WHAT IS THIS THING CALLED LOVE?
Glenn Wilson PhD, Gresham College, London
TWITTERPATED
Nearly everybody gets twitterpated
in the springtime….You’re walking
along, minding your own business,
looking neither to the left nor the
right …. when all of sudden you
run into a pretty face. You begin to
get weak in the knees. Your head’s
in a whirl… and then you feel light
as a feather, and before you know it
you’re walking on air…. you’re
knocked for a loop and completely
lose your head.
(The Wise Old Owl)
LOVE IS UNIVERSAL
Sometimes said that
romantic love is a
Western invention dating
from medieval “courtly
love”. However, the
phenomenon is
recognised in all cultures
at all times, though not
always tied with
marriage (often
elopement or divorce).
SYMPTOMS OF BEING “IN LOVE”
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Preoccupation with loved one
Energy/euphoria/mood swings
Pounding heart/sweaty palms
Sleeplessness
Loss of appetite
Alteration of habits/dress
Intrusive thoughts
Feeling out of control
Possessiveness/jealousy
Separation anxiety
“DON’T SIGH AND GAZE AT ME”
Couples in love spend
much time in mutual eye
contact. Adopting
mutual gaze with a
stranger combined with
self-disclosure may
generate love in the
laboratory.
Especially if there are
other cues supporting a
romantic interpretation,
e.g. music, candlelight.
MISATTRIBUTION OF AROUSAL
Emotional arousal of any kind
(even fear) may be
misattributed as love. Men
crossing a swing bridge were
more likely to seek a date
from a female confederate
than men crossing a safe
bridge (Dutton & Aron,
1974).
ADRENALINE DATES
The principle of fear-inspired love has been
applied by dating agencies in “adrenaline dates”.
ROMANTIC RED
Wearing red makes men more attractive to
women (status signal) and women more attractive
(passionate) to men. These effects are subliminal
and derive from arousal connections in nature.
SEX PRIMES LOVE
Exposure to erotic images
increases intimate
thoughts, self-disclosure,
willingness to make
sacrifices for a partner
and positive conflict
resolution strategies
(Gillath et al, 2008).
Effect is stronger when
sexual stimuli are
subliminal.
THE ROMEO & JULIET EFFECT
If lovers encounter
parental interference, or
other obstacles to their
relationship, this is likely
to intensify their passion
via the mechanisms of
arousal and cognitive
dissonance.
DOES ABSENCE MAKE THE
HEART GROW FONDER?
It may be so for introverts but
for extraverts it is often “out
of sight – out of mind”.
There are also sex differences;
work-related travel enhances
marital satisfaction for men
but diminishes it for women.
LEE’S LOVESTYLES
Canadian
sociologist John
Lee proposed a
6-way typology
of love: (three
primary styles
and three
compounds).
STERNBERG’S TRIANGLE
Robert Sternberg has
identified three major
components of love:
Intimacy, Passion, and
Commitment.
A relationship may be
described in terms of
the relative strength of
these three.
PHASING OF COMPONENTS
Garcia (1998) showed that the three components of love
Vary with duration of the relationship.
PUPPY LOVE
Passionate love begins in childhood, though
denied by teenage boys (Hatfield et al, 1988).
THREE NEURAL SYSTEMS
Fisher et al (2002) identify
three separate evolutionary
mating systems in birds and
mammals:
Lust – General sexual desire
Attraction – Focus on a
particular mate
Attachment – Instinct toward
caretaking
Each is associated with a
specific neural circuitry,
chemistry and behaviours.
VIEWING A LOVED ONE IS REWARDING
LOVE IS THE DRUG
Viewing pictures
of one’s lover
reduces pain. The
effect is similar in
degree to that of
painkilling drugs
and operates in
the same “reward”
centres of the
brain.
From Younger et al, 2010
MATERNAL vs ROMANTIC LOVE
Maternal & romantic love produce similar neural
deactivation patterns, suggesting a link between them.
INFANTILE LOVERS
The bonding of lovers
derives partly from
parent-child attachments.
Similar hormones are
involved (e.g. oxytocin)
and similar body
language/terms of
endearment are used.
Kissing may come from
mouth-to-mouth feeding
still seen in some tribal
peoples.
OXYTOCIN IN NEW FATHERS
It is well-known that
oxytocin rises in childbirth for mothers but
recently recognised
that it increases in new
fathers also. The
nursing hormone
prolactin is also
secreted in fathers in
support of parental
bonding.
OTHER CHEMICALS
Italian research has
revealed low serotonin
levels in romantic (c.f.,
OCD). Prozac may
interfere with capacity to
fall in love, or “cure” it
once it has happened.
U. Pavia researchers find
early-stage love correlates
with levels of nerve growth
factor (NGF) in blood.
Effect is short-lived but
might account for health
benefits of love.
CHOCOLATE IN LOVE
Phenylethylamine (PEA) is a
neuromodulator that releases norepinephrine & dopamine (like an
endogenous amphetamine). This
would produce the euphoria and
energy associated with love and was
suggested as a key chemical basis.
PEA is contained in chocolate, so
thought this could be a love substitute.
However, there is more PEA in cheese
& sausages and little of it reaches the
brain anyway.
ATTACHMENT STYLES
Attachment styles acquired
in early childhood (e.g.,
secure, anxious, avoidant,
dismissing) are carried
over and affect adult
relationships.
Experiences like
separation, divorce &
widowhood may reactivate
early attachment
experiences.
PARENTAL IMPRINTING
We are primed to find
certain partners attractive
because they are
reminiscent in some way
of our opposite sex parent
(as we experienced them in
early childhood).
This may account for
certain instances of “love
at first sight” as well as socalled “genetic sexual
attraction”.
STUPID CUPID
Love is one of the few
behavioural phenomena
with little genetic
determination (highest
estimates are no more than
one-third). This leaves
much room for
environmental and
“random” factors to
contribute (e.g. being at
right time/right place).
HOW BLIND IS LOVE?
Love deactivates brain areas concerned with negative social
judgements and moral control (Bartels & Zeki, 2000).
Rose-tinted specs support attachment/make relationship happier.
People idealise their lover as compared with previous lovers. Once
committed we strive to see the best in the partner.
People “in love” are less accurate in recognising love in the body
language of others.
CAN WE LOVE MORE THAN ONE
PERSON AT THE SAME TIME?
Not in the “consummate”
sense, but just as parents bond
with several children equally,
this mechanism can create
multiple adult attachments.
Because Fisher’s three
systems are independent, one
can feel bonded to one
person, attracted to another,
and lust towards several
others simultaneously.
SELF-EXPANSION BY MERGER
Some theorists argue that
love is a quest to expand the
sense of self by merging as
an “item” with a “better
half”.
Yearning for deep union
with a partner may derive
from an evolutionary trend
toward ganging together of
larger organisms.
CONCLUSIONS
Romantic/passionate love is a
powerful emotion experienced in
all cultures.
It leads to radical alterations in life
arrangements (marriage, divorce,
parenthood).
Instincts which evolved to promote
parental care have been co-opted
in evolution to bond parents
together long enough for offspring
to reach viability. Beyond that,
companionate love may preserve
the relationship.
Useful to study these mechanisms
for better understanding of various
deficits and disorders of love.