Chapter 14
Socio-emotional Development
in Early Adulthood
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Socio-emotional Development
in Early Adulthood
Continuity and Discontinuity from
Childhood to Adulthood
Attraction, Love,
and Close Relationships
Intimate Relationships
The Diversity of Adult Lifestyles
Gender, Relationships, and
Self-Development
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Continuity and Discontinuity
from Childhood to Adulthood
Temperament
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Attachment
Temperament
•
•
•
•
Activity Level
Adjustment
Inhibition
Emotionality
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Activity Level
• In one longitudinal study, children who
were highly active at age 4 were likely to
be very outgoing at 23, demonstrating
continuity.
• From adolescence into early adulthood,
most individuals show fewer emotional
mood swings, become more responsible,
and engage in less risk-taking behaviour,
which reflects discontinuity.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Adjustment
• In one longitudinal study, children who had an easy
temperament at age 3–5 were likely to be well-adjusted
as young adults.
• Children who had a difficult temperament at age 3–5
were often not well-adjusted as young adults.
• Boys with a difficult temperament in childhood were
found to be less likely as adults to continue their formal
education.
• Girls with a difficult temperament in childhood were
found to experience more marital conflict.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Inhibition
• Individuals with an
inhibited temperament
in childhood are less
likely as adults to be
assertive, experience
social support, and to
delay in entering a
stable job track.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Emotionality
• In one longitudinal study, when 3-year-olds
showed good control of their emotions and
were resilient in the face of stress, they
were likely to continue to handle emotions
effectively as adults.
• When 3-year-olds had low emotional
control and were not very resilient, they
were likely to show problems in these
areas as young adults.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Attachment
• Securely Attached
• InsecureDismissing
• InsecurePreoccupied
• Attachment and
Romantic
Relationships
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Securely Attached
• About 50–60% of adults are securely
attached.
• These individuals provide realistic,
coherent descriptions of their childhood
and appear to understand how past
experiences affect their current lives as
adults.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Insecure-Dismissing
• Approximately 25–30% of adults fall into
this category of attachment.
• They don’t want to discuss their
relationships with their parents or do not
seem invested in them.
• Their memories often focus on negative
experiences, such as being rejected or
neglected.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Insecure-Preoccupied
• Approximately 15% of adults fall into this
category of attachment.
• They readily talk about their relationships
but they tend to be •incoherent
and
–
disorganized.
• They appear to be unable to move beyond
their childhood issues with parents and
often express anger towards them or
ongoing efforts to please them.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Attachment and Romantic
Relationships
• Romantic partners fulfill some of the same
needs for adults as parents do for children.
• Adults count on romantic partners to be a
secure base to which they can return and
obtain comfort and security in stressful
times.
• Studies show a link between the quality of
childhood attachment relationships and
the quality of adult romantic relationships.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Attraction, Love,
and Close Relationships
Attractions
The Faces
of Love
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Loneliness
Attraction
• Familiarity and
Similarity
• Physical Attraction
• http://vad.mhhe.com/
provided_module.cfm
?ModuleID=225
(Search for
Intimacy: “Falling in
Love”)
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Familiarity and Similarity
• Familiarity is a condition that is
necessary for a close
relationship to develop.
• We like to associate with
people similar to us.
• We tend to have similar:
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
Attitudes
Behaviour
Clothes
Characteristics
Intelligence
Personality
Values
Lifestyles
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Consensual Validation
• Consensual validation provides an
explanation of why people are
attracted to others who are similar to them.
• Our own attitudes and behaviour are
supported when someone else’s attitudes
and behaviour are similar to ours.
• Similarity implies that we will enjoy doing
the same things with the other person.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Physical Attraction
• Men and women across many cultures
differ on the importance they place on good
looks when they seek an intimate partner.
• Women tend to rate considerateness, honesty,
dependability, kindness, and understanding as
most important.
• Men tend to prefer good looks, cooking skills,
and frugality.
• The force of similarity operates at a physical
level, as explained by the matching hypothesis.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
The Matching Hypothesis
• The matching hypothesis states that while
we may prefer a more attractive person in
the abstract, in the real world we end up
choosing someone who is close to our
own level of attractiveness.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
The Faces of Love
•
•
•
•
•
Intimacy
Romantic Love
Affectionate Love
Consummate Love
Friendship
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Intimacy
• Erikson’s Stage: Intimacy versus
Isolation
• The Role of Intimacy in Relationship
Maturity
• Intimacy and Independence
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Erikson’s Stage: Intimacy versus
Isolation
• Erikson believes that intimacy should come after
individuals are well on their way to establishing
stable and successful identities.
