Editing for Concision
A Writing Across the Curriculum Presentation
for Fayetteville State University
WAC at FSU
Writing Across the Curriculum
at Fayetteville State University
is funded by a Title III grant.
For more information about WAC at
FSU, contact Sonya Brown at (910)
672 1861 or scbrown@uncfsu.edu
Editing for Concision
This presentation is designed to help
writers remove wordiness and thereby
increase the clarity and readability of
their document.
Concision Defined
To be concise is to be brief.
In writing, concision means using the
fewest words necessary to convey
your ideas clearly to your intended
readers.
Concision as Ideal
Concise writing conveys information quickly. It
is ideal for documents like:
o Memoranda, Business E-mail, Reports
o PowerPoint Presentations
o Instructions, manuals
o Documents in which information is more
important than expressions of individual
style
Editing Takes Times
o
o
Editing often takes 5-20 minutes per
substantial paragraph.
Budget time to EDIT after you
REVISE and before you
PROOFREAD for mistakes in
grammar, punctuation, spelling, and
numerical data (phone numbers,
dollar values, etc.).
Editing Time is Worthwhile



Studies suggest that writers whose prose is
clear, concise and easy-to-read are
perceived as intelligent—more intelligent
than writers whose prose confuses readers.
Editing for clarity makes documents easier
to use, saving readers’ time, effort and
sometimes money
Shorter documents cost less to print, saving
individuals and companies money through
paper, ink, wear-and-tear on equipment
Concision and Readers
For readers unfamiliar with your
material:
o Explain technical terms and acronyms
when necessary
o Provide examples and explanations to
improve clarity
Concision and Interest
o
o
Some documents, like editorials,
personal essays, and short stories,
interest readers through content AND
an engaging style.
Some authors use more words than
“necessary”. Their writing interests
readers because the “extra” words are
entertaining.
Don’t Edit and Write at the
Same Time
o

Focusing on concision instead of content at
first can derail your train of thought.
When you have all of your information
where you want it in your document, EDIT
for concision.
Note: Read more about the Process of Writing on the WAC
homepage.
How to Edit for Concision
o
o
o
o
Trim Unnecessary Modifiers
Remove Common Redundancies
Replace Extra Forms of “to be”
Use Active Verbs instead of passives
and noun forms
Editing is Multi-Tasking
Although four steps are listed here, they
overlap occasionally.
You may find you have removed
significant bulk using only one or two
steps!
Editing Step 1:
Trimming Unnecessary
Modifiers
Modifiers
• Describe other things. By describing,
they “change” or “modify” the things
they describe
• Are divided into two general groups,
adjectives and adverbs
Adjectives and Adverbs
o
Adjectives and adverbs can be words
(yellow, soft, softly, very) or phrases
(in the car, up the road, at a rapid
pace)
Prepositional Phrases are
Modifiers
Prepositions are words like in, to, for,
by, at, beside, on, and with.
They usually begin prepositional
phrases, that end with a noun (a
person, place or thing) or pronoun.
Ex. in the car, to her, with Julian, beside
my desk, by the esteemed author
Adjectives
o
Adjectives describe nouns (people,
places, things)
o
o
o
o
o
o
The gray house
The tall woman
The challenging, but uplifting speech
The color of the house
The houses in my neighborhood
The tree beside the building
Adverbs
o
Adverbs describe verbs, adjectives,
and other adverbs
o
o
o
o
o
She walked slowly
She ran through the rain
He was very shy
He smiled very shyly
She walked so slowly
“Strings of Prepositions”
Richard Lanham, in Revising Business Prose,
notes that many wordy documents contain
