To: Daniel7878@yahoo.com
Subject: Daniel stop watching gay porn and look at this!
Daniel! Stop playing Xbox and get out of your mancave! Just kidding man, I have been doing
nothing, but playing video games too…ANYWAY, remember that story I showed you that I had
to read for my English class? It was the story about the kid that goes apeshit for a cake that
would give her diabetes! Yea it’s pretty crazy man! The kid literally tried everything to eat the
cake! She tries climbing and head-butting a refrigerator! She even resorts to crying in an
attempt to get pity from her mother! Haha I bet if you were the father of this girl you would
slap the shit out of her! In the end of the story, the kid climbs through a window where the
cake was hidden and ate all of it! She suffered massively from the cake, but the act of actually
getting that far made it all worthwhile. I’m surprised she didn’t overdose because of all the
sugar! This story made me really think. Remember that time I tried to talking to that one uber
hot girl in school in junior year? Her name was Alfa! She was one of the most popular girls of
the tenth grade and I thought I would have the upper hand because I was an upperclassman.
Anyway I wanted to tell you about this specific story “God Of Cake” because it reminds me of
that one I tried to talk to Alfa! She was the cake and I was the desperate kid! Oh boy I
remember literally everything that I tried to win her over! You were a great wingman but in the
end, she took my heart and broke it! Hmmm so let’s see I first tried by going up to her with a
small compliment! She gave me a smile and wink and the minute I saw that I knew she wanted
the D! DUDE I JUST HAD TO FIND A WAY TO GET TO HER BEFORE ALL THE OTHER CHUMPS
COULD! I recall the next day I tried to approach her during lunch instead of the passing periods,
but all her friends were with her! DUDE that one kid Enrique would always hang around her and
it would make me go batshit nuts! And even then when I failed to talk to her, you had to bail
me out with the crash and burn technique! A couple days passed by and while you were sick at
home, me and her exchanged some “hellos” and smiles in the hallways. The last Friday of
March when you finally came back from being sick, that’s when I decided to tell her straight up
that I liked her! So I went up and told her that I liked her and she smiled and said she liked me
too! OMG you remember how happy I was tell you and all the other guys! When she said that I
knew for a fact that I wouldn’t die as a virgin! I proceeded to ask her on a “date” that weekend,
and she said she would love to go but was busy with family so I believed her! Who knew that
same night when I went on Facebook, I saw a picture of her kissing another guy with the photo
being taken that same day. It made quite sad and lonely, but then I realized I just had a shot
with one of the most popular girls in school! I mean sure she didn’t actually want the D, but it
no matter how badly it hurt to see her kiss Enrique, I felt happy that I was able to make it that
far! So yeah Daniel, that story really made me think. That story “God Of Cake” really hit me
right in the feels! Alfa was my cake and I had to get her! In the end I sorta didn’t get her, but I
was close enough to call it a victory! Call me a conceited bastard, but being able to get a girl like
that to know I exist really makes me feel like the most superior son of a bitch alive! Alrighty
that’s all I had to say Daniel! Deuces my friend! Try not to fap too much!!
Summary: The person I wrote this email to is my best friend Daniel. I have known him for
almost my entire life and he helps me with everything! “God Of Cake” was definitely relatable
because I had something that I desired extremely bad. In the narrative it was cake and for me it
was Alfa! In the end, the glory of achieving the ultimate goal was short lived and Alfa hurt me as
much as the overload of cake hurt the main character in “God Of Cake”. I t was one great, yet
painful experience.