• Erikson describes intimacy as finding oneself yet
losing oneself in another person.
• If intimacy is not developed in early adulthood,
the individual may be left with what Erikson calls
isolation.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
The Role of Intimacy in
Relationship Maturity
• The Self-Focused
Level
• The Role-Focused
Level
• The IndividuatedConnected Level
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
The Self-focused Level
• The first level of relationship maturity, at which
one’s perspective on another person or a
relationship is concerned only with how it affects
oneself.
• The individual’s own wishes and plans
overshadow those of others, and the individual
shows little concern for others.
• Intimate communication skills are in the early,
experimental stages.
• There is little understanding of mutuality or
consideration of another’s sexual needs.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
The Role-focused Level
• The intermediate level of relationship maturity,
when one begins to perceive others as
individuals in their own right.
• At this level, the perspective is stereotypical and
emphasizes social acceptability.
• Commitment to an individual, rather than to the
romantic partner role, is not articulated.
• Generalizations about the importance of
communication exist, but underlying this is a
shallow understanding of commitment.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Individuated-connected Level
• The highest level of relationship maturity, when
one begins to understand oneself, as well as to
have consideration for others’ motivations and to
anticipate their needs.
• Concern and caring involve emotional support
and individualized expression of interest.
• Individuals understand the personal time and
investment needed to make a committed
relationship work.
• This level is not likely reached until adulthood.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Romantic Love
• Also called passionate love or Eros.
• It has strong components of sexuality and
infatuation, and it often predominates in the
early part of a love relationship.
• In our culture, romantic love is the main reason
we get married.
• Romantic love is what we mean when we say
that we are “in love.”
• Romantic love involves a complex intermingling
of different emotions.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Affectionate Love
• Affectionate love, also called companionate love,
is the type of love that occurs when individuals
desire to have the other person near and have a
deep, caring affection for the person.
• As love matures, passion gives way to affection.
• With time, sexual attraction wanes, attachment
anxieties either lessen or produce conflict and
withdrawal, novelty is replaced with familiarity,
and lovers either find themselves securely
attached or distressed.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Consummate Love
• Triangular Theory
of Love includes
three main types:
– Passion
– Intimacy
– Commitment
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Friendship
• What is Friendship?
• Female, Male, and
Female-Male
Friendship
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
What is Friendship?
• Friendship is a form
of close relationship
that involves:
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
Enjoyment
Acceptance
Trust
Respect
Mutual Assistance
Confiding
Understanding
Spontaneity
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Functions of Friendships
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Companionship
Intimacy
Affection
Support
Source of Self-Esteem
Buffer from Stress
Source of Emotional Support
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Female, Male, and Female-Male
Friendships
• Women have more close friends and their
friendships are more intimate.
• Adult male friendships are more competitive.
• Female friends tend to spend time talking.
• Male friends spend time engaged in activities.
• Male friends’ talk is more distant, less intimate.
• Cross-sex friendships can provide both
opportunities and problems.
• Men are more likely to try to turn a platonic
relationship into a sexual one.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Loneliness
• Among the reasons loneliness is common today are:
– society’s emphasis on self-fulfillment and
achievement
– the importance we attach to commitment in
relationships
– a decline in stable, close relationships
• Married individuals experience less loneliness.
• Loneliness is extremely common among college
freshmen.
• Men are more likely to blame loneliness on themselves.
• Women are more likely to blame external factors.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Loneliness and Life’s Transitions
• Loneliness is interwoven with how people
pass through life transitions.
• Lonely males and females attribute their
loneliness to different sources, with men
more likely to blame themselves and
women are more likely to blame external
factors.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Loneliness and Technology
• Technology is a contributing factor to
loneliness.
• People tend to isolate themselves with
their computers.
• The Internet may have also decreased the
amount of time people interact with others.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Strategies to Be Better Connected
to Others
• Participate in activities that you can do
with others.
• Be aware of the early warning signs of
loneliness.
• Draw a diagram of your social network.
• Engage in positive behaviours when you
meet new people.
• See a counsellor or read a book on
loneliness.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Intimate
Relationships
The Family
Life Cycle
Marriage
Gender and
Emotion
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Parental
Roles
The Family Life Cycle
• Leaving Home and Becoming
a Single Adult
• The Joining of Families
Through Marriage: The New
Couple
• Becoming Parents and a
Family with Children
• The Family with Adolescents
• The Family at Midlife
• The Family in Later Life
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Leaving Home and Becoming a
Single Adult
• This is the first stage in the family life cycle and involves
launching.
• Launching is the process in which youths move into
adulthood and exit their family of origin.
