Interpersonal
Relationships
Increasing Interpersonal Success
Through Self-Awareness
Avril Z Daley
Helen Stills Professional Development Day
Montego Bay
2008
Overview
• Understand of the nature of relationships.
• Understand how strong interpersonal skills will
magnify your personal power
• Explore your interpersonal behaviours
• Analyze various communication styles and
recognizing your own
• Provide strategies for effectively interacting with
communication styles different from yours
• Build skills in conflict prevention and
management, and
• Consider behavioural standards that guide
relationships
Ms. Jones
• Ms. Jones and Ms. James are Science teachers in a
High School. Ms. James would leave most of the
departmental duties for Ms Jones to perform. Ms. James
usually criticize her teaching style and her ideas in the
departmental meetings. Ms. Jones & Ms. James have
been in charge of the entry for the National Science Fair
for the past 3 years. Ms Jones receives no help from
Ms. James and very limited help from the other science
teachers. When the school won the award last year for
most outstanding amateur alternative heating source,
Ms. James, took all the accolades without
acknowledging Ms Jones’ hard work. Ms. James is now
head of the Science Department and she is now even
more critical and insulting. Ms Jones felt slighted as she
is the one who has done most of the work in the
Department for the past 5 years. Ms Jones should…
• Dealing with interpersonal relationships is
a complex subject
• The interpersonal relationships between
students and teachers, teachers and other
teachers, teachers and administrators,
school staff personnel, parents, and
community members are vital for creating
a positive successful learning environment
for all students.
• The duty of school administrators is to identify,
encourage, and maintain behaviours that are associated
with the modeling and nurturing of interpersonal
relationships that encourage student and teacher
success.
• They also have the obligation to identify, address, and
change negative behaviours that inhibit positive student
progress.
• Your ability, as a campus leader to weaken and eliminate
negativity while nurturing and feeding the positive
aspects of interpersonal relationships, requires that you
have the knowledge and ability to plan for and implement
the intentional expectation of accentuating the positive
for the good of all teachers and students.
• No matter how hard you work or how many
brilliant ideas you may have, if you can’t connect
with the people who work around you, your
professional life will suffer.
•Team work is
crucial!
TEAM
• Research indicates skills essential for
effective teamwork are:
• communicating and relating effectively,
• empathy and respect for the feelings and
views of others,
• accurate self-evaluation of performance
and relationships, and
• conflict management using active listening
skills and empathy.
What is Interpersonal
Relationship (IR)?
Interpersonal Relationships
affiliations
social associations
between two or more people
connections
• Interpersonal Relationships vary in
differing levels of intimacy and sharing,
implying the discovery or establishment of
common ground, and may be centered
around something(s) shared in common.
• We define types of interpersonal
relationships in terms of relational contexts
of interaction and the types of
expectations that communicators have of
one another to participate in positive,
caring, and respectful relationships.
Six success elements in
Relationships
•
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
•
It takes a combination of
Self-awareness,
Self confidence,
Positive personal impact,
Outstanding performance,
Communication skills and
Interpersonal competence
to succeed in your career and life.
Self-awareness
• Becoming self-aware is the first step to improving our
interpersonal effectiveness.
• Most of our behaviours are natural for us.
• We aren't aware of the impact these behaviours have on
others. That leaves us with "blind spots" that others
don't want to mention to us because they don't want to
hurt our feelings, they are afraid of a reaction from us, or
they just don't care.
• Through self-awareness we learn what impact our
behaviours - both positive and negative - have on
others. That knowledge helps us become more effective
in our interactions with others.
• Once we become self-aware we can
examine and change behaviours that need
changing. The option is our own. So are
the consequences. When we choose to
seek ways to modify our undesirable
behaviours we begin the process of selfregulation. This is a conscious process
through which we may ask for input from
our family, trusted coworkers or friends, or
a professional therapist.
Self-Confidence
• SELF-CONFIDENCE:
Sureness about one’s
self-worth and
capabilities
Positive Personal Impact
• Do you know how other peoples see you? When you
leave a meeting or end a conversation, what impression
do you leave behind? What picture do other people have
of you? How do you think they perceive you?
• We impact on others through our opinions, the amount
we contribute, the sound of our voice, the effect of our
silence, the expressions we use.
• Personal impact is about other things apart from your
looks of course. Improving your posture, knowing how to
shake hands properly, having good manners, not
fidgeting and controlling your nerves in meetings, looking
friendly and confident.
