Establishing Healthy
Boundaries
Molly Smith, DMH Clinician
Karen Furman, School Social Worker
What are Boundaries?
Think about a map. When you look at a map, do you see
boundaries? What are they?
Personal Boundaries
People have boundaries too. Knowing my boundaries means:
 Establishing limits
 Knowing where I end and others begin
 Understanding the difference between what is mine and what is
not
 Respecting people’s privacy
 Being strong when other people try to take advantage of me
 Not taking advantage of others when they don’t know as much
about something as I do
Personal Boundaries Include:
 Your own body
 Your own things
 Your own space (can also be called Personal Space)
 Respecting yourself enough to say, “No, leave me
alone, I don’t want to, I can’t now, I want to talk to my
friends now, etc.”
Respect
What does respect have to do with personal boundaries?
Respect
 Showing consideration for myself and others
 Treating myself and others with dignity
 Understanding and valuing my boundaries and rights
 understanding and valuing other people’s boundaries
and rights
Power
 What does Power have to do with respecting personal
boundaries?
Power Continued…
 Power means having control and influence.
 People abuse this power when they take advantage of
other people or violate the personal boundaries of
others.
Ways that people can have
Power over another person:
People who may appear to have power may be:
Bigger
Older
Smarter
“Better looking”
More popular
Have more money
Not Respecting the personal
boundaries of others can be
considered:
 Peer Pressure
 Harassment
 Sexual Harassment
 Bullying
Peer Pressure
 Being forced or pressured into doing something
because your peers are doing it or making you do it,
not because you want to.
Harassment
 Persistent and
unwanted behavior
of an offensive
nature intended to
disturb or upset the
victim.
Sexual Harassment
 Any unwelcome behavior of a sexual nature, whether
the behavior is written, verbal, or physical such that the
person is uncomfortable, intimidated, or threatened by
the behavior.
Bullying
 When any word or action causes someone else harm.
REMEMBER R.I.P.
R – Repeated
I – Intending to cause harm
P – Power imbalance
Personal boundaries can be
violated when:
 You are touched by somebody else
 You are verbally harassed by somebody else (this can
also include over text, e-mail, Facebook, etc.)
 Your belongings are taken or touched by somebody
else
 You are forced or pressured to do something that you
don’t want to do
How does it feel to have your
personal boundaries violated?
 Uncomfortable
 Confusing
 Unsafe
 Uneasy
 Scary
 Embarrassing
 Vulnerable
 Powerless
 What else?
What do you do if your
personal boundaries are
violated?
 Say NO! Get away from the situation.
 Tell the violator how you feel.
 Tell an adult
 Remember that it’s not your fault
Appropriate vs. Inappropriate
 Appropriate means something that is suitable for the
occasion or circumstances. It also refers to behavior
that is respectful or socially acceptable.
 Inappropriate means the opposite – something that is
not suitable for the occasion or circumstances.
Example #1
 Jamal has a crush on Tamara. Tamara doesn’t know
that Jamal exists. In order to get Tamara’s attention,
Jamal sneaks up behind her at her locker and smacks
her in the back of her head.
Example #2
 Lisa is late to class and needs a pencil. She cannot
find one in her locker. She remembers Angela’s locker
combination from the beginning of the year and
decides to go help herself to a pencil from Angela’s
locker. While she’s in there, she also decides to borrow
some gum and lip gloss. Angela won’t mind!
Example #3
 Every day, Ken makes a comment about Diamond’s
weight when he passes her in the hallway.
Example #4
 Jason is running down the hallway and accidentally
runs into Ben, hitting Ben’s arm and knocking Ben’s
books to the ground.
Example #5
 Albert and Rhonda are walking to Union Station after
school. Albert reaches out and grabs Rhonda’s hand,
which she likes. Then, he puts his arm around her,
which makes her uncomfortable. Rhonda asks Albert
to take his arm off of her, and he replies, “But you’re my
girl.”
Example #6
 Tanya and Jess meet up on the playground before
school. Tanya hasn’t done her homework, so she says,
“Jess, why don’t we skip today.” Tanya knows that
school is important to Jess, but she tries to convince
her to skip anyway by enticing her with lunch at
Chipotle.
RESOURCES
 DCPS Municipal Regulations www.dcps.dc.gov
 GOOD-TOUCH/BAD-TOUCH® Curriculum Guide
 http://school.discoveryeducation.com
 http://www.rockingham.k12.va.us