Today in the lab:
Review this Powerpoint with examples of
an SAT essay, which follows the pink sheet
recipe
 Complete the assignment within the
Powerpoint. Please work with a partner
to brainstorm ideas! Turn in one typed
page for both of you.
 Finish your RAFT from Wednesday
 :)

How are you graded?
Five key ingredients:
 - appropriate examples
 - organization and focus
 - language and usage (glitzy vocabulary!)
 - varied sentence structure
 - grammar

It’s a basic structure
Put together an essay with a
beginning, middle and an end
 All parts of the essay should be
extremely identifiable
 This means it serves you well to
write in such a way that screams,
“OK! I GET THIS!” Get it?

The beginning
Sentence 1: the hook
 2: explanation or comment
on the hook
 3: introduction to the topic
 4: introduction to your
answer to the question
 5: old-school thesis
statement
 (This information follows the
recipe on your pink sheet!)

This sample prompt

“What brings success: determination or
luck?”
1. The hook
This can be any kind of quote, fact or saying
that you think somehow relates to the topic
and will grab the reader’s attention
 For example: “Today’s preparation determines

tomorrow’s achievement,” declares a poster
that hangs in many high school classrooms.

(This came from a student who said she
actually saw that hanging on the wall in the
room where she took the SAT. It worked; she
used it!)
2.Explanation of or comment on the
hook

This is a little sentence that helps ease
you into the topic:

The American populace believes the
ideology that effort results in guaranteed
results.

This sentence just says “Lots of people
think hard work yields success,” but does
so in a fancy way.
3. Introduction to the topic





This means we need to think about the topic, in
this case success, overall.
Don’t tell your opinion just yet.
Instead make sure that we’re all clear that the
essay is about the concept of success and not
about the poster in the classroom from the hook.
Sadly, the achievement of success per the
American people is not as cut and dry.
Obviously, but now we wonder what defines
success (or at least realize that more is to come
about this!)
4. Introduction to MY answer to the
question

This is the big preparation sentence that
keeps the thesis from sounding like it
came out of thin air.

In the United States today, success is
defined by celebrity, wealth, fame and
power.

Look! This gets the reader thinking about
how we define success. The first step in
actually answering the question is defining
the terms.
5. Old-school thesis statement
Thesis needs to tell two things:
 - your direct answer to the question (in this case,
“What brings success?”)
 - the examples you will use to support that claim
in the order that they will appear in the essay
 Those who pursue the ultimate in the
American dream, although their dreams may
be as disparate as success on Broadway to
attaining the most powerful position in the
world– the United States presidency– find
that success is largely determined by luck.

The middle
Point 1: Intro and brief
background
 2: Character example I
 3: Character example II
 4: Character example III
 5: Summarizing
comment that directly
relates to your thesis

Work to put together
a list of possible
examples for the
essay to jog your
memory on test day.
Your list should
include books
you’ve read in high
school, historic
situation (wars,
famines) that you’ve
learned about, and
maybe some
influential and/or
inspiring people.
Should I get personal?
The use of books, movies or history rather than
personal anecdotes allows you to explain the
ins/outs of a situation in an analytical sense.
 This is difficult to do with a personal situation.
 You earn no higher points for enduring difficult
situations or personal experiences, btw.
 At 8 a.m. on a Saturday morning, you will be glad
to have a list of examples.

Point 1: Intro and brief background 2: Character example I
3: Character example II 4: Character example III
5: Summarizing comment that directly relates to your thesis

Becoming a “star” in modern culture is deemed a valuable
vocation to pursue. There is no better example of the iconic
rise to the top than current Broadway leading lady Sutton
Foster. Ms. Foster, Tony award winner and nominee, finds
herself at the top of her profession, but not through hard
work alone. Her career started at 17 when she auditioned
for the national tour of “Les Miserables.” She was offered
the job promptly—even as an unknown. So started her
road to success. Not long after, she found herself in the
chorus of a Broadway workshop. There her luck proved
significant again: the lead actress was unable to fulfill her
commitments, was fired, and Foster found herself cast as
the title role. Although Ms. Foster is a highly talented and
well-trained individual, no amount of training guarantees
the luck– and precipitate success—that she currently
experiences.
The next body paragraph follows the same
structure