Outstanding performance
• What ever you
do it to the best
of your ability.
• “DO it with thy
MIGHT!”
(MICO’s Motto)
Communication skills
• Interpersonal communication can mean
the ability to relate to people in written as
well as verbal communication. This type
of communication can occur in both a oneon-one and a group setting. This also
means being able to handle different
people in different situations, and making
people feel at ease.
Communication skills
• active listening,
• giving and receiving criticism,
• dealing with different personality types,
and
• nonverbal communication.
3-Factor Model of interpersonal
competence
• Interpersonally competent people:
1. are self aware. They use this awareness
to better understand others and to adapt
their behaviour accordingly.
2. build and nurture strong, lasting, mutually
beneficial relationships.
3. resolve conflict in a positive manner.
(Bilanich)
What are Interpersonal Skills?
• A set of behaviours which allow you to
communicate effectively and
unambiguously in a face-to- face setting
• They can also be thought of as behaviours
which assist progress towards achieving
an objective
• Interpersonal relationship skills help us
to relate in positive ways with our family
members, colleagues and others. This
may mean being able to make and keep
friendly relationships as well as being able
to end relationships constructively
Six interpersonal skills
•
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
There are just six interpersonal skills which
form a process that is applicable to all
situations:
Analyzing the situation
Establishing a realistic objective
Selecting appropriate ways of behaving
Controlling your behaviour
Shaping other people's behaviour
Monitoring our own and others' behaviour
Applicability of Interpersonal
Skills
• Analyzing the situation helps us to set realistic
objectives
• Establishing objectives, in turn, provides the
context in which to make choices about how
best to behave
• By being conscious of our own behaviour in
working towards the achievement of objectives
we are more likely to influence other people’s
behaviour
• Constant monitoring will provide the feedback
we need to make situation-dependent
adjustments
• Good interpersonal skills
• Interpersonal competence
Five dimensions of interpersonal
competence
• 1. Initiating relationships.
2. Self-disclosure.
3. Providing emotional support.
4. Asserting displeasure with others'
actions.*
5. Managing interpersonal conflicts.*
Interpersonal Communications
• Most people want to be understood and accepted more
than anything else in the world.
• Knowing this is the first step toward good
communication. Good communication has two basic
components:
1. You listen to and acknowledge other people's thoughts
and feelings: Rather than showing that you only care
about broadcasting your feelings and insisting that
others agree with you, you encourage others to express
what they are thinking and feeling. You listen and try to
understand.
2. You express your own thoughts and feelings openly and
directly: If you only listen to what other people are
thinking or feeling and you don't express your own
thoughts or feelings, you end up feeling shortchanged or
"dumped on."
Communication Styles
• There are four styles of communication:
–
–
–
–
passive
aggressive
passive-aggressive
assertive
• Passive communication involves the inability or
unwillingness to express thoughts and feelings. Passive
people will do something they don't want to do or make
up an excuse rather than say how they feel.
• The aggressive style of communication involves
overreaction, blaming and criticizing. Aggressive people
try to get their way through bullying, intimidating or even
physical violence. They do not or will not consider the
rights of others.
• Passive-aggressive is a combination of the first
two styles - they avoid confrontations (passive),
but will be manipulative to get what they want
(aggressive). Passive-aggressive people will
sometimes use facial expressions that don't
match how they feel, i.e. smiling when angry.
• Assertive behaviour involves standing up for
oneself. Assertive people will say what they think
and stand up for their beliefs without hurting
others.
Assertiveness vs Aggressiveness
• Assertiveness, or confrontation, means taking
the initiative or first steps to deal with a problem
in a constructive, self-protective manner.
Assertiveness attacks the problem, not the
person.
• Aggressiveness attacks the other person rather
than the problem. It is a destructive desire to
dominate another person or to force a position
or viewpoint on another person; it starts fights or
quarrels.
Coping with some communication
differences
• Aggressive Communicator: Get to the
point right away. Speak directly and
clearly. Since aggressive types can be
brutally honest and sometimes
inconsiderate, it is important to take what
they say with a grain of salt. Usually their
criticism and confrontational matter isn't
meant to be taken personally.
• Passive Communicator: It can be
particularly frustrating to talk to a passive
communicator because they may seem to
not have any opinion of their own. Though
it may be frustrating, avoid being pushy or
confrontational. Passive communicators
just need time to feel comfortable with
others.
