Creating a Positive, Strength-Based
Culture in Our Schools
&
Understanding and Responding
to Students with Emotional & Behavioral
Issues Using Strength-Based
Theories and Practices
Leadership Manual
Charlie Appelstein, M.S.W.
charlieap@comcast.net
www.charliea.com
www.parentrapsody.com
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Table of Contents
Introduction:
The Power of a Positive, Strength-Based Approach
The Importance of Motivation
Strength-Based Action Plans
Gus on Pejorative Labeling
Understanding & Decoding Problem Behavior
Reframing Exercise
Challenging Behavior and Pejorative Labeling
Action Plans
Providing Hope & Possibility Through Metaphors
30 Questions to Ask Your Students
Strength-Based Practice: The Principles
Solution-Focused Questions
Self Esteem Building (Doing vs. Understanding)
Action Plans
Helping Inflexible & Explosive Students
Exercise
Seeing is Believing vs. Believing is Seeing
Respecting Roots & Cultural Diversity
Millimeter Acknowledgment & Hellos/Goodbyes
Working with Families
School/Parent Partnership Questionnaire
Cueing
Cueing Exercise
Stretching (Repetitive behavioral quizzing)
Externalizing & Naming Negative Behaviors
Using Humor
Humor Ideas
Creating Individual and Group Incentive Plans
Strength-Based Mission Statement
Managing Number One First
Action Plans
Examining How it Feels to work with Troubled Kids
Checking your Baggage at the Door
The Observing Ego
Strategies for Managing Self-Esteem Injuries
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The Affect Scale & Feeling Zone
Content vs. Massage & Body Messages
Power & Control from a Trauma Victim’ s Perspective
Power & Control Exercise
The Importance of Support
The Ecological Map
Maintaining Support Outside of School
The Holding Environment
The Developmental Perspective & Putting in
the Bricks
Maintaining Staff Cohesion & Avoiding Team Splitting
Developmental Psych. & Peer Relations
Personal Boundaries and Self-Disclosure
Pre-Talk Considerations
Core Verbal Interventions
Proactive Considerations for Teachers
Proactive Strategies for Students
with Learning Disabilities
Behavior Management: Understanding, Prevention,
and Principles
Limit Setting
Logical Consequences
Self-Management Strategies for Students
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Review Quizzes
Teacher Feedback Form
Personal Journal Sheets
P. 89
P. 94
P. 99
Transactional Analysis
Elements of Successful Leadership
Additional Training Sheets
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P. 105
P. 106
P. 73
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Introduction
This intensive training regimen and training manual have been designed to provide the
educational coaches with the content and skills necessary to effectively implement, model
and sustain a strength-based educational culture in their schools.
Strength-based practice is an emerging approach to guiding students that is
exceptionally positive and inspiring. It begins with belief that all students have or can
develop strengths and utilize past successes to mitigate problem behavior and enhance
social, behavioral, and academic functioning. It continues with practice methods that
identify and marshal these strengths for necessary behavior change and continued
excellence.
The course will teach the major components of the strength-based approach and
demonstrate how the following eight training aides help to systemically weave the material
into a school culture:
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5.
6.
7.
8.
Modeling
Visual Cues
Film Clips
Feedback Sheets
Training Exercises
Quizzes/Learning Games
Literature (orientation & ongoing material )
Supervision
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The Power of a Positive, Strength-Based Approach
Strength-Based Practice: It’s all about Attitude & Actions
• Educators maximize student potential when they convey an attitude to each and every
one that says:
I believe in all of you and I am thrilled to be part of your life.
And then, through their daily actions…show that they mean it.
• Research has shown that a student entering high school with a history of violence,
is not likely to commit further acts of aggression (at his/her school) if the student believes there
is at least one educator at the school that thinks “I’m terrific!”
- James Garborino, Ph.D.
“I was successful because you believed in me.”
- Ulysses S. Grant in a letter to Abraham Lincoln
• When youth feel better about themselves they are more likely to use and cultivate their strengths
• Genuine believing attacks self-doubt, makes students feel better about themselves and provides
hope… Hope is Humanity’s Fuel.
• Under-achieving students often struggle with self-confidence: “Self-doubt kills ability.”
-Degas
Excerpts from David Shenks’ The Genius in All of Us:
But the new science suggests that few of us know our true limits, that the vast majority of us
have not even come close to tapping what scientists call our ‘unactualized potential.’
With humility, with hope, and with extreme determination, greatness is something to
which any kid-of any age-can aspire.
Most underachievers are very likely not prisoners of their own DNA, but rather have been
unable to tap into their true potential.
• “A smile is the face’s way of giving an emotional hug.”
• Twenty years from now, the students you currently teach won’t remember much of what you said
to them, but they’ll all recall how you made them feel.
• Children & youth with post traumatic stress disorder will shut down (i.e. become
protective) when approached by an adult with a stern expression.
• Have you ever watched an actor in a bad mood? If you’re in a bad mood, it might be prudent to
fake that you’re not. Actors entertain for a few hours. Educators save lives.
A positive attitude sends the message: I want to be here. I care about you. I believe in you. You 5
WILL succeed!
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The Power of Motivation
“As teachers, let us commit to learning why “unmotivated” kids are unable to find their drive
and inspiration on playing fields, on skateboard courses,
in poolrooms, in video arcades, on mall concourses…or at nine thousand
feet. What do these settings provide that we do not provide in the classroom?
We constantly search for ways that we can “change the child.” Perhaps the first
significant change should come from us. Perhaps we should first analyze and change our
policies, procedures, and practices when dealing with hard-to-reach kids.
Richard Lavoie, The Motivation Breakthrough, preface XIX
Most teachers and parents recognize that motivation is the key to learning.
Reflect for a moment on your favorite teacher in high school. The chances are that he was an
effective motivator. He inspired you. He was not merely a teacher, he was also a leader.
He did not necessarily make learning fun, but he made learning attainable and purposeful.
Whether you serve children as a teacher, parent, coach, or instructor,
you will multiply your effectiveness immeasurably if you learn how to motivate your charges
and maintain that motivation throughout the learning process.”
- Richard Lavoie, The Motivation Breakthrough, p.5
Strategies for Motivating At-Risk Students
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Greet each student with a smile
Send positive notes home
Call a student’s home and/or program after a good day or accomplishment
Get to know the strengths and interests of each of your students. Take an interest
in these strengths. (e.g. If a student likes NASCAR – get on the internet and
learn about NASCAR) Do the same with their parents: “Ask your dad whether he
thinks the Patriots can win the Super Bowl?”
Use self-deprecating humor (e.g. Don’t look at me if the Patriots lose on
Sunday!...and then let them give you a hard time after a loss.
Play a game (e.g. basketball, cards, computer, etc.) – try, but lose on purpose
and pretend to be ticked off: “Don’t tell anyone that you beat me!”
Ask their advice whenever possible (i.e. Empower!)
Regularly post their work on a wall for all to see. Periodically celebrate successes.
Let them know on a regular basis how much you enjoy working with them.
Unexpectedly celebrate good days and/or accomplishments
Keep things neat (Sends the message that you take the job seriously)
Use humor liberally. Play music during free time and/or weave it into the content.
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Strength-Based Action Plans:
1. Ask your staff members whether they believe there is a big difference between
any one of them and the most troubled student they work with? Afterwards, cite
the open-heart surgery example. (i.e. How would any of them feel if prior to be
operated on, the surgeon said:)
“I’d like to be honest with you. I’m kind of in a bad mood this morning. I didn’t get
much sleep due to a research paper I had to write; and, this morning, my broker
beeped me on my way in. I lost 10 grand on IBM! I told the sucker NO tech stocks!
So I’m ticked and irritable but I can cut your heart open.”
Ask your staff members: “Would you say cut doctor!” Discuss.
2. Retell the anecdote about the new teacher who thought her students’ locker
numbers were their I.Q. scores. Ask your staff members to postulate why she did
so well, why the difficult students all changed their ways?
Ask your staff members: “Have you ever worked an entire day where at least 2 or
3 times you didn’t ask yourself: “What the heck do I do now? “What do I say
here?”
Then advise:
Next time and every time thereafter you find yourself in one of those “What the
heck do I do now” situations, think:
“It doesn’t matter what I say or do right now. I’ll respond in the best way I can –
based on my knowledge and experience. But the most important thing I bring to
this job is my attitude.
Remind them to think:
Twenty years from now, this kid won’t remember much of what I said to her, but
she will recall how I made her feel.
3. Talk with your staff members about the “rolodex”. Do all of their students go
to bed with visions of hope and possibility? Do they have enough “Reasons to Get
Up” cards in their rolodexes? Do they have hope? Are they (the teachers ) in each
kid’s rolodex?
4.Ask your staff members: Does every student you touch believe that
you think he or she is terrific? If not, why? And what can you do about this?
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Gus on Pejorative Labeling
“Look, I know some of us can be quite difficult. I was a hellion my first six months,
considered quite obnoxious. But it was simply defensive posturing. (Can you say defense
mechanism?) Kids aren’t bad. They’re just screwed up. The kid who’s pushing you away the
most is probably the one who needs you the most.
