You Don’t Find Love,
You Inspire It…
Force moves the body
Persuasion moves the mind
Inspiration moves the spirit
Force can get you a physical
response
Persuasion can get you
agreement
But only inspiration ignites the
dual engines of “love”…
To inspire a woman means...
(1) to (happen to) breathe life into
her being by virtue of the man you
are in the world and
(2) to (consciously) breathe life into
her by virtue of the man you choose
to be with her…
and…
To inspire a woman means…
(3) to be the support/agent of her
transcending her own physical and
mental limitations, her doubts and
self-doubts…
… to transcend her cycles of
“getting and spending,” her
resignation, her cynicism…
Context
You Inspire Love by…
(1) what you do in the World
(2) what you do in her World
(3) what you do for HER World
Each of these steps means
moving “beyond” stasis…
This is only for you if you want
this most vivifying level of love…
and not merely…
security
“a strategy of ego”
social standing and expectations
attachment strategy
feeling “needed”
economic strategy
How We Talk About Identity
Frames How We Talk About Love
All I Want is a
Billionaire, Bisexual,
Nymphomaniac Chef…
…….. (who’s enlightened)
Homo Inspiratum
Man’s nature is “ an ever
emergent open system that
evolves in saccadic
quantum-like jumps.”
- Claire W. Graves
Spiral Dynamics
My working hypothesis…
Anything less than living from your
inspired self sells your evolving
love/life short…
Identity?
Or this place of identifying as a
being who at core lives as
actively inspired
so that…
Your Inspired Unique Self meets and
inspires your partner’s
Inspired Unique Self…
I’m Going to Argue That There
are 3 Aspects to Inspiring Love in
a Worthy Woman…
Step #1…
Step #2…
Inspire Her With
Your Relationship Skills
Step #3…
Support Her Expansion
into Her Inspired Life
www.AdamGilad/Inspired
You Inspire Love by…
(1) what you do in the World
(2) what you do in her World
(3) what you do for HER World
Category #1
In The World
The Inspired Man
Inspires Love
by Living an Inspired Life
(* EDGE beyond mental filters)
1: Physical mastery, prowess
accomplishments
2: Financial acumen, power,
penetration, success
3: Emotional connectedness and
authenticity, character
4: Intellectual power and reach/ wit
5: Social leadership, embeddedness
– service/ humanity
6: Sexual expression and skillset
7: Creative artistry
8: Play and Fun
9: Spiritual groundedness, practice
Category #2
In her world
The Inspired Man
Inspires Love With
Inspiring Partnership
Skills…
“Applied Character”
Safety
Felt and Seen
Validated and Valued
Special and Unique
Cherished
Category #3
For Her World
(* beyond her mental filters)
You can inspire her into the
journey into HER unique self
Dianne
“I’ve been inspired by the feeling of
being safe and looked out for.
There's nothing more sexy and
inspiring that a man who's got it
handled”
(Physical Competence, Relationship
Skills, Safety)
Deb
“My short answer is: His Mind. That's
typically the biggest turn on for me. It both
inspires me and excites me to BE a better me
and think bigger, be better, and reach levels I
never imagined as a little farm girl just
wanting to escape my town and travel the
world.”
(Intellectual)
*opens new landscapes
Annie:
“ I fell in love with Eben at Burning Man
when he was giving a talk about he
future of mankind…”
(Social Purpose, Intellectual,
Spiritual)
Mariana:
“His brain, his spirituality, his
commitment to his work.
Athleticism. And math skills”
(mental, spiritual, financial,
intellectual)
Samira
“Passion for what he creates in the
world for the greater good… this is a
contagious joy and an inspiration. If
there is a level of mastery within the
creative realm, this makes him
sexier still… “
(Social, Creative)
Trez
”I have been inspired by men who can be
strong, independent, respected leaders in
their community, work and family while being
tender and passionate with me. l I can respect
and honor him for his strength and feel safe
and cared for when we are together. Having
this man in my life inspires me to really step
into my beauty, grace, power, love and joy.”
(Social, Partnership skills) – * threshold
Katja
“Doing the Work that is "him" and of a high
integrity and impact (there is always impact if
there is purpose) to me is a huge eye catcher.
I simply adore such men as I know they Love
humanity. Obvious Masculinity is a huge one,
I personally Love Masculine Men. And the
way he treats me. If he is present, this means
worlds. If he cares to learn and grow another big turn on.”
*Character, Social, Relationship skills,
Intellectual/Emotional growth)
Sarah
“I am inspired by A. because he is
HONEST. He is so genuinely kind and
good that it feels innocent. I can and
always could see that in his eyes,
and then in his loving nature. It
inspired my trust which #1. Then, he
is fun…
“He’s laid back and knows how to enjoy
himself, which helps ground me and give
some variety from my ambition and
intensity. .. He completely turned his life
around, which is what inspired me on our first
date. He’s intelligent in the way I most like:
strategic, relentless, inquisitive, objective as
hell. He inspires me because he is all these
things I’ve loved in different men, rolled into
ONE! Amazes me every day.”
