THE SACRED CLARION
BY
ISSAC GRIOT
Jamal loaded the song Hotel California into the computer and watched as the drunken bank teller began
screeching into the mic. It was times like these he wished he could wear earplugs. However a karaoke d.j.
wearing earplugs could be misconstrued as an insult to the various singers who came out every Wednesday
and Friday night to live out their American Idol fantasies.
Actually not everyone who came to the Blue Star bar and grill was as tone deaf as the young lady on
stage at this moment. Interspersed among the howling cats and individuals who couldn’t carry a tune if it
had handles on it were some pretty decent singers. Every once and awhile Jamal would hear a singer who
actually moved him with their voice. The diamond in the rough, if you will. Those types of singers were
few and far between.
Most nights it was ersatz divas like miss bank teller who was doing some strange bump and grind to don
Henley’s paean to Hollywood excess .Mercifully she was too drunk to sing the entire song and collapsed
into laughter and giggles as her girls came up and playfully pulled her off stage.
"Let's give it up for Maureen....Maureen everyone!" Jamal said into the wireless headset he wore.
"Sounded like someone was punching a baby" an unidentified voice said from the darkness of the
audience. Jamal didn’t acknowledge the unseen critic. While he might have agreed with the gentleman in
the dark he had little respect for those who criticized others who had the courage to get up on stage in front
of total strangers. Let these folks have their five minutes of stardom. He had a small sign on the front of his
turntables and computer stand.” If you ain't singing then shut the fuck up" That pretty much summed up his
feelings on unseen critics.
Jamal pulled a piece of paper out of the little box on his stand. Someone named Carrie was singing
"Indian Outlaw" by Tim McGraw. Jamal sighed. He was not the biggest country fan in the world but Indian
Outlaw was a pretty short song.
"Carrie ....come to the stage for a little Indian Outlaw....everybody give it up for Carrie!!" he said his
rich deep baritone rumbling out of his speakers. As he called for Carrie to come forward he scanned the
crowd surreptitiously. Was she here tonight? He had begun to think of her as the Lady in White. A
beautiful light-skinned sister who sat in back of the bar smoking silently and sipping on a large martini. For
the past six weeks she had shown up like clockwork. She took her seat at the beginning of the show and
didn't leave until closing. A few times he had spoken to her as she walked by his stand on her way out the
door. She had smiled politely but said nothing. She had the type of face that wasn't supermodel stunning
but still drew your attention. Soft full lips that almost seemed to be in a perpetual pout. Her green eyes were
deep and brilliant like little emeralds dipped in dew. Coal black hair that cascaded down her back like a
waterfall made of midnight. Her body was a curvaceous fantasy covered by a tight white skirt and blazer
combo that she always wore. It looked like some type of restaurant garb to Jamal.
When ever he noticed her in her usual spot he tried not to stare but it was becoming increasingly
difficult. Once he looked up and saw her mouthing the words to a song. She noticed him noticing her and
stopped abruptly, like a child caught in the act of something shameful. Something about her intrigued him.
Perhaps it was his innate love of mysteries and secrets like in the old detective novels he loved to read.
Maybe it was those stunning green eyes. Whatever it was he smiled when he saw her in her usual spot.
Carrie finished her song and Jamal was very impressed. She was no Mariah Carey but she could sing and
she was coming off the stage to muted applause. The grin on her face was the reason he loved doing
karaoke. For at least five minutes she was the most popular belle at the ball. Jamal reached into his box
and pulled out another name.
"Ananada ......going to do "At Last" .....give it up everyone for Ananda.!!" A svelte dark skinned
woman slinked to the stage. Jamal knew instantly she could sing. She carried herself with the cool
confidence of someone who knew she had a gift or a talent that others envied.
