Beginning Your Rough Draft
Start With An Important Observation
Don't start in the general. Put your most surprising or
important observation into you opening.
•General
The human brain is a complex and amazing organ.
•Better
Seeing stars, it dreams of eternity. Hearing birds, it makes
music. Smelling flowers, it is enraptured. Touching tools, it
transforms the earth. But
deprived of these sensory experiences, the human brain
withers and dies. (Inside the Brain --- Ronald Kotulak)
Put your connection with the subject in the lead.
Why are you attracted to the subject? Do you have a personal
reason for writing about this subject? What specific memories of
the subject come to mind?
• General
The problem of longitude was one of the greatest scientific
challenges of its day.
• Better
Once on a Wednesday excursion when I was a little girl, my
father bought me a beaded wire ball that I loved. At a touch, I
could collapse the toy into a flat coil between my palms, or
pop it open to make a hollow sphere. Rounded out it
resembled a tiny Earth, because its hinged wires traced the
same pattern intersecting circles that I had seen on the globe
in my school room -- the thin black lines of latitude and
longitude. (Longitude --- Dava Sobel)
Flaunt your favorite bit of research in the lead.
Start with the facts that made you smile, laugh, go
"ahaaa" or just plain grossed you out.
• General
Did you ever wonder why God created flies?
• Better
Though we've been killing them for years now, I have
never tested the folklore that with a little cream and
sugar, flies taste very much like black raspberries.
Start With A Bold or Challenging Statement.
It is meant to cause some people to disagree with
what you say, like one side of an argument.
• Example: Using horses and cattle in the sport of
rodeo is animal abuse. What makes it more
aggravating is that it is legal. According to the law,
there is nothing wrong with chasing an animal down,
tightening a rope around its neck, knocking it to the
ground, and tying its legs together so it cannot move.
Use a quotation.
Quote a famous saying that is directly related to
your topic.
• Example: President John F. Kennedy once said, "Ask
not what your country can do for you, ask what you
can do for your country." I think today's Americans
have forgotten Kennedy's message. We expect our
country to take care of us, but we are not taking care
of our country.
Start with a strongly stated question your
readers might have.
In some ways all writing is about trying to answer our best
questions. A strong question is one we all want to know the
answer to.
• Weakly-stated
In this paper I will attempt to answer the question
why history is important.
• Better
What's the point of studying history? Who cares
what happened long ago? After all, aren't the people
in history books dead?
Introduction Paragraph
• Conclude with your Thesis
The thesis statement is expressed in one sentence
and covers the scope of the paper.
A thesis statement is an assertion, not a statement
of fact or an observation.
– Fact or observation – Martin Luther King was a civil
right activist.
– Thesis – Martin Luther King’s experiences with racism
and inequality helped to create one of the greatest
civil rights leaders in United States history whose
ideals embodied the American Dream.
Introduction Paragraph
• Conclude with your Thesis
A thesis is the main idea, not the title. It must be a
complete sentence that explains in some detail
what you expect to write about.
– Title – Life of Lucille Ball
– Thesis – Lucille Ball’s influence as one of the first
female comedians extends beyond the time period in
which she lived, creating an American icon who other
female performers tried to emulate.
Introduction Paragraph
• Conclude with your Thesis
A thesis statement is narrow, rather than
broad. If the thesis statement is
sufficiently narrow, it can be fully
supported.
– Broad – Elvis Presley lead an interesting life.
– Narrow – Elvis Presley created an American
legacy as well as much controversy through
his legendary music that pushed the
boundaries of his time.
Introduction Paragraph
• Conclude with your Thesis
A thesis statement is specific rather than
vague or general.
– Vague – Hemingway’s war stories were very
good.
– Specific – Hemingway’s stories helped create
a new prose style by employing extensive
dialogue and strong Anglo-Saxon words
which developed him into one of the greatest
American writers of his time.
