Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. Bob and I were very fond of the piece.
B. Bob and me were very fond of the piece.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. Bob and I were very fond of the piece.
B. Bob and me were very fond of the piece.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. That man and I were talking.
B. That man and me were talking.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. That man and I were talking.
B. That man and me were talking.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. Their data was intriguing.
B. Their data were intriguing.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. Their data was intriguing.
B. Their data were intriguing.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. She told Bob and me that the end was near.
B. She told Bob and I that the end was near.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. She told Bob and me that the end was near.
B. She told Bob and I that the end was near.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. I hope that she and I will reconcile.
B. I hope that she and me will reconcile.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. I hope that she and I will reconcile.
B. I hope that she and me will reconcile.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. Between you and I, we should have it done in
no time.
B. Between you and me, we should have it done
in no time.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. Between you and I, we should have it done in
no time.
B. Between you and me, we should have it
done in no time.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. He looks like Bill Clinton.
B. He looks as Bill Clinton.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. He looks like Bill Clinton.
B. He looks as Bill Clinton.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. Her dresses weren’t worth very much
compared with her shoes.
B. Her dresses weren’t worth very much
compared to her shoes.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. Her dresses weren’t worth very much compared
with her shoes.
B. Her dresses weren’t worth very much compared to
her shoes.
mnemonic: when things are inherently similar, they are generally
grouped with each other
 Your scientific studies will more commonly be seeking
distinctions among things previously understood to be similar
(than similarities among inherently different things)
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. To whom did you betray my secret?
B. To who did you betray my secret?
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. To whom did you betray my secret?
B. To who did you betray my secret?
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. Who owns that mean dog?
B. Whom owns that mean dog?
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. Who owns that mean dog?
B. Whom owns that mean dog?
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. The person about who you speak is a fool.
B. The person about whom you speak is a fool.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. The person about who you speak is a fool.
B. The person about whom you speak is a
fool.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. People whom live in glass houses shouldn’t
throw stones.
B. People who live in glass houses shouldn’t
throw stones.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. People whom live in glass houses shouldn’t
throw stones.
B. People who live in glass houses shouldn’t
throw stones.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. It’s my head on the line.
B. Its my head on the line.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. It’s my head on the line.
B. Its my head on the line.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. Its head was on the chopping block.
B. It’s head was on the chopping block.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. Its head was on the chopping block.
B. It’s head was on the chopping block.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. Virgil is the candidate who we hope to elect.
B. Virgil is the candidate whom we hope to elect.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. Virgil is the candidate who we hope to elect.
B. Virgil is the candidate whom we hope to
elect.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. Your cigarette tastes good, like a cigarette
should.
B. Your cigarette tastes good, as a cigarette
should.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. Your cigarette tastes good, like a cigarette
should.
B. Your cigarette tastes good, as a cigarette
should.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. Over 30 disease states can result in the clinical
characteristics of dementia.
B. More than 30 disease states can result in the
clinical characteristics of dementia.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. Over 30 disease states can result in the clinical
characteristics of dementia.
B. More than 30 disease states can result in
the clinical characteristics of dementia.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. Fewer men are in the class than women.
B. Less men are in the class than women.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. Fewer men are in the class than women.
B. Less men are in the class than women.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. Fewer restrictive measures are needed.
B. Less restrictive measures are needed.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. Juan Zabala is a twenty-nine-year-old Mexican
whom the San Francisco police charged with
breaking into a 1991 Honda Accord.
B. Juan Zabala is a twenty-nine-year-old Mexican
who the San Francisco police charged with
breaking into a 1991 Honda Accord.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. Juan Zabala is a twenty-nine-year-old
Mexican whom the San Francisco police
charged with breaking into a 1991 Honda
Accord.
B. Juan Zabala is a twenty-nine-year-old Mexican
who the San Francisco police charged with
breaking into a 1991 Honda Accord.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Some Notes on Science Style
Following are some general guidelines on preferred style
for manuscripts submitted to Science:

Avoid jargon; explain obscure terms and define acronyms (keep in mind
that many potential readers of your work will not be specialists in your field).

Use active voice when suitable, particularly when necessary for correct
syntax (e.g., "To address this possibility, we constructed a lZap library . . .,"
not "To address this possibility, a lZap library was constructed . . .").