I think every residential center would be better off if they never used words as
manipulative, lazy, un-invested, controlling,
and obnoxious. They’re pejorative adjectives. When you label one
of us in such a way, you contaminate the waters and no one wants
to swim with us any more.
“Manipulative kids aren’t fun to work with.”
“They’re a pain in the ass.”
“Boy , is that kid manipulative!”
Every time we get blasted for being “manipulative” (or any other such term), our
self-concept suffers. We take on that word – we internalize a sense of badness. Yet the kid you
call “manipulative” might have come to your facility with a history of manipulating his way out
of getting beaten. So, maybe manipulating ain’t so bad. Maybe it simply needs to be understood
in the context of a child’s situation. Maybe people don’t need to use these words anymore.”
P. 24 “I had been an excellent math student, but the day she told me
I was “spacey” and unfocused was the day I stopped connecting
to math.”
Note: Throughout this handout will be references to the manuscript: Helping Traumatized Children Learn
produced by Massachusetts Advocates for Children
www.massadvocates.org.
The Gus Chronicles, Appelstein, 1994
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Understanding and Decoding Problem Behavior
Life isn’t what you see, it’s what you perceive!
Pejorative Label
Positive, Hope-Based Reframe
Obnoxious
Good at pushing people away
Rude, arrogant
Good at affecting people
Resistant
Cautious
Lazy, un-invested
Good at preventing further hurts,
failures
Manipulative
Good at getting needs met
Just looking for
attention
Good at caring about and
loving yourself
Close-mouthed
Loyal to family or friends
Different, odd
Under-appreciated
Stubborn & defiant
Good at standing up for yourself
Tantrum, fit, outburst
Big message
Learning disability
Roadblocks
Responding to Misbehavior:
Understand (behavior is always a message) > Reframe > Squeeze
When you change the way you look at a student with emotional and behavioral
issues…the student changes.
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Reframing
Reframing involves taking a seemingly negative behavior and "reframing" it in a
positive way. For example, a youth who appears hyperactive could be told: "Billy, you have
a lot of energy. You can probably do more things in an hour than most of us can. I wish I
could move like you.“
Try and reframe the following behaviors exhibited by troubled students.
Write down the reframe you might utilize:
1.
A student who is always looking for attention:
2.
A youth who won't talk about his/her feelings:
3.
A student who acts rudely:
4.
A student who makes funny noises at the wrong time:
5.
A student who acts in a stubborn manner:
6.
A student who tattles:
7.
A youth who frequently swears:
8.
A student who's bossy with peers:
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Reframing II
1.
A student who is always looking for attention:
R: I apologize to you for anyone who has ever put you down for looking for attention. I think it’s great
you look for attention – good or bad. It means you haven’t quit on yourself. You probably haven’t
received enough attention in your life and you’re looking for it now. Are there better ways to seek it?
Sure, and we can talk about them. But I don’t want you to spend another minute of your life thinking
that there’s something wrong with looking for attention!”
2.
A youth who won't talk about his/her feelings:
R: You’re a real loyal daughter. I think you hold everything in to protect your family and I think that’s
quite admirable. Your mom is very lucky to have a kid like you. But this isn’t us against your family,
we’re on the same side (connecting statement –see page ).
3.
A student who acts rudely:
R: You have an amazing ability to affect people! Or, “I think you’re pretty good at giving to others
what you’ve received.”
4.
A student who makes funny noises at the wrong time:
R: You’re a very creative kid. What range, pitch, resonance! These are great
noises. How about
saving them for the end of the day. You can put on a show for five minutes.
5.
A student who acts in a stubborn manner:
R: You’re good at standing up for yourself and what you believe. Some of the greatest people in the
world were quite stubborn about their causes: Martin Luther King, Mother Theresa. But the great ones
all new when to give in a little.
6.
A student who seems unmotivated:
R: You’re pretty good at protecting yourself. If you
don’t try you can’t be embarrassed. But you’re a
bright kid and if you just take it step by step you’ll probably have success.
7.
5.
A youth who frequently swears:
R: You’re very expressive! You’ve got words I never heard before. Might use a few at the Cowboy’s
game. How about saving the expressive language for times your alone with one of us, not in front of
the other students. Thanks.
8.
9.
A student who's bossy with peers:
R: You’ve got great leadership skills. You’re a natural.
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Responding to Challenging Behavior & the Negative Effects of
Pejorative Labeling
What is the strength-based protocol for responding to challenging behavior?
To provide hope and possibility to troubled students in need, strength-based wisdom
advises a three-step response: (1) understand the behavior (all behavior is viewed as a
message), (2) reframe it in positive terms, and (3) hydraulically squeeze it into a
benign place where it can be explored and appreciated. At the same time, students who
break established rules are held accountable for their actions.
It is important to remember that negative behavior generally comes for a positive
place, which in most cases is self-protective. A student who always seems to be
looking for attention probably needs more than the school can offer. It’s not her fault
that she’s been deprived of it.
How does a strength-based practice distinguish itself from others, in purely
practical terms?
Perhaps the key characteristic of a strength-based approach is the reluctance – if not
outright refusal – to use negative labels when talking to or about an at-risk student or
group.
Pejorative labeling does young people a disservice by negatively influencing the
way others think about them – and the way they view themselves. For example, call a
teenager obnoxious and people will not want to engage her; call her a courageous youth
who happens to be a master at keeping adults at a distance… and folks will be more
inclined to reach out to her. As mentioned, when students feel good about themselves,
they make better decisions.
A critical remark from a teacher can reinforce the poor self-image many at-risk kids
harbor and can jeopardize future interactions. Many at-risk youngsters blame
themselves for the abuse they endured, and believe they deserved it.
Kids who have abused by their parents – still love their parents. If my parents did
this to me, it must be my fault. The task of transforming such children is to set the
record straight: There are no bad kids or bad parents – just good people who sometimes
make bad (sometimes really bad) decisions. Using pejorative labels with at-risk kids
reinforces their negative self-concept.
Practitioners who speak disrespectfully to or about a student are encouraged to
apologize.
In the domain of strength-based practice it is said: “Life isn’t what you see, it’s what
you perceive.”
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Strength-based practitioners need to perceive every at-risk child and youth as a
wonderful human being with great potential. By doing this, practitioners make a positive
future – for the students they service - more possible, which in turn, makes it more
probable.
Action Plans
1. Relate and discuss the following anecdote:
Recall the two new teachers who were tricked by the researchers. One was told:
“You’ll be getting the two toughest kids in the school” and the other “You’ll be getting the
two honor’s students.” When the students were switched - each teacher responded to the
students based on their labels, and continued to treat the students in the same manner
after the truth was revealed.
2. Conduct the following exercise with your staff members:
Tell them that they have an opening for one student in their class, and that
there are two kids on the waiting list, and that a decision has to be made ASAP.
You will give them a thumbnail sketch of each kid and they must decide immediately
whom to take:
“Youth number one is a thirteen-year-old girl with burn marks up and down her forearms.
She wears long sleeve sweatshirts all year long, even when it’s ninety degrees. She doesn’t
want a soul to see her scars. She was terribly abused by her stepfather who was imprisoned
and is no longer in her life. He held her arms down on a hot stove multiple times. She’s
described as a sad and very troubled teenager. If we take this girl, we’re under strict orders
not to say a word about her clothing. She just entered into therapy and for the first time is
dealing with her abuse.”
“Youth number two is another thirteen-year-old girl who just got booted out of a group
home in the next county. She’s described as rude, obnoxious, mean-spirited, and is quite
heavy. She has hygiene issues and is very lazy. She was kicked out for slapping a staff
member. “
Ask: Which girl would you take?
Most will choose the first youth. Ask them why? Have them write down or call out their
reasons for choosing girl number one.
Afterwards, tell them that you just described the same kid. This exercise should lead to a
good strength-based discussion , as well as being an eye-opening experience.
Reiterate the principle: Life isn’t what you see, it’s what you perceive…
A good educator sees every kid as an “A” kid.
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4. Ask your staff members:
“Why do you sometimes swear at and give the finger to a motorist who cuts you off
in traffic? Is it because he cut you off?” Most staff members will respond: “Yes”
Tell them the answer is no.
Ask them to listen to the principle again:
“Life isn’t what you see, it’s what you perceive…it’s what you think.”
Now, ask them again why they give the finger?
After listening, state: “Because we think the motorist is a jerk! But you don’t really
know that…it’s our perception. What if God sent an email to your brain right before
you opened your mouth and gave the finger: ‘Joan, this is God. This man’s on the way
to the hospital, his wife is dying? Would you still give him the finger?”
“Life isn’t what you see, it’s what you perceive…it’s what you think..
You’ve got to view every student as a beautiful human being….because they all are.
Behavior is always a message.
5. Show the clip from Remember the Titans where Danzel Washington reframes
Lasko’s self-defeating comment in the cafeteria. See if your staff members can detect
the reframe.
“A self-aware kind of guy. I like that.”
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Providing Hope & Possibility Through Metaphors & Positive Predicting
Poker
The Melting Snowball
“Life is like a poker game. Even if you’re
dealt a bad hand, you can still win the
game. Prison is full of people who blame
their upbringing for why they broke the
law. But for every one person in prison
who blames his/her family, there are 100
folks on the outside who were raised in
similar circumstances but chose to be
good citizens.