First Level:
(1) In The World
(2) In Her World
Most Women: Love =
Proud, Admiring +
Safe, Accepted, Valued,
Heard, Cherished…
Second Level:
The “surge of freedom” the ability
and desire to self-express that
women experience when they are
inspired by their man…
Why Do I Focus on Inspiration?
2 reasons…
Anything less feels like living life
short of possibility…
“When it’s over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was a bridegroom, taking the world
into my arms.
When it’s over I don’t want to wonder
if I have made of my life something
particular, and real…
I don’t want to find myself sighing
and frightened
or full of argument.
I don’t want to end up simply having visited
this world.
- Mary Oliver, “When Death
Comes”
(2) And because I learned that
the more inspired I was, the
higher quality woman I attracted,
and the more passionately
and with more “layers”
they loved me…
Attract – Connect - Inspire
Phase 1: Attract
Physical Realm
The Oxygen of Sex
Egobonking ™
Trust
Cocky/Funny
Indifference
Status
Electric Contrast
Erotic Forward Pacing
Kindness
Generosity
Purpose
Friendships
Passion
Empathy
Vulnerability
It gets you up to being…
1st Oxygen:
Desired, Infatuated/Physical
Face of Love
The Transitional Trigger…
“From Fucking Everything that
Moves to Being Moved by
Everyone You Fuck”
Phase II: Connect
What makes you a unique voice?
With whom & how do you attach,
bond, love?
Your unique awareness…
Your stories…
Your unique wounds
Your unique rise from struggle and
barriers broken…
This gets you to:
The 2nd Oxygen:
Companionate or Connected Love
The Next Trigger?
Force moves the body
Persuasion moves the mind…
Inspiration moves the spirit…
Inspired and Inspiring Love?
Three Things..
(1) what you do in the World
(2) what you do in her World
(3) what you do for HER World
Let’s Now Dive Into
1st:
What Inspiration Is
2nd:
How You Can Turn it On and Up
in the world, in her world,
for her world
What is Inspiration and why
is it inherently
?
Listen as way of re-imagining
who you are at core…
[1] The Inspired Man is Free
“Inspiration is the feeling of
freedom and joy from realizing that
who we are is beyond the body, and
beyond all limiting beliefs...”
- John Marshall Roberts
[2] The Inspired Man is Expansive
To be inspired is to feel vaster in
engagement with what you value
most – beauty, love, your art or skill,
teaching, learning, service,
mastery…
“more than”
[3] The Inspired Man is Enraptured
Inspiration originates from neither
the body nor the rational mind. It
arises from a deeper dimension –
something more like wonder…
When you are inspired, you are
uniquely alive to the mystery
of Being and Becoming…
Connected to “grandeur”
[4] The Inspired Man is Erotic
Inspiration is inherently
pleasurable – connected to
the Eros of both being and
becoming…
[4] The Inspired Man is
Evolution
The Evolutionary Life Force (Love
Intelligence) in that you are moving
the species, consciousness,
creativity forward…
“Sustained inspiration adds constant
creative energy to a person’s mental
system, which ultimately produces a
wholesale transformation of their
world-view. This process is the
ongoing basis for mankind’s mental
and spiritual evolution on both a
micro (personal) and macro (global)
level” - JMR
[5] The Inspired Man is
Founded in Love (of life).
You are openness opening.
Rather than fear-founded, which
constricts…
[6] The Inspired Man is Empowered
…inspiration “puts us back in touch
with our limitless creative potential,
and reminding us that we are each
authors of our own experience.”
- JMR
[7] The Inspired Man is Dynamic
He is in action.
“Inspiration grows from the soil of
action…”
-
Business Secrets of the Trappist Monks: One CEO’s Quest for Meaning and
Authenticity, August Turak
Inspiration is sustained by action
and must ultimately lead to
measurable real-world results or
it will backfire, over time…
[8] The Inspired Man is Unique
Inspiration grows from, marks
and amplifies your Unique Self
[10]: The Inspired Man is
Connected To Infinity
Inspiration Can Map Across Your
Whole Being, Making You
Alive to YOUR unique Being and
Becoming…
In short, how you live as an inspired
man makes you exciting …to yourself
and to her…
How do We Wake Up
Our Most Inspired Selves?
Are you Inspired and Inspiring in
THE World?
Are You Inspired and Inspiring IN
Her World?
Are You Inspired and Inspiring
FOR Her World?
[1]Physical competence or accomplishments
or prowess
[2] Financial acumen, penetration, success
[3] Emotional connectedness, authenticity
character
[4] Intellectual power and reach/ wit
[5] Social leadership, skill, service
[6] Sexual aura manner and skillset
[7] Creative artistry
[8] Play, fun
[9] Spiritual groundedness, practice
#1:
How Can You Be Inspired in
Your Physical Life?
