The Future of America: Childhood obesity
(Introduction) DO NOT HAVE ONE YET I NEED HELP MAKING ONE AND MAKING IT
GOOD SO THAT MY AUDIENCE MAY WANT TO FURTHER READ MY ESSAY
Obesity is a medical condition in which excess body fat has accumulated to
the extent that it may have an adverse effect on health, leading to a reduced life
expectancy or increased health problems. Obesity is caused by many causes, for
instance meals eaten away from home, for example fast food restaurants like
mcdonalds, increased intake of sugary drinks, tendency to large meals, poor eating
habits and many more. Simply obesity occurs when a person have more body fat
thatn what is considred to be healthy for their heigh, or better yet having too much
calorie imbalance. In perspective if we were to compare a skinny person and an
overweigh person presumably we would say that the much heavier person would be
considered obese. But how do they know for sure? One way to find out is by
calculating ones body mass index, better known as (BMI) . For adult men and
women, BMI greater than 25 signifies overweigh and BMI greater than 30 indicates
obesity. During childhood, BMI varies by gender and normally increases with age
(Hammer 287) And unfortunately obesity is mainly affecting young children today
in many ways than one Obesity places young people at risk for a wide range of
physical psychological and interpersonal problems during childhood, adolescese
and adulthood (Frisco 323). With these problems comes serious health issues.
According to the website Mayoclinic.com, “if you’re obese, you’re more likey to
develop a number of potentially serious healthy problems including high
cholestrerol, type two diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease stroke….when
you’re obese your overall quality of life may be lower too(mayoclinicstaff) Imagine a
child facing the consequences of obesity what fun is there for the child. Fun games
with friends that require some sort of physical endurance such as basketball, soccer
and football would have to end for the child due to the lack of endurance. Obesity
will take a childs phycial activity level away. When someone is overweight or obese
their physical acitivity becomes a zero in other words they are lazy and just want to
play video games or somply sit and watch TV. Studies have shown that more time
spent using television, VCR’s and video games is associated with a greater likelihood
of obesity and that decreasing the amount of time spent watching television
correlates with less weight gain (Lawrence 288). A child who literally sits, watches
TV and plays video games obviously will increase in weight therefore resulting in
obesity if continually done. On the other hand if one is active and descrease the
amount of time in front of the TV or sitting will likely have a better habit of wanting
to spend time walking or participating in some sort of fun activity. Not only is it the
childs fault but also parents contribute to obesity in their own children. Sure, the
lack of cooking healthy diet for the child can be a factor but the genes passed along
to the child can contribute to obesity. But as Michelle L frisco sates, “furthermore
there is increasing aggerent that only a small proportion of children and adolescent
obesity has occurred too quickly to be explained by genes alone given the realtively
slow nature of human evolition. Therefore it is acknowelge that children and
adolsecnets with obese parents are more likely to be obese but there is a growing
recogniftion that this family resemblance in weight likely reflects a family similarity
in physical acitivity , diet, and lifestyle (326) So for instance if both parents never
were active as young adults or as kids and have awalays been obese then most likely
the child will resemble the parents and therefore will be considered obese. Many
may question what about fast foods restaurants or the media, and surely these are
other components or factors that do affect children and unfortunately cause obesity.
Many advocacy groups argue that marketing food to children in the media and in
schools should be limited or banned altogether because it influences food choices in
ways that lead to a high consumption of calorie-dense food with low nutritional
quality…these pieces indicate that corporations spend billions of dollars on
advertising food to children and that more than half of all food advertisements
youth view on television are marketing sweets, fats, sods or fast food (frisco 328). So
far this is true for example a jack in the box commercial may feature a tasty teriyaki
burger and to finish it off a chocolate chip ice cream cookies as a paid commercial
and in reality there is no nutritional value in that meal. This may seem so intriguing
to the naked eye because of the magic behind the paid ad that make it seem so
delicious and healthy but in reality there is no healthy diet in this whatsoever.
