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Hash Sheet - The Un-Official “Organ” of the Bahrain Hash House Harriers
THE MISMANAGEMENT:
GM: Budget budgetbrian@gmail.com
RA: Piss N Boots kubera.john@gmail.com
HASH CASH: Man. Stimulator 39977801 shanthi.menon@gmail.com
HON. SEX: Skitzo scislowicz@copper.net
HABERDASHER: “Nancy Boy”36094924 d-k-hughes@hotmail.com
De-SCRIBE: “The Bitch” 39178043 spicer_kd@yahoo.co.uk
RAFFLES: “Fishy Fingers” C/O 36094924
HASH CHEERS: “Jammy Bastard39070659 desmond1950@yahoo.com & “Stimulator”39230645
jwheldon@gmail.com
HARE-RAISER: “The Referee”ali_al_attar@hotmail.com
WEB:
www.bahrainhash.com
Hash e-mail: bahrainhash@gmail.com
Directions to the next HASH: phone+973 17 86 26 20 check Website
Membership Fees: Annual BD35 9Months BD30
½ year BD25 ¼ year BD20
Run No. 2073 20th June 2011
Location: Picturesque Barbar, Stimulator’s Abode
Weather: Hot and lovely.
Distance: Approx 6km
Attendance 27
Occasion: Because we’re here.
Hares; Stimulator and Jammy Bastard
Doing it all over Bahrain since Saturday, 2nd December 1972
RAFFLES: Membership Draw; The throng were glad to see their revered GM back from
a soggy camping trip in the UK, to take charge of the draw, reminding us, in an authoritative
tone that ‘’you have to know your number’’ and ‘’why do we have to have the names on such
tiny pieces of paper?’’ A good question, as it would challenge anyone’s eyesight to read the
slivers of paper, in the dark too. Amazingly, the first winner called was actually present,
that being Burning Bush who made her way forward to receive her highly sought-after
prize, provided by those lovely people at A&E. Then it was on to the other winners; Just
Chris, The Bitch, Singed Minge, the RA, and Just Chris (again).
THE CRITIQUE: Before the circle could begin, RA, clearly not in the mood for any
hashers not paying full attention, moved in amongst the unruly crowd, weeding-out any who
were talking, or looked as if they were considering it. Drag Queen, Just Chris, Dancing
Queen, The Referee and Sir Prickalot were publicly displayed as a lesson to the rest of
the us. Fresh from her win in the membership draw, Burning Bush was invited to give her
opinion of the run who said it had been ‘scenic’, and that she’d heard of water features, but
never ‘sewage features’ Being the hare from last week, Chicken-Pot Guy gave what
amounted to a lecture on the ‘degree of difficulty’. Taking into account such things as
‘diversity’, ‘creativity’, ‘nature’; the wonderful moment when he saw some birds resting on
flowers, and of course, the ‘shortness’ of the trail, to eventually get to the point, giving it a
well-deserved 9.2.
VISITORS AND VIRGINS
We had two: The shy and retiring Spicy Dickslapper, who declared ‘’nobody does it better
than me’’ and that his favourite position was ‘’anyway you like it honey’’ prompting the crowd
to wonder if he might possibly be American? Sir Prickalot, still smarting from previously
being dragged on to the ice for talking before the circle started, said he was from the
Montreal Hash, and said he would like to continue coming to the hash, however, with a
quivering lip, ‘’not if you keep treating me like this’’
The Referee was up, asking for Spank the Turkey to join him. The GM has very recently
set up an excellent hash website, though not officially up and running yet, which will enable
us all to participate, however, in the meantime we have the helpline (and the existing hash
site) to check for details of the following week’s run. Anyone who called the helpline for
this week’s would have been thrown into utter confusion, as The Referee had declared the
date as ‘’the 28th ‘’, when in fact it was the 20th. Luckily we all ignored this minor detail, and
turned-up anyway. In the meantime, The Referee made the most of the opportunity of
having the lovely Spank sitting coyly on his knee by slyly making her repeat an Arabic
phrase to him, which sounded suspiciously like ‘’Oh Father Christmas, have you got a
present for me?’’