“strings” of prepositions, and recommends
cutting unnecessary prepositional phrases
entirely OR replacing some with single
words.
Ex. at a fast pace=quickly
in considerable desperation=desperate/ly
in a patient manner=patiently
Need More on Prepositions?
Explore Robin L. Simmons’ site on
identifying and using prepositions.
Hover your cursor over the link below
and “right click” to Open Hyperlink and
visit the site:
http://www.chompchomp.com/terms/preposition.htm
Trimming Unnecessary
Modifiers
o
When you are in the process of editing,
look for both adjectives and adverbs,
including whole phrases like
prepositions, to cut out or reduce in size.
Need an example?
o When you are [] editing, look for []
adjectives and adverbs, including
preposition phrases, to cut [] or reduce [].
Editing Step 2:
Redundancies
Redundant writing has the same ideas
repeated in different words.
Keep in mind!
Sometimes, writers repeat ideas in more
than one style because they anticipate
that readers will need more than one
explanation to grasp new or difficult
concepts.
Examples of Common
Redundancies
consensus of opinion
(consensus means shared opinions)
end result
(a result is an end)
first and foremost
(foremost means first or “in front”)
Need More on
Redundancies?
Explore Richard Nordquist’s page of common
redundancies for about.com. Hover your
cursor over the link below and “right click” to
Open Hyperlink and visit the site:
http://grammar.about.com/od/words/a/redunda
ncies.htm
There are hundreds of common phrases listed
here!
Editing Step 3:
Replace Forms of “to be”
o
Forms of “to be”:
am, is, are, was, were, be, being,
become, became
“To be” verbs often “help” other verbs.
Often, replacing them results in more
efficient sentences.
o
Examples of Replacing “to
be” Verbs
What Jeannette was referring to is our
recent adventure in Brazil.
Revised: Jeannette referred to our
recent adventure in Brazil.
My mother is a brilliant writer.
Revised: My mother writes brilliantly.
“There is” and “There are”
Many writers overuse these two phrases.
o Example: There are many people who want
to adopt infants.
Revision: Many people want to adopt infants.
Example: There is an overwhelming
majority in favor of replacing the windows.
An overwhelming majority favor replacing the
windows.
o
Need More on “to be”
Verbs?
Explore Professor Deborah De Rossa’s advice to
students. Hover your cursor over the link below
and “right click” to Open Hyperlink and visit the
site:
http://www.unc.edu/~dcderosa/Draftworkshops/tobeverbs.html
Editing Step 4:
Use Active Verbs
o
Active verbs are those that are
performed actively by the subject:
Examples: Sue jumped.
The minister spoke.
The dog wagged its tail.
Passive: The Opposite of
Active
Passive verbs:
• Are performed ON, not BY, the subject
• Typically require “to be”
• Often appear with the preposition “by”
Example:
Sue was jumped on by the dog.
The minister was spoken to by Jamal.
The funding was authorized.
Passive Strategies
o
o
Usually, passive creates wordiness or
even lack of clarity.
In professional documents, use passive
to protect people from blame in
appropriate situations. You must make
the ethical call!
Example: You did not sign your check.
Revision: Your check was not signed.
Need More on Passives?
Read Professor Jerz’ webpages on
Active and Passive tense, starting
with. Hover your cursor over the link
below and “right click” to Open
Hyperlink and visit the site:
http://jerz.setonhill.edu/writing/grammar/act-pass.htm
Noun Forms
Using noun forms instead of active
verbs also clutters prose:
Example: Scientists made the discovery
of several new Jovian moons.
Revised: Scientists discovered several
new Jovian moons.
o Notice that the first sentence uses the
noun discovery rather than the verb
discovered.
o
Examples of Noun Forms

