CHAPTER 2
Planning
Business
Messages
Instructor Only Version
© 2010 Thomson South-Western
Basics of business writing
 Business messages are different from
college essays, term papers, and
messages to friends.
 Conciseness and clarity count.
ISTOCKPHOTO.COM/ZSOLT NUYLASZI
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 2
The best business writing is
 Purposeful
 Persuasive
 Economical
 Audience oriented
Following a process can make you
a better writer or speaker.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 3
The Writing Process
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 4
Approximately how much time
should be spent at each stage?
MaryMary
EllenEllen
Guffey,
Guffey,
Essentials
Essentials
of Business
of Business
Communication,
Communication,
8e 8e
Chapter 2,
1, Slide 5
Analyzing Your Purpose
and Channel
Identify your purpose.
 Why are you writing?
 What do you hope to achieve?
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 6
Select the best channel.
E-mail
Telephone
Fax
Voice mail
Letter
Meeting
Memo
Conversation
Report
Web site
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 7
Select the best channel.
 How important is the message?
 How fast do you need feedback?
 Is a permanent record essential?
 What is the cost of the channel?
 How much formality do you desire?
 How confidential or sensitive is the
message?
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 8
Profiling the Audience
Primary Audience
 Who is the primary reader?
 What are my personal and professional
relationships with that person?
 What does the person know about the
subject?
 What kind of response should I expect?
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 9
Profiling the Audience
Secondary Audience
 Who else might see or hear this
message?
 Are they different from the primary
audience?
 How must I reshape the message for
the secondary audience?
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 10
Spotlight
Audience
Benefits
Create a
Message That
Suits Your
Audience
Adapting to Task and Audience
MaryMary
EllenEllen
Guffey,
Guffey,
Essentials
Essentials
of Business
of Business
Communication,
Communication,
8e 8e
Chapter 2,
1, Slide 11
Spotlight Audience Benefits
Focus your statements on the audience,
not the sender.
Instead of this:
Try this:
We are promoting a
new hospitalization
plan that we believe
has many outstanding
benefits.
You will enjoy total peace
of mind with our
affordable hospitalization
plan that meets all your
needs.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 12
Adapting
to Task
and
Audience
Spotlight
Audience
Benefits
Create a
Message That
Suits Your
Audience
Cultivate
A “You”
View
MaryMary
EllenEllen
Guffey,
Guffey,
Essentials
Essentials
of Business
of Business
Communication,
Communication,
8e 8e
Chapter 2,
1, Slide 13
Develop a “You” View
Emphasize second-person pronouns
(you/your) instead of first-person pronouns
(I/we, us, our)
Instead of this:
Try this:
Before we can allow you to
purchase items on this new
account, we must wait two
weeks to verify your credit.
You may begin
making purchases
on your new account
in two weeks.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 14
Develop a “You” View
Revise these sentences: These are better:
Quick
You can now purchase
HP computers at
Check
discounted prices.
We are now offering
HP computers at
discounted prices.
We are pleased to
announce that you have
been approved to enroll
in our leadership
training program.
Congratulations! You
have been selected to
enter our leadership
training program!
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 15
Spotlight
Audience
Benefits
Create a
Message That
Suits Your
Audience
Sound
Conversational
Cultivate
A “You”
View
Adapting to Task and Audience
MaryMary
EllenEllen
Guffey,
Guffey,
Essentials
Essentials
of Business
of Business
Communication,
Communication,
8e 8e
Chapter 2,
1, Slide 16
Conversational Language
Instead of this:
Try this:
The undersigned takes
pleasure in . . .
I’m happy to . . .
It may be of some concern
to you to learn that your
check has been received
and your account has been
credited for $250.
We’ve credited your
account for $250.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 17
Spotlight
Audience
Benefits
Employ
Positive
Language
Create a
Message That
Suits Your
Audience
Cultivate
A “You”
View
Sound
Conversational
MaryMary
EllenEllen
Guffey,
Guffey,
Essentials
Essentials
of Business
of Business
Communication,
Communication,
8e 8e
Chapter 2,
1, Slide 18
Positive Language
Instead of this:
Try this:
Employees may not use Employees may use the
the First Street entrance Market Street entrance
during remodeling.
during remodeling.