• Adequate completion of launching requires separating
from the family without cutting off ties completely or
fleeing in a reactive way to find some form of substitute
emotional refuge.
• It is a time for young people to sort out emotionally what
they will take from the family of origin, what they will
leave behind, and what they will make themselves into.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
The Joining of Families through
Marriage: The New Couple
• This is the second stage in the family life cycle, in which
two individuals from separate families of origin unite to
form a new family system.
• This involves both the development of the marital system
and the realignment with extended families and friends
to include the spouse.
• Marriage is actually not only the union of two individuals
but the union of two entire family systems and the
development of a new system.
• Experts believe that marriage represents a completely
different phenomenon for women and men.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Becoming Parents and a Family
with Children
• This is the third stage in the family life cycle, and
entering this stage requires that adults now move up a
generation and become caregivers to the younger
generation.
• Success in this stage requires a commitment of time as
a parent, understanding the roles of parents, and
adapting to developmental changes in children.
• Problems arise when a couple struggles with each other
about taking responsibility, as well as refusal or inability
to function as competent parents.
• http://vad.mhhe.com/provided_module.cfm?ModuleID=2
27 (Parenting, Families, and Work: “Transition to
Parenting: Heterosexual Married Couple”)
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
The Family with Adolescents
• This represents the fourth stage of the family life
cycle.
• Adolescence is a period of development in
which individuals push for autonomy and seek to
develop their own identity.
• Parents tend to adopt one of two strategies:
– they clamp down and put more pressure on the
adolescent to conform to parental values
– they become more permissive and let the
adolescent have extensive freedom
• Neither is a wise overall strategy.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
The Family at Mid-Life
• This is the fifth stage in the family life cycle,
and it is a time of:
– launching children
– playing an important role in linking generations
– adapting to midlife changes in development
• Because of the lower birth rate and longer life of
most adults, parents now launch their children
about 20 years before retirement.
• This frees many midlife parents to pursue other
activities.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
The Family in Later Life
• This is the sixth and final stage in the family life
cycle.
• Retirement alters a couple’s lifestyle, requiring
adaptation.
• Grandparenting also characterizes many
families in this stage.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Marriage
• Marital Trends in
Canada
• Cultural Influences on
Marriage
• Marital Expectations
and Myths
• What Makes
Marriages Work
• Benefits of a Good
Marriage
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Marital Trends in Canada
• More adults are remaining single longer
today.
• The family unit is getting smaller with a
growing proportion of childless couples.
• We are 8th internationally for most number
of divorces.
• Canadians are waiting longer to get
married and are staying married for longer.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Cultural Influences on Marriage
• Most Canadian marriages are of choice but in
countries such as Asia and Africa, arranged
marriages are common.
• Cohabitation is common in Scandinavian
countries.
• In North America, personal attraction and
passion dictate mate selection but that is not the
case in other parts of the world.
• Religion provides a model for marriage
behaviour.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Marital Expectations
• One of the explanations of our nation’s high divorce rate
is that we have such strong expectations of marriage.
• In one study, unhappily married couples expressed
unrealistic expectations about marriage.
• Individuals who have highly romantic beliefs about
marriage are likely to encounter disappointment as they
realize that sustaining their romantic ideal is not
possible.
• Underlying unrealistic expectations about marriage are
numerous myths about marriage.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Myths about Marriage
• Avoiding conflict will
ruin your marriage.
• Affairs are the main
cause of divorce.
• Men are not
biologically made for
marriage.
• Men and women are
from different
“planets.”
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
What Makes Marriages Work
• Establishing Love Maps
• Nurturing Fondness and Admiration
• Turning Towards Each Other Instead of
Away
• Letting Your Partner Influence You
• Solving Solvable Conflicts
• Overcoming Gridlock
• Creating Shared Meaning
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Benefits of a Good Marriage
• An unhappy marriage increases an
individual’s risk of getting sick by
approximately one-third.
• An unhappy marriage can even shorten a
person’s life by an average of 4 years.
• People in happy marriages feel less
physically and emotionally stressed.
• This can prevent numerous physical and
psychological ailments.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Gender and Emotion
• Wives consistently disclose more to their partners than
husbands do.
• Women tend to express more tenderness, fear, and
sadness than their partners.
• Women complain that their husbands don’t care about
their emotional lives and do not express their own
feelings and thoughts.
• Men respond that they don’t know what their wives want
from them, and that no amount of talking is ever enough
for their wives.
• Women also want more warmth and affection.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Parental Roles
• Myths about
Parenting
• Trends
• Other Advantages
and Disadvantages
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Myths about Parenting
• The birth of a child will save a failing marriage.
