h ,., fl I.e (I .] t·; 'I C' ,-" 1, c·· ·1; (I t: (i' 0' !'=l. 1-" fl U 1-11 f'" r- ", 'I fi: ;:;1 ,.t-; V' f~ VI (I o t-; Oil " ,: "'I cl ",p.; r: r:" 'Ci (I 0.1 C· Stephanie Mineart 225 1\2 N. Dill St. Muncie, Ind. 47303 (317) 282-4535 "Meade" I'd noticed her from the first night she came into my bar. It wasn't just how she looked but her spirit. There was something incandescent about her personality that showed in her eyes and her smile and her actions, light that attracted everyone to it. irresponsiblE!, a fascinating She was silly and and as intoxicating as expensive champagne. But when she wasn't the center of attention, rarely, which was she looked off into space with a wistful thoughtfulness that betrayed deeper thoughts. more beautiful at those times than ever; She was far a strong, classic, ageless beauty that showed in her strong chin, her high cheek bones and her shining short, The curly dark hair. intelligence in her pale blue eyes showed through the giddiness she usually projected. She was incessantly pursued, but she rebuffed women gently, kindly, one by one, finally selecting as a lover one intelligent but superficial young woman who was fascinated by her light but made no attempt to see into her shadows. I was pleased by her thoughtful way of selecting a lover. Unlike so many, she didn't glide vapidly from the arms of one woman to another, uncaring, and helping to creating the vast emotional and social tangle of former lovers that seemed to be the norm in the bar. Her choice, although thoughtfully made, wasn't Mineart/ 2 appropriate, and didn't satisfy her emotionally at all. could have told her it wouldn't be. I It wasn't long before they were fighting openly in the bar and her choice had made one of her own; the young woman brought her new affair into the bar to brandish her in front of Meade, who did her valiant best to appear not to care. Most would have snatched the first available woman and made a show of being happy, but Meade wasn't that simple. I must say that I watched all this with an objective eye at first, through the not - quite - ethical mirrors that projected the main part of the bar's activities into my living room. It was interesting to watch the women's actions and gestures without hearing their speech. It usually wasn't difficult to figure out what they were saying to each other. On my rare trips into my own bar, I picked up information from my bartenders on Meade and her background. She was a student at a college four hours away, and she spent her weekends here. I thought of her as an interesting addition to the social dynamics, mainly, rather than as an interest of my own. She glided along on the roller coaster of attention that she got, her, carefully choosing another lover that wouldn't suit and then remaining single after that affair ended in disaster, I too. was amazed at the resourcefulness that her rejected suitors had, and her tolerance of them. I would have been irritated to violence at being constantly propositioned by Mineart/ 3 those I'd turned down, but she kept them as friends. My interest changed the more she was in the bar, and the more I realized that she had depth as a person than most did not, and that I was the only one that saw it. looking for someone with as much depth, she'd find. someone I doubted She began to have an effect on me, feelings that I thought were long dead. had killed off, standi~g awakening Feelings I thought I and that alarmed me. On one occasion, I was She was my bartender introduced her to me while at the bar. She greeted me with awe at I suspected my employees have embellished stories first about me enough to elevate me to the status of a myth -- and then her characteristic irreverence. I think she was disarmed by my unusual reaction (I smiled but didn't laugh) and by my direct gaze. I was sbocked to learn that I was sitting next to her roommate, Diana, at my friend Jessica's concert; shocked enough that I dropped my guard enough to the girl to let her know that I found Meade interesting. with depth, although she had a need too great for Meade to fill; but on~ Here too, was a girl that I instantly knew could be filled by Jessica's longing. Jessica has been a wonderful an attentive lover. friend, and once, But she needs to protect, her that I wouldn't let her through my reserve. never be the lover she needed, ages ago, and it hurt I could and recognized that Diana Mineart/ 4 could, so I I was surprised threw them together that night. that Meade didn't know her roommate well enough to know she was in love with Jessica, or at least what she knew of Jessica through her music. I out to left Diana and Jessica alone in my apartment, the bar to find her; and went we had an interesting dilemma, if Diana stayed, Meade couldn't return horne and needed a place to stay. "Meade." She turned around to look at me, come talk with me for a minute?" "Could you She looked surprised as she walked behind me to an empty table, and her friends did, too. I could tell they were trying to figure out whether she was privileged or in trouble. "Hello. I thought you'd be hanging out with my roommate and that singer chick." just come from. She gestured back to the hallway I'd Meade's speech was slurred; she'd been drunk already earlier had another rum and Coke in her hand. "They're pretty deep in conversation, leave them alone. so I thought I'd Hmmm ...