Jamal loaded up the song and closed his eyes for a moment as the soft strains of violins and cellos came
through the speakers. He loved this song. Many singers had taken a stab at this old classic but none of them
could hold a candle to Miss Etta James and her original rendition. It was a song filled with such yearning
and passion that the last note was like an orgasmic release. As Ananda began belting out the first verse
Jamal scanned the crowd again. He was a little alarmed at what he saw. His Lady in white was in her usual
place but he could see tears streaming down her face. She was trying to inhale her cigarette but her hand
was shaking violently. In his five years as a low-rent karaoke dj he had seen all kind of reactions to songs.
Some people hooted and hollered. Some would look lovingly into the eyes of their beloved. Some looked
down into their drinks with heavy hearts. This was the first time he had ever seen anyone cry. Not just cry
but explode with tears.
Jamal watched this display with a mixture of alarm and curiosity. The dark skinned sister was just
about to hit the legendary high note at the end of Miss James classic. She attacked the note with a ferocious
last moan. The crowd exploded in applause and she sauntered off stage like a panther.
"Uh ...Alright lets give it up for Ananada.....Okay everyone it's time to get up and shake ya
booty.....come on even if you don't have a booty get up and shake something..." he said as he started his
bumper music.. It was time for his break and he had a file of dance music that played in a loop. He took
off the headset and took a sip from his water bottle. He glanced at the lady in white. She had stopped crying
but she was guzzling her drink.
Jamal squared his shoulders and started striding to her table. She didn’t notice him approaching. She was
staring into her glass...
He stood in front of her table for a few minutes before she glanced up at him.
"Uh...I uh....am you okay?" he stammered. God her eyes were beautiful!
"Oh...I’m fine...um ...that’s just a beautiful song....." she said her voice light and wistful.
"You going to sing tonight ...you know all the words...I see you singing along ..." he said smiling. But she
didn’t return his smile.
"No I don't sing anymore...” she said and let the statement hang in the air without any further explanation.
Jamal felt embarrassed. The way she mad the statement that she didn’t sing anymore had certain finality.
There was no opening for further discussion. He was no Adonis but he could pull his fair share of ladies.
Yet the lady in white was not being wooed by his winning smile or his light brown eyes.
But
Here he was in front of her. He had nothing to lose by at least getting her name.
"Uh...I’m Jamal...or DJJamz if you ever need to contact me professionally and you are?" he asked
"Leaving” she said softly.
Jamal felt like a fool .He should have just left her alone.Oh I'm sorry .Well bye" he said. The lady in white
stood and looked down at her feet.
"No, I’m sorry. You were just being friendly. My name is Lana" then she walked out of the Blue Star.
Jamal didn’t see her again for three weeks.
When she finally returned he was in the midst of one of his worse nights at the Bluster. Everything that
could go wrong had gone wrong. First the Screeched had shown up and given a horrible rendition of
Girlfriend. The Screecher was a huge drunken white woman who insisted on singing even though she
couldn't carry a tune in a bucket. Unlike most karaoke singers the Screecher was an angry bitter woman
who didn't seem to think anyone else should or have the right to step up to the stage.. He had to
physically pull the mike out of her hands. Then his computer files crashed in the middle of a song. Then a
drunken patron spilled a Long Island Ice tea on his jeans. All in all a horrible night. Then he was Lana walk
through the door. She took her usual place in the back of the bar and he saw her order a martini and begin
sipping it. She was just in time for his break. As he began the generic dance music he walked over to her
table and sat down beside her.
"Hey, how you doing? Haven't seen you for awhile."
She sipped her drink and glanced up at him.
"Yeah I know....."She pulled out a cigarette and lit it up with a trembling hand.
"Um ....look I didn’t mean to piss you off the other night. It’s just that I like for everyone to have a good
time...and you looked upset.” Jamal said as he sat down next to her.
"I was upset. But it wasn't anything you did." she said then inhaled deeply on her cigarette.
"So......are you going to sing tonight?" he said and instantly regretted it. Of course she wasn't going to sing.
He was fumbling and throwing anything against the wall to see if it would stick.
"I told you I don't sing anymore. I just like to listen. I like to see people having fun. I hardly remember
what that's like.” she said .A thin halo of smoke was floating above her head. To Jamal she looked like a
dirty angel.