• As a possession or extension of the parent, the child will think, feel,
and behave like the parents did as children.
• Children will take care of parents in old age.
• Parents can expect respect and get obedience from their children.
• Having a child means that the parents will always have someone
who loves them.
• Having a child gives parents a “second chance” to achieve what
they should have achieved.
• Parents can mold their children into what they want.
• It’s the parents’ fault when children fail.
• Mothers are naturally better parents than fathers.
• Parenting is an instinct and requires no training.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Trends
• There is a current tendency to have fewer children.
• Due to their interest in career development, women are
having children later in life.
• As a result of the increase in working women, there is
less maternal investment in children’s development.
• Men are now more apt to invest a greater amount of time
in fathering.
• Parental care in the home is often supplemented by
institutional care.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Other Advantages and
Disadvantages
• Advantages of having children early:
– Physical energy
– Mother is more likely to have fewer medical problems
with pregnancy and childbirth
– Parents are less likely to build up expectations for
their children
• Advantages of having children later in life:
– Family and career goals are clearer
– Parents are more mature
– More financially stable
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
The Diversity of Adult Lifestyles
Single Adults
Cohabitating Adults
Divorced Adults
Remarried Adults
Lone Parent Adults
Gay and Lesbian Adults
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Single Adults
• There has been a dramatic rise in the number of single
adults.
• Problems of single life may include confronting
loneliness and finding a niche in a society that is
marriage-oriented.
• Advantages include pursuing one’s own schedule and
interests.
• Once we reach the age of 30 there may be increasing
pressure to settle down and get married.
• This is the time when many single adults make a
conscious decision to marry or remain single.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Cohabitating Adults
• Cohabiting refers to living together in a sexual
relationship without being married.
• There has been a significant increase in both the number
of adults who cohabit and the acceptance of what was
once unconventional.
• Many couples view their cohabitation not as a precursor
to marriage, but as an ongoing lifestyle.
• Cohabitation relationships tend to be more equal than
marital relationships
• Researchers have not found that cohabitation leads to
greater marital happiness and success.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Divorced Adults
• While divorce has increased for all socioeconomic groups, those in disadvantaged
groups have a higher incidence of divorce.
• One study showed that half of women who were
pregnant before marriage failed to live with the
husband for more than 5 years.
• Divorce usually takes place early in a marriage,
peaking in the 5th to 10th years of marriage.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Common Pathways out of Divorce
•
•
•
•
•
•
The enhancer
The good enoughs
The seekers
The libertines
The competent loners
The defeated
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Strategies for Divorced Adults
• Look at divorce as an opportunity for personal
growth.
• Think carefully about decisions you make.
• Focus more on the future than the past.
• Capitalize on your strengths and the resources
available to you.
• Do not expect to be successful and happy in
everything you do.
• Remember that you are never trapped by one
pathway.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Remarried Adults
• On average, divorced adults remarry within 4 years after
their divorce, with men doing so sooner.
• Regardless of their form and size, newly reconstituted
families face some unique tasks.
• Couples must define and strengthen their marriage while
at the same time renegotiate the parent-child
relationships (both biological and stepparent/child).
• Due to the difficulties, only one-third of stepfamily
couples stay married.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Lone Parent Adults
• Approximately 14.5% of Canadian families
are lone parent families
• Unmarried young teens
• Widows and widowers
• Divorced parents
• Unwed women in their mid- to late 30s
deciding to have a child on their own
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Gay and Lesbian Adults
• Research has shown gay and lesbian
relationships are similar to heterosexual
relationships in their satisfactions, loves, joys,
and conflicts.
• Lesbian couples especially place a high priority
on equality in their relationships.
• The order of frequency of conflict in gay and
lesbian relationships is: finances, driving style,
affection and sex, being overly critical, and
household tasks.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Gender, Relationships,
and Self-Development
Women’s
Development
Men’s
Development
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Women’s Development
• Women often try to interact with others in ways that will
foster the other person’s development along many
dimensions.
• Experts believe it is important for women to not only
maintain their competency in relationships but to be selfmotivated.
• Through increased self-determination, coupled with
relationship skills, many women will gain greater power
in the American culture.
• Competent relationships are believed to involve both a
separateness and an emotional connection.
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.
Men’s Development
• According to Joseph Pleck’s role-strain view, male roles
are contradictory and inconsistent.
• Men not only experience stress when they violate men’s
roles, they are harmed when they follow them.
• To reconstruct their masculinity, Ron Levant believes
every man should:
– reexamine his beliefs about manhood
– separate out the valuable aspects of the male role
– eliminate the destructive parts of the masculine role
©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.