We cannot fill your order We can fill your order
until we receive an exact once we receive an
exact model number.
model number.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 19
State Ideas Positively
Revise these sentences: These are better:
We must withhold
payment until you
complete the job
satisfactorily.
You will be paid
Quick
promptly once the job is
Check
completed satisfactorily.
If you fail to follow each By following each
requirement, you will not requirement, you will
receive your $50 rebate. receive your $50 rebate.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 20
Levels of Language Use
Unprofessional
Conversational
Formal
Business
messages, novels,
most newspapers,
and most
magazines
Scientific writing,
legal documents,
scholarly books,
formal essays,
proclamations
Found in
Some comic strips
and songs, some
commercials, some
conversations,
some IM and e-mail
messages
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 21
Levels of Language Use
Unprofessional
Conversational
Formal
Correct grammar
and punctuation,
conversational
tone, simple
sentence structure,
familiar words
Correct grammar,
serious tone,
complex sentence
structure,
polysyllabic words
Characterized by
Incorrect grammar,
unpredictable
sentence structure,
inappropriate
punctuation, slang,
vulgarisms
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 22
Levels of Language Use
Unprofessional
Conversational
Formal
ruined
catch
criticize
money
intoxicated, drunk
I’m not
enormous
frugal
annihilated
apprehend
disparage
currency
inebriated
I am not
prodigious
penurious
Examples
wasted
nab
bad-mouth
dough, bread
stewed, plastered
I ain’t
humongous
tight
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 23
Revise to create reader benefits.
I have 15 different
You have 15 financial
financial plans to offer my plans from which to
investors.
choose.
Quick
As a newly hired
We want all newly hired Check
employee, you won’t
employees to use our
carpooling program for at have to drive to work for
the first three months
least three months.
because you can
carpool.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 24
Revise the following to sound
conversational.
The undersigned takes
great pleasure in
welcoming you to our
staff.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 25
Revise the following to sound
conversational.
The undersigned takes
great pleasure in
welcoming you to our
staff.
I’m happy to welcome
you to our staff.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 26
Revise the following to sound
conversational.
The undersigned takes
great pleasure in
welcoming you to our
staff.
I’m happy to welcome
you to our staff.
Per your request, we are
sending under separate
cover your May invoice.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 27
Revise the following to sound
conversational.
The undersigned takes
great pleasure in
welcoming you to our
staff.
I’m happy to welcome
you to our staff.
Per your request, we are
sending under separate
cover your May invoice.
As you requested, we
are sending your May
invoice separately.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 28
Hidden Messages
Some words and phrases convey a
negative and unpleasant tone. They
may imply a hidden message that the
writer does not intend. Think twice
before using the following negative
expressions.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 29
Negative Language
Hidden Meaning
You overlooked
You are careless
You state that
But I don’t believe you
You failed to
You are careless
You claim that
It’s probably untrue
You are wrong
I am right
You do not understand
You are not smart
Your delay
You are at fault
You forgot to
You are inefficient, stupid
and careless
MaryMary
EllenEllen
Guffey,
Guffey,
Essentials
Essentials
of Business
of Business
Communication,
Communication,
8e 8e
Chapter 2,
1, Slide 30
Spotlight
Audience
Benefits
Use
Inclusive
Language
Create a
Message That
Suits Your
Audience
Employ
Positive
Language
MaryMary
EllenEllen
Guffey,
Guffey,
Essentials
Essentials
of Business
of Business
Communication,
Communication,
8e 8e
Cultivate
A “You”
View
Sound
Conversational
Chapter 2,
1, Slide 31
Inclusive Language
Instead of this:
Try this:
Have you called a
salesman?
Have you called a
salesperson?
Every executive
has his own office.
 All executives have their own
offices.
 Every executive has an office.
 All executives have offices.
 Every executive has his or
her own office.
This alternative is
wordy and calls
attention to itself
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 32
Positive and Inclusive Language
Revise these sentences:
These are better:
No tenant may move in
until May 1.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 33
Positive and Inclusive Language
Revise these sentences:
These are better:
No tenant may move in
until May 1.