Write concisely (e.g., "even though," not "in spite of the fact that").
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Sentence-editing warm-up…
Recent research suggests that these two
disorders may not be as distinct as previously
was thought and the degree of overlap may
be considerable.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Sentence-editing warm-up…
Possible rewrite…
Recent research suggests that these two
disorders may overlap considerably.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Sentence-editing warm-up…
The study of Barrett et al. (1997) is considered
to be methodologically sound. In that study,
1,000 bacteria were transformed with the
novel gene.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Sentence-editing warm-up…
Possible rewrites…
In a methodologically sound study by Barret et al.
(1997), 1,000 bacteria were transformed with the
novel gene. (passive voice)
Using sound methods, Barret et al. (1997),
transformed 1,000 bacteria with the novel gene.
(active voice)
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
MORE WARM-UP
1. A progressive decrease in the death rate occurred.
 The death rate progressively decreased.
2. These agents exert their action by inhibition of synthesis of
cholesterol by the liver.
 These agents inhibit cholesterol synthesis by the liver.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
WARM-UP
3. There are many scientists who don’t like to write.
 Many scientists don’t like to write.
4. In classic epidemiology, the case-control can provide
efficiencies when the occurrence of disease in the population
is relatively rare.
 In classic epidemiology, the case-control study is efficient
for rare diseases.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Lecture Three:
Punctuation, Parallelism, and the Good
Sentence.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214
For those of you reading Sin and
Syntax…(from Salon magazine)
Rather
than a beep
Or a rude error message,
These words: “File not found.”
A crash
reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
The
code was willing,
It considered your request,
But the chips were weak.
Errors
have occurred.
We won't tell you where or why.
Lazy programmers.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
and a few from Car Talk…
Four-wheel
drive pickup
I remember his last words:
Hold my beer, watch this!
I'm
writing Haiku
going 80 miles per hour
Is that safe to do?
I
have an old car.
It rattles, coughs and sputters.
I smile. No payments.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
and a few from Car Talk…
Hilltop.
Lake below.
My car sinks so slowly. Thank
god it's a rental.
"Check
engine" light on.
Unscrew the dash. Stab with pen.
"Check engine" light off.
Just
one more exit
Gas prices will be lower
Cheapskate starts walking
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Lesson One: Our friends the dash, colon,
semicolon, and parenthesis…
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Note: A clause is a unit of grammatical
organization next below the sentence in rank.
A clause has a subject and a predicate.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Increasing power to separate:
Comma
Colon
Dash
Parentheses
Semicolon
Period
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Increasing formality:
Dash
Parentheses
The Others (Comma,Colon,Semicolon,Period)
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Semicolon
Semicolon:
Indicates a pause, typically between two
main clauses, that is more pronounced than
that indicated by a comma.
Example: Kennedy could be a cold and vain man,
and he led a life of privilege. But he knew something
about the world; he also cared about it.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Parentheses
Parenthesis (parenthetical expression):
A word, clause, or sentence inserted as an
explanation or afterthought into a passage that
is grammatically complete without it.
 If you remove the material within the parentheses, the
main point of the sentence should not change.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
The Colon
Use a colon after an independent clause to
introduce a list of items, an explanation, an
amplification, or an illustrative quotation.
“The colon has more effect than the comma,
less power to separate than the semicolon,
and more formality than the dash.”--Strunk
and White
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
The Colon (list or explanation)
“The hydrogen bonds are made as follows:
purine position 1 to pyrimidine position 1; purine
position 6 to pyrimidine position 6.”
“These pairs are: adenine (purine) with thymine
(pyrimidine), and guanine (purine) with cytosine
(pyrimidine).”
From: “A structure for Deoxyribose Nucleic Acid”—
Watson and Crick 1953
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
The Colon (list or explanation)
Washington has a simple solution to most
governments it doesn’t like: isolate them, slap
sanctions on them, and wait for their downfall.
The woman suffers from lack of experience and a
chronic Democratic disease: compound sentences.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
The Colon (list)

Cross-sectional studies that have measured
BMD in formerly anorectic women or elite
athletes up to 25 years after diagnosis or
cessation of competition have found mixed
results, including: normal BMD values for age
(5,6,7), moderately reduced BMD (8), and
unexpectedly high proportions of osteopenia
and osteoporosis (9,10,11).
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
The Colon (quote, list)
The “Ask not” line follows right after an
exhortation modeled on Franklin Roosevelt’s
“rendezvous with destiny”: “In the long history
of the world, only a few generations have
been granted the role of defending freedom in
its hour of maximum danger. I do not shrink
from this responsibility—I welcome it.” The
note throughout is one of alarm: “The trumpet
summons us again”; “the burden of a long
twilight struggle”; “that uncertain balance of
terror.”

