Revising Your Rough Draft
Yvonne 9410063
Stella 9410065
Miki
9410069
8a. Principles of revision
1. psychological
ex. Every writer who wishes to write well must
learn to revise his work. (sexist)
→ Every writer who wishes to write well must
learn how to revise their work. (grammar)
2. mechanical
Grammatical mistakes and poor word usage will
occur to you during revision process.
8a-1. Rereading your writing
All revision is based on repeated rereading
of the first draft. (three times)
8a-2. Revising the paper from biggest
to smallest elements
makes the act of revision methodical
would not lose the direction for paper
8b. Revising the opening paragraph
opening paragraph-should draw in your reader
thesis-could not muddled or vague
ex. Nearing the diploma, most of college students still
cannot be proficient in their writing; therefore many
professors are worrying about college students’
quality. On the other hand, college students have not
enough ability to reading. Students should cultivate
habits to read in the usual time. (too many themes)
8b-1. Revising the introduction
Opening paragraphs consist of two sections:
Introduction- making in the initial sentences
Thesis- the final sentences of the paragraph
Three strategies to boost the beginning of paper:
a. Use a quotation
b. Ask a question
c. Present an illustration
a. Use a quotation
the quotation should be applicable to the topic
and lead naturally to your thesis
Ex.
"The road to a friend's house is never long."
These words are found in the Danish proverbs.
The author told us when you face a trouble,
friends will always give you help in that time.
b. Ask a question
Allowing you to guide the discussion in exactly
the direction you want to go.
Ex.
Would you ever try to lose weight by diet pills?
Although many girls want a beautiful shape, pills let
them have an unhealthy body. Actually, doing
moderate exercise is beneficial to your health and
it is also the best way to lose your weight.
c. Present an illustration
Aptly chosen, the right anecdote or example can
be an effective introduction for research paper.
Ex.
Even though Shrek is a beast that everyone stayed
away from him, his kindnesses touched princess
Flona finally in Disney’s movie. This example told
us one’s inner beauty is more important than one’s
seeming.
8b-2. Check that your paragraphs
follow the sequence of topics
in the thesis
The topic sentences of paragraphs must follow the
same sequence as the points of your thesis.
Ex. Thesis:
Studying abroad could enhance your foreign
language’s ability, expand your view on everything
and make many friends from other countries.
8b-3. Revising the body paragraphs
Don’t make paragraphs too compact and dense
with details.
Ex. For Australian lovers of the Starbucks version of
coffee, the morning Frappuccino will soon be that much
harder to find. It is shutting 600 stores in the United
States. The post of chief operations officer will also be
eliminates to cut costs.
(too many information in one paragraph)
8b-4. Check paragraph transitions
Check your paragraphs are truly coupled together
rather than simply sitting side by side.
Ex.
Addition- and then, also, moreover, besides…
Comparison- similarly, in the same way, likewise…
Contrast- but, otherwise, though, however…
Time- then, later, at last, meanwhile, thereafter…
Purpose- so that, for the purpose, to this end…
Place- there, nearby, next to, on the other side…
Result- so, therefore, as a result, consequently…
Revising sentences for variety and
style
Variety – easy to distinguish and explain
Style – not easy to pinpoint
Monotonous:
Mr. Wang was born in a poor family. he only
graduated from elementary school. He contributed
his all life to motivate the economy of Taiwan. He
donated a lot of money to help poor people. People
regard him as an excellent enterpriser in Taiwan.
Varied:
Mr. Wang was born in a poor family. Although he
only graduated from elementary school, he
contributed his all life to motivate the economy of
Taiwan. Besides, he donated a lot of money to help
poor people. Therefore, people regard him as an
excellent enterpriser in Taiwan.
How to write a successful sentence
with appropriate length
Learn to juxtapose short and long sentences.
Benz is the brand of car. It comes from German. The
price of car is very high. However, a lot of drivers
who earn more money prefer to buy the ideal car
and represent their social status.
Learn to subordinate
Coordinate:
I arrived at Heathrow airport, and the coach had
already left.
Subordinate:
The coach had already left when I arrived at
Heathrow airport.
Learn to use parallel constructions
Not parallel
The superstar sat in the car. Then she decided to get
off the car. Later she went to the supermarket to buy
food.
Parallel
The superstar sat in the car, decided to get off the car
and went to the supermarket to buy food.
Revise sentences to use the active voice
Active
Tom drives the car.
Positive
the car is driven by Tom.
Passive voice
To make a writer’s contents seem to be a myth
To protect the person responsible from an action.
ex: Two laws protecting illegal aliens were
passed.
Passive
Who find UFO? When? How? According to
investigations, many people have been confused by
these news. Most information of UFO has been
reported by medium, but it has been concluded by
most experts today that those unreal news and
pictures were produced in an artificial way.
Active
Who find UFO? When? How? According to
investigations, these news have confused many
people. Media has reported most information of
UFO, but most experts today have concluded that
people produced those unreal news and pictures in
an artificial way.
