“Are Men and Women
from Different Planets”
What is woman’s #1
complaint about men???
Who has ever said “Men are so
dense and clueless
– I don’t understand them?”
Who has ever heard a Man say
– “Women – can’t live with them
– can’t live without them?”
Nicknames

If Laura, Suzanne, Debra, and Rose
go out to lunch, the will call each other
Laura, Suzanne, Debra, and Rose.

But if Mike, Charlie, Bob, and John go
out, they will affectionately refer to
each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla,
Peanut-head, and Useless
Eating Out

When the bill arrives Mike, Charlie,
Bob, and John will each throw in $20,
even though the bill is only for $22.50.


None of them will have anything
smaller and none will actually admit
they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come
pocket calculators.
Money

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he
wants

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item she
does not want
Bathrooms

A man has 6 items in his bathroom: a
toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving
cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a
towel from the Holiday Inn.

The average number if items in a
typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A
man would not be able to identify
most of those items.
Arguments

A woman has the last word in any
argument.

Anything a man says after that is the
beginning of a new argument.
Dressing Up

A woman will dress up to go shopping,
to water the plants, to empty the
garbage, to answer the phone, to read
a book, or to get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and
funerals.
Dealing with Anger and
Emotions

Men will deal with stress by punching
inanimate objects such as a door or
steering wheel and blame clubs, bats,
bowling balls etc. for poor performance.

Women will make sniffling noises and sigh
heavily or they will clamp hands over their
face and weep. When questioned, they
keep saying, “Oh nothing” over and over.
Time needed to get ready
for an event

If a Man needs to be ready by 6pm to go
out to dinner – he will typically start to get
ready at 5:55pm and will be ready by 6pm.

If a woman needs to be ready by 6pm it
doesn’t matter if she starts getting ready at
3pm, 4pm or 5pm –she will still probably be
20 minutes late due to not liking the way her
hair turned out or not liking her outfit and
thus changing outfits 100 times.
Offspring

Ah – Children. A woman knows all
about her children. She knows about
dentist appts, romances the children
have, best friends, favorite foods,
secret fears, hopes and dreams of her
kids.

A man is vaguely aware of some short
people living in the home.
If you are a woman, you
usually think…

“What is wrong with men – why don’t they
think like me, act like me and understand
me- Men are so dense – they need to clue
in!”

What a woman means:
 “Women have it right and men have it
wrong – so if men would just become
more like us and think and communicate
like me – then there would be no
problems”
If you are a man, you are
usually thinking…..

Men usually think –
 “Men have it right and women have
it all wrong. So if women would just
think like us and be like us then
there would be no problems
communicating”
Why it’s great to be a male facts
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
We know stuff about tanks
A 5 day trip requires only one suitcase
We can open all our own jars
We can go to the bathroom without a
support group
We can kill our own food and eat it hours
later
If someone forgets to invite us to
something they can still be our friend
7.
8.
9.
7.
8.
Everything on our face stays its original
color
Three pairs of shoes are more than
enough… maybe too many
We can sit quietly and watch a game with
a friend for hours without thinking,
– “He must be mad at me.”
We can drop by and see a friend without
having to bring a little gift
If another guy shows up at a party in the
same outfit, we just might become lifelong
friends
12.
13.
14.
15.
16.
17.
18.
Our pals will never trap us with: “So notice
anything different?”
WE are not expected to know the names of
more than 5 colors
We are totally unable to see wrinkles in our
clothes
The same hairstyle lasts for years – even
decades
A few belches are expected and tolerated
We can do our nails with a pocketknife
Christmas shopping can be accomplished
for 25 people on the day before Christmas
and in 45 minutes!
5 Different Ways We Are Different in Our
Communication

1st Reason

Why men and women seem to be
from different planets – is how men
and women think and process life
differently
The bottom line is –
That men think in one box
at a time and spend most of
their time doing that they are
best at - solving problems.
Women process life more like
a plate of pasta or like a
blackboard.
1st Reason: How men and women think
and process life differently

“Men think women think like men
think and women think men think like
women think”

Men process life like Waffles or like a
filing cabinet
5 Different Ways We Are Different
in Our Communication

2nd Reason:

Why men and women seem to be
from different planets – is that Men
tend to be Mr. Fix It and Women
tend to be Ms. Home Improvement
2nd Reason: Men tend to be Mr. Fix It
and Women tend to be Ms. Home
Improvement

The most frequently expressed
complaint Women have about men
is that Men don’t listen.