NOTE: The “rule of three’s” for lists and
examples.

Example: They dramatically reduced the number
of series in production: in 1935, fourteen series
were circulating; in 1940, nine; by 1980, when
the syndicate was in its final years, only four.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
The Colon (to amplify or interpret)
Join two independent clauses with a colon if
the second interprets or amplifies the first:
Companies use Marsh for the same reason that
home sellers use real-estate agents: the agent’s
knowledge and experience is supposed to help
the client get the right deal at the right price.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
The Colon: Practice
Evidence-based medicine teaches clinicians
the practical application of clinical
epidemiology, as needed to address specific
problems of specific patients. It guides
clinicians on how to find the best evidence
relevant to a specific problem, how to assess
the quality of that evidence, and perhaps
most difficult, how to decide if the evidence
applies to a specific patient.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
The Colon: join and condense
Evidence-based medicine teaches clinicians
the practical application of clinical
epidemiology, including: how to find the best
evidence relevant to a specific problem, how
to assess the quality of that evidence, and
how to decide if the evidence applies to a
specific patient.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Colon misuse
EXAMPLE, what not to do!:
“Two aspects of alcohol use are related to brain
injuries: as a factor associated with risk of an
injury such as a motor vehicle crash, and as a
factor in TBI diagnosis, recovery, or survival
after injury.”

“Two aspects of alcohol use are related to brain
injuries: its association with risk of injury, such
as motor vehicle crash, and its post-injury
influences on TBI diagnosis, recovery, or
survival after injury.”
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Colon misuse
EXAMPLE, what not to do!:
“In one project we have a nutritionist, a
psychologist, statisticians, a computer specialist,
and dietitians: a whole range of specialties.”

“In one project we have a whole range of
specialties: a nutritionist, a psychologist,
statisticians, a computer specialist, and
dietitians.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
The Dash
Use a dash to set off an abrupt break or interruption
and to announce a long explanation or summary.
Helps add emphasis.

“A dash is a mark of separation stronger than a
comma, less formal than a colon, and more relaxed
than parentheses.”—Strunk and White

