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David Parker
Anna Moncovich
Writing 010
10/21/2014
Narcissisms Rise In Children
Narcissism has been on the rise In society for the past twenty years. According to the
Mental Health Association, The prevalence of narcissism in a group sample has increased from 0
to 6.2 percent. Psychologists have theorized about several possible causes as to the rise of
narcissism in children. Figure 1 shows the rate of American students that gauge their abilities
above average. It shows a
dramatic increase from the year
1970 to 2010. The colors
represent individual skills in
which students would rate their
ability. As shown in figure 1
students believe that their social
self-confidence, writing ability,
leadership, drive to achieve, and
intellectual self-confidence are
very much above average. This
is narcissism in its basics; the
belief that you are better than someone else at something. The main causes of narcissism are
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usually family related caused by the parent. There are a multitude of parenting styles that can
lead to the child becoming narcissistic.
The first possible cause is single parent narcissism which means that only one out of both
your parents is a narcissist. If the mother is a narcissist the child has a much higher chance of
becoming a narcissist. This is because the mother is more likely to attempt to live through their
child to satisfy her narcissism. Michelle Piper, who is a licensed marriage family therapist, wrote
in her personal blog “Narcissistic Mother” that “When this is the case, your narcissistic mother
may see you as something that she created with the hope to have a copy of herself for her own
amusement.” This quote shows the main way a narcissistic mother can pass narcissism onto her
child. If the mother tries to live through that child by making her do things the mother could not
do herself and the child receives praise from others, the child could develop a grandiose selfimage meaning they view themselves as magnificent or maybe even perfect. If the father is a
narcissist he is more likely to pass on narcissism to his son and ignore the daughter. The reason
for this is the father sees the son as a replication of himself and may refuse to let the son be an
average kid. In Mark Banschik M.D.’s book Intelligent Divorce, Banschick speaks of how the
son may become a narcissist because of the father. “Just like girls need to be adored by their
fathers to feel validated, boys also need their dad to believe in them. You may even become a
narcissist yourself. This way you get Dad’s attention (after all imitation is the highest form of
flattery); and you learn from your old man how to manipulate and use people.” This explains
how to get the narcissistic fathers attention the son may be prone to act like him in order to be
noticed which induces the son to act and become narcissistic.
Dual parental narcissism is the most dangerous as well as normal. It has the least chance
of teaching the child to be narcissistic but it is possible through certain parenting styles. In dual
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parental narcissism the child is exposed to narcissism throughout its entire life. This is crucial in
the fact that children are incredibly impressionable and absorb much of their knowledge of
society from their parents. This is dangerous because the child has no positive parent to learn
from so all they know is narcissism. Usually however, once the child begins to see the outside
world and realizes that both their parents are narcissists then they can turn away because they
don’t have a good parent making them want to stay.
Divorced parents are the most common in causing narcissism in their children. This is
because many divorced parents develop a distinct parenting style. This is when the parents fight
over the affection of the child to spite the other parent. When the parent are fighting over the
child they may shower the child with gifts, prizes or compliments. It is because of this the child
will grow an idea of increased self-importance and likely grow to be narcissistic. So the increase
of narcissism in children can be caused by the current pop culture of America, single parental
narcissism, dual parental narcissism, and divorced parents.
Single parental narcissism is the second most likely to cause narcissism out of the various
parenting styles. This is because the parents are trying to either live through the child or the
children are trying to get the parents attention. The mother is the most likely parent to live
through the child and make the child do things the mother herself could never achieve. It is
because of this the child may develop narcissism. If the mother makes the child go through
extensive training in some type of aspect to gain respect in a large setting then the child can
develop narcissism through this. The child will more than likely receive a large amount of praise
from friends and other parents because of his/her dedication to whatever the mother made them
work in. The excessive praise can lead the child to have a grandiose image on himself/herself.
The reason for the narcissistic mother to have a child can vary such as “These can vary from the
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need to feel like she will always be loved by you, or the hope she’ll be more bonded to her
husband by providing a child, or the belief she’ll never be alone, or to have the illusion of
another chance at life and so on” (Narcissistic Mother). The most common however is the
illusion of another chance at life and this is what leads the child to narcissism. However, the
mother is not the only possible narcissistic parent.
The father can cause narcissism in the child the same way as the mother but he does it for
a different reason. The father does it because he sees the son as a reflection of himself so he does
not allow any type of failure in the son. The father also has another way of causing the child to
become narcissistic. The dad is more likely to pass on his narcissism to his son due to the fact
that the son is most likely to imitate the father figure to get his attention. When the child imitates
the narcissistic father it can make the child adopt the narcissistic tendencies and become
narcissistic himself.
Dual Parental narcissism has the least contribution rate of the increase of narcissism in
children but still needs to be addressed. This is mostly based off learning. If the child has no
positive or mentally healthy person to learn from then the child can only learn the narcissism.
Children are extremely impressionable and are greatly influenced early on by the parents.
According to Robert S. Horton, Geoff Bleau, and Brian Drwecki, psychologists at Wabash
College, in their article “Parenting Narcissus: What Are the Links Between Parenting and
Narcissism?” “a child's self develops along two primary dimensions: grandiose exhibitionism
and idealization. The former dimension is fostered by empathic mirroring by the parents. The
latter dimension, idealization, is focused first on parents who become the child's role model for
standards of behavior, which will be internalized by the child” (pg 345-376). This quote
addresses how the child can develop narcissism through learning from the parents. The first way,
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exhibitionism, is the child copying the parent. The second is idealization, when the child sees
that parent as a role model and will try to live up to whatever the parent wants them to be.
However the children have a low chance of actually doing this when they realize what a healthy
mental status really is.
Divorced Parents have one of the most common parenting styles that lead to narcissism.
This is because when the parents fight over the child the child begins to think that he should be
fought over. Children then tend to develop an enhanced vision of themselves that they are better
than others. In order to prevent this from happening the parents need to be aware of how they are
treating the child and make sure that they are not over indulging on the gifts or on the
compliments.
All of these causes of narcissism need to be addressed because narcissism is a harmful
disease. Narcissism can cause eating disorders, and an extremely dysfunctional social life
because of the inability to connect to the people around you. The population needs to be
educated of the various types of parental narcissism so they can intervene when the child is at a
threat of becoming a narcissist. There are multiple awareness sights for parental narcissism.
There are also very good articles for parents if they are narcissistic to prevent them from acting
on their narcissistic tendencies. The rise of narcissism in children needs to fall for the betterment
of the coming generations.
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Works Cited
Banschick, Mark M.D. Intelligent Divorce: “The Narcissistic Father” Intelligent Book Press
2013.
Horton, R. S., Bleau, G. and Drwecki, B. “Parenting Narcissus: What Are the Links
Between Parenting and Narcissism?” Journal of Personality, 74: 345–376. 2006
Piper, Michelle LMFT “Narcissistic Mother” 2012.