Tenants may move in
on May 1.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 34
Positive and Inclusive Language
Revise these sentences:
These are better:
No tenant may move in
until May 1.
Tenants may move in
on May 1.
Because you failed to
include your credit
information, we cannot
ship your order.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 35
Positive and Inclusive Language
Revise these sentences:
These are better:
No tenant may move in
until May 1.
Tenants may move in
on May 1.
Because you failed to
include your credit
information, we cannot
ship your order.
As soon as we receive
your credit information,
we can ship your order.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 36
Positive and Inclusive Language
Revise these sentences:
These are better:
No tenant may move in
until May 1.
Tenants may move in
on May 1.
Because you failed to
include your credit
information, we cannot
ship your order.
As soon as we receive
your credit information,
we can ship your order.
Marcello Luna is the new
Mexican accountant.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 37
Positive and Inclusive Language
Revise these sentences:
These are better:
No tenant may move in
until May 1.
Tenants may move in
on May 1.
Because you failed to
include your credit
information, we cannot
ship your order.
Quick
Check
As soon as we receive
your credit information,
we can ship your order.
Marcello Luna is the new Marcello Luna is the
new accountant.
Mexican accountant.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 38
Spotlight
Audience
Benefits
Draw on
Familiar
Words
Adopt
Plain
Language
Cultivate
A “You”
View
Create a
Message That
Suits Your
Audience
Use
Inclusive
Language
Sound
Conversational
Use Positive
Language
MaryMary
EllenEllen
Guffey,
Guffey,
Essentials
Essentials
of Business
of Business
Communication,
Communication,
8e 8e
Chapter 2,
1, Slide 39
Plain Language
Avoid federalese, bureaucratese, and inflated
language.
Federalese: Each person to whom the request is herein
addressed is henceforth solicited to submit, or to have his or
her department representative submit, to the Department of
Labor official described above, a comment on whether the
proposed plan, in his or her considered view, meets the
requirements of the 2003 law.
Simple Translation: You may wish to comment on whether
the proposed plan meets the requirements of the 2003 law.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 40
Familiar Words
Avoid long, difficult, and unfamiliar
words. Use short, simple, and common
words whenever possible.
Less familiar words
Simple alternatives
encounter
extrapolate
obligatory
terminate
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
meet
project
required
end
Chapter 2, Slide 41
Choose
Courteous
Language
Draw on
Familiar
Words
Adopt
Plain
Language
Spotlight
Audience
Benefits
Create a
Message That
Suits Your
Audience
Use
Inclusive
Language
MaryMary
EllenEllen
Guffey,
Guffey,
Essentials
Essentials
of Business
of Business
Communication,
Communication,
8e 8e
Cultivate
A “You”
View
Sound
Conversational
Use Positive
Language
Chapter 2,
1, Slide 42
Courteous Language
Avoid sounding demanding, preachy, or rude.
Instead of this:
Try this:
You must complete this
research by June 1.
Will you please complete
this research by June 1.
I am sick and tired of
being the only one who
removes jammed paper
from the copier!
Let me show you how to
remove jammed paper
so that you can
complete your copying.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 43
Revise the following using
simple language
You may encounter
You may have difficulty
difficulty in terminating the ending the contract.
contract.
OR: It may be difficult
to end the contract.
Quick
Check
As stipulated, we
extrapolated the budget
figures for two years.
As required, we
projected the budget
figures for two years.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 44
Revise the following using
simple language
Will you utilize workbooks
during the obligatory
training period?
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 45
Revise the following using
simple language
Will you utilize workbooks Will you use workbooks
during the obligatory
during the required
training period?
training period?
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 46
Revise the following using
simple language
Will you utilize workbooks Will you use workbooks
during the obligatory
during the required
training period?
training period?
We anticipate that a
majority of the alternative
will be sufficiently
fundamental to meet our
requirements.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 47
Revise the following using
simple language
Will you utilize workbooks Will you use workbooks
during the obligatory
during the required
training period?
training period?
We anticipate that a
majority of the alternative
will be sufficiently
fundamental to meet our
requirements.
We expect that most of
the choices will be
sufficiently basic to
meet our needs.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 2, Slide 48
END
Instructor Only Version
© 2010 Thomson South-Western