“Use a dash only when a more common mark of
punctuation seems inadequate.”—Strunk and White
i.e. Reserve this tool for the really tough jobs!
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
The Dash
The drugs did more than prevent new fat
accumulation. They also triggered overweight
mice to shed significant amounts of fat—up to
half their body weight. (emphasis)
To establish that the marrow cells—also called
adult stem cells or endothelial precursor cells—
can colonize the eye, Friedlander and his
colleagues first transplanted stem cells from an
adult mouse into the eyes of newborn mice. (long
summary)
How would the feel of these sentences change with
parentheses or commas?
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
The Dash
With commas instead…(clunky and long…)
The drugs did more than prevent new fat
accumulation. They also triggered overweight
mice to shed significant amounts of fat, up to half
their body weight.
To establish that the marrow cells, also called
adult stem cells or endothelial precursor cells,
can colonize the eye, Friedlander and his
colleagues first transplanted stem cells from an
adult mouse into the eyes of newborn mice.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
The Dash
With parentheses instead…(buries the info.)
The drugs did more then prevent new fat
accumulation. They also triggered overweight
mice to shed significant amounts of fat (up to half
their body weight).
To establish that the marrow cells (also called
adult stem cells or endothelial precursor cells)
can colonize the eye, Friedlander and his
colleagues first transplanted stem cells from an
adult mouse into the eyes of newborn mice.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
The Dash
Researchers who study shipworms say these
mislabeled animals—they’re clams, not worms—
are actually a scientific treasure. (emphasis and
added information)
The store—which is windowless and has clusters
of unsmiling security guards standing at its
entrances, as if it were the embassy of a
particularly beleaguered nation—caters to rich
Brazilians, members of the ten per cent of the
population who command nearly half the national
income, and wear Chanel, Valentino, or Dolce &
Gabbana. (long description)
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
The Dash
Commas instead…
Researchers who study shipworms say these mislabeled
animals, they’re clams, not worms, are actually a scientific
treasure. (commas aren’t strong enough to set off a clause)
The store, which is windowless and has clusters of unsmiling
security guards standing at its entrances, as if it were the
embassy of a particularly beleaguered nation, caters to rich
Brazilians, members of the ten per cent of the population who
command nearly half the national income, and wear Chanel,
Valentino, or Dolce & Gabbana. (too long-winded without an
abrupt pause)
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
The Dash
Researchers who study shipworms say these
mislabeled animals (they’re clams, not worms) are
actually a scientific treasure. (buries the
information)
The store (which is windowless and has clusters
of unsmiling security guards standing at its
entrances, as if it were the embassy of a
particularly beleaguered nation) caters to rich
Brazilians, members of the ten per cent of the
population who command nearly half the national
income, and wear Chanel, Valentino, or Dolce &
Gabbana. (takes away from the description)
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
The Dash
Baseball is the only game that’s played every day, which
is why its season often seems endless, right up to the
inning and the out—the little toss over to first base—
when, wow, it ends.
Comma instead…
Baseball is the only game that’s played every day, which
is why its season often seems endless, right up to the
inning and the out, the little toss over to first base,
when, wow, it ends. (no emphasis on the image)
Parentheses instead…
Baseball is the only game that’s played every day, which
is why its season often seems endless, right up to the
inning and the out (the little toss over to first base)
when, wow, it ends. (makes it seem unimportant)
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
The Dash
While all these steps are small and easily reversible—
Libya is still ruled by a wacky megalomaniac—there is
some real movement here.
Comma instead…
While all these steps are small and easily reversible,
Libya is still ruled by a wacky megalomaniac, there is
some real movement here. (run-on sentence)
Parentheses instead…
While all these steps are small and easily reversible
(Libya is still ruled by a wacky megalomaniac) there is
some real movement here. (buries the best part of the
sentence!)
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
The Dash: Practice

Finally, the lessons of clinical epidemiology are
not meant to be limited to academic physicianepidemiologists, who sometimes have more
interest in analyzing data than caring for
patients. Clinical epidemiology holds the
promise of providing clinicians with the tools
necessary to improve the outcomes of their
patients.
Weak verb (means)
A long descriptive
clause that could
be set off by a
dash.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
The Dash

Finally, the lessons of clinical epidemiology are
not meant to be limited to academic physicianepidemiologists, who sometimes have more
interest in analyzing data than caring for
patients. Clinical epidemiology holds the
promise of providing clinicians with the tools
necessary to improve the outcomes of their
patients.
No transition.
Necessary?
 provides
 patients’
outcomes
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
The Dash: join and condense

Finally, clinical epidemiology is not limited to
academic physician-epidemiologists—who are
sometimes more interested in analyzing data
than caring for patients–-but provides clinicians
with the tools to improve their patients’
outcomes.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
The Dash: some technical details
HYPHEN (1 unit): to connect compound words or non-range
numbers; to break word that will continue on next line:
 little-known fact, en-dash, 723-8222
EN-DASH (2 units): to indicate range (numbers, dates, time)
or collaboration:
 pages 1 – 9 , open 9 am – 5 pm, Morris–Hayes lab,
Sino–Soviet pact
 not a compound name of an individual, as in Catherine
Zeta-Jones
EM-DASH (3 units): to represent a sudden break in thought
that causes an abrupt change in sentence structure:
 The m-dash is longer—the length of the letter m.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Lesson 2: Use Parallel Construction
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Unparallel:
Locusts denuded fields in Utah, rural Iowa was
washed away by torrents, and in Arizona the
cotton was shriveled by the placing heat.
Vs.
Parallel:
Locusts denuded fields in Utah, torrents washed
away rural Iowa, and blazing heat shriveled
Arizona’s cotton.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Make a choice and abide by it!
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Pairs of ideas—two ideas joined by “and”, “or”,
or “but”—should be written in parallel form.
Cardiac input decreased by 40% but
blood pressure decreased by only 10%.
SVX but SVX
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Pairs of ideas—two ideas joined by “and” “or”
or “but”—should be written in parallel form.
We hoped to increase the response and
to improve survival.
Infinitive phrase and infinitive phrase.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Lists of ideas (and number lists of ideas) should
be written in parallel form.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Parallelism
Not Parallel:
If you want to be a good doctor, you must study hard,
critically think about the medical literature, and you
should be a good listener.
Parallel:
If you want to be a good doctor you must study hard,
listen well, and think critically about the medical
literature. (imperative, imperative, imperative)
Parallel:
If you want to be a good doctor, you must be a good
student, a good listener, and a critical thinker about
the medical literature. (noun, noun, noun)
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Parallelism
Not Parallel:
This research follows four distinct phases: (1)
establishing measurement instruments (2) pattern
measurement (3) developing interventions and (4) the
dissemination of successful interventions to other
settings and institutions.
Parallel:
This research follows four distinct phases: (1)
establishing measurement instruments (2) measuring
patterns (3) developing interventions and (4)
disseminating successful interventions to other
settings and institutions.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Lesson 3: The case of the buried predicate…
subject
confusing garbage
One study of 930 adults with multiple
sclerosis (MS) receiving care in one of two
managed care settings or in a fee-for-service
setting found that only two-thirds of those
needing to contact a neurologist for an MSrelated problem in the prior 6 months had
done so (Vickrey et al 1999).
predicate
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
The case of the buried predicate…
One study found that, of 930 adults with
multiple sclerosis (MS) who were receiving
care in one of two managed care settings or
in a fee-for-service setting, only two-thirds of
those needing to contact a neurologist for an
MS-related problem in the prior six months
had done so (Vickrey et al 1999).
Profile writing exercise…