“See your fears and worries about
(pending issue/loss/transition) as a big
snowball in the middle of your chest,
and understand that as each day goes
by, it’s going to melt a little. It may stay
forever…but it will become so small
that you can build a great life around it.”
The Roadblock
TheTrain
The 2011 Edition
“It’s not a learning disability, bipolar, Asperger’s; it’s a roadblock. All
big cities have them, but people get to
work on time every day. Why? They
find away around it. You can to.
Many successful people have
roadblocks similar to your.”
Positive Predicting
When you talk about the
future in positive terms,
you make any desired outcome
more possible. And when it’s
more possible, it becomes
more probable!
“How should we
celebrate when…”
“When we recover the
onside kick….”
“You’re big and
powerful…but
you’ve gotten off
track. All great trains
get off track. What
can we do to get to
get you back on the
rails? You will get to
a good place.”
“Cars improve every year. People
get better every day. You’re the 2011
Steven. You don’t over-heat as much
as the 2010 Steven…have a sleeker
design, follow the road signs better.
Don’t give me this bull: ‘Same old
me.’ You get better every day…wiser,
more experienced, more mature.. 15
Relationship Building & The Art of Engagement
30 Questions You Could Ask Your Students
1. Tell me the five best things about you?
2. If you could have the following superpower which one would you pick?
a. The ability to fly b. super-strength c. could turn invisible
3. If you were trapped on a deserted island and could pick one famous person to be with, who would
it be?
4. If a genie could grant you any three wishes, what would they be?
5. What profession do you want to be when you’re older?
6. Who was the best teacher you ever had? Tell me why.
7. What would the ideal teacher be like?
8. Choose: Live to 100 in excellent health or win10 million dollars in the lottery but pass away
at age 70.
9. If you are feeling sad, what meal would be the one that would cheer you up?
10. Do you believe men and women are equally smart? Why or why not?
11. Choose: Live forever in good health or five people you pick live forever (in good health)?
12. Is there anything you pretend you understand, but you really don't? What is it?
13. If a genie would give you only one wish, which would you pick, and why?
1. Being world-class attractive 2. Being a genius 3. Being famous for doing something great
14. What is your most embarrassing moment?
15. Tell me who you think are the three greatest musicians in the world? Why?
16. If you could change three things about yourself, what would they be?
17. If you had to have a disability, which one of these would you pick, and why?
1. Blindness 2. Deafness 3. Inability to walk
18. What are the qualities that make a good friend?
19. What do you say to comfort yourself when something scares you?
20. If you paid your bill at a restaurant and the waiter gave you too much change, would you tell
him/her?
21. What do you think are the characteristics that make a good teacher?
22. Name the three music artists you most admire. Three athletes you most admire?
23. Choose: a. Super-human strength b. The ability to fly c. Able to become invisible
24. Name a TV or movie star that you think is lame.
25. Do you think it's important to get physical education in school? Why or why not?
26. If you had to live in another country for the rest of your life, where would it be?
27. Choose: If you had to eat the same dinner for one year…what would it be?
28. Choose: Find a cure for all cancers or stop all wars for the next 100 years
29. What have you done in school or sports or anywhere, that you are most proud of?
30. Choose: Win American Idol or win the Presidency?
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Strength-Based Practice
What is it?: An emerging approach to guiding individuals that is exceptionally positive and
inspiring. It begins with belief that all students have or can develop strengths and
utilize past successes to mitigate problem behavior and enhance functioning.
It continues with practice methods that identify and marshal these strengths for
necessary behavior change.
Powerful combination of the strength-building model and solution-focused therapy
Emphasis is on:
Strength-building rather than flaw-fixing
Doing rather than understanding
Believing in every student – not “believing is seeing”
(Unconditional support – “Seeing is Believing”)
(Standard Behavior Man.)
…which produces Optimism – which feeds possibility, and motivates coping and
adaptive behavior, even in the face of difficult odds. Hope is humanity’s fuel.
The Goal:
Change rather than insight and awareness
The Work:
Problem-driven not problem-focused (solution-focused):
Devoted to helping students initiate actions to dispense presenting problems
Primarily short term
Goal-oriented and focused on resolving the identifying problem
Assumptions (or lack thereof)….
Strength-based practice does not assume that ownership of guilt is somehow automatically curative.
…Does assume that change is inevitable, not uncertain
Strength-based practice does not assume LARGE problems require LARGE efforts for solutions.
…Does assume that SMALL changes can ripple out to bring resolution.
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Solution-Focused Questions
A model of questions that help students recognize and build upon inherent strengths.
It’s the language of hope and possibility.
Explorative Historical:
“I can’t do this assignment! It’s too hard!”
“How many difficult assignments have you been given that made you nervous just like this
one? Quite a few, right. And how many did you get done? Just about all of them, right? So what
are the odds you’ll get this one done? …Go back to any one of the difficult assignments you
received – that you did well on. How did you get it done? Did you ask for help? Break it down?
So, I guess you could do that this time, eh?”
“I’ll never make it at that new school!”
“How many kids in America, a year ago, where in your same shoes…nervous about attending
a new school? How many of them adjusted okay and are doing well today? So if most of them
are doing okay, why can’t you?”
Qualifiers:
“I hate this class!” > “So you’re saying you hate this class right now.”
Past Tense:
“I’m stupid!” > “So you haven’t been feeling real smart lately.”
When & Will:
“I’ll never make a friend!” > “When you do, what will it be like?”
Scaling Questions:
“On a scale of one-to-ten, ten being that you’ll make lots of friends
at the new school – zero, you won’t make any….what number are
you at now. When it’s higher in a month, how will you feel?
Identifying In-Between Change
“What will be the first sign that you’ve turned the corner.”
Amplifying Change Using Speculation
“You’ve had some great weeks. Do you think the reason you’re doing
so well has something to do with getting older and more mature? Perhaps
you’ve outgrown the little-kid stuff?
Changing Perspective Question:
“How come you’re not doing worse?
Visit: www.bobbertolino.com
Exception questions:
“Have there been times recently when the problem did not occur?”
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Activities & Self Esteem Building
(Doing vs. Understanding)
To help students enahnce self esteem, provide tasks and activities that offer a:
Universal Opportunity for Individual Success
P.57 “Every child has an area of strength in which he or she excels, Whether it is in academics, art, music,
or sports. When educators can identify and focus on a child’s strength, they afford the child the opportunity
to experience success, with all the emotional implications of doing something well. This is an important
starting point in mastering academic content and social relations, which in turn serve as a basis for success
at school.”
Examples:
• Modify or devise sporting endeavors that facilitate success, such as a basketball game where the
ball has to be passed three times before it can be shot.
• Academic tasks they understand and can accomplish
• Physical fitness pursuits (e.g. create a chart for walking/running)
• Art work that is doable; music & dance
• Special chores and/or work opportunities (e.g. helping in the office, cafeteria, with the
maintenance staff)
• Games, often of chance, they can all win
• Helping or mentoring younger kids or those less fortunate
• Community projects
• Volunteering
• Animal care
Every student needs his/her own special niche!
Trumpet Success
-Call home when a challenging student has a good day.
-Have school personnel write congratulatory notes to a student who
accomplishes a significant feat.
-Post accomplishments on walls
19
Action Plan:
1. Give each of your staff members two dice. See who can throw the most
consecutive rolls without getting doubles. They can start again when they get doubles.
Play for around five minutes. Afterwards, ask them why it was fun?
The answer:
The activity provided a universal opportunity for success. Explain that we increase the
odds for all students to function well and learn, when they have ample opportunities for
success on a daily basis.
2. Ask your staff members what steps the school could take to increase student success
opportunities and, in particular, for the more challenging students? (e.g. community
projects, volunteer opportunities, creative vocational endeavors, more after-school sports,
clubs and activities, in-house jobs, student government, school newspaper, etc.
20
Helping Inflexible/Explosive Children & Youth
Characteristics of Such Kids:
• Display deficits in frustration tolerance
• Generally do not respond well to consequences and rewards
(i.e. traditional motivational approaches)
• Symptoms are thought to emanate more from neurological as
opposed to psychological factors
• Prone to stubborn, inflexible, explosive outbursts
• Often display genuine remorse after an episode
How to Help:
• Create user-friendly environments to clear the smoke (take the air out of the
balloon)
• Determine which behaviors need to be addressed and how best to respond. Categorize
behaviors and responses into one of three baskets:
A = Non-negotiable
B = Compromise & Negotiation
C = Ignore
• As kids meltdown and approach vapor lock, immediately distract, empathize,
and offer aid. Help them to downshift into a calmer state (i.e. make the cognitive
shift).
A
B
A = Non-negotiable, often a
safety concern. Consequences
could be issued.
B = Room for compromise &
negotiation
C
C = Ignore
21
Most of this material is from The Explosive Child by Ross Greene, Ph.D.
Exercise: Creating User-Friendly Environments
1. Pick a student who is often inflexible and can act in an explosive manner.
Discuss: How “user- friendly” is the current environment to him/her? What changes
could you make? (think baskets).