Introduction Paragraph
• Conclude with your Thesis
YOU CAN REVISE YOUR THESIS
STATEMENT WHENEVER YOU WANT TO
WHILE YOU ARE WRITING YOUR PAPER.
WRITERS OFTEN DISCOVER WHAT THEIR
REAL PURPOSE AND POINT IS IN THE
PROCESS OF PUTTING THEIR THOUGHTS
INTO WORDS AND READING WHAT THEY
HAVE WRITTEN!
Introduction Paragraph
• Conclude with your Thesis
DO NOT use the word “thesis” in your thesis
statement. For example: The thesis of this
paper is the life and fame of Michael
Jordan and how he achieved the American
Dream.
Introduction Paragraph
• Conclude with your thesis
– Make sure you mention all three areas of
research – biography, fame, American Dream
By combining his boyhood experiences with his
trademark sense of humor and unique writing
style, Twain was able to achieve the American
Dream by writing novels that were not only
successful and well-received during his
lifetime, but have remained popular in
subsequent generations.
Topic Sentences
• Begin each body paragraph with a topic
sentence that conveys the main idea of
the paragraph.
Example: Biography
From growing up on the Mississippi
River to his adventures in the Western
frontier, Twain was able to use his life’s
experiences as a basis for many of his
famous works.
American Dream Paragraph
• In this paragraph, you will have to draw
conclusions from your research to prove
whether or not your person accomplished
the American Dream.
• You can use a variation of the 8.2
paragraph to help you with this – the 9.2
paragraph.
9.2 Paragraph
The 9 means there will be a total of NINE
sentences in the paragraph.
The .2 means that of those 9 sentences,
TWO direct quotes.
Here is the breakdown of the entire formula:
1. Topic sentence introducing subject for first
body paragraph
2. A sentence that gives your definition of the
American Dream
9.2 Paragraph
3. A direct quotation from the reading that
supports (or serves as evidence to) your
answer in sentence one.
4 & 5. Sentences three and four are
commentary sentences. Commentary is
when you make a comment about the
quote, clearly explaining to your reader why
you selected this quote. It should explain
what is significant about the quote and how
it connects to your answer in sentence one.
You need to have two commentary
sentences following a quote.
9.2 Paragraph
6.
A second direct quote that supports (or serves as
evidence to) your answer in sentence one.
7 & 8. Sentences seven and eight are commentary
sentences. Commentary is when you make a
comment about the quote, clearly explaining to your
reader why you selected this quote. It should explain
what is significant about the quote and how it connects
to your answer in sentence one. You need to have two
commentary sentences following a quote.
9. This is your concluding sentence. This is the place
where you “wrap it up,” or restate your answer in
sentence one in such a way as to emphasize your
point.
Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis did accomplish the American Dream.
While she went through hardships and difficulties throughout her life, the
American Dream does not promise an easy road. In fact, the American Dream
many times represents achieving success despite the circumstances which
occur in life. When Onassis became the first lady of The United States of
America, “her beauty and understated elegance captivated the public and
captured the spirit of change that was taking place in the nation” (Gerston 54).
The ability to emulate change, progress and forward – thinking is part of the
essence of the American Dream. She seemed to embody that “extraordinary
change” her husband’s presidency represented (Gerston 54). Jacqueline
Kennedy became one of the most popular first ladies even though she had
only a short time in the White House (Caroli). Her ability to push beyond the
tragedies she endured, specifically the assassination of her husband,
“enshrined [her] in the world’s heart in November 1963 when she led the
nation in mourning with quiet dignity and courage” (Gerston 54). Many felt that
“she was equal to the demands of her fame, or that she had earned icon
status through unusual composure” (Koestenbaum). Jacqueline became an
American icon, and through this achievement, “left a distinct mark on the job”
(Caroli). She tied the name “Camelot” to her husband’s administration, but
essentially, it seemed to encapsulate her quintessence as well (Caroli). Based
on the indelible impression she left on America, there is no question that
Onassis lived, breathed and accomplished the American Dream.