Pick one person to be the interviewer and one to
be the interviewee (we’ll swap next time).
Interview question: “What brought you to
Stanford—spiritually, literally, or otherwise?”
Then each take 10 minutes to write up a 1-2
paragraph mini profile (SHORT, PUNCHY,
CLEVER, HUMOROUS) of the other person.
Use at least one dash or colon and at least one
sentence with parallel construction.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
And finally…
This week’s top 5 countdown:
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
1. Farther v. further
Farther is used for distance. (think far)
Further is used for time or quantity. (think future)
I can throw a ball farther than you.
I am pursuing that research further.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Other similar words:
FORWARD v. FORWARDS v. FOREWORD
TOWARD v. TOWARDS

Some sources prefer adverbs forward and toward to
forwards and towards (a bit more formal without the s;
s more common in UK); foreword = preface to a book
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
2. Die of v. die from
People and animals die of, not from,
specific diseases.
She died of a heart attack.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
3.
compliment v. complement
Compliment is to praise or to present with a token of
esteem.
Complement is to mutually complete each other.
She complimented his haircut.
That dress complements your eyes.

In complement, think of “complete-ment”

proteins completing antibodies (complement cascade),
angles combining to reach 90 degrees, or musical
intervals completing an octave
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A comic interlude, for illustration:
A man walks into a bar and sits down. He orders a
beer and begins to drink it, when he hears a
mysterious voice: “You're looking very handsome
this evening.” The man looks around, but there’s
no one else nearby. “That suit is quite
magnificent," continues the voice. “And what a
delightful tie!”
The man calls the bartender over and confides,
somewhat sheepishly, “I keep hearing voices but I
don't seem to be able to work out where they're
coming from!“
The bartender replies, "It's the nuts, sir. They're
complimentary."
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
4. Comprise v. compose
Comprise means to contain. “Comprise” implies a complete listing,
whereas “include” may signal an incomplete listing.
Compose means to make up.
The parts compose (make up) the whole; the whole comprises
(contains) the parts.
The USA comprises 50 states. (the whole contains the parts)
Fifty states compose the USA. (the parts make up the whole)
The USA is composed of 50 states. (the whole is made up of the
parts)
Fifty states are comprised in the USA. (the parts are contained in the
whole)
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
5. locate v. localize
Locate is to determine the position of something;
to find its location.
Localize is to confine or fix in a particular area or
part.
The police located the suspect at the edge of town.
Iodine tends to localize in the thyroid.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
HOMEWORK
Read:
 Read chapters 9-10 of Sin and Syntax (pp.
129-168)
 Read Chapter 7 of Successful Scientific
Writing
Revise edited news story (3-unit students)
Mini-exercises: more sentence rewriting
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Preview to next time…
•
For next time…
•
We continue our systematic review of the
basics of writing.
Words sentences paragraphs