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
2. Pick a time of day or particular class that is struggling or problematic. How could you create a
more user-friendly environment to better meet their needs?__________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
22
Strength-Based Practice: Principles
Seeing is Believing
= Unconditional support
If you visit the home of family that has a toddler or two what do you see everywhere?
Toys. Did the children need to earn them? No. They were offered unconditionally.
This act of unconditional love and kindness strengthens bonds, facilitates object
constancy (my parents are always there for me), and enhances self-image (“I’m
someone of value!”)
vs.
Believing is Seeing
= Standard behavior management
(If I do well, I am rewarded. If I don’t, I am not)
Seeing is believing produces Optimism – which feeds possibility, and motivates
coping and adaptive behavior, even in the face of difficult odds
Seeing is Believing
“Butch, you D’a man! We’re excited that you’re here!”
NOT: Believing is Seeing!
“We’ll treat you nicely once you put that slingshot down,
lose some weight, and get rid of that ridiculous hat!”
Seeing is believing examples:
Have lunch with a troubling student; Do something fun with a group that is struggling;
bring in a special snack; give the group extra recreation time even if they haven’t earned
it. “You don’t always have to behave great for me to treat you great. I love working with
you guys and I care about you –regardless of your behavior. Of course, I like good
choices and fine acting – but I’m behind you either way.”
23
Perform Deliberate Acts of Kindness
Respecting Roots & Cultural Diversity
The search for and healing identification with ancestors, people of the sam race, color, gender,
and/or religion. People who INSPIRE and provide HOPE!
Franklin D. Roosevelt
Harriet Tubman
Amelia Earhart
Martin Luther King
Cesar Chavez
Explore: Customs, Traditions, Holidays, & History.
- Have students explore their roots. Help them to learn about and hang
pictures of inspiring heroes.
-Read stories aloud of inspiring historical (or current) figures who
overcame great odds to make a difference.
- Bring in foods, art, and other items that are endemic to a
particular culture. Attend a concert. Bring in a movie, etc.
Other ideas:__________________________________________
Michael Jordan
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
24
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
Strength-based practice does not assume that ownership of guilt is somehow automatically curative.
The Millimeter Acknowledgement
Admitting guilt is very difficult for some kids, especially
trauma victims. Here’s an effective approach to helping kids
accept more responsibility:
“Do you think it’s slightly possible that perhaps,
maybe….”
“Could, maybe, 1% of this have something do with…”
Honoring Hellos and Goodbyes
SB goal: Change rather than insight and awareness
Yet, behavior is always a message, and oftentimes the message of misbehavior can be rooted in
an unresolved or faulty hello or goodbye.
“You can’t say hello until you have first said goodbye!
Stages of grief: Shock & Denial, Anger, Sadness, Acceptance
Examples:
Goodbye to:
Hello to:
Home
School
Goodbye to:
Hello to:
Teacher Assistant
New adult in their lives
Tip: Replace cognitive distortion (stinkin’ thinkin’)
Example: Angry that staff member is leaving, but feeling lucky that we got to
work together for so long.
Life and a classroom is a series of hellos and goodbyes. Take them all seriously – from daily
transitions to the loss of a family or staff member. Older teenagers often struggle with saying
goodbye to the childhood they wish they had enjoyed.
25
Working with Families
Key Principles, Terms and Concepts
“The more the relationship between families and the school is a
Real partnership, the more student achievement increases. When
Schools engage families in ways that are linked to improving learning,
Students make greater gains. When families are engaged in positive ways, rather than
labeled as problems, schools can be transformed from places where only certain students
prosper to one where all children do well.” Excerpt from Into, p.1, Beyond the Bake Sale
School personnel and parents form Interlocking Partnerships
Teachers s view parents as Collaborators
Family work is Cultural rather than Compartmental*
* All school personnel can reach out and make a difference with a family
The Continuum of Parental Involvement
1.
Engagement
- Focus on the strengths and passions of each family member
Understand & appreciate resistance (i.e. cautiousness)
Take an active interest in who they are.
Assist with socio-economic support.
2.
Participation
- Invite parents into their children’s schools. Create parent
centers for collaborative learning and support
3.
Empowerment
- Actively seek their advice when there are important issues/questions regarding their
children
4.
Graduation
26
What is a Family School Partnership Supposed to Look Like?
Rate how your school measures up in this area:
1 = Never
3 = At times
5 = Most definitely
1. Home visits are made to every new student_____
2. Home visits are often made to the home of a struggling student_____
3. Activities honor families’ contributions_____
4. Building is open to community use and social services are available to families_____
5. Most family activities connect to what children are learning_____
6.School staff, families, and community members share recreational time together
(e.g. holiday party, bingo, movie night, etc.)_____
7. Parents and teachers look at student work and test results together____
8. Community groups offer tutoring and homework programs at the school_____
9. Students’ work goes home every week, with a scoring guide_____
10. Translators are readily available_____
11. Teachers use books and materials about families’ cultures_____
12. PTA includes all families_____
13. Local groups help staff reach parents_____
14. There is a clear, open process for resolving problems_____
15. Teachers contact families each month to discuss student progress_____
16. Student-led parent-teacher conferences are held three times a year for
thirty minutes_____
17. Parents and teachers research issues such as prejudice and tracking_____
18. School personnel assist families in seeking essential social, economic, medical and
therapeutic resources_____
19. Parents can use the school’s phone, copier, fax, and computers_____\
20. Staff work with local organizers to improve the school and neighborhood_____
From Beyond the Bake Sale, P.15
27
SB Principle: Big problems don’t always require big efforts for solutions
Cues to Use (Coping Thoughts/One-Line Raps)
Encourage kids to create and practice coping thoughts - in the form of cues or one-line raps - to
diminish or eradicate problem behaviors (i.e. bad habits). Cues are more successful when they
rhyme, are rhythmic, humorous and repeated often. Practice makes perfect!
The brain is designed to change in response to patterned, repetitive stimulation.
Social
Take turns when you talk, if you don’t the kids will walk.
Give kids their space, it’s their place. Don’t poke, it’s not a joke.
Think how they feel…that’s the deal. Stop and think, don’t be a dink.
Stop and listen, cause you don’t know what you’re missing.
Stay arms lengths away…today. It’s wise to look folks in the eyes.
Always remember to say “thanks” and “please”…and cover the cheese!
Think about you thinking about me…it’s as easy as 1,2, 3.
Control the tone…or they might groan!
Use an indoor voice, that’s a good choice,
Line up quiet, don’t cause a riot.
Anxiety
Don’t be in a hurry to worry.
Encouragement/Affirmations
I’m smart. It’s in my heart.
Learning is your (my) ticket to a good life. It’s my turn to learn.
Done it before, will do it again. I’m great, just you wait!
I can make it if I choose. Only I can make me lose.
If it is to be, it’s up to me!
Use Bongos!
Anger Control
NBD…easy as 1-2-3! NBD…easier than 1-2-3! NO BIG DEAL!
Breathe in, breathe out…stay calm - no shout.
Let it Go. Let it go, Joe (Just stay cool no need to blow)
Let it go…so (So I can be happy or earn things, etc.)
When you get mad…don’t do bad (or don’t get sad)…just talk or walk.
Talk, walk, or squawk! Here’s some advice, talk real nice.
Stay in control, that’s the goal. I can, I will, I gotta chill.
Organization & Distractibility
Inch by inch life’s a cinch. Yard by yard life is hard.
Make a list, it will assist. Stay on track, Jack. Hocus, Pocus, Focus!
Like a King on a throne I can do it on my own. Step after step, that’s the prep.
Don’t move all over the place, sit and learn with a happy face.
No need to groan, I can start (do it) on my own. Sit and relax, learn to the max!
28
Create a “cue (rap) or two” for some of the students you work with:
Bad Habit:____________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________
Cue:_________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________
Bad Habit:____________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________
Cue:____________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________
Bad Habit:_________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________
Cue:__________________________________________
________________________________________________________
P. 31 “The prefrontal cortex, the area of the brain primarily responsible for the
development of the executive functions, has been shown to be adversely affected by trauma.”
Fortunately the brain is an amazing organism and even when it is impaired, it often has
the ability through environmental interventions – such a s cueing - to be “rewired.” Neurologists
call this characteristic of the brain: synaptic plasticity. When a child or youth repeats a cue
(coping mantra) – over and over again with a set rhythm - dramatic behavioral gains can occur.
The desired behavior, in essence, becomes imbedded in the individual’s neuropathways.
29
Practicing the Desired Behavior
Stretch!
Athletes always stretch their muscles before exercising or playing a game. For some
students, a similar kind of preparation is necessary before engaging in an evocative activity.
Children and youth who appear inflexible and are prone to
explosive outbursts often have trouble functioning in
physical activities that can be rough and unpredictable, such as touch football and basketball.
Asking or requiring these students to “Stretch” prior to one of these activities,
might prevent an injury or two!
Example:
2 Minute Stretch
Warm-up Form
1.
2.
3.
