Tonight’s “Team Playbook” Objectives
1. Learn how the family system influences
individual members
2. Identify your own strengths as a parent and
as a family
3. Identify existing family memory makers and
create traditions, rituals and routines that
support family values
Healthy Family Systems
“Just one way, you do get back home. You have
a boy or a girl of your own and now and then
you remember, and you know how they feel, and
it’s almost the same thing as if you were your
own self again, as young as you could
remember.”
-James Agee
Family Environments have significant
effect on the child’s:
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Emotions
Social Behavior
Cognition
Personality
Character Development
Competence
Self-Esteem
Other Influences
Individuality of child & parent
Society influences
Family position
Change and Loss (illness,
death, divorce, etc.)
Gender of child
Four
Family
Atmospheres
Authoritarian
Atmosphere in the Home
Rigid, controlling
Demanding
Punitive
Unreasonable expectations
Adult-like responsibilities
Little verbal give-and-take
(parent always right)
Parents make all decisions
Little expression of affection and warmth
Ideas, feelings, emotions not expressed
Discourage independence
Little encouragement and praise
Excessive dominance by one parent
Predictions for the Child
Tension and conflict
Distrust between parent and child
Hostility toward parent
Power struggle
Rebellion by strong-willed child
Timidness (withdrawal) by milder
temperament child
Low self-esteem
Dependent
Difficulty making decisions
Fearful
Rejection of parental values and beliefs
Higher rate of anti-social behaviors
Permissive
Atmosphere in the Home
Parent avoids exercise of control
High nurturing and communication
Few rules and guidelines
Inconsistent
Parents become easily frustrated and give
up (resulting in the “parentified child”)
Few expectations set
Little structure
Few demands for responsibility and
orderly behavior
Few social rules of mutual consideration
and sharing
Parents seen more as resource than shapers
Does not encourage obedience and
responsibility for external controls
Predictions for the Child
Insecure, often feel unloved
Low self-concept
Difficulty adjusting to structure,
especially in school
Immature socially and emotionally
Little self-control
Irresponsible
Lack social skills, consideration, and
thoughtfulness of others
Less willing to live by parental
standards
Difficulty following rules of society
High rate of anti-social behaviors
Uninvolved
Atmosphere in the Home
Few rules and guidelines
Inconsistent
Child takes over the role of being
the parent
Parent is absent or emotionally
unavailable
Few expectations
Little structure
Does not engage child
Risk of little or no attachment
Predictions for the Child
Unsure of or question parent’s love
Insecure
Seek structure
Immature social and emotional skills
Difficulty getting along with and
respecting others
Difficulty adjusting to structure,
rules
Little self-control
Irresponsible
Disorganized
Less willing to live by society’s values
High rate of anti-social behaviors
Increased risk of being a victim of
abuse/neglect
Peers may become major “role models”
Appears to have independence
Authoritative
Atmosphere in the Home
Parents are clearly in charge
Firm, well-defined guidelines
Flexible boundaries
High level of communication
Respect for ideas, feelings, and emotions
Mutual respect and consideration
Teamwork, give-and-take
Accept uniqueness of individuals
Allow for mistakes
Reasonable expectations
Developmentally appropriate
responsibilities
Healthy role modeling
Encourage independence and autonomy
Nurturing, affectionate
Predictions for the Child
Close family relationships
Emotionally and socially mature
Self-confident
High self-esteem
Achievement-oriented
Independent
Creative
Leadership skills (may also be bossy,
or aggressive)
Secure, fewer fears
Cooperative, friendly
Responsible, good decision makers
Willing to take risks
Concern for others, service
oriented
Happy
Remain close to family values and
beliefs
Lower rate of anti-social behaviors
Today’s Families
• Only 10% represent traditional family of past
(single breadwinner, nuclear family)
• 27% are single-parent families
• 20% of all children <18 years old live in
stepfamilies
• 64% of mothers with children <6 years old
work outside the home
Characteristics of a Healthy Family
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Develops a sense of trust
Teaches respect for self and others
Values individual differences
Believes in commitment to family
Maintains clear boundaries among family members
Shares responsibility
Communicates effectively
Develops problem-solving skills
Establishes strong sense of roots and belonging
Accepts change in natural and unexpected transitions of life
Believes in a higher order in life
Recognizes and seeks help for serious problems
Think about your own “family of
origin” (your parents and siblings)
• How did your parents
show affection and
express love to each
other?
• How did they feel about
work/professions?
• How did they show other
emotions, like sadness or
anger?
• What were some family
strengths? Weaknesses?
• What were their
parenting styles?
• What were the family
values and beliefs?
• Importance of
traditions
• Holiday celebrations
Why study those
family patterns?
It is important to realize
that our family of origin patterns
are significant to
valuing the past
as well as
remapping the future.
A family, like a canoe, must be
steered or paddled,
or it won’t take you where you want to go
-William J. Doherty, Ph.D.
Routines, Rituals and Traditions
 Routines: the least deliberate and most
frequently occurring of family interactions
 Rituals: repeated and coordinated activities that
have significance to the family
 Traditions: rituals that occur less frequently and
in conjunction with a particular time or
celebration, generally passed from generation to
generation
Every family is unique with
traditions and rituals unique to
them.
Many families hold dear the same
type of traditions and rituals.
The rituals and traditions might
differ depending on the family
ages, gender, background,
situation, etc.
As traditions pass down through
generations, they are altered to fit
in
with new lifestyles.
From The Intentional Family,
by William J. Doherty
• Traditional family focus was on kinship,
children, community ties, economics and the
father’s authority, with goals of stability and
security
• Now the focus has shifted to individual
freedom and pursuit of personal happiness
and achievement more than kinship
obligations
According to Doherty,
As a society, we have set high expectations for
family life with little support and guidance in
how to meet these expectations.
“The natural drift of family life in contemporary
America is toward slowly diminishing
connection, meaning and community.”
http://youtu.be/PZsY7pGNgk?t=1m45s
Wisdom about “TRADITION” from
Tevye, in the opening song of
“The Fiddler on the Roof”