To avoid sexism
The toilet was kept clean all day.
He or she kept the toilet clean all day.
Revise to use an appropriate point of view
First-person point of view
In my research I found that a lot of singers took
drugs before performance because drugs can make
their emotions become excited.
Objective point of view
research indicates that a lot of singers took drugs
before performance because drugs can make their
emotions become excited.
Should you ever use the first person point of view
( “i” or “we” ) in your research papers, and if so,
when?
To use the first-person point of view to express your
personal comments, judgments or experiences
Revise sexist language
Every racing driver should train his fitness everyday.
--to reflect the values and prejudice of a maledominated society
--to make a sexist assumption
.
To use sex-neutral and pronouns
Racing drivers should train their fitness everyday.
Racing driver should train his or her fitness everyday.
Nonsexist pronoun, thon means “that one”
--- to be used to replace he or him when the person’s
gender is not identified.
racing driver should train his fitness everyday.
racing driver should train thon fitness everyday.
Revising words-Diction
Diction: Chose a vocabulary to express
one’s opinion.
Revise diction for accuracy and
exactness
Inexact—
Settling into a new culture can be
very difficult. Although some “culture
shock” is inevitable, there are many
ways to make living abroad easier.
More exact—
People move overseas to live, study
or work for many different reasons.
Although this can be a very positive
experience there will often be
difficulties to overcome. These
problems might include getting used
to living in a different culture, not
knowing the language or simply
missing friends and family.
Revise the overuse of phrases for
subjects instead of single nouns
Ex:
The opinion of the working group.
The working group's opinion.
The obvious effect of such a range of reference is
to assure the audience of the author's range of
learning and intellect.
The wide-ranging references in this talk assure the
audience that the author is intelligent and well
read.
Revise redundant expressions
Ex:
It was an unexpected surprise when a
pair of baby twins was born at 12
midnight.
It was a surprise when twins were
born at midnight.
Revise meaningless words and
phrases
– The wound was of a serious nature.
(The wound was serious.)
– The rock is red in color.
(The rock is red.)
– We repeated the experiment again and
again.
(We repeated the experiment.)
Revise snobbish diction
• NOT:
Pursuant to your request, enclosed
you will find our quarterly report.
• Good:
As you asked, I have enclosed our
quarterly report.
Rules for writers. Not
1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
Wrong:
A student has the right to request a formal
review of their grades.
Correct:
Students have the right to request a formal
review of their grades.
2. Prepositions are not words to end
sentences with.
Not: I do what I want to.
RIGHT: I do what I want to do. /I do what I
want.
3. Don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.
Not: She was a pretty girl. And smart too.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
Not: I plan really enjoy to the party.
5. Avoid clichés like the plague.
6. Avoid annoying alliteration.
Ex: Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled
peppers.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are
(usually) unnecessary.
9. Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
Not: John working extra hard on his
research paper lately.
11. Contractions aren’t necessary and shouldn’t
be used.
NOT: I'm-I am
We've- we have
She'll- she will
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
Not: The opinion is passé.
13. Do not be redundant; it’s highly superfluous.
14.One should never generalize.
15. Don’t use no double negatives.
NOT: They didn't hardly have enough food
left.
Good: They hardly have enough food left.
16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
EX: i.e., e.g.
17.One-word sentences? Eliminate.
18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a
snake.
19. The passive voice should never be used.
20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary.
Parenthetical words however should be
enclosed in commas.
EX: "The Founders Bridge, which spans the
Connecticut River, is falling down."
21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one
would suffice.
22. Do not use exclamation points and all caps
to emphasize.
Ex: No, I do not want to go there.
No! I don’t want to go there.
23. Use words correctly, regardless of how
others use them.
24. Understatement is always the absolute best
way to put forth earth shaking ideas.
25. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and
omit it when its not needed.
Ex: to create possessives- the mayor’s car
to show contractions- I’m
to create some plural forms
- the travelers’
26. Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million
can use it correctly.
27. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
28. Go around the barn at high noon to
avoid colloquialisms.
EX: Nuts meaning mad is a colloquialisms.
29. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be
derailed.
Ex: the dog pulled in its horns.
30. Who needs rhetorical questions?
EX: You don't expect me to go along with
that crazy scheme, do you?
31. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than
understatement.
32. Do not put statements in the negative form.
33. A writer must not shifty your point of view.
34. Place pronouns as close as possible, in long
sentences of ten or more words to antecedents.
35. Dangling participles must be avoided.
EX: Entering the room, the light was turned on.
When he entered the room, the light was
turned on.
36. If any words is improper at the end of a
sentence, a linking verb is.
37. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing
metaphors.
38. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
39. Be careful to use a singular pronoun with
singular nouns in their writing.
40. Always pick on the correct idiom.
41. The adverb always follows the verb.
Ex: She moved slowly and spoke quietly.
42. Be careful to use the rite homonym.
EX: bear
43. Proofread carefully to see if you any words
out.