• do you really think you need to be drinking another?" "Probably not, brightly, but I She said then she looked at her drink and then set it down away from her. "If you don't want me to drink it, "I'm not your mother. "Yes, seem to be anyway." I Do whatever you want." but what impression will you have of me if "Does my opinion really matter to you?" She shrugged, won't." "I guess not . • . . " I do?" Mineart/ 5 "I just wanted to tell you that I can arrange for you to stay here tonight; I think Diana will want to and it's a long And I certainly wouldn't want you to be driving home drive. I said it lightly, without alone in your condition." disapproval. She blushed, really, and said, "I do have responsibility, it's around her somewhere. I think I put it in my She started to dig in her jeans pockets, pocket • . . . " and then looked up at me from under her long lashes with an "Aren't I clever" grin on her face that I couldn't help but smile at. "I got you to smile! Amazing. I heard you never did I must be good for something." that. "1 didn't mean to smile," slipped out. I shook my bead, "It must have Are you ever serious?" have to be? If I do, I'm sure I could manage "Why, do I "Yes, that might be helpful for a few minutes," I said, it." smiling again, "I have several guest bedrooms; or if you'd like, here, I can get you a hotel room." "I'd like to stay here. apartment. I'm curious about your I've heard stories about it. they're true." you could stay I'd like to know if She grinned. "Sometime you'll have to tell me all the stories you've heard. I'd be interested to know how much the people here really know about me. Once you see my apartment, don't tell the whole world. I do like my privacy. please In fact, Mineart/ 6 please don't mention to your friends that you're staying." "I wouldn't. She said it earnestly, 11 and wanted me to understand that she was trustworthy. "I really didn't believe that you would." The serious tone caused a lull in our conversation Meade's humor had carried through small talk, to be serious, but when we had we didn't know what to say. "If you're done with that, I could get you a soda." I pointed to her empty glass. "That's all right. soda," she grinned, I ' l l get one later. I will get a "I wouldn't want to pass out; that would be embarrassing." "You never know, it could be funny." Humiliating for me." "For you. "Afraid of appearinq weak?'1 "Always." "Why?" "I might get taken advantage of." "I'd think that appearing vulnerable without actually being would be a good defense." "Possibly. But it's not my style. Is that something you find attractive?" "I don't roommate? know. I never thought about it. Who hit your She has a hand print on the side of her face." "Her boyfriend. I guess she told him she didn't want to see him anymore and they had a big fight. he's a real ass. I'm glad she did; She was never happy with him." Mineartl 7 "I think she's going to fall in love with Jessica." She thought about this for a minute. to me before that Diana might be gay, about it, it seems right. "It never occurred but know that I think How long have you known Jessica Mast?" "Years." "Good. Then she won't hurt Diana." "You're right, but how do you know that for sure?" "If you've known her for years and she's a yours, then she must be a good person." "That's interesting logic." drink. friend of I took another sip of my It amazed me how much this girl was able to make me smile. "Well, you wouldn't be friends with someone who'd hurt her." "How do you know that? I could be an evil fiend. I might murder children and eat them for breakfast." "1 know you're not." "How?" "Instinct.'· I laughed. "You're full "Probably. But I'm always right." of it." "Always?" "Absolutely. " "Then why haven't you been able to find a satisfying lover?" She looked hurt, remark. Something in me wanted to have the upper hand, and I instantly regretted the and Mineart/ 8 she was so confident that I reacted by hurting her. "I'm That was rude." sorry. "But true, I suppose. I thought I'd done a good job so far." "You have. I'm just teasing you, upset." But I though I felt a little guilty, please don't get knew I'd hit a vulnerable area, very personal about her. and even I knew that I knew something Her vivacity seemed as much of a mask of her true feelings as my coldness was of mine. wondered whether that was a natural instinct, I or the result of a long-ago hurt. "You sure don't seem to have any lovers. come out right. anyone. I mean, No that didn't we never hear of you being with 11 "I'm not, what I want. and I haven't been for a long time. It's not I enjoy being alone." "Don't you ever get lonely?" "I have friends." "Yes, but you can't sleep with them. sexually frustrated?" looking at me coyly, Don/t you ever get She raised her eyebrows and grinned, and I realized that she had managed to steer the conversation around to something humorous and safe. I laughed. "That's none of your business. I wouldn't tell you something like that here where everyone can overhear." "Then let's go somewhere where you can tell me." raised her eyebrows and grinned. she Mineart/ 9 I turned and walked down the hallway to my apartment, beckoning her to follow, and she did. I had been growing steadily uncomfortable with holding conversation out in the bar, and the subject matter was quite comfortable turn. would cause comment, taking an unusual and not I realized our leaving