• Passive-Aggressive Communicator: Just as
passive-aggressive communicators are a
combination of two styles, an approach to them
must be a combination as well. Recognize that
talking to them might be frustrating like with the
passive communicator (since they avoid
conflict), but it also important to not take
anything they say or do personally (like with the
aggressive types), because it may conflict with
what they say.
• Many causes of conflict arise due to
miscommunication.
• Once you understand your own
communication style pitfalls, you can
correct them and communicate more
effectively.
• Remember “Aggression breeds
Aggression”!
What is Conflict?
• Conflict occurs in situations in which there is
opposition. Opposition occurs when a solution
cannot be found in a disagreement.
• Conflict is a disagreement through which the
parties involved perceive a threat to their needs,
well-being, interests or concerns.
• Perceive a threat can be physical, emotional,
power, status, intellectual, etc.
• Conflict is healthy and a normal part of any
human relationship.
Conflict Resolution
• Conflict resolution involves identifying
areas of agreement and areas of
compromise so that a solution to the
disagreement or conflict occurs.
How do I
handle/prevent/reduce
conflicts?
There are five methods to handle
conflict:
•
•
•
•
•
Running away
Being obliging to the other party
Defeating the other party
Winning a little/ losing a little
Co-operating
Resolving conflict is an art of
communication
Use interpersonal
communication skills
Interpersonal Communication skills
• I-statements help you express the way you feel and
what you want with great clarity. Sometimes people use
"you" statements, such as "You never collect the
registers on time and then we have to leave school late
in the evenings waiting on you!" This type of statement
can make others feel angry and defensive immediately.
When you use I-statements, such as, "I really need to
get the registers before 1:00pm so that I can complete
the attendance sheet so that I can leave school at
dismissal time." you express your the concern in terms of
you.
• A respectful tone of voice conveys that you are taking
others seriously and that you also expect to be taken
seriously. In addition, people with good communication
skills are assertive without being aggressive or
manipulative.
Interpersonal Communication skills
• Eye contact is vital for good communication. For
example, how would you feel if the person you were
talking to kept looking around the corridor or out the
window?
• Appropriate body language encourages conversation.
Nodding your head, smiling, laughing, using words such
as "uh-huh" and "yeah" and asking questions at
appropriate times assure the person that you are really
listening.
• Clear, organized ideas help you accurately and
honestly describe your feelings and contribute to
conversations and to decisions that need to be made.
Good communicators are also specific. For example, a
good communicator would say, "I need to use the
computer from 7-9," as opposed to "I'll need the
computer today."
Tips for resolving conflicts
• Make sure that you remain calm at all times.
• Speak with a non-provoking tone of voice; quietly, slowly,
and calmly.
• Listen to the other person carefully without interrupting
them.
• Respect the other person when voicing your own opinion
or point of view.
• Let the other person know that you understand them fully
by asking questions pertaining to his or her
understanding and repeating what the person is saying.
• Use humour if possible.
Tips for resolving conflicts
• Try placing yourself in the other person's shoes.
• Try not to be judgmental. Do not do anything to
embarrass the other person. Do not accuse the other
person of anything. Also, do not punish or scold them.
• Do not stand close to them. Stand a few feet away from
them.
• Make sure that your posture, body language, and tone of
voice is non-threatening.
• Do not talk with the other person in front of a group of
people. Go into an office or some other place to discuss
the situation. (Caution: Do not go into place that will
prevent you from receiving help if you need it.)
Tips for resolving conflicts
• Make sure that what you say is simple, clear and direct.
• Do not take anything the other person says personally
when he or she is angry, because they probably do not
mean it.
• Make sure that you are not alone just in case the other
person becomes very hostile.
• If you are having a heated argument with another
person, save your feelings and opinions for another time
and place.
• Do not rush.
• Let the other person know that you do not want to fight,
but that you want to resolve the situation in a friendly
manner.
• Make sure that you apologize for anything you may have
said or done to offend them
• Jamaican schools need teachers who can
participate as a member of a team, teach
others new skills, serve students, exercise
leadership, negotiate, and work with
diversity.
• These skills have been linked with higher
productivity, product quality, and increased
quality of work life.
Remember Ms Jones!
• She should use interpersonal communications
skills and show her interpersonal competence!
• Ms. James should receive interpersonal
relationship building skills!
TEACHERS
• Become aware of your communication
style
• Improve your Interpersonal competence
• Reduced conflict in the workplace
• Increase productivity!
• Thank-You!