Masterbates, who we hadn’t seen for some time was on the ice with All Black Nipples, who
was sportily dressed in her turquoise Speedo swimsuit (clearly throwing caution to the
wind, flouting a previous week’s warning from the RA that Speedos are not allowed at the
Doing it all over Bahrain since Saturday, 2nd December 1972
hash) and neither are poofters, of course, or a combination of the two. It seems
Masterbates had made a leery comment about ABN’s swimming prowess. But before
Masterbates could escape from the ice, he was told to stay where he was, ready for his
next crime to be read; It had come to the RA’s attention that he, and Porn Again, both
have boxes of kleenex in their cars, placed next to their steering wheels. The RA enquired,
what did they both listen to whilst driving? ‘’BBC India’’ said Masterbates, grinning
enthusiastically. ‘’Madonna’’ said Porn Again, asking ‘’Is there a Hash CD I should be
listening to?’’ The RA, sensing he was losing the thread of the story, brought
TheTissueBox-Two back to the main (tissue) issue; why did they have the boxes in their
cars so readily to hand? To which Porn Again shouted ‘’Because Wednesday is Wanking
Day!!’’ Much to the crowd’s delight this prompted Chicken Pot Guy to perform the ‘7 Days
of The Week Song, complete with all the actions, culminating in a frenzy of everyone
spinning around with their favourite beverage pressed firmly on their heads.
F**kd-Up Chuck, choosing the gorgeous Singed Minge to join him, has had a sore finger,
forcing him to stay at home for 10 days, which seemed excessive until it transpired he has
a wart, possibly from too much friction, asked the RA, with the crowd yelling ‘’Tuesday is
Two Finger day!’’
Tardiness is for the hash inexcusable, however, in the case of Dancing Queen and Drag
Queen, it seems they had a very good reason. After driving straight past the clearlydisplayed hash sign by the BBK Bank, in spite of Dancing Queen pointing out THAT was the
correct turning, DQ decided to arrive via the tiny streets of Diraz, but got distracted on
the way and decided to stop ‘for a little action’. Clearly Drag Queen’s ‘Dream Body’ is still
working its magic. ‘’It isn’t even Tuesday!’’ said Chicken Pot Guy with an astonished look.
Nancy Boy sent an email telling everyone he would be away for 5 weeks, in the hope
someone might kindly offer to take over raffles duty for that time. Drag Queen ‘phoned,
unfortunately, not to offer help, but to ask if he could borrow Nancy Boy’s drill for the
duration.
Porn Again, requested ‘’the wanking guy’’ namely Chicken Pot Guy to join her. She had
mentioned her family once had a dog called Benjamin Disraeli, but didn’t know who he was.
The RA felt it was a good time to test the intelligence of the gathered throng, asking if
they knew who Benjamin Disraeli was. Various answers such as;‘President of Israel,’ ‘Ex US
President,’ and ,‘Wasn’t he a contestant on America’s Got Talent?’,were given, until
Burning Bush revealed she knew the answer (Ex- British prime Minister) and was given
special permission to sit comfortably while all the idiots, largely from the English
fraternity, had to gather around the ice and dolefully look at their feet, hoping, perhaps,
one day, they too might have a brain...
Manual Stimulator with F*cked-Up Chuck keeping her company on the ice, was trying to
prepare for this evening’s fun, but couldn’t find the key for the locked cash box, and was in
a blind panic, searching until Jammy Bastard unhelpfully said ‘’Perhaps it’s in the box?’’.
Doing it all over Bahrain since Saturday, 2nd December 1972
Perhaps Jammy should have been the one on the ice.
Fishy Fingers made a rare appearance on the ice, and sweetly asked for Nancy Boy to join
her. ‘’F**k off Fishy’’ shouted NB tersely. Porn Again was heard to comment ‘’ I’m hearing
incessant chatter behind me’’ to which Camel Jockey jovially said ‘’In Saudi, we call that
‘gas’ ‘’. ’Habib and Dormouse joined Fishy due to a lengthy escapade involving Fishy viciously
attacking yet another mobile phone, breaking its screen. Mobile phones have feelings too
you know.
WOW NOMINEES
*Jammy Bastard, for having a furry steering wheel cover, possibly from a recent safari
hunt. Camel Jockey pointed out its because he doesn’t have anything furry at home.
*Porn Again for being gobby and trying to choose a nominee when it was The Bitch’s turn
to choose.
*Just Chris, the Head Teacher of a prestigious local school who likes to try and lure his
young students into his car by showing them his ‘Little Mermaid’.
*AND THE WINNER IS…Chicken Pot Guy, for using his position and power by having not
one, but two passes in his government vehicle, allowing him access to all the secret areas of
the US Naval base, including the PX.
WHERE IS NEXT WEEK’S HASH? Its at the ever-popular Lob-ester Farm, which is
nowhere near the sea, or any lobsters apparently. 5.30pm. Please check Bahrain Hash
Harriers site for details, or our Helpline 17862620.
NONO
Doing it all over Bahrain since Saturday, 2nd December 1972
Doing it all over Bahrain since Saturday, 2nd December 1972