Another cuase that contributes to obesity is the place in which the child resides for
instance a child would want a park that would include some mokeys bars, slides,
swings, tennis courts, backetball courts and a beautiful open space. Not a park that
is destroyed with trash everywhere or a landscape not well maintained. Researchers
also have begun to investigate how physical characterisitcs of neighborhoods, such
as the presence of parksm sidewalks, fast food restaurants grocery stores,
convenience stores crime and violence influence the prevalence of childhood and
adolescent obesity (frisco 328). A child wouldn’t want a liquor store couple blocks
from the house because lioquour stores are known for selling everthing and
anything. Liquour stores have avalabile chips, hot dogs, soda, gum, candy etc… and
for not an expenscei prce so the child can go after school and buy a quick snack and
continue walking. The foods inside the liquor stores are mainly junk food high in
calories and bad for your healthy. So if there were a Whole Foods, or Trader Joes it
would be better for the child because these places sell very healthy foods. In
additions to this socioeconomic status does also affect obesity in children. Childrens
demographic characteristics such as their race/ethnicity, family, income, and
parents education level also are related to their likelihood of being an obese child or
adolescent (frisco 328). Family income definetly affects how a child is raised and
fed. A family only working at a minimum job can only purchase the least healthy
good because non healthy food tend to be a lot cheaper than for instance food at an
expensive place that sell very healthy food. And therefore with a poor family income
comes a poor neighborhood, and in those neighborhoods usually the cheapest of
food are found. Everything correcelates in a way. And of course the education level
with more credential the more of an important you are for instance having a title as
an MD or MSN compared to someone withouth a degree. Obesity can also cause
physiological problems not just pyscial. The phsycological consequence of obesity
are very important during childhood and adolescen. Though some studies have
found similar prevalence of physchological problems in obese and normal weight
children, obese children are often teased by other children, excluded from peer
group acitivites, picked last (if at all) for sports and shunned during social acitivites
(Hammer 288) It is mostly seend in elementary or throughout grade school kids
teasing other kids weather on how they look, or how they dress. Parents who
rewards children with food are also the cause of obesity. Studies of child
temperament have found that difficult children show more rapid wiehgt gain
perhaps as a result of being overfed by parents who use feding as a soothing
technique and may later use eating as a technique for comofting themselves,
(hammer 288).
I NEED A CONCLUSION
SOME COMMENTS MY PROFESSOR SAID THAT MY ESSAY IS LACKING
ORGANIZATION COMPLETELY
SHE SAID ALSO THAT WAS MORE LIKE A CAUSE AND EFFECT PAPER
Riko,
There are several issues with the paper at the moment, including organization, tone,
grammatical errors, and the strength of evidence. One strong indicator of the lack of
organization is the fact that your entire paper is ONE big paragraph. We need to
begin by breaking that paragraph into different ideas. Also, you talk about SO many
different topics, all VERY interesting, but we need to narrow our focus for a more
effective paper. A thesis statement is KEY for focusing and organizing any academic
writing. I would recommend an outline to help you stay organized (see below).
Your tone of voice in your writing is a little too informal for a formal research paper.
Try to avoid colloquialisms which are everyday speech as well as rhetorical
questions like “Imagine if.” Also, avoid personal pronouns like you, we, me, I, etc.)
Your argument sounds a little weak, partly because you don’t have a thesis to tie
everything back to, but mainly because you make a lot of general statements that are
supported by credible research.
There are quite a bit of grammatical errors, which isn’t as big a deal as this is your
first draft. But the spelling mistakes are easily fixed using spellcheck.
Before you create a tentative outline, here is a list of everything you
discuss/mention in your paper so far (in the order that you put them):
 Definition of obesity
 Causes of obesity



Definition of obesity again
Explain BMI
Obesity is affecting children more (your focus on children should be clear
from VERY beginning)
 Serious health issues associated with obesity
 How obesity decreased quality of live by leading to decreased activity (you
say much more about this than you do about the serious health issues)
 Parents’ contributions to children’s obesity (genes)
 Marketing/advertising of food
 Children’s living environment and contribution to obesity
 Other factors contributing to obesity (race, soci-economic background,
education etc)
 Psychological problems
As you can see, these are a lot of very different topics to include in a single paper.
Many of these topics need their OWN paper to do them justice. You need to try and
decide what about childhood obesity are you MOST interested in (the other factors,
parents’ role, psychological problems etc) and focus your paper on just that.
Introduction:
Background Info:
 Mention obesity here, maybe start with a powerful statistic to surprise
readers
Thesis Statement:
 Your argument: what specifically about childhood obesity do you want to
discuss with readers?
Body Paragraphs:
Remember: a new topic equals a new paragraph. Once you have your thesis, you
need to decide what exactly to talk about. Make a list. Then decide what is the best
order in which to discuss them. For example, if you choose parent contributions:
maybe you might organize by the different ways parents contribute to childhood
obesity and each way is a new paragraph.
Conclusion:
 Summarize main points of your argument/essay
 Leave readers with a powerful statement/image to remember and take away.
Hope this all helps. Please feel free to schedule a lesson to discuss any of this in
more depth. I’d love to help you write a solid paper!
Best,
Fatuma =)