Tyrone is making a plan to write a
book.


Revised: Tyrone plans to write a book.
The fire has had a profound effect on
the ecosystem.

Revised: The fire has profoundly
affected the ecosystem.
Editing Review
Step 1: Trim Unnecessary Modifiers
Step 2: Remove
Redundancies/Repetition
Step 3: Replace “to be” verbs
Step 4: Use Active Voice
Practice Editing:
Step 1 Trimming Modifiers
Pause the presentation here. Identify ALL the
modifiers in the following and copy them onto a
sheet of paper.
In order to define a neutron star it is necessary to state
that it is a small star, but in spite of its small size it is
very dense; in fact, as amazing as it may seem,
most neutron stars are comparable to our sun in
mass, or gross weight. But although neutron stars
are as heavy as our sun, however, it is important to
realize that they are much smaller. In other words,
these dense stars are only a few miles in radius,
whereas the radius of the sun is about 700,000
miles.
Which did you find?
In order to define a neutron star it is necessary
to state that it is a small star, but in spite of
its small size it is very dense; in fact, as
amazing as it may seem, most neutron
stars are comparable to our sun in mass, or
gross weight. But although neutron stars
are as heavy as our sun, however, it is
important to realize that they are much
smaller. In other words, these dense stars
are only a few miles in radius, whereas the
radius of the sun is about 700,000 miles.
Quick Question
Why aren’t phrases like to define and to
realize highlighted? Aren’t they
prepositional phrases, and therefore
modifiers?
No, these are verb forms called
infinitives. You may edit some or all of
them out, but they are not modifiers.
Cut the modifiers that will not
affect the sentences’ ability to
make sense first.
In order to define a neutron star it is necessary
to state that it is a small star, but in spite of
its small size it is very dense; in fact, as
amazing as it may seem, most neutron
stars are comparable to our sun in mass, or
gross weight. But although neutron stars
are as heavy as our sun, however, it is
important to realize that they are much
smaller. In other words, these dense stars
are only a few miles in radius, whereas the
radius of the sun is about 700,000 miles.
Edited Paragraph
To define a neutron star it is necessary to
state that it is a small star, but it is very
dense; in fact, as amazing as it may seem,
most neutron stars are comparable to our
sun in mass, or gross weight. But although
neutron stars are as heavy as our sun,
however, it is important to realize that they
are much smaller. In other words, these
dense stars are only a few miles in radius,
whereas the radius of the sun is about
700,000 miles.
Redundancies & Repetition
Leaving the modifiers highlighted, let’s now try to
find redundancies and repetition.
To define a neutron star it is necessary to state
that it is a small star, but it is very dense; in fact,
as amazing as it may seem, most neutron stars
are comparable to our sun in mass, or gross
weight. But although neutron stars are as
heavy as our sun, however, it is important to
realize that they are much smaller. In other
words, these dense stars are only a few miles
in radius, whereas the radius of the sun is about
700,000 miles.
First Redundancy
To define a neutron star it is necessary to state
that it is a small star, but it is very dense; in fact,
as amazing as it may seem, most neutron stars
are comparable to our sun in mass, or gross
weight. But although neutron stars are as
heavy as our sun, however, it is important to
realize that they are much smaller. In other
words, these dense stars are only a few miles
in radius, whereas the radius of the sun is about
700,000 miles.
In this sentence, to define and to state describe
the same action in two ways. Are both or either
necessary?
Another
Redundancy/Repetition
To define a neutron star it is necessary to state
that it is a small star, but it is very dense; in fact,
as amazing as it may seem, most neutron stars
are comparable to our sun in mass, or gross
weight. But although neutron stars are as
heavy as our sun, however, it is important to
realize that they are much smaller. In other
words, these dense stars are only a few miles
in radius, whereas the radius of the sun is about
700,000 miles.
Here, you see that some of the modifiers are the
same as a redundancy.
Quick Question
Why isn’t the information about the sun’s
radius compared to a neutron star’s
highlighted as a redundancy?
Few readers know a lot about neutron stars.
That information isn’t mere repetition. It’s
adding detailed information, and probably
helps readers imagine these types of stars,
so we’ll leave it for clarity.
Step 3: Identify “to be” verbs
Look for all the “to be” forms you can find in this
paragraph. How many do you count?
To define a neutron star it is necessary to state
that it is a small star, but it is very dense; in fact,
as amazing as it may seem, most neutron stars
are comparable to our sun in mass, or gross
weight. But although neutron stars are as
heavy as our sun, however, it is important to
realize that they are much smaller. In other
words, these dense stars are only a few miles
in radius, whereas the radius of the sun is about
700,000 miles.
Did you find 9 “to be” verbs?
To define a neutron star it is necessary to state
that it is a small star, but it is very dense; in fact,
as amazing as it may seem, most neutron stars
are comparable to our sun in mass, or gross
weight. But although neutron stars are as
heavy as our sun, however, it is important to
realize that they are much smaller. In other
words, these dense stars are only a few miles
in radius, whereas the radius of the sun is about
700,000 miles.
Editing Step 4: Action Verbs
Now we can really cut.
Look at the paragraph on the next slide,
with modifiers, redundancies and “to
be” verbs highlighted.
Cut and rearrange the sentences to
eliminate some or most of the extra
words.
Pause the Presentation
and Edit!
To define a neutron star it is necessary to
state that it is a small star, but it is very
dense; in fact, as amazing as it may
seem, most neutron stars are
comparable to our sun in mass, or gross
weight. But although neutron stars are
as heavy as our sun, however, it is
important to realize that they are much
smaller. In other words, these dense
stars are only a few miles in radius,
whereas the radius of the sun is about
700,000 miles.
Here is one possibility
A neutron star is a small, dense star,
equal in mass, or gross weight, to our
sun, but having a radius of only a few
miles in contrast with our sun’s radius
of about 700,000 miles.
This paragraph went from 86 to 36 words!
Note: You can go backward in this presentation to look at
the original paragraph again.
Here’s another
Small, dense neutron stars are only
a few miles in radius in contrast
with the sun, which has a radius of
approximately 700,000. Yet
neutron stars equal the sun in
mass, or gross weight.
This paragraph went from 86 to 35
words!
Notice!

Not all modifiers or “to be” verbs are
removed from the edited versions of the
paragraph:
Small, dense neutron stars are only a few
miles in radius in contrast with the sun,
which has a radius of approximately
700,000. Yet neutron stars equal the
sun in mass, or gross weight.
No One Right Way
If your edited paragraph means the
same as the original, is clear to a
reader, and cuts unnecessary words,
you’ve done it correctly.
You are ready to proofread the
paragraph! Use the link from the WAC
Student Resources page to find
information about proofreading!
Question
My paper must be 15 pages long.
How can I edit to remove words but
still complete my assignment?
Answers
o You probably need to develop more
IDEAS to include in the paper. Talk
with your instructor or a writing tutor,
or visit the Prewriting page on the
WAC student site for help with this.

Additional Reading and
Practice
Editors and writers may also find the following
books useful:
The Elements of Style, Strunk and White.
Style: Ten Lessons in Clarity and Grace,
Joseph Williams.
Revising Business Prose, Richard Lanham.
Understanding Style, Joe Glaser.