Note that student work varies significantly from one assignment to the next, even within the same
mark range. The intent behind providing samples such as this one is to guide students in
recognizing key criteria of assignments and in assessing their own work.
SAMPLE ARGUMENT – SATISFACTORY
ESSAY QUESTION: Using examples from the novel, Brave New World, explain the costs of
scientific advancement.
N.B.: Note that the argument below is the first of the essay.
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Strengths:
• The overall structure of the paragraph is clear (knowledge).
• Quotations are pertinent to the lack of choice that the citizens have (knowledge).
• The discussion stays on topic (thinking).
• The sentence structure is almost error-free (communication).
Tips for Improvement:
• Towards the end of the argument, hypnopaedia is mentioned, but no quotation support has
been offered. It would be worthwhile to bring in another quotation before explaining the
effects of hypnopaedia (knowledge).
• The point that the people have few choices is a fact of the novel. Make the topic sentence
more argumentative, perhaps by stating the consequences of the citizens having little choice
(thinking).
• Stronger links need to be made between the quotation support and the topic sentence, as the
explanations are too general and undeveloped. Integrate segments of a quotation into
explanations to demonstrate closer analysis of the text (thinking).
• Avoid phrasing such as "this quotation shows" or "this passage reveals". Be more direct by
explaining what characters or circumstances of the novel reveal (thinking).
• Provide a smooth transition between the explanation of the first example and the introduction
of the second example (communication).
• The lead-in to the second quotation needs to be more formal. See an MLA style manual, such
as the one found on The OWL at Purdue website (communication).
• Provide context and a lead-in to the first quotation (communication).
• Describe the situation of the characters as if they are part of an actual society. It is better to
use the term, "World State", to describe their society, as the term, "brave new world" is
John's language (communication).
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Under the totalitarian government, the people of Brave New World are given no choices
of their own. Before they are born, their lives have already been planned out for them. Those
who are destined to become Alphas or Betas are bottled separately and well nourished. The
lower castes receive no such treatment. In order to create unity and stability in the society, they
are replicated using Bokanovsky's Process. Usually, one egg will become one human adult. "But
a bokanovskified egg will bud, will proliferate, will divide. From eight to ninety-six buds, and
every bud will grow into a perfectly formed embryo, and every embryo into a full-sized adult.
Making ninety-six human beings grow where only one grew before" (3-4). This quotation shows
that the citizens have little choice because in the brave new world people are forced into being
twins. The bokanovskified eggs do not choose to be lower caste. There is a case of teaching the
lower castes to love transportation, and consequently the country, but:
primroses and landscapes […] have one grave defect: they are gratuitous. A love
of nature keeps no factories busy. It was decided to abolish the love of nature, at
any rate among the lower classes; to abolish the love of nature, but not the
tendency to consume transport. For of course it was essential that they should
keep on going to the country, even though they hated it. (19)
This passage reveals that the people cannot even choose where they go. Conditioning in all its
forms, including hypnopaedia, makes the population just want what it is told to want, and it
wants lots of things. The scientists do not let people make their own decisions.
Work Cited
Huxley, Aldous. Brave New World. London: HarperCollinsPublishers, 1994. Print.