The most frequently expressed
complaint Men have about Women
is that Women are always trying to
change them.
What makes a Man “Tick” &
Makes him Mr. Fix It?

Men - Value power, competency, efficiency,
and achievement.

Their sense of self is defined through their
ability to achieve results and they feel
fulfilled primarily through success and
accomplishment.

The way a man feels good about himself is
by achieving goals and thus proving he is
competent.
Mock Conversation

Mary says, “There is so much to do; I don’t have any
time for myself”


Tom says, “You should drop a class and quit doing
so much for the sorority. You don’t have to work so
hard. Just slow down a little bit.”
She responds, “But I like my classes and all the
sorority stuff I do. Its just that the professors
surprise us so much with extra work each week and
they just expect me to change everything at a
moments notice.”

Tom says “Don’t put so much pressure on yourself.
Just do what you can do both in the classes and cut
back on sorority stuff”

Mary says – “I am! Oh my gosh!!!!


Mary says – “I can’t believe I completely forgot to call
my best friend from high school today!”


Tom says “What?””
Tom says – “Don’t worry about it, she will
understand.”
Mary says – “Do you know what she is going through
right now. She needs me”

Tom says “You worry too much, that’s why you’re so
unhappy”

Now Mary is getting angry, “I am not always unhappy.
Can’t you just listen to me”


Tom is frustrated now – “I am listening!”
Mary says – “Never mind!!! Why even bother”
What makes Women “tick”
Makes her Nature:
Miss Home Improvement

Women value love, communication, beauty
and relationships.

Their sense of self is defined through their
feelings and the quality of their
relationships.

Talking and relating to one another is a
source tremendous fulfillment for them
Brief examples of ways a woman might
unknowingly annoy a man by offering
advice or seemingly harmless criticism

“How can you think of buying that? You already
have one.”

“There’s a parking spot over there, turn the car
around”

“Don’t put that there. It will get lost”

“You forgot to bring it over to me again. Maybe
you could put it in a special place where you
can remember it.”

“You’re driving too fast. Slow down or you’ll get
a ticket”

“You’re shirt doesn’t match your pants”
Brief examples of ways a man might
mistakenly invalidate feelings or offer
unwanted solutions when the woman
was needing empathy and nurturing


“You shouldn’t worry so much.”
“It’s not such a big deal”

“OK – I am sorry. Now can we just forget it?”

“You shouldn’t feel hurt, that’s not what I
meant”

“How can you say that? Last week I
spent the whole day with you. We had
a great time”

“Of course I care about you. That’s
ridiculous”

“Would you get to the point?”
5 Different Ways We Are Different
in Our Communication

3rd Reason

Why men and women seem to come
from different planets – is that Men
are what I would call Mr. Caveman
and women are what I would call
Miss Chatty
3rd Reason: Men are what I would call
Mr. Caveman and women are what I
would call Miss Chatty

In stress men become increasingly focused and
withdrawn while women become increasingly
overwhelmed and emotionally involved.

A good sign that a man needs to go in his cave to
deal with a problem or stress is – when a woman
asks “what’s the matter” and she gets






“I’m OK”
“I’m fine”
“Its nothing”
“It’s all right” or “I’m all right”
“It’s no big deal”
“It’s no problem”
A woman will say –
“You don’t listen”

The man will usually say,
 “What do you mean I don’t listen. I can
tell you everything you just said.”

When a man is in the cave he can record
what she is saying with the 5% of the mind
that is listening. A Man reasons that if he is
listening with 5%, then he is listening.

However, what she is asking for is his full
undivided attention.
The woman could say –
“I feel like you are not even here”

The man will respond usually with

“What do you mean I’m not here? Of
course I am here. Don’t you see my
body!”

The man reasons his body is present so
she shouldn’t say he is not there.

However, though his body is present,
she doesn’t feel his full presence, and
that is what she means.