"Aw come on don't say that. I can tell something is really bothering you and you don't have to talk about if
you don't want to. But whatever it is you can't let it get you down. The sun gotta shine sometimes. "He said
and then without really thinking about he touched her hand. She flinched.
"And sometimes the sun never comes up. Sometimes everything is black and stays that way." she said
through partially clenched teeth.
Jamal had no answer for that succinct and slightly ominous statement. He stood.
"Well, gotta go back and help the auditorially challenged fulfill their dreams. You have a good night." He
walked away and looked back once to see her guzzling her drink. She got up abruptly and walked out the
Blue Star.
A week later Jamal was in the Blue Star for the last time as a DJ. He had gotten a better offer from a
dance club in downtown Norfolk to be their house DJ. The young feline like young woman who had sang
"At last" earlier that month worked as the assistant manager of the dance club. She had been impressed
with his patter and his song selection and as she so not so subtly mentioned he was "easy on the eyes".
Jamal was not a foolish man. He knew when a woman was making a pass at him and he also knew this
was a great opportunity for him. He tried not to think of himself has a prostitute. Until he consummated
the relationship he could still tell himself he had gotten the job on his "merits"
The management of the Blue Star was very understanding when Jamal told them he was leaving. They
even decided to advertise his last night as a "Going Away” party. Over his four years as the house DJ he
had made quite a few friends and bedded quite a few women. It had been a mutually beneficial relationship
for all involved.
Because it was his last night Jamal ignored his usual rule about not drinking .By ten he was feeling
warm and toasty and a little drunk. He hardly played any karaoke songs and hardly anyone complained.
The music thumping through the speakers was like a living thing, a giant's heartbeat pulsating through the
club. The swirling lights and the fog machine created a caligulaesque atomsphere.Bodies were bumping
and grinding against each other with a desperate intensity.
Jamal was leaning against his biggest speaker sipping an extremely strong rum and coke when he saw
Lana come in the door. She was wearing her signature white outfit and went directly to the bar. Jamal
sauntered over to her.
"Glad you made it....my last night here.....got a job at HEAT" he yelled over the sound of the music. Lana
looked at him with her eyes wide.
"Oh ..well congratulations. Guess you won't miss this place." she said
"Well, I will miss it a little. And I will miss some of the people too." Jamal said. He sipped his drink and
looked in her eyes.
Lana had ordered a long island iced tea. When it arrived she took a long swig of the drink. When she sat
her glass down on the bar it was half empty. Jamal raised his eyebrows slightly. Lana took a deep breath
and then finished her drink with a grim determination.
"Can we step outside for a second? I need some air." she whispered in his ear. Jamal didn't answer but
he took her hand and led her out the door to the patio area of the Blue Star. He led her to one of the stone
benches that were scattered through out the patio area.
Lana lit up a Newport. She exhaled the smoke through her nose. Jamal sipped his drink. He watched
her intently. She really didn't know how exquisitely beautiful she was. Her quiet humility just intensified
his attraction to her.
Lana looked at him. Exhaled again.
"You’re a cute guy Jamal. Five years ago I would have walked in here and talked to you ,let you buy me
a drink then took you next door to the Comfort Inn and fucked your brains out of your head. Then I would
have moved on to the next cutie pie. Five years ago I was not a good person. I was in a relationship that I
couldn't seem to end. You know sometimes you meet someone and you don't realize they are out of their
fucking mind. Its like you are rubbing your hand on this soft fur coat then when you go to put it on you
realize it's just a sleeping grizzly bear. Now you can't move because you don't want to wake that bear up
and have him rip your face off." she took a deep drag off her cigarette.
"Me and Andre were like that. We started dating and I felt like we had this incredible connection.
Looking back now I think I was just sprung on his dick. He liked the same freaky shit I liked. I think when
I met him I thought that I would never meet anyone else who accepted the dark parts of my personality like
he did. Looking back I can see the fault in that logic. He only accepted the darker parts of my soul. He
made fun of me for liking cartoons or going to art museums. If it was about me eating some pussy or
having a threesome with one of his boys he was all about that shit. After awhile I guess I started resenting
him After awhile the make-up sex just wasn't worth it. I got disgusted with him and I got disgusted with
myself for being with him. "Lana motioned for the waitress to come over to their bench.