(1) achievement
(2) capability
(3) fitness, flexibility, endurance
(4) performance
(5) healing/recovery
(6) craft, home skills
*
*
*
*
Inspired Sight
“To see the universe in a grain of
sand”…
Scale of space and time
We are a visual species –shortterm thinking long term problems.
Wake up to art, nature, patterns,
beauty
Sense of Smell
Sense of Hearing
Sense of Taste
Sense of Touch
Ever refining subtlety...
Your Body Awareness
* Breath
* Yoga
* Meditation
* Nutrition …
* Connected to environment
* How You Move Through Space
* Do you feel the joy of being alive
#2
How Can You Be More Inspired
in Your Financial Life?
The Eros of Abundance
How can you make your will felt in
the world?
How can you create value?
How can you acquire resources?
How can you contribute?
#3:
How Can You Be More Inspired
in Your Intellectual Life?
* How are you deepening
Mastery?
* How are you challenging your
“beliefs”?
* How are you refining your
distinctions?
* How are you incorporating other
perspectives (cultural, gender
etc)?
#4
How Can You Be More Inspired
in Your Social Life?
* How are you growing, invested in
your social web as human
connection (its own value)?
* How are you growing, invested in
your social web as social
wealth?
* How are you growing, invested in
your social web as inspiration
engine?
* How are you in service
(“intertwined with the active
good of others”?
#5:
How Can You Be More Inspired
in Your Emotional Life?
*
*
*
*
*
Self examination, awareness,
Honesty
Responsive v Reactive (triggers)
Empathic – (equal agents)
Identity
How limited your self-identity
* Multiple perspective/altitude
* Stay in the game
* Are you engaging your shadow?
* Are you engaging your wound?
* Are you engaging/bringing your
greatness?
* Are you opening into
experience or closing?
And by doing so – are you
meeting, feeling, seeing, healing
the wounds, shadows, fear,
greatness, opening and
closing of others?
#6:
How Can You Be More Inspired
in Your Sexual Life?
* Prowess
* Presence
* Erotic Connoisseur
* 24 Hour Foreplay
* Expanding your sexuality into
life-eros
#7:
#
How Can You Be More Inspired
in Your Creative Life?
* The arts
* Your living environment
* Your self expression
* What haven’t you expressed?
#8:
How Can You Be More Inspired
By Your Playful (Fun) Life?
* Non competitive athletics
* Humor, clowning
* Relaxation
* Conversation
#9:
How Can You Be More Inspired
in Your Spiritual Life?
dco
“The thing that you wish the
person you lived with was more
of…”
Release from need for approval from
others
Release from Illusion of
Separate “Skin Encapsulated” Ego
Release from the Need to
Control Your Environment
“If you want to inspire others,
choose to have faith in your
connection to the source of life,
and in the unity behind
appearances.”
- JMR
All of these categories… not as
expressions of fear ego - “I exist and I need validation”
But rather as…
… an expression of
love-ego – your love of being
alive and a part of the ongoing
evolutionary expression of
the Life Force
Are you Inspired and Inspiring in
THE World?
Are You Inspired and Inspiring IN
Her World?
Are You Inspired and Inspiring
FOR Her World?
What Does She Need To Feel In a
Love Relationship?
Safe Special
Sexy Feminine
SAFE
(a) Physically Safe(r)
Voice
Body
Physical World
(b) Emotionally safe
With
(Vow/free attention)
Soothing
Trust
Word
(c) Inspired in Safety
How do you Occur For her?
How to make your unique gifts,
wounds, shadows visible to connect
with and interact with her unique
gifts wounds and shadows so that
both of your gifts emerge and both
of your shadows and wounds come
into light and find healing.
Your Unique:
Shadow
Fears
Voice
Self
Aspirations
Unexpressed Self
Wounds
Sexy
Proust
Inner-Outer Connection
Infinite Praise
Special
[1] G.B. Shaw
[2] “I love the way you…”
[3] Public Brag
[4] Love language - how does
she feel special
[5] Honored
Feminine
Are you Inspired and Inspiring in
THE World?
Are You Inspired and Inspiring IN
Her World?
Are You Inspired and Inspiring
FOR Her World?
Basic Definition of Love:
When you care for someone’s
well being as much as or more
than your own...
What does it take to be able to be
her riverbanks/trampoline?
Come back to Question of
Identity
Her Unique Contribution
3 Steps…
“People crave inspiration, but
they usually fight like hell when
we try to inspire them…”
- JMR
You Don’t “Find” Love:
You Inspire Love by…
(1) what you do in the World
(2) what you do in her World
(3) what you do for HER World
Can You “teach love”?
Can teach the conditions to make it
flourish…
How Do You Make it Flourish?
(1) Moment-by-moment Choice
(2) Moment-by-moment practice
Love is not
a slice of the pie.
It IS the pie
“Where we had thought to travel
outward, we will come to the center
of our own existence. And where we
had thought to be alone, we will be
with all the world.”
- Joseph Campbell
AdamGilad.com/Inspired