So Women –


When men go in their caves let them go and
don’t keep bothering them about “what is
going on? Are you ok?”
And Men –

Just listen to a woman talk – don’t feel the
need to solve it. – a man just needs to listen
and the woman will feel better.
5 Different Ways We Are Different
in Our Communication

4th Reason

Why men and women are from
different planets – is that they speak
different languages
4th Reason: They speak
different languages

Men think facts first and then feelings

Women think feelings first and then
facts
Complaints & Responses
1.
Woman says
•

Man responds
•
2.
“We never go out.”
“That’s not true. We went out last week
Woman says
•

“Everyone ignores me”
Man responds
•
“I’m sure some people notice you”
Man/Women Phrase Dictionary

The woman says “We never go out.” –
 Translated into woman means – “I feel like going out
and doing something together. We always have such
a fun time, and I love being with you. What do you
think? Would you take me out to dinner? Its been a
few days since we went out.”

Now Without this translation, what a Man may hear
when he hears “we never go out”
 Is “You’re not doing your job. – What a
disappointment you have turned out to be. We never
do anything together anymore because you are lazy,
unromantic, and just boring”

“Everyone ignores me.” –
 Translated into woman means – “Today I am feeling
ignored and unacknowledged. I feel as though nobody
sees me. Of course I am sure some people see me, but
they don’t seem to care about me. I suppose I am also
disappointed that you have been so busy lately. I am
starting to feel like your school work and fraternity stuff is
more important than me. I am afraid that I am not
important to you anymore. Would you give me a hug to
tell me how special I am to you?”

Without this translation, a Man may hear,
 “I am so unhappy. I just can’t get the attention I need.
Everything is completely hopeless. Even you don’t
notice me, and you are the person who is supposed to
love me. You should be ashamed. You are so unloving.
I would never ignore you this way.”

When a man says - “I’m OK” –


Translated into Man means – “I am ok, I can
deal with my upset. I don’t need any help,
thank you.”
Without this translation – when a woman
hears the man say “I’m OK” –

She thinks he really thinking, “I am not
willing to share with you my upset feelings. I
don’t not trust you to be there for me.”

When a man says - “It’s nothing” –


Translated into Man means – “Nothing is
bothering me that I can’t handle alone.
Please don’t ask me any more questions
about it. I can handle it myself.”
Without this translation a woman thinks he
means –

“I don’t know what is bothering me. I need
you to ask me questions to assist me in
discovering what is happening”
5 Different Ways We Are Different
in Our Communication

5th Reason:

That men and women seem to be
from different planets – is that men
and women have different
emotional needs
5th Reason: Men and Women
have different emotional needs

Women need to
receive:






Care
Understanding
Respect
Devotion
Validation
Reassurance

Men need to
receive:






Trust
Acceptance
Appreciation
Admiration
Approval
Encouragement
A common male/female
pattern in an argument:

A woman expresses her upset feelings about XYZ


She feels invalidated and becomes more upset (she is
not more upset about being invalidated than she is about
XYZ)


A man explains why she should not be upset about
XYZ
He feels her disapproval and becomes upset. He
blames her for upsetting him and expects an apology
before making up
She apologizes and wonders what happened, or she
becomes more upset and the argument escalates into a
battle.
For review –

Difference #1 –

How we think and process life –
remember –
• Men are like waffles (they think in boxes)
• Women are like spaghetti (they connect
things and process out loud)

Difference #2 –
Men tend to be Mr. Fix It (men try to
fix the problems)
 Women tend to be Ms. Home
Improvement (women are talking and
women make suggestions on how to
better the man)


Difference #3 –
Men are Mr. Caveman (men go into
their caves to process)
 Women are Miss Chatty (Women talk
and share about their problems and
do not necessarily want solutions right
away)


Difference #4 –

Men and women speak different
languages (the men and women
phrase dictionaries come in handy
here)

Difference #5 –

Men and women have different
emotional needs
There are 2 choices as we
realize these differences –

To ignore them and try to make the
other person be more like you – only
to get more frustrated and feel more
resentful and misunderstood.

To learn how to communicate and to
work at it and fall in love with each
other more and more each year we
are together.
Philippians 2:2-5

“…Make my joy complete by being likeminded, having the same love, being one in
spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish
ambition or vain conceit but in humility
consider others better than yourselves.
Each of you should not look to your own
interests but also to the interests of others.
Your attitude should be the same as that of
Jesus Christ.”

As you come to understand the
differences and how we are created
differently –

It helps to understand rather than
try to change and fight over the
differences.
Suggested Books:

Men are from Mars and Women are
from Venus by Dr John Gray

Men are like Waffles and Women are
like Spaghetti by Bill and Pam Farrel

Why Men are the Way They are by
Warren Farrell