The same success of attaining the job of U.S.
president requires the same final dose of
luck. Potential presidents are groomed from
childhood to be dynamic individuals with
exceptional social skills and fundamental
political acumen. They attend the best
educational institutions and travel in the best
influential circle in the interest of “earning” the
nomination. Ultimately, though, preparation
succumbs to luck, as the decision is not
made by the candidate. Earning a nomination
and the election are the product of
circumstance, the media, and again, luck.
The End
These final sentences tie everything together.
It is simply a rephrasing (not an exact copy) of the
argument in your thesis
 Do NOT allude to the other side of the argument
(that is, don’t say “maybe success is earned…”)
 And DO NOT introduce an entirely new example in
the last paragraph
 Although you may think that the examples you have
already chosen aren’t as strong as the one you have
miraculously thought of in the 19th minute, the
strength of your paper is really found in its
organization, and you will ultimately be better off
leaving out the new idea


Sample writing:

It is interesting that modern culture defines
success in terms that are circumstantial.
Perhaps if success were redefined as
personal happiness and peace, the world
would be populated by a significantly larger
number of “successful” people.
Emergency Situations
Making up examples,
names, places, facts or
even dates for the SAT
essay is acceptable
 The whole point of the
essay is to prove your
strong rough-draft writing
technique – and to prove
this technique using
“appropriate examples”
 The College Board
doesn’t say “true
examples”

A caveat …




Is the example actually
related to the essay
topic?
Is it neither stupid nor in
bad taste?
If you pass both of those
tests, you’re golden!
However, be careful.You
may not be good at
making up examples.
How To Up Your Score
Vary sentence structure: Starting a
sentence with Despite, Although,Though, In
spite of … will force you to use a
dependent clause and put the subject in the
middle of the sentence rather than at the
beginning.
 English teachers (and essay scorers) love
this!

Use the right word the right way




They’re versus their versus there
Your and you’re
Its and it’s
Lame words: Replace a lot with many or multiple
or often or frequently. Avoid get and try; instead
use attain, attempt, works to achieve
Misusing simple words is
like reaching out from
your essay and punching
the reader in the face.
These essay scorers are
expert writers; they
freak out about the
smallest details.
Don’t use contractions

You should exhibit
formal writing on the
SAT.
No Slang!
Just like you want to avoid informal
contractions, you also want to avoid
informal language of slang
 A character won’t be bummed; he’ll be
disheartened
 Use the most formal, uppity, professionalsounding language you can muster

Use better vocabulary
Use this selection of broad words that
can be applied universally.
 Ultimately, fundamentally, quintessentially,
significantly, demonstrably, consequently,
remarkably, broadly, generally

No Personal Pronouns
Avoid I and you like the plague!
 Instead of saying “I think Dickens implies
that…” just say “Dickens implies that …”
 Instead of saying “When you really want
something, you tend to work hard for it,”
write something more powerful. “Desire
produces effort.”

Avoid Passive Voice
This is just a remote, drawn out way of
saying something, usually by putting the
subject after the verb
 For example:
 The game was played badly by the team.
 Hester is told to wear a scarlet letter …
(Who told Hester?
Could just write: Hester wears a scarlet
letter…)

Avoid Extra Words
Steer clear of phrases like “because of the
fact that” and “being as she is” that
unnecessarily wordy. Either of these
phrases could be replaced with because.
 The more powerful writing often uses the
fewest words.

Learn, Study and Know
Grammatical Rules

The rules for the
other Writing
section apply to
the essay as well!
Learn them, own
them, and use
them!
Self-fulfilling Prophesy
The essay is the first
task you will encounter
on test day
 Feeling successful on
the essay, although it is
only 30 percent of the
Writing score, can take
you into the rest of the
test with high
confidence!

SAT essay development
Today’s assignment:
Choose TWO of the following prompts and create
examples for essay development.
Use historical and literary examples,
not personal experience.
History = past events and/or current events
Literature = novels, mythology, Bible, nonfiction, etc.
Choose 2
of these
examples.
Create a
web or
other plan.
- Write a
thesis
statement.
- Include in
the web or
plan 2 or 3
specific
examples
for body
paragraph
development,
taken from
history
and/or
literature.
What 2 or 3 historical or literary examples
could you use to develop this essay?

1. Time has a doomsday book, on whose pages he
is continually recording illustrious names. But as
often as a new name is written there, an old one
disappears. Only a few stand in illuminated
characters never to be effaced. Henry Wadsworth
Longfellow
-- Are there some heroes who will be
remembered forever? Or are all heroes doomed
to be forgotten one day? Plan your response, and
then write an essay to explain your views on this
issue. Be sure to support your position with
specific points and examples.
Choose 2
of these
examples.
Create a
web or
other plan.
- Write a
thesis
statement.
- Include in
the web or
plan 2 or 3
specific
examples
for body
paragraph
development,
taken from
history
and/or
literature.
What 2 or 3 historical or literary examples
could you use to develop this essay?
2. “The price of greatness is
responsibility.” Winston Churchill
 --Do we expect too much from our
public figures? Plan your response, and
then write an essay to explain your views
on this issue. Be sure to support your
position with specific points and
examples.