together but I decided not to worry about it. Jessica was stretched out on the couch in the study when we entered, sleeping Diana in her arms and stroking It took her a her hair. there; holding a few moments to realize we were she was entranced with watching the young woman whose head lay against her breast. "How ar~ you two?" I whispered, walking over to the couch. "We seem to be fine. said with a smile, She fell asleep on me." and only the hint of a "And you are completely charmed, She complaint. admit it. You should put her in bed.rt "But I don't want to let go of her." "So put her in your bed." "There's an idea . . . . " I shook Diana and she raised her head to look at me wearily. "What?" "Time for you to go to bed, sleepy. Where do you want to sleep?" "With Jessica." We all laughed. "I guess that settles that." Jessica helped her up and guided her out of the room, Mineart/ 10 and I fixed a notice; rum and soda to give to Meade, who didn't she was looking avidly around the room. "So what do you think lilt's beautiful - of my study?" and what I "So what you've heard seems alarmed me somewhat - I expected." The thought to be true?" hated the idea that someone I might be talking about me to people I trusted couldn't defend myself to. "No, actually, would look; it doesn't. conservative without being staid, without being trendy, ~ It looks like imagined it contemporary simple without being stark, without being ostentatious, elegant attractive without being overwhelming~" "But why did you imagine it "Because that's the this way?" impression I have of you; assumed your apartment would be an extension." thoughts around in my head for I I just ran those a minute. "So you think I'm attractive without being She blushed, overwhelming?" wouldn't answer. I but wouldn't look at me and had forced her to drop her mask a second time. "Do you? I pressed. "Among other things, yes." "Why won't you look me challenge and held my gaze, in the eye?" She rose to the putting on her mask again. "So what exactly do people say about my apartmentZ" "Some of the wildest things. I've heard that your Mineart/ 11 apartment is so lavish and expensive that you could feed Ethiopia, and cold. and then r've heard it's so stark that And then there are Obviously neither is true. other things . . . . • it's sterile She seemed unwilling to elaborate. "Other things?" "People say that you have two-way mirrors and microphones in the bar so that you can spy on people and hear their conversations from your apartment," she hesitated for a moment, embarrassed to be telling me what she believed was untrue, and they say you have cameras ,. in the bathroom stalls." "Cameras in the stalls? think I am?" What kind of a pervert do they Someone had actually gotten some information and elaborated outrageously on it. ·1 told you people think the wildest things. No one really believes all that though - or no one would use the restrooms. They just like to talk; about themselves. it makes them feel better Besides since it isn't true, you needn't worry about it." "I wouldn't necessarily say it isn't true." "What do you mean?" I motioned for her to follow me, and I walked into the living room where the mirror into the main area of the bar was. "Oh, my God! You can see what's going on in the bar. This is the mirror right behind the main bar, isn't it? can see the whole dance floor and the whole lounge area." You Mineart/ 12 "And I too, can see the bartenders while they're working, which is For example, drinks, I important. I can tell if they're dishonest. know that Jonathan always gives you free She looked quilty and a but not to anyone else." little afraid, but I smiled at her, so she relaxed. "If we have any problems with fiqhts in the lounge or armed robbers, I can call the police immediately. security, It is mainly for although it can be amusing to watch the people, too." "So that's how you know who my lovers much about have been, and so m~.·' "And how much your drinking has steadily increased since you began coming here. I just by watching them. It's quite an actually, know quite a bit about everyone amusin~ sport, to see who will be with whom on any given evening." "Can you hear the bar?" "Good Lord, racket Do you really think I want all that no! in here?" "What, you don't "The only music like dance music?" I listen to is classical." "Why?" We were standing side by side, and without quite realizing what was, I looking out into the bar, was saying or even where the words of a qirl lonq dead slipped out of my mouth; "because it feels like a The memories of a caress . . . . " spring afternoon came flooding back; the thoughts I had held in so long hit me in a rush and the I Mineart/ 13 "and on that cheek and words of Byron danced in my head; o'er that browl that win, so soft, so calm, yet eloquent/ the smiles the tints that glow/ but tell of days in goodness spent./ A mind at peace with all below/ a heart whose love is innocent!" And then r saw the face that had been etched into my heart; the blood flowing into her blue, blue eyes and the agony she felt as her life slipped away. was a girl standing next to me, thoughts back into their places, r realized there watching me, and I forced the and picked up my mask and put it on before turning to her. r could see in her pale, knowing eyes that she had read my face and seen my pain, though she hadn't. but that she was withdrawing