Is football a very physical and unpredictable game? Yes or No
Is there a chance someone is going to hit, grab, pull, step-on, or
trip me? Yes or No
If something rough happens to me, what do I think?
a. “This is typical, don’t get mad.” Yes or No
b. “I’m upset. Let it go! NBD (No big deal!) Yes or No
c. “If I make a bad choice and hit, I could hurt someone or
get suspended.” Yes or No
d. “If I make a bad choice, people (can list names) will be unhappy
with me.” Yes or No
e. “If I do well, they’ll be proud.” Yes or No
4. Am I warmed up and ready to play? Yes or No
.
Suggestion: Create scripts to help students prepare for and practice potentially difficult
interpersonal interactions.
Example: “What can you say to yourself if you’re feeling bored?
30
The brain is designed to change in response to patterned, repetitive stimulation
Stretch!
Topic:________________
1, Anger is a good emotion?
YES
NO
2. People like Martin Luther King used
their anger to positively change the world?
YES
NO
3. Anger needs to be let out right?
YES
NO
Take some deep breaths or count?
YES
NO
Think about a pig in a mink coat?
YES
NO
Say to myself “Stop and think, don’t be a dink,
NBD, or Let it go, Joe?”
YES
NO
Take a step back and think – whom am I really mad
at?
YES
NO
Think about me being in a calm, beautiful place?
YES
NO
5. Sometimes we get too angry because of stinkin’ thinkin’
We overreact to situations, thinking the very worse?
YES
NO
YES
NO
7. If I get angry and make a lousy choice, there will be
serious consequences…which make life miserable?
YES
NO
8. If I control my anger properly, like I’ve done many
times in the past, we’ll all feel pretty good.
YES
NO
9. I’m an awesome kid?
YES
NO
10. I’m going to make something of my life!
YES
NO
4. When my anger starts to grow, it’s helpful to:
6. It’s often helpful to replace negative with positive, more
hopeful thoughts?
31
Externalizing & Naming Negative Behaviors
Giving life and a name to a problematic issue or “bad habit” (i.e. externalizing it)
can help kids rid themselves of problematic tendencies/habits/compulsions.
Examples:
A student who needs to do things perfectly:
“Get lost Mrs. Perfecto! Get out of here. Get off my back, you loser!”
A student who is prone to behavior outbursts:
“Get out of here Mr. Fitz!”
A student who talks rudely:
“Get lost Rudy! You’re nothing!”
A student who argues incessantly:
“Go far Mr. R!” “You’re through Mr. R Gue!”
A student who is reluctant to write:
“Get out of town, Mr. No Write!”
Rudy
A student who skips school or is frequently tardy:
“Are you going to let I.B. Truant/Tardy get you into trouble next week?”
A student who is often provocative:
“Why are you letting I.B. Provokin get you in trouble?”
Create your own:_____________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
32
Humor in the Classroom
Role of Humor
Forms a bridge between adult/child world (i.e. counters resistance)
De-mystifies individual persona/reduces power messages
Enhances relationship building
Tension reducer
Provides effective modeling
Improves self-esteem
Enhances identity formation (e.g. niche theory)
It's FUN!
It's reflective of the environment
Demonstrates caring
Rules:
Try! But give up quick
Do not view the use of humor as an extra; it should be an integral communication
technique.
Make no assumptions about who can or can't be humorous –
for everyone is capable!
Avoid sarcasm
Forms:
Self-Deprecating
Slapstick
Joke Telling
Grandiose Praise
Humorous Games
Musical Expression
Poetry
Transitional Objects & Humor
Sustain "humorous" moments via:
The written word Photos Recordings
Videos
Humor needs to be taken seriously!
A study by Stanford reported that students learn 700% more in a classroom when humor is an
active part of the teaching.
33
Comic Ideas
1. The Sherlock Search:
When checking desks or lockers, wear a Sherlock Holmes cap and use a magnifying glass!
2. Rap-it-to-them:
Deliver announcements to the kids in rap style. Maybe “dress-up” a bit.
3. Magic/card tricks:
Most toy stores and all joke shops sell these items.
4. Special dress day:
Have the staff and/or kids all dress in the same color, etc.
5. Unusual objects:
Bring in funny pens, wind-up toys, invisible ink, big playing cards, large sunglasses, etc.
6. Trivia questions:
Periodically ask interesting - if not funny - trivia questions. They can be a great tension reducer.
Occasionally, they can be self-deprecating:
“Which teacher once cooked a turkey upside down?”
(Obviously, be careful with boundary limits)
7. “What's Morton up to? (i.e. Getting the monkey off our backs)
A stuffed-monkey can represent the “monkey-on-our back” that tends to give us negative
messages about why we're not good enough, why our ideas won't work, or why blame belongs
to someone else.
Have a stuffed monkey available for times when kids have self-defeating thoughts. Converse
with him at these times. Morton stays silent. Example:
“Are you telling Carl not to try because he's not good at this?”
“Shame on you, Morton. Carl is one cool dude. He knows that no one can be
perfect at everything!”
“What? ....you think I need to brush my teeth?”
“Well, I think you stink and need a bath!”
* This form of humor helps kids to practice better self-management.
(See cognitive behavioral sheet)
34
8. Nonsense Sayings:
Be quick to intersperse nonsense sayings, particularly to reduce tension. Example:
“Okay, Mary you have a choice. You can clean your desk now or you take the curtain, or spin
again, Vanna.”
“Sun of a gun, we're gonna have fun, on the bayou.”
9. The “Translator”
Pretend a kid is from a foreign country that no one has heard of, and speaks a language no one
can understand. Pick another kid who will translate for him/her. Have other kids and staff
interview the foreign kid. The foreign kid will speak in gibberish. If he/she gives a short answer,
the translator will give a long reply and vice versa.
Example:
Questioner:
What is her favorite food?
Foreign Kid:
Yop – ka – be – dokee
Translator:
“She says that in her country there is a wide assortment of foods but that it is
outlawed to have a favorite food because it might disrespect the other foods. If, on the other
hand, you were to have asked her what food she likes, she would have most gladly replied,
“Why, the devil dog, of course.”
10. Who Wants to Be a Millionaire
Take the academic material you are teaching and put into the millionaire format. Offer class
“dollars” that they can trade in.
Suggestion: Purchase the book The Laughing Classroom
35
Creating Group & Individual Incentive Plans
Key Principles for using incentives:
• Reward Improvement.
• Create an incentive system that’s easy to administer, and follow through!
• Make incentive systems time-limited unless they are part of an ongoing plan.
• If used for one or two kids, keep charts in a private place. Be discreet!
• Award incentives in a private manner.
• If other students complain. “Why don’t I get checks and rewards?” be honest with them,
explain that every student is unique and that some have special needs. Ask for their help
in getting the student back on track.
• Slowly raise expectations for incentives – but don’t act too fast.
• In general, the more troubled a student appears, the greater the frequency he/she should be
rated and rewarded. As kids improve, frequencies should decrease.
• Be flexible! Incentive systems frequently need to be changed and modified. Kids often tire of
the same rewards. A great deal of creativity and effort often needs to be put forth to
successfully maintain systems.
• Make incentive charts and/or document forms colorful (but age-appropriate) and easy to read.
36
Suggested Rewards:
Educators must provide rewards based on available resources (i.e. "best possible").
Ideally, the best pay-off for a kid is individual time with an adult. Allowing the youth to invite a friend is
even more motivational. If circumstances and/or resources do not
allow for kids to earn one-to-one time, than earning computer time or time doing
something else that's enjoyable is preferred to paying-off with material items.
Other non-material rewards include:
• Special activity trips, additional free or recreational time, additional time at a favored
activity, earning a special chore or activity, watching a video or having preferred music
played.
If material items need to be used as incentives, here are some options:
• Comic books, pens and pencils, baseball cards, games, art
supplies, puzzles, candy, gift certificates, money, food,
cassettes, CDs, DVDs
The Medium of Exchange
•
Younger kids often get excited about earning chips, tokens, “gold” coins, stickers, etc., which they can
trade-in for the items or privileges listed in the chart. These symbols of success are called the medium of
exchange.
For younger kids, having them earn
(name) dollars is a fun approach to
behavior modification.
37
Keyshawn Dollar
Bills’s Good Choices Plan
Date________
Bonus
Checks
Sit and Relax, Learn to
the Max
Let it Go, Joe
I Can you Know
Stays in room more
often, takes breaks
inside of class,
focuses on work
without involving others
Controls anger,
make good decisions,
respectful to kids and adults)
Outside the Room
Bring JOY, not Doom
Good transitions,
uses proper language at all
times, trustworthy. Acts
Properly in hallways and
lunchroom.
Daily
Totals
am
M*
pm
T
W
TH
F
=
Did some of my homework
at home – 1 bonus point
Monday am
Total for week______
+ = Completed all of my home-
3 = Great choices in this area
2= Okay choices
1= A few good choices
-- = Train off track
work at home – 3 bonus pts
Incentive:
38
Staying on Track, Jack!
Name_____________________
Dates______________
Goal(s) for the week:
M
T
W Th
F
Total
Attend school 4 days
Be more respectful
to French teacher
Total__________
8 checks = Pizza and soda on Friday
Self-management tool
39
Name________________________________________
Date_____________________
Daily Tracking Form
Class
Prepared?