"But in the midst of all our dysfunctional chaos the one thing that we still shared was singing. For all his
coldness and ignorance he loved to sing. And he really could sing. He was a deep baritone and I’m a tenor
and actually we met at a wedding when I was asked to sing a solo. I forgot the words and he stepped up and
started singing with me and later people thought we had practiced it like that. "She smiled as a tear started
it slow sojourn down her cheek.
"We fell into a pattern of arguments then making up then singing together at a karaoke bar to begin the
cycle all over again and again and again. I started fucking around with other guys I suppose subconsciously
hoping I would get caught. I wanted him to end our fucked up relationship."
The waitress bought her drink over and Jamal could tell by its dark amber color it was another long island.
Lana took a long sip and then took another drag off her smoke.
"So in the fall of 2005 I was fucking around with our neighbor Diego. Andre had to have known I was
messing around. I was going out and not coming home. I was getting late night text messages. Sometimes
I would just disappear for hours on end after work. I thought he just didn't care. I know what you’re
thinking. Why didn't I just walk away? I guess part of me the part that's a perfectionist didn't want to
admit I had failed at something. Another part was scared of starting over with someone new. It was the
devil you know syndrome. And I guess another part really did still care for him or cared for what he
could've been. "Lana guzzled the rest of her drink.
"So since Andre didn’t seem to care about me fucking around I felt the need to up the ante .So invited
Diego over to our apartment and decided I was going to fuck him in our bed. Hindsight is 20/20 and I see
now that was a horrible mistake. I wanted to get caught; I wanted him to see me and to finally end whatever
we were doing. Huh.....he definitely did end it."
"You don't have to talk about this if you don't want to” Jamal whispered. Lana shook her head.
"Yes actually I do. Andre worked at a job that got him up at 5 a.m. I texted Diego at 6 a.m. and told him to
come on and get it. I met him at the door and didn't think to lock it .Or maybe I did think about it and just
didn't lock it on purpose I don't know. Me and Diego started doing our thing. It wasn't even that good. He
was kinda pretty but he was selfish in bed and I didn't even care. I was so far gone. I had lost so much of
myself ." Lana motioned for another drink and Jamal reached out and touched her hand.
"Hey slow down." Lana flinched away from him.
"Don't .....tell me what to do. I need to tell this and I don't think I can tell it unless I’m drunk. So anywaY
at some point I was riding Diego. I remember I still had on my bra. Then I heard Andre's voice.
He was saying "Isn't this a cute fucking picture." I saw Diego's eyes get wide and turned my head to see
Andre standing there holding his gun. He pointed his gun directly at me and Diego. I climbed off his dick
and Andre motioned for me to lie on the bed next to Diego. He came and sat on the edge of the bed
pointing the gun directly at the both of us. I looked in his eyes and realized I never really knew him at all. I
suddenly saw the real craziness in his soul. Not the "oh he is so fun” kinda crazy. It was the real I need to
leave town and change my name kinda crazy. "
Jamal thought he knew how this story was going to end. He didn't want to hear the end but he couldn't
move. He had to see it through to the end...
"So we were sitting there looking at him looking at us with that gun in his hand .Diego was staring at it
like a bird looking at a snake. I spoke to Andre but he didn't respond. He just stared at me his face as
smooth and calm as a piece of glass. Finally he said something.
"Who dies first? The girl I loved or the piece of shit she is fucking?"
"I remember Diego holding up his hands. As if he could stop bullets with his palms. Andre glanced at him
then put the barrel of the gun to my head." Lana finished her drink.
"I told him I was sorry. I told him that I didn't mean to hurt him. I could feel the cold steel pressing into
my forehead solid and real and frightening. He told me:
"You caused this. Never forget that."
"Then he shot Diego in the face. The back of his head exploded all over my headboard and sheets. He shot
him again in the chest and his body jumped like he had stuck his finger in a light socket. I could smell his
bowels let go and saw his body flop out of the bed. Then Andre put the gun under his chin and pulled the
trigger. The top of his head erupted like a volcano of flesh and bone. I realized I was screaming as bits of
brain and skull rained back down in my face and got into my mouth. I threw up on myself. The shots and
the screams must have alarmed the neighbors. Soon there were police breaking down our door and I was
still there with two dead bodies and vomit and shit and brains and blood everywhere. I was still screaming.
So that's why I don’t fucking sing. Every time I think about singing I can see Andre and Diego lying dead
at my feet. I've never forgotten what he said and you know he was right. I caused two deaths. Why should I
have the right to have any happiness?" Lana said as she pulled out another smoke.
Jamal sat there silent for a moment, his fingers drumming rhythmically on the table. He reached out and
touched Lana's hand.
"No, he was wrong. He caused that shit cuz he was crazy. He decided to kill Diego and shoot himself.
There was nothing you could have a done to stop him. He had some deep problems that were just looking
for a way to come out. Like water running down hill. It comes down that hill which ever way is fastest for
it. If you hadn't cheated on him he might have killed himself cuz Matlock got cancelled. You can't let him
lay that on you for the rest of your life. I'm not saying you gotta sing....... ...but you gotta live. You said you
can sing. If you really can then your voice is a sacred clarion. It's a gift that you shouldn't let a psycho take
away from you." Jamal released Lana's hand and let out a deep breath. He didn't know that was coming out
of him and he didn't know how she was going to take his words.
Lana finished her cigarette. She stood up a little unsteadily.
"Good luck Jamal. I hope this club thing works out for you. But you can't make me feel better. I will never
feel any better.” She started walking toward the exit. Jamal stood up and jogged to the DJ booth. He flipped
on the mic.
"Ladies and Gents got a special treat for you all tonight. My friend Lana is going to sing for you tonight
.Everyone give her a big hand!!" he said in best deep throaty James Earl Jones delivery. Lana stopped her
stride and turned and glared at Jamal. He flipped the mike to "remote” and walked toward her.
He covered the mike with his hand.
"I know you’re mad and I can't make you sing. But this is my last nigh here. I will probably never see you
again. No one here knows what happened. I want to hear your voice. Your real voice for once. But you do
what you gotta do." he said as he put the mike in her hand.
Lana stood there looking at it like it was a two headed viper. Jamal stepped back from her and mouthed
the words "Let me hear your voice"
Lana looked at the mike again. Jamal clicked on "At Last” by Etta James .The soaring strings and sweeping
melodies filled the Blue Star Inn. Lana swallowed hard. The microphone was trembling in her hand.
Jamal stared at her and nodded his head.
Lana put the microphone down and walked out of the Blue Star. Jamal dropped his head.
"Well folks I guess she was a little shy tonight. Let's get back to shaking our collective asses."
Later as he was packing up his equipment at the Blue Star for the last time a wave of guilt washed
over him like a tsunami? Who the hell did he think he was? The Black Dr. Phil.?? He was a fool and a
rude one at that putting Lana on the spot like that. Sighing heavily he put the last speaker in his Ford
Expedition and closed the hatch. He walked around to the driver side and pulled out his keys.
"AT LAST ......MY LOVE HAS COME ALONG...” Jamal whirled around to see Lana standing before
him Tears streamed down her eyes as she belted out the old R&B classic. Her hands were down by her
sides. There was no one left in the parking lot except the two of them. Jamal felt himself getting choked
up as she poured her gaze on him and sung at the top of her lungs. Her voice was lush and powerful. He
could almost feel the air expelling from her lungs as she sang like a warm breeze in his face. He stood
There and watched her sing her heart out. Overhead a plane soared across the starless sky. Cars careened
down the highway across from the Blue Star and still Jamal could hear her voice over all the sounds of the
night. Her sacred clarion bellowing in the dark.