Note that student work varies significantly from one assignment to the next, even within the same
mark range. The intent behind providing samples such as this one is to guide students in
recognizing key criteria of assignments and in assessing their own work.
SAMPLE CONCLUSION – EXCELLENT
ESSAY QUESTION: Using examples from the novel, Brave New World, explain the costs of
scientific advancement.
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Strengths:
• The thesis statement is reworded well, without losing the sense of the original statement
(thinking).
• The experiment metaphor is a good description of the citizens' lives (application).
• The closing observations are thought-provoking and offer perspective (application).
Tips for Improvement:
• Considering that the novel has been thoroughly discussed throughout the body of the essay,
the proportion of the conclusion that is devoted to discussing the novel could be cut down
somewhat. That said, this is a strong conclusion and there are no major issues with it
(application).
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The severe price of scientific advancement is a prevalent theme in Huxley’s novel, as it
portrays a society in which individuals have lost critical aspects of their humanity. His characters
are hatched and conditioned to be passive, unable to choose their own class or occupation, or
even sustain reflective and independent thought. As they continue through their daily lives, they
continue to be the subjects of a massive experiment, during which they are continually
bombarded with sensory stimuli while being discouraged from expressing themselves creatively
in any form. Finally, the citizens of the World State are unable to have meaningful relationships
because of the void they experience in the place of real emotion; they are paradoxically isolated
from each other, consequently unable to realize their full potential as individuals. Without the
challenges of dealing with turmoil and disorder, the people of the World State are unable to truly
do anything with their lives, for they do not understand the origin of true tranquility and peace.
There is no intuitive morality or culture; there is nothing but promiscuity and a numbing
happiness, achieved through drug usage that coats the soul in sugary sweetness. In Brave New
World, science is the taste of forgetting, of forgetting the old world, of forgetting freedom and
intelligence, despite the many technological developments that are present. To many people, a
life of pleasure and no pain seems endearing. Resulting from this perception, a false ideal is
created. Experiences of suffering and loss are disdained, but, because they are unavoidable, they
are seen as events that must be escaped. Thus, people embrace superficial relationships and the
usage of various substances, leaving themselves in a perpetual state of semi-consciousness as far
as awareness of the actual world is concerned. Is the bliss bought by scientific advancement
really worth the ignorance that forever shelters the mind?