On time?
Yes
No
Yes
No
Homework
Assigned?
Yes
No
Behavior
Excellent
Fair
Teacher’s
Initials
Off-Track
C
N
Key for Behavior:
Excellent
1.
2.
3.
4.
Consistently follows classroom rules.
Actively listens.
Volunteers in class discussions/activities.
Speaks respectfully to others.
Fair
1.
2.
3.
4.
Follows classroom rules most of the time.
Listens at least 75% of the time.
Participates when called upon.
Speaks respectfully to others some
of the time.
Off-Track
1. Chooses not to follow classroom rules
2. Chooses not to listen to the teacher.
3. Chooses not to participate in classroom discussions/activities
4. Chooses not to be respectful to
others.
Strength-Based Mission Statement
We believe there is no such thing as a bad kid or bad parent; just bad luck and bad choices.
We believe that all of our students possess core strengths that can be utilized to help them
make good choices and be effective learners.
We strive to help students help themselves.
Our approach involves mutually identifying, developing, encouraging, practicing, and
maximizing the inherent strengths in every student we welcome through our doors.
To accomplish our academic goals we establish a positive, upbeat, and safe environment that
instills hope, provides multiple opportunities for success, and, at all times, adheres to the
golden rule.
We believe a good life is all about making
good choices.
Although we have deep respect and empathy
for those students who have encountered
difficult circumstances in their lives, our
focus is on the present and the road
ahead.
41
Managing Number One First!
Ask your staff members the following question: “Who is the most important person
in any interaction you have with a youth?” Answer: “You are! If you don’t respond
well, the youth has no chance.”
• Staff members need to manage their own behavior before they can appropriately
deal with the behavior of others (e.g. students, colleagues, and administrators).
• Any feeling a school staff member experiences – on or away from the job – is
normal and often diagnostic. Feelings teach us about others. If, for example, a teacher
feels anger towards a student, it’s quite conceivable that the youth has elicited this
feeling to push the adult away or to displace anger felt towards others. Either way, the
angry feeling reveals something about the youth.
• Most educators see themselves as helpers; individuals who take pleasure in
reaching out to others. A person’s self-image (i.e. how one sees and/or defines
oneself) is a sacred possession. Both new and experienced school personnel often
question themselves (i.e. question their self-image) when difficult interactions lead to
negative feelings. School staff members need to hear and understand that they are still
the “good helper” even when intensely negative feelings arise towards a student or
group.
• Negative feelings towards a student or group are not a sign of personal weakness;
and it’s imperative that educators don’t act negatively in response to them. Negative
feelings are, in part, a by-product of an intensely intimate and emotional environment,
as well as any personal baggage a worker may bring through the doors.
• Feelings and actions are at times influenced by childhood experiences (i.e. how one
was raised). For example, if a person was raised in a strict environment, there is a
higher probability for that person to be strict with children and youth, or to act in the
opposite manner.
• In addition to possessing a “helper” self-image, we also possess the image of the
good son or daughter – or the rebelling child. Most people will go to great extremes in
seeking the love of a parent – even if the parent is deceased. At times, school
personnel will copy a trait or characteristic of a parent as a way of identifying with
that person: “I’m just like my dad.” As a result, it is critical for all school professionals
to check their baggage at the door before every shift. In other words, only bring the
good stuff you got from home (e.g. unconditional love, affection, humor, warmth,
etc.).
42
Action Plan:
1. Have your workers review the Examining How it Feels worksheet. Ask them if they
can find any feelings on the left hand side that wouldn’t be appropriate to experience
towards a troubled child or youth.
Oftentimes, staff members will call out “Sexual”. Explain to them that it is
perfectly normal to experience a sexual feeling towards an older student. However, it
would be egregious and illegal to act on it.
Explanation: Children and youth who have been abused, often act sexually and
physically provocative in order to take control of a potentially harmful interaction. For
example, if a sexually abused youth believes an educator is at risk to abuse her - and
given the youth’s history, she believes all adults are at risk to do this - by acting
seductively towards the staff member, she increases the odds that the sex will occur - and
she will have been in control of it, as opposed to having it happen out of the blue (as it
has before). This is called counter-phobic behavior.
A student who has been sexually abused is afraid (i.e., phobic) about being abused
again. To be in control of it happening, the youth often sets it up – even though, in
reality, the youth wants desperately for it not to happen.
“Go ahead, call my mother. Kick me out of the class. Send me home. Suspend me. I don’t
care.”
Angry “Go ahead…” type remarks are often signs of counter-phobia. The student
expects the staff member will hurt him (physically and/or emotionally), so he tries to
make it happen (i.e. get it over with). This is why it is essential to stay calm when a
troubled student acts provocatively. Staying cool reduces provocative and problematic
counter-phobia. A loud, erratic staff member will trigger counter-phobic provocation.
2. Have your staff members complete the Checking Your Baggage at the Door
Questionnaire. Inform them that the results are private. Remind them of the importance
of understanding who they are and where they’re coming from.
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Understanding, Normalizing, and Learning from our
Feelings
Typical Feelings
and/or Traps
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
Angry
Frustrated
Out-of-Control
Disgusted
Guilty
Sexual
Insecure
Afraid
Overwhelmed
Add your own
Influenced by:
Personal baggage,
limited resources,
quality and quantity
of supervision &
training, temperament,
etc.
Feelings: Yes
Acting on them: NO!
All feelings are normal. Learn from them; they are diagnostic. Misbehavior is a
coded message.
“The kid who is pushing you away the most, is probability the one
Who needs you the most.”
Gus Studelmeyer
The Gus Chronicles (Appelstein, 1994)
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“Check Your Baggage at the Door”
This is a reflective questionnaire about who you are and why you’re here. No one will see this
document but you. It is given to increase your self-awareness about past experiences and how they
can influence present day decisions, practices, and attitude.
For example, if you were raised by a punitive father it’s possible that you’ll act punitively
towards your students because that’s what you learned. It’s also possible that you entered the
field to counteract how you were raised (to heal some of the wounds you incurred) and will be too
lenient (soft) with your students. At times, teacher’s copy the traits (good or bad) of a parent as
a way of identifying with that parent – which, on some level, bring them closer to these
individuals.
Bottom line: Few people escape childhood unscathed. We all tend to bring baggage to our adult
positions. Some of it should come through – and some should be checked at the door.
Know thyself.
Were you raised in a happy home?
Did you receive enough attention from both parents?
What kind of limit setting did your folks employ? (e.g. spanking, yelling,
logical consequences, punishment, etc.)
Were your parents physically affectionate to you?
What kind of values were taught and modeled?
Were there a lot of rules and structure in your home?
Did your childhood experiences influence your decision to work
with kids?
What baggage should you check at the door?
What should come through?
45
The Observing Ego
“I’m REALLY ticked…I could just it’s okay. Stay cool…ALL feelings
are normal. Learn from this. I’m
suffering a bad self-esteem injury,
but in a little while it will heal.
Respond instead of React.
Use the Force, Betty!
…I mean, Luke.”
Lack of support leads to punitive actions.
Strategies to use in order to keep your cool
1. Think about the principle of lack
of support being related to punitive
actions – and don’t go there. Think:
“I can do anything for 90 more minutes!”
2. Visualize yourself walking to your car at
the end of a brutal shift with a BIG smile
on your face thinking “I kept my cool all
during the shift. I didn’t “react” like some of
others. I did good!”
3. Think about tomorrow: If I respond instead of
react to the end of the shift, my relationships
will grow stronger…and the job will get
easier.
Respond =
The Golden Rule
Self esteem is
fragile even when
It’s good!
Don’t say or do
anything to a
youth or group
that you
wouldn’t want
said or done to
you.
4. Think about a M.A.S.H. Unit: When I’m at my
worst, I need to give it my best!
5. Use the Force, Luke! Don’t succumb to the
Dark Side.
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Strategies for Managing Number One First!
Managing Self-Esteem Injury
No one has good self-esteem. Self-esteem is a fragile entity – even when it’s strong.
Say to anyone with good self-esteem that “You look awful today,” and you’ve most likely
ruined that person’s day. Even worse, tell a good self-esteem person that she is a lousy teacher,
and that all of her colleagues agree, and you devastate this woman; and her ability to function
well (i.e., use her teaching tools effectively) will be severely compromised.
What good are tools (e.g. techniques, interventions, understanding, etc.) if educators can’t use
them properly?
Humans are incredibly susceptible to self-esteem injury. In a typical special ed setting,
a professional is likely to suffer 10-15 self-esteem injuries a day (e.g. a good talk does nothing,
students are out-of-control, principal criticizes you, a youth puts you down, etc.)
When self-esteem injuries occur, an educator must immediately use her observing ego,
which is the inner voice that helps guide our actions, to self-reflect and then respond instead of
react:
“I’m angry and humiliated. I feel like getting back at the kid. Stay cool. Remember, behavior is a
message. This kid is telling me something. Make a point to explore this.
But for now, take a deep breath and chill out. You’re suffering a self-esteem injury. Everyone
does. In a little while it will heal, respond vs. react to the kid.”