Choose 2
of these
examples.
Create a
web or
other plan.
- Write a
thesis
statement.
- Include in
the web or
plan 2 or 3
specific
examples
for body
paragraph
development,
taken from
history
and/or
literature.
What 2 or 3 historical or literary examples
could you use to develop this essay?
3. “A man should never be ashamed to own
he has been in the wrong, which is but
saying, in other words, that he is wiser today
than he was yesterday.” Alexander Pope
 --Do we learn more from finding out that
we have made mistakes or from our
successful actions? Plan your response, and
then write an essay to explain your views on
this issue. Be sure to support your position
with specific points and examples.

Choose 2
of these
examples.
Create a
web or
other plan.
- Write a
thesis
statement.
- Include in
the web or
plan 2 or 3
specific
examples
for body
paragraph
development,
taken from
history
and/or
literature.
What 2 or 3 historical or literary examples
could you use to develop this essay?
4. “What man calls civilization always results in
deserts. Man is never on the square – he uses up
the fat and greenery of the earth. Each generation
wastes a little more of the future with greed and
lust for riches.” Don Marquis
 --With our modern awareness of ecology are we
likely to make sufficient progress in conservation,
or are we still in danger of damaging the earth
beyond repair? Plan your response, and then
write an essay to explain your views on this issue.
Be sure to support your position with specific
points and examples.

Choose 2
of these
examples.
Create a
web or
other plan.
- Write a
thesis
statement.
- Include in
the web or
plan 2 or 3
specific
examples
for body
paragraph
development,
taken from
history
and/or
literature.
What 2 or 3 historical or literary examples
could you use to develop this essay?
5. “A man who waits to believe in action before
acting is anything you like, but he is not a man of
action. It is as if a tennis player before returning
the ball stopped to think about his views of the
physical and mental advantages of tennis.You must
act as you breathe.” Georges Clemenceau
 --Is it true that acting quickly and instinctively is
the best response to a crisis? Or are there times
when an urgent situation requires a more careful
consideration and a slower response? Plan your
response, and then write an essay to explain your
views on this issue. Be sure to support your
position with specific points and examples.

Choose 2
of these
examples.
Create a
web or
other plan.
- Write a
thesis
statement.
- Include in
the web or
plan 2 or 3
specific
examples
for body
paragraph
development,
taken from
history
and/or
literature.
What 2 or 3 historical or literary examples
could you use to develop this essay?
6. “Independence? That’s middle class blasphemy. We are all
dependent on one another, every soul of us on earth.”
Bernard Shaw expected to provoke controversy with these
words, but I would agree with him that these days there is
too much emphasis on independence. While it is certainly
true that excessive dependence on others is not a sign of
maturity, total independence of others is neither attainable
nor desirable: we need to be mature, and unselfish enough to
recognize our interdependence.
 --Do we put too much emphasis on self-reliance and
independence, and are we afraid of admitting that we need
other people in our lives? Plan your response, and then write
an essay to explain your views on this issue. Be sure to
support your position with specific points and examples.

Choose 2
of these
examples.
Create a
web or
other plan.
- Write a
thesis
statement.
- Include in
the web or
plan 2 or 3
specific
examples
for body
paragraph
development,
taken from
history
and/or
literature.
What 2 or 3 historical or literary examples
could you use to develop this essay?
7. If we are afraid to reveal our lack of knowledge
we will not be able to learn. In order to make
progress we must admit where we are now. Such
an admission of ignorance is not easy. As Thoreau
says, “How can we remember our ignorance
which our growth requires, when we are using
our knowledge all the time?”
 -- Does the present system of education
encourage us to admit our lack of knowledge, or
is there too much pressure to demonstrate the
acquisition of knowledge? Plan your response, and
then write an essay to explain your views on this
issue. Be sure to support your position with
specific points and examples.

What to do now?
Choose 2 of these 6 SAT essay prompts
 Write a thesis statement for each (complete sentence)
 Create a web or other plan for body ideas
 Include 2 or 3 specific examples for body paragraph
development, taken from history and/or literature. Be
VERY specific to how these examples would
develop/support the prompt


When this is done, please complete your RAFT