as She looked out into the bar again, gesturing towards her first lover, girlfriend on the dance floor. who was with her And she dropped her mask. "So you think I've made some mistakes." "No. r think you made wise choices. circumstance has been against you. r think that That isn't bad. You'll find someone who will be riqht for you." "You seemed awfully cynical about all this." She gestured outward. "Not entirely, want, just about those who don't know what they but blindly grasp at anyone, thinking it will work out. They desperately need to be with someone, don't care who, as long as anyone and they it's another human body. can't stand alone and be happy. They There are quite a few people Mineart/ 14 out there who do find happiness, though." "And you think I will." "I'm certain of it." "I think you're love the way I wron~. need to love. There's no one there that I can The way I need to be loved. And my drinking I've not met anyone with that much depth. worries me, too, but I I don't want don't want to be sober. to think that this might be all that's left for me." She thought about it for a long time, mask and put it back on, "You know, then picked up her turning to me with a smile. The topic we were discussing in the bar seems to have gotten lost." "Oh, really? What I had hoped she'd topic were we on?" forgotten it; aside from bringing up dangerous feelings, it was also embarrassing to me. "Sexual frustration, and if you're a victim of it." "How did we end up on that topic?" Don't avoid the question." "Very carefully. "I'm not sure you need to know the answer. normally engage in this type of witty repartee, not at the volume that we've been doing, I don't especially so I'm not sure how to respond." "The idea is that we both have the same thing on our minds, hut neither of us is around the issue for a sure that we do, long while, thinking anything in particular, so we dance pretending not to be and yet hoping that the other will be bold enough to reveal what they are thinking so Mineart/ 15 that we won't have to. Those are the rules. So far, you've done a wonderful job." "Oh. "1 I can't sexual So what exactly are you thinkingl" can't remember now. always yes, am intoxicated, or lack of it, well. you realize. The topic was your follow these things. frustration, "Oh, I by the way." The answer is yes." "And what exactly do you do about itl" "Nothing. It goes away." "Goes away?" she shook her head, "I don't believe it. Don't you ever get so frustrated you feel She was whispering the last part, mischief, because she could tell you'll explode?" her eyes filled with I was embarrassed. ·'No." "1 don't believe YOu." "Why would I The shock of being so exposed lie to you?" to her earlier was affecting me and defensively, because I I said it sharply, was lying to her. In saying it, I relinquished control of the conversation and our situation to her. I looked in her eyes time in my life, for a moment I looked away. r and for the first I couldn't hold her gaze, because she could see inside me. I thought I was clever in trying to see her real self r but I was blind in not realizing she'd be doing the same to me. She said softly, gently and full of understanding, "because you don't want to admit that you need anyone. You Mineart/ 16 don't want anyone to know that sometimes you need a woman much that you shake with lust, with naked desire. so That you feel that desire shooting through your body every time you move, that your hands tremble to touch her skin, the taste of her in your mouth, on your don/t want but because you to admit that you need at all." She wasn't attacking me, and she was telling the truth, but the world I'd built would fall if I "You don't know me, anyone. Not because lips. you don't want to admit you need a woman, and you want let her know that. I or anything about me. I'm happy here, important to me that I don't need and I'm happy alone. Sex is not 50 It's a passing feel that way. desire." "Is it really? I believe that you're happy alone, but I think you'd be much happier you would be if you were with someone. I know you're a you're not invincible. I strong person, know you feel I can see it. But pain." She was slowly peeling away my layers of protectiveness, taking the mask gently from my hands. "Stop, Meade. "I want you. I can't let go. You, for ever and ever. I woman that you're so in love with. that you'll die of love of me. pain you feel for her. I friend, your lover, I may not be that may never make you feel But I won't make you feel the would never be jealous of her. can learn to love her as you do. your It frightens me." I your wife. I can be your confidante, I can be the place where you go to be vulnerable and to hide from the world. You can Mineart/ 17 protect me when I'm hurt and understand me when I'm lonely. I know I own. I can't take her place. wouldn't hurt you," Let me make a place of my she echoed my words of long ago. She was beautiful and fragile in her own strong way, innocent and worldly at the same time. And I with her then, before her words were finished, her own place, and all she said was true. girl she never knew in the same way I did, became not human, but a symbol of our fell in love and I gave her She came to love a and that girl love and what it could be. And when we left the room, side be side. our masks lay on the floor,

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