Responding means never saying or doing anything to a youth, adult, or group that you
wouldn’t want said or done to yourself. It’s the Golden Rule and there are no exceptions.
There is a terrible double-standard in our society that allows children and youth to be treated
differently than adults. This is wrong, and is at the heart of why so many youth act out.
Chronic misbehavior is often a tragic byproduct of power that was misused against a
person earlier in life.
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Out of
Control
The Affect Scale
Adult’s
affect
Youth’s
anger
In
Control
Key: Establish inverse relationship
As they get louder, you become more quiet
Safety is the only exception
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Loss of
Control
The Affect Scale
Feeling Zone
Feeling
Zone
Youth’s
Anger
Adult’s
affect
In control
Inside the “feeling zone” there is room to model affect-laden content.
Said in a controlled, but somewhat expressive manner:
“John, I’m really upset about the choice you just made.”
“Mary, I’m angry about that...”
Key: If the student escalates through the zone, the adult’s affect should grow
more muted.
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Content vs. Message
All verbal communication consists of two components: the content and message(s). The content is
the actual information being relayed. The message refers to how it is perceived based on the manner
it was conveyed. At-risk students are hypersensitive to the messages adults send.
“You won’t be around next week?”
2 weeks later…
“You…won’t be around next week.”
Use “I” or “We” instead of “You” when making requests, and try and start requests
with “Please” and finish with “Thank you.”
“Could you please put that away, thanks.”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Body Messages
“C’mon dude…let’s get it done, and then
we can boogey. NBD brother.”
NBD = No Big Deal!
vs.
“You need to get it done now!”
Speak to your students at eye level or below. Approach students
in a calm manner. Be careful about your pace, posture,
facial expression, hand movements and body position.
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Looking at Power & Control From a
Trauma Victim’s Perspective
Excerpt from The Gus Chronicles: Reflections From An Abused Kid (Appelstein, 1994)
Within a month or two, something else becomes clear about residential
treatment: POWER. It permeates the environment. Kids are told what to do, when to do it,
and why it should be done. Sure, there's autonomy built in, but the sense of powerlessness
can become great. The temptation to misuse power, on the part of the staff members, hovers
like a fly over shit. Sometimes, I think the staff don't understand how powerful they are and how that makes us feel.
Three times I've returned from school to find out my roommate has been
changed. "The new combinations make more sense for the group," I get told. Screw You! I
hated Billy Parody. Rodney Jones farted all the time. And Carl Spooner was a certified
looney. I ask you, the reader, how would you like to drive home one night and find out
someone had moved your things across the street, and you were now living with Ed
Magillicutty? You hate Ed Magillicutty! These kind of things happen all the time in
residential treatment. Most kids have already been subjected to the misuse of power prior to
entering a treatment milieu. A lot of anger builds up due to this. Unless staff members are
extremely sensitive to this issue, they risk maintaining a sense of alienation between the kids
and themselves.
"Why?"
"Because I told you so!“
This kind of power makes me sick. I've always liked the staff members who
didn't yell and gave reasons for things. "Because I told you so!" Who the hell do they think
they are? And if we respond angrily to this kind of power move we get in more trouble.
POWERLESSNESS. It sucks.
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Misuse of Power Exercise
1. How is power misused in a school setting? List any and all ways misuses occur.
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
52
The Importance of Support
Any adult who works with challenging children is likely to become punitive if she does
not receive enough daily support (i.e., training, breaks, time-off, praise, encouragement,
etc.).
Educational settings rarely provide their staff members with enough support due to
financial limitations. As a result, most educators are at risk – at all times – but particularly
as a day winds down, towards being punitive (i.e., reactive) towards his/her students.
Teachers often react, rather than respond because they lack support and feel worn down.
For example: At the end of a really rough day what is the typical teacher thinking? How
about?
A. “One more thing! If these darn kids say or do one more thing…I’m gonna…
Or
B. “The poor lads have had rough day. What can I do to make sure they all go home with
big smiles on their faces?”
Rarely does one answer “B.”
Because at the end of a long, difficult day – one in which an educator has not had
enough support (help, breaks, praise, encouragement) and has had numerous self-esteem
injuries – he is primed to react. Because lack of support wears people out - physically and
emotionally - which causes punitive actions.
At times, teachers get angry with kids who require excessive attention. Occasionally a
troubled student will misbehave after receiving special one-to-one time with an adult. This
often angers the adult, prompting the following response: “That kid’s just looking for
attention.”
Is it wrong to get mad at challenging children and youth because we can’t appropriately meet
their needs for more attention? No. But its critical to respond appropriately at these times.
When agitated, use your observing ego to investigate the source of your frustration (i.e., lack of
support, self-esteem injury) and then use it to do the right thing.
“Carl, you’ve had it with this kid. You gave him extra attention and now he’s acting up even
more. Wait. Stay calm. Even though you gave him some extra attention, it wasn’t enough. Don’t
blame the kid. Sure, you can hold him accountable for his behavior, but don’t get mad at the kid
for trying to meet his needs. The poor kid has never received the attention he deserves. And it’s
not his fault that you don’t get enough support (nor your school’s – it’s the job you chose).
Remember, behavior is nothing more than a message. See what you can do to get him and yourself
53
more support. Stay calm. Respond vs. React. Attah boy.”
Lack of support being a major source of punitive actions evokes Star Wars imagery: It’s
the Force vs. the Dark Side. In any educational setting where staff support (breaks, training,
praise, etc.) is inadequate (and that’s true for all such settings), there is a strong, gravitational
pull to the Dark Side (i.e. towards punitive actions). Any time an educator is inclined to react
vs. respond to a student , his observing ego should immediately talk to him in the voice of
Alec Guinness (Obe-Won-Kanobie), and say:
“Luke, Luke…use the force, Luke...stretch out your feelings…the force is always with
you.”
If you work with kids, see yourself as a Jedi Knight. The second you cross the threshold of
your school, understand that your name changes and you are now Luke Skywalker, a Jediwarrior on a life-saving mission.
54
The Eco Map
Rate Your Level of Support
Finances
Work
Self
Help
Therapy, AA,
Etc.
School
(adult)
Recrea
tion
Schools
(kids)
Commu
nity
Orgs.
Neighbors
Religion
Household
Respons-ibilities
Me
Couple or
Signif. Other
Support
Quotient
_____
Other family
Members
Relatives
Health &
Medical
(kids)
Health &
Medical
(adult)
Friends
Strong source of support
+3
The Support
Continuum
Serious drain & lack
of support
-3
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Maintaining Support Outside of School
Lack of support can lead people to act punitively. If a teacher is not receiving enough
support in her private life, she will be more likely to react rather than respond at work.
The field of special education typically attracts people with personality types that lead them
to give more than they receive (i.e. martyr-types).
It can be helpful to ask yourself the following question:
Why is it so important for me to please others?
It’s essential for educators to constantly monitor their emotional and physical well-being,
and to make sure they are taking ‘good enough’ care of themselves. Good questions to
ponder introspectively:
“Why is it so important for me to always help others?”
“Do I only feel good about myself when I am pleasing others?
“Do I feel guilty when I turn down overtime, or requests from friends to
help them out?
“Am I eating and sleeping okay?
“Am I exercising enough?
“Am I taking good care of myself?”
On the following page is an eco-map (ecological map). Fill it out – and do soon a regular
basis. Rate each support circle on a continuum from –3 to +3. A rating of +3 would mean it is
an area that brings you excellent support. A rating of –3 would mean it is a category that is
seriously draining you. For example, if you have a sick mother and are the only person caring for
her, a rating of –3 would seem quite appropriate. A zero (0) rating would mean the area is
neither providing much support nor draining you.
When you have rated all the circles, add up all of the numbers. Subtract the minus numbers
from the positive ones. The total number becomes your support quotient and is placed in
the middle circle. Your goal is to keep this number as high as possible.
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“People with a poorly differentiated "self" depend so heavily on the acceptance and approval of others that either
they quickly adjust what they think, say, and do to please others or they dogmatically proclaim what others should
be like and pressure them to conform.
A person with a well-differentiated "self" recognizes his realistic dependence on others, but he can stay calm and
clear headed enough in the face of conflict, criticism, and rejection to distinguish thinking rooted in a careful
assessment of the facts from thinking clouded by emotionality.
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Everyone is subject to problems in his work and personal life, but less differentiated people and families are
vulnerable to periods of heightened chronic anxiety which contributes to their having a disproportionate share
of society's most serious problems. “
Excerpted from thebowencenter.org
The Developmental Perspective & Putting in the Bricks
The first three years, including the pre-natal period, are the most important in a human’s life.
During the first three years, parents create a holding environment for their children, which is
defined as a total environmental provision in which kids are able to grow physically,
psychologically, and socially.
A regular or special education setting for students, some of whom have been raised in unstable
environments, is in essence a holding environment where the elements of the first three years are
replicated. They include:
Unconditional Love
Nurturing
Appropriate Physical Affection
Safety and Security
Consistency
Considerable Attention
Meeting Food and Clothing Needs
Intellectual Stimulation
_________________ (add your own)
The first three years can be termed the foundation years. Similar to a house, all children need a
strong foundation. In other words, enough bricks to become independent and happy. Toddlers need
to separate and individuate (achieve separation-individuation) and develop a good sense of self by
the age of three in order to be independent and happy.
