Relationship Choices
Developing effective interpersonal skills that demonstrate
responsibility, respect and caring in order to
establish and maintain healthy interactions.
Today we will…
• analyze how thinking patterns influence feelings; for example:
positive thinking, all or nothing thinking, overgeneralization,
perfectionism.
• analyze the need for short-term and long-term support for
emotional concerns; e.g., family, friends, schools,
professionals.
Thinking Patterns
• What are thinking patterns?
• Do we have positive thinking patterns? Negative?
Let’s think…
What would you say to yourself in these situations:
•
•
•
•
•
•
Winning a race
Losing something
Achieving a goal
Falling out with a friend
Not doing well on a test
Doing well on a test
Always think positive…
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=An2OaIbPSII
Positive Thinking
• What does positive thinking mean?
Positive Thinking
• Thinking about things that are beneficial, whether it is
thoughts, images, words, etc.
• Affects how you feel and act
• What are some examples of positive thinking?
All or Nothing Thinking
• What does all or nothing thinking mean?
All or Nothing Thinking
•
•
•
•
•
Thinking in extremes; you are either a success or failure
Causes anxiety, depression, anger
Fight or flight response; make a snap decision, no maybes.
Can be both good and bad
Often an irrational and exaggerated response
• Can you think of an example of this type of thinking?
Overgeneralization
• What does overgeneralization mean?
Overgeneralization
• Taking an isolated thought/event and broadly generalizing
about it.
• A thinking pattern where one failure is viewed as one more
example of a pattern of defeat. Problematic thought process.
Perfectionism
• What is perfectionism?
Perfectionism
• A personality trait in which you strive for flawlessness and
setting excessively high performance standards
Negative Thinking
• What is negative thinking?
Negative Thinking
• Thought process where you tend to find the worst in
everything, or lower your expectations by considering the
worst possible scenario
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-qJ8fu0rrI
• value kindness in their peers and express appreciation for acts
of kindness
• practice kindness in their peer relationships
• practice kindness in their relationships with mentors and
significant adults
• recognize that it’s okay when things don’t go their way
• recognize the positives in their circumstances
• share their dreams and passions with parents, trusted adults
and friends
• pursue an interest that both challenges and provides a sense
of accomplishment
• (develop a hobby, learn to play a musical instrument, get
involved in orienteering)
• participate in activities that provide assistance to others
• seek out individuals who exhibit hopeful behaviours and
positive attitudes.
Journal Time
• Use one of the following sentence starters to write a
paragraph about what we have talked about:
• “I control my own thoughts by …”
• − “To think positive, I say to myself …”
• − “Positive thinking helps me …”
• − “Negative thinking gets in the way of …”
• − “To overcome negative thinking I need to …”
• Don’t just finish the sentence. Tell me how positive thinking
helps you, apply what we have talked about today to your life.
What can you improve on? How do you feel when you think
positive/negative?
Today we will…
analyze the need for short-term and long-term support for
emotional concerns; e.g., family, friends, schools, professionals.
When We Need Support
• What is an example of a time when we might need support
during a difficult time?
• Who can we turn to in situations like that?
• Who have you been able to turn to in difficult situations?
Local Sources of Support
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Parents
Siblings
Aunts/Uncles
Cousins
Family friends
Friends
Mentor
Other Sources of Support
• School
• STAY officer (School Team Advisors for Youth)
• Community personnel (psychologist, counselor)
Psychologist
• Professional who evaluates and studies behavior and mental
processes
So How Can You Get Support?
• What are steps you can take to get the support that you need?
• Is is always easy to ask for help and tell people how you feel?
Not Getting Support
• Is is a good thing to keep everything bottled up?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtwaTKiOm0A
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VgXYFnwguj8
Long Term Support
• When would be a situation where we would need long term
support?
Short Term Support
• When would be a time when we need short term support?
Asking for Help
• What can you say when you need to ask for help?
• What can you say to someone who tells you they are going
through something difficult?
• What can you do if you don’t know what to say?
What if…
• You just moved to a new city, and are finding it really difficult
to keep up in school and make friends
What if…
• Someone close to you passed away, what can you do?
What if…
• You have trouble keeping up at school and aren’t doing well in
a few subjects
What if…
• Your family is going through a difficult time, and you are
feeling very sad all the time
What if…
• You and your friends are fighting, and they decide they don’t
want to be friends with you
Stress
• Stress is the body’s response to anything that makes us feel
threatened or pressured. It is caused by any kind of demand to
which we must adapt, adjust, or respond. It is the body’s
automatic way of reacting to changes, challenges, and
demands placed on us.
• Based on this definition, has anyone experienced stress?
Stress in Relationships
• What can cause stress in relationships?
Causes of stress
• There are lots of things that can cause stress in our lives, and
two major ones are change and loss.
• Our reactions to these things can change from person to
person, and can vary for many reasons.
• Finding ways to cope and adjust to change and loss is very
important for adolescents
Dealing with Stress
Sometimes dealing with stressors like death may be reacting in
ways such as:
• Unexpected emotional intensity and confusion
• Avoid the reality of it with denial and withdrawal
• May turn to a group of friends for support
• Stress in relationships is a universal experience. Understanding
your own experience and learning healthy ways to cope with
stress is important. This allows growth and development of
self and proper stress management.
Behavior Signs of Grief
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
• irritability
• fatigue, lack of energy
• absent-mindedness, inability to concentrate
• sleep disturbances, inability to sleep or early morning
awakenings, dreams about deceased
• poor appetite or overeating
• lack of interest in other activities, lack of friends
• social withdrawal from others
• low energy or fatigue
• depression
• inability to make decisions
• crying, sometimes uncontrollably
• little or no emotion or reaction
• makes jokes or continues normal play as a distraction
• overreaction to minor issues
Emotional Signs
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
shock and numbness
• mood swings
• irritability
• depression and loneliness
• anger, often masked or misdirected
• guilt, especially in children who feel they may have caused
or contributed to the death
• anxiety
• poor concentration
• poor memory
• feelings of powerlessness
• low feelings of self-worth
• relief, if illness leading to death was painful or lengthy
• feelings of guilt and shame
• feelings of hopelessness
Physical Signs
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Physical signs
• weight gain or loss
• tension headaches
• back pain
• digestive upsets
• dizziness
• tightness in chest
• oversensitivity to noise
• irregular heartbeat, palpitations
• tightness in throat
• rashes
• weakness in muscles
• frequent colds.
• Draw an outline of a plant; include leaves, stem, roots and the
flower
• Then, draw weeds around the plant
• Express how you feel about a certain loss in your life by
answering these questions beside each part of the plant:
• Roots. Who has anchored me in the past? How have my
previous experiences helped
• me learn about loss?
• Weeds. What is holding me back or clouding my view?
• Stem. What supports me?
• Leaves. What are my sources of nourishment?
• Flower. When I accept this loss, how will I change or grow?