“7 Deadly Habits of Speaking”-- Julian Treasure
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
Gossip—speaking ill of others.
Judging
Negativity
Complaining—viral misery
Excuses—blame throwers
Exaggeration—“awesome” extreme words make it harder to find appropriate words to describe
an extreme situation. It also cam become lying, embroidering
7. Dogmatism—confusion of facts with opinion; my way or the highway
HAIL—to greet or acclaim enthusiastically
Honesty-be clear and straight
Authenticity—standing in your own truth
Integrity—be your word
Love—wishing them well; it is hard to judge if you wish someone well
It is WHAT YOU SAY AND THE WAY YOU SAY IT
SPEAKER’S TOOLBOX
 Register- falsetto, in between, chest
 Timbre- pronounced tamber, richness, warmth
 Prosody- meta language, sing song, not monotone, questioning all the time makes it hard to
listen to
 Pace-rate; can be used for emphasis
 Pitch-vary your pitch for emphasis
 Volume- don’t be bombastic; it is rude
WARM UPS
 Arms up…sigh out
 Bah, bah, bah, bah
 Brrrrrrrrrrrr
 La, la, la, la
 Roll tongue
 Weeeeeeeeee up and down in pitch
We usually have a situation where people speak, no one is listening, and it is in a bad environment
We need to have powerful speech where people are listening in a good environment
In this kind of world people could create, receive, in well-designed environments
Communication is how we create and exchange messages with others.
Types of interpersonal communication:
Linear: Message flows in one direction from a sender to a receiver.
In all interpersonal communication models, there is always noise; meaning factors that can impede the
message from being received.
Interactive: There is a sender and receiver, but there are two additional factors influencing the
transmission—feedback (verbal and nonverbal) and fields of experience. If field of experience is similar
the ease of understanding is better.
Transactional: communication is fundamentally multidirectional.
The messages are exchanged through channels, jointly creating meaning.
Each person equally influences the conversation.
There is no perceived sender or receiver.
Most interpersonal communication is transactional
Impacts our relationships. It changes thoughts, behaviors, emotions, and relationships.
Communication relationships
I-thou
competent communication
welcoming
respectful
I-it
Focuses on personal differences
Refuses to accept the other’s opinions as valid
Creates a distance
Views the other as an object to exploit
Becomes disrespectful and manipulative as it worsens, and relationship deteriorates
Interpersonal Communication:
Conveys:
Content information-actual meaning of the words
Relationship information- indicates how each person views the relationship
This can create problems when perception of sender in situation is different from the receiver.
How can we assure we are not sending a different message than intended?
Metacommunication:
Communication about how we communicate
It is any message that includes information, both verbal and non-verbal, that is centrally focused on the
meaning of the communication.
It is about how the information is perceived.
Interpersonal Communication can be:
Intentional
Unintentional
People tend to attach meaning to nearly everything you say and do.
It is impossible to not communicate.
Is irreversible:
Even how you answer your phone effects the rest of the conversation and can change the relationship.
Once it is said, you cannot take it backFacebook posts
Texts
Voicemails
Instagram
Spoken thoughts
Think before you communicate!
Is dynamic
When you interact with others, your communication and all that influences it (perceptions, thoughts,
feelings, and emotions) is constantly in flux.
The complex combination of perceptions, thoughts, moods, and emotions that fuel communication
choices is constantly changing. For instance, you are overjoyed to see someone and then a few minutes
later, you have nothing to say to each other.
Helen Keller
Became blind and deaf at 19 months old
When she couldn’t hear, she stopped trying to talk
Felt isolated and frustrated. She said she became a phantom. That phantom threw temper tantrums and
even punched her teacher in the mouth.
She learned sign language and began to feel a sense of returning thought
It is a profound human need to communicate
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs:
How does interpersonal communication assist people in pursuing higher needs?
Three types of goals it helps us meet:
Self presentation goals-helps you to determine how you are perceived
Instrumental goals-practical aims you want to achieve or tasks you want to accomplish through a
particular interpersonal encounter
Relationship goals-building, maintaining, or terminating bonds with others
Interpersonal Competence is:
Constantly communicating in ways that are appropriate
Following accepted norms
Effective
Enables speaker to achieve goals
Ethical
Treats people fairly
Knowing what it means is the first step in developing interpersonal communication competence. The
second step is to TRANSLATE THE KNOWLEDGE INTO COMMUNICATION SKILLS
Repeatable
Goal directed
Routinely practiced
BUT…
YOU HAVE TO BE MOTIVATED TO IMPROVE!
Appropriateness:
It matches the:
Situation
Relationship
Cultural
Expectations of how people should communicate.
Self Monitoring
Checking our own communication against the social norms
Overemphasizing appropriateness can cause loss of freedom to express because of peer pressure or fear
of people thinking you are negative.
Effectiveness:
Able, through communication, to accomplish
interpersonal goals:
self presentational
instrumental
relational
Example of trade off:
You want to go to the movies (instrumental) but your friend needs your emotional support (relational).
Do you say “I’ll call you after the movie”? Or do you say, “I’ll see the movie another time—tonight Ill
hang out with you”?
Which choice is more competent?
Ethics:
The set of moral principles that govern our behavior toward others.
At a minimum, we are ethically obligated to avoid intentionally hurting others through our
communication.
Meaning:
If it hurts another person’s self esteem
Expresses intolerance or hatred
Intimidates or threatens another’s physical well-being
Expresses violence
All of the above are incompetent.
To be truly ethical:
Go beyond simply not doing harm.
Strive to treat others with:
Respect
Honesty
Kindness
Positivity
It is easy to be competent when the situation is easy and demands little of us
BUT..
When we can consistently communicate competently across all situations we face; i.e. uncertain,
complex, unpleasant—
Only then are we truly competent communicators.
Online communication competence:
Email
Text
Instant messaging
Social media posting
Tons of benefits from these mediums.
Meet people
Maintain relationships especially with distant people
Sense of community
Because we use it so often ALL THE MORE REASON WE NEED TO BUILD ONLINE COMMUNICATION
COMPETENCE!
Match the gravity of the message with the right communication medium.
Example: text messaging a friend to invite for dinner rather than show up at their job
It’s quicker and less disruptive
Emailing is better for dealing with certain types of conflict
more time to frame your words, unlike face-to-face
Online is not good for giving lengthy discussions, personal problems, or weighty relationship decisions
Important news should be shared in person
Don’t assume online is more efficient
Matters of relationship issues or strongly emotional are handled more ethically in person or over the
phone
Even deciding where to meet for lunch can be faster over the phone than by text
Always assume your posts are public
Don’t post anything that although funny, may hurt someone else. This stuff can go viral so easily
Even privacy settings won’t stop the person you sent to from forwarding.
Don’t assume online is more efficient
Matters of relationship issues or strongly emotional are handled more ethically in person or over the
phone
Even deciding where to meet for lunch can be faster over the phone than by text
Always assume your posts are public
Don’t post anything that although funny, may hurt someone else. This stuff can go viral so easily
Even privacy settings won’t stop the person you sent to from forwarding