If a child successfully navigates the first three years, she achieves object constancy. In other
words, the child has a sense of security with respect to human relationships. Whether loved ones
are present or not, she knows she has meaningful ties to these people (i.e. objects), and can
function effectively.
Many children who present with behavioral and emotional difficulties have issues with object
constancy, and – as a result - trust. Their relationships with loved ones have often been tenuous
and unpredictable – and this factor will manifest itself in how they deal with you.
Many of your students enter your classrooms with weakened foundations. In other words, they
did not receive “good enough” love, nurturing, limits, and attention during their formative years.
As a result, they do not possess a good sense of self.
More and more young people living in out-of home placements were born with – or soon
developed - due to abuse and neglect – neurological problems. Research on children who have
suffered early trauma in their lives indicates that brain development is adversely affected by
trauma and a hostile living environment.
58
Due to these “wiring” problems, life is increasing more frustrating for these children. Great
effort should be devoted to understanding the neurological condition of every student, and how to
best meet their needs by creating user-friendly environments.
Teachers should view themselves as fillers vs. talkers, who deal with deficits vs. conflicts.
Filling vs. talking refers to the importance of “filling in the missing bricks” or framed in another
way: Focusing on actions over words. Examples of “filling” are listed below:
Coming in on time with a positive attitude
Being consistent
Providing plentiful activities
Making each child feel special
Helping with hygiene – with a smile on your face!
Maintaining a neat and organized setting
Using humor liberally (but avoiding sarcasm)
Being proactive
Doing necessary paperwork on a timely basis
Setting appropriate limits
Staying calm when kids misbehave
Providing safety and security
Maintaining an upbeat demeanor
___________________ (add your own)
Deficits vs. conflict implies that the conflicts troubled kids frequently experience are
generally symptoms of a deeper problem, namely: an incomplete sense of self, due to basic
needs not having been met earlier in life, and/or neurobiological factors.
Think about a house build on a weak foundation…
Beams are more likely to crack and windows to pop out due to the immense pressure being
applied to the weakened foundation. The beam and window problems are conflicts the house
owner experiences. Yet, if the owner replaces a beam, there is no guarantee that it won’t crack
Again unless more bricks are placed in the foundation; the problem must be addressed.
Educators working with students who have suffered trauma need to form appropriate expectations
for the kids in their care, as well as themselves. Being a successful professional means
responding vs. reacting most of the time. Every time a professional responds instead of reacts,
she puts in a brick that remains forever; she increases the odds that that youth will have a slighter
stronger foundation for which to build upon and use her strengths.
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When a teacher has a positive, meaningful interaction (such as a great talk) with a
challenging student, she should reflect upon the interaction and think:
“Hey, that was a great intervention. I just put another brick in this kid’s
foundation; a brick that will be in place forever.”
The teacher should not get upset if ten minutes later the talk didn’t seem to have an effect.
At this point the teacher should stay calm and respond vs. react. If she does, yet another brick
will be added to that student’s foundation.
A bricklayer feels immense satisfaction and pride when he views a completed house in
which he and his mates painstaking built the foundation.
The world of special education is no different. It might take years before the fruits of our
hard labor come to fruition.
Bricks can never be removed from a foundation. If, after placement, a youth regresses
because she is in an adverse environment, she stops receiving desperately needed bricks – but
the bricks that have already been placed remain forever.
Although working with troubled young people is difficult and often complicated, the brick
metaphor simplifies and affirms the process:
A troubled student enters your school with 765 bricks (he should have received 3000 by
now). The job of the educational team is to replicate what he’s missed and still needs so that
he will leave with significantly more. If he departs a year later with 1243 bricks, he has not
been cured, but he’ll be considerably stronger and the probability for utilizing his educational
and social strengths - and having a good life, will be that much better.
At the end of every night, when you play your day over in your head, don’t judge yourself
solely by how well your students learned and behaved during the day. No, judge yourself by
how well you behaved. Did you respond instead of react in most situations? Did you replicate
what your students still need?
If the answer is “Yes,” you put in some meaningful bricks – that will never be displaced –
And increased the odds that tomorrow and beyond will be that much better. It’s all about the
bricks.
As mentioned, troubled kids need the adults in their lives to look upbeat and maintain a
positive attitude. Bad moods should be checked at the door. A two-year-old doesn’t want to see
her mom or dad come home in a bad mood. This would cause her to worry about the sanctity
of the holding environment. When she’s older she can handle this - when she has the bricks.
Not now. A fourteen year old who didn’t get it good enough in her early years, who still
displays early unmet needs, might react the same way to a teacher starting a class in a bad
60
mood as the two-year-old would.
Maintaining Staff Cohesion & Avoiding Team Splitting
Kids whose developmental needs get skewed, primarily during the terrible twos period, tend
to do a lot of splitting. In other words, they try to get the adults in their lives at odds with one
another.
Splitting is a normal developmental occurrence that rears its head during the terrible twos,
when a child is beginning to separate and individuate and doesn’t want to be told what to do.
When the emerging two year old hears “No” for the first time, this causes stress, prompting the
child to split:
“When mom’s being good to me, that must be the good mom. When she’s saying ‘No,’ that’s
the bad mom. If parents remain balanced (i.e. set reasonable limits but stay warm and loving)
during the “splitting” (terrible two) period, the child emerges with a good sense of self and
understands that mom (and dad) can be both good or bad, but is one cohesive person, and I
am too.
Kids who tend to split staff do so to because it brings them back to the developmental stage
they still need to master. If staff members refrain from splitting and stay balanced in their
approach to such youth, treatment progresses.
Splitting is a stress reaction. When one feels stress, in the haste to relieve it, we polarize:
Whatever is causing the stress is bad, and we’re good (i.e. we split)
The stress of working in an under-supported educational setting coupled with the
developmental need for the students to provoke disharmony among staff members, often
results in schools having a great deal of inter-departmental splitting (e.g. clinical vs. childcare
staffs, teachers vs. child care, etc.)
Therefore, it is essential for school personnel to avoid splitting at all costs:
Splitting stops a program/school – and a student – from moving forward.
Youth:
Teacher:
same page.
My mother said you guys are too punitive.
I like your teacher. I’ll give her a call to make sure we’re on the
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Developmental Psychology & Peer Relations
Students who have not received good enough care in the first three years of life tend to be
extremely egocentric. The message underlying their egocentrism: I’m preoccupied with taking
care of myself because I don’t trust others to meet my needs.
The extreme egocentrism we see in troubled kids is more about self-protection than self-love.
Never put a youth down for being self-absorbed. Understand why they act in this manner and
help them learn the skills to be more reciprocal.
Because of their extreme egocentrism, troubled kids have great difficulty making and sustaining
friendships. At the age of five, a normal child is very egocentric. He should be if his parents made
him feel special.
When children enter kindergarten, they decide (begrudgingly) to socially accommodate to their
peers, and socially subordinate their desire to be in charge, in order to be accepted by their peers.
By doing so, friendships are formed, social skills are learned, and self-esteem rises.
Unfortunately, troubled kids rarely ever accommodate or subordinate because doing so is too
risky. They would lose too much control of life. They must cling to their extreme egocentrism in
order to remain safe.
Sad Fact: Very few kids in residential treatment or special ed have ever had a best friend.
A public school or special ed setting is a holding environment that should feel safe enough for
kids to practice friendship building. Troubled kids desperately need to accommodate to their
peers and subordinate their desire to be in charge at all times (i.e. learn friendship/social skills).
Duo therapy is an effective modality for helping children make friendships and learn social
skills. It involves pairing two kids with one adult for the purpose of social skill development.
Tremendous effort should be made to pair kids up and have them practice friendship skills.
Without friends most people will struggle through life.
Kids who do not receive ‘good enough’ care in their first three years of life are at risk for a
number of behavioral disorders (oppositional defiant, conduct, and character disorders). If a
youth is diagnosed with a character disorder such as borderline personality disorder, it is a lifelong condition that can only be modified, not cured. A character disorder is the same thing as a
personality disorder.
Great idea: Once or twice a week have “Buddy Time” Randomly match kids for a task or
activity. Use incentives if necessary to motivate and reinforce this endeavor.
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Exploring Personal Boundaries & Self-Disclosure
How would you respond if a student asked you any one of these questions?
Do you have a boy/girlfriend?
Do you have sex?
Are you gay?
Are you straight?
Do you drink or do drugs? Did you do either when you were my age?
Where do you live…with whom? Where?
Have you ever been abused?
Been in therapy?
Do you gamble? Buy lottery tickets?
Where did you grow up?
Any brothers or sisters?
Are you my friend? Do you love me?
Key considerations if asked:
Will my answer create a split?
How will the student experience my answer? What is the
student’s frame of reference? It’s best to be conservative and
adhere to a strong self-disclosure policy when working with
troubled young people.
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Pre-Talk Considerations
When approaching an agitated student or group:
Number One Goal: Engage
Listen, empathize, paraphrase, offer help, repeat, offer hope…HOOK ‘EM in!
• Don’t be defensive. Anticipate negative