Note that student work varies significantly from one assignment to the next, even within the same mark range. The intent behind providing samples such as this one is to guide students in recognizing key criteria of assignments and in assessing their own work.
SAMPLE INTRODUCTION – EXCELLENT
ESSAY QUESTION: Using examples from the novel, Brave New World , explain the costs of scientific advancement.
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Strengths:
• The paragraph is well-written in terms of sentence structure and diction (communication) .
• The general to specific progression is most evident (application).
Tips for Improvement:
• Refine the discussion of modern examples into more of a template of your argumentation, perhaps by emphasizing the isolating effects of technology (application) .
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The treatment of people as experiments is a metaphor for how the World State treats its citizens. This notion could be built more explicitly into the overall argumentation of the essay (application) .
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Science is amoral, as it is not concerned with standards of human behaviour and cannot understand the goodness of compassion or the evil of death. Despite science’s questionable morals, it is everywhere: the most ubiquitous of all double-edged swords. Its duty is to serve the human society, and in many ways, it does its job perfectly. The television, the computer, and the atomic bomb are all, arguably, wonderful inventions, and yet, none are as innocent as they first appear to be. The television is now famed for taking over other healthier activities such as exercise and enjoying the great outdoors, and the computer is often blamed for addicting children to the Internet, making them prey to others with less innocent intentions who hide behind a computer screen. More notably, the atomic bomb may have ended the Second World War, but the havoc it wrecked on the lives of the people was prolific. In years to come, the threat of atomic warfare loomed heavily in the minds of citizens. These inventions are demonstrative of the price scientific development has on the quality of life for people. Aldous Huxley explores the price of scientific advancement in his novel, Brave New World , a satirical statement in which technology acts as a haven to create the perfect dystopia – all pleasure and no pain. In the World
State, people are born in bottles and conditioned to suit their jobs, creating a passive world in

which all the choices are made for them. The citizens are not only conditioned physically; they are also psychologically manipulated to the extent of being incapable of reflective and sustained independent thought. The self-expression of the citizens is a manifestation of their limited thought process. Spoken language is rife with imposed hypnopaedic sayings, and their appreciation of art is restricted to the sensory stimuli they receive. Consequently, the formation of any meaningful relationship with another is virtually outside the realm of possibility. This isolation leaves the citizens firmly in the hands of the World State, where they are not even aware or concerned about their lack of individuality. Thus, scientific advancement has ultimately led the World State to sacrifice vital elements of humanity for a blissfully ignorant society.