Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy
Revising Business Messages
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

The Writing Process
Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 2

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 3

Revising for Conciseness
Eliminate flabby expressions.
Poor:
We are of the opinion that
Please feel free to
In addition to the above
At this point in time
Despite the fact that
Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition
Improved:
We think
Please
Also
Now
Although
Chapter 4, Slide 4

Revising for Conciseness
Limit long lead-ins.
Poor:
This e-mail message is to inform you that we will meet on Friday.
Improved:
We will meet on
Friday.
I am writing this letter to say thanks to everyone who voted.
Thanks to everyone who voted.
Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 5

Revising for Conciseness
Drop unnecessary fillers, such as
.
Poor:
There are three items we must discuss today.
Improved:
We must discuss three items today.
It was Lisa and Jeff who were honored.
Lisa and Jeff were honored.
Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 6

Revising for Conciseness
Reject redundancies.
What words could be omitted in these expressions?
advance warning close proximity exactly identical filled to capacity final outcome necessary requisite new beginning past history refer back serious danger
Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 7

Revising for Conciseness
Reject redundancies.
What words could be omitted in these expressions?
advance warning close proximity exactly identical filled to capacity final outcome necessary requisite new beginning past history refer back serious danger
Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 8

Revising for Clarity
Dump trite business expressions.
Trite and Outdated as per your request attached hereto enclosed please find pursuant to your request thank you in advance under separate cover
Modern at your request attached enclosed is/are at your request thank you separately
Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 9

Revising for Clarity
Avoid jargon —technical terms and special terminology.
GP edit: You need to consider the audience and their level of knowledge.
Edit cont. It is best to avoid overly technical language or jargon, but if you and your audience share the same knowledge, or your audience is expert, then a technical term may be more precise and concise.
Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 10

Revising for Clarity
Avoid slang —informal expressions with arbitrary or extravagantly changed meanings.
Slang sick clueless turkey chill/chill out
Alternatives great, amazing unaware, naïve someone stupid or silly relax
Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 11

Revising for Vigor and Directness
Unbury verbs.
Once we have the establish ment of a
Web site, our business will grow.
Once we establish a Web site, our business will grow.
Please give serious considera tion to a company vanpool.
Please seriously consider a company vanpool.
Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 12

Revising for Vigor and Directness
Control exuberance.
Limit intensifiers very, definitely, quite, really, completely, extremely, actually, and totally.
Excessive
The manager is actually quite pleased with your proposal because the plan is definitely workable.
Professional
The manager is pleased with your proposal because the plan is workable.
Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 13

Revising for Vigor and Directness
Choose clear, precise words.
Include descriptive, dynamic adjectives instead of overworked, all-purpose ones.
Poor:
They thought her report was good .
She said she would get in touch.
Improved:
The management council thought Erin’s report was factual and well written .
Sheila said she would send you a text message .
Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 14

Revising for Readability
Employ white space.
 Headings
 Short paragraphs
 Ragged-right margins
(avoid justifying text to the right)
Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 15

Revising for Readability
Capitalize on type fonts and sizes.
Font style: a specific style (such as italic , boldface , underline, ALL CAPS) within a typeface family (such as Arial)
Font size: measured in points
 Most readers are comfortable with 10- to
12-point type for body text.
 Larger font size is appropriate for titles and headings.
Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 16

Revising for Readability
Use numbered and bulleted lists.
Break up complex information into smaller chunks to ensure rapid comprehension.
 Numbered lists: Use for sequences.
 Bulleted lists: Use for items that don’t require a certain order.
 Capitalize the first word of each item.
 Add end punctuation only to items that are complete sentences.
 Make each item parallel.
Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 17

Revising for Readability
Add headings for visual impact.
Poor:
On April 3 we will be in
Toledo, and the speaker is Troy Lee. On May 20 we will be in Detroit, and the speaker is Sue Wu.
Improved:
Date City Speaker
April 3 Toledo Troy Lee
May 20 Detroit Sue Wu
Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 18

Phase 3: Proofreading
What to watch for in proofreading:
 Spelling
 Grammar
 Punctuation
 Names and numbers
 Format
Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 19

Phase 3: Proofreading
How to proofread routine documents:
 On your computer screen, focus on one line at a time.
 Read carefully for faults such as omitted or double words
 Use a spell checker.
 Proofread from a hard copy.
Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 20

Phase 3: Proofreading
How to proofread complex documents:
 Print a copy, preferably double-spaced.
 Allow adequate time.
 Be prepared to find errors.
 Read once for meaning and once for grammar/mechanics.
 Reduce your reading speed.
Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 21

Phase 3: Evaluating
Answer these questions about your document:
 How successful will this message be?
 Does it say what you want it to?
 Will it achieve its purpose?
 How will you know whether it succeeds?
Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 22

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy
END
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved