Chapter 9
Communicating in Close
Relationships
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The importance of communication in close
relationships
Close relationships and the individual
Communicating in friendships and romantic
relationships
The individual, relationship communication,
and society
Ethics and close relationships
Improving your relationship initiation skills
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Central to psychological and physiological
health
People are happier and healthier when they
have good relationships
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Relationships in which people see each other
as unique and irreplaceable
Communication marked by high disclosure
and openness
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Proximity
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Attractiveness
◦ Physical Closeness
◦ Electronic Closeness
◦ Physical Attractiveness
◦ The Matching Hypothesis
◦ Personality
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Similarity
◦ Values and Interests
◦ Uncertainty Reduction Theory
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Relationships increase through selfdisclosure
3 dimensions of self-disclosure
◦ Breadth – range of topics
◦ Depth – how personal exchanges are
◦ Frequency – how often exchanges occur
Irwin Altman
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Relationship development is facilitated or derailed
by participants’ efforts to reduce their uncertainty
about each other
◦ Focus on when people first meet
◦ If our initial attempts to reduce uncertainty lead to
positive results, we will increase our disclosure
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In early interactions, people reduce uncertainty to
determine whether continuing to interact is worth
time and energy
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Positive predictions  continued interaction
Negative predictions  de-escalation of the
relationship
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We experience tension between contradictory,
but related needs
◦ Autonomy/connection
◦ Expressiveness/privacy
◦ Change/predictability
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The Knapp and Vangelisti’s Stages
of Relational Development
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Romantic Relationships
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Flirting
Gender differences
Communication and
dating
Friendships
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Conversational
initiation skills vital
Open with a nonthreatening
comment
Ask broad, openended questions
Listen attentively
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Effective
communication leads
to relational
satisfaction
◦ People use strategic and
routine behaviors to
keep relationships
satisfying
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Romantic Relationships
 Positivity
 Openness
 Assurances
 Social Networks
 Sharing Tasks
 Joint Activities
 Mediated
Communication
 Avoidance/Antisocial
 Humor
Friendships
 Conversation
 Similar Communication
Skills
 Assurances
 Positivity
 Open Discussion
 Listening
 Sharing Time
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Difficulties in understanding relationship
termination
◦ Unwillingness to discuss
◦ Identifying when termination begins
Termination trajectories
◦ Sudden death
◦ Passing away
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Romantic Relationships
◦ Lack of autonomy
◦ Lack of similarity
◦ Lack of
supportiveness
◦ Infidelity
◦ Inequity
◦ Absence of romance
◦ “Fatal Attractions”
Friendships
 Minimal pressure to
maintain
 Lack of awareness
 Lack of proximity
 Decreased affection
 Lack of comm. skills
 Rule-breaking
 Deception
 Boredom
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Romantic
Relationships
 Negative identity
management
 De-escalation
 Justification
 Behavioral
 De-escalation
Friendships
 Withdrawal/
avoidance
 Third-party
message
 Positive tone
 Openness
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Aversive Communication Behaviors
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Deception
◦ Frequency
◦ Examples: Nagging, Criticizing, Teasing
◦ Frequency
◦ The Impact of the Truth Bias
◦ Particularly Devastating in Friendships
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Jealousy
◦ Combination of Emotions
◦ Result of Perceived Threat to Relationship
◦ Gender Differences
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Interpersonal Violence
◦ Frequency
◦ Battering
◦ Situational couple violence
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Sexual Coercion
◦ Date Rape vs. Sexual Coercion
◦ Contributors to Sexual Coercion
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Society sets norms for mate selection &
behavior—high homogeneity
Society sets norms for communication behavior
Social norms inhibit some groups from
expressing their relationships
Businesses set policies that affect employees’
relationships
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Individuals face pressure from social groups
regarding friendship choices
Norms/beliefs about cross-sex friendships
affect their enactment
Society has norms about the relative role of
friends in our lives
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Recognize the importance of authentic
communication
Confront important issues
Take responsibility
Allow others to speak from their own
positions and experiences
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Communicating dissatisfaction is challenging
and can lead to hurtful messages
◦ Hurtful messages can be unintentional or
intentional
◦ Intensity of the message and context of the delivery
affect reception of the message
◦ We still need to convey negative messages
sometimes
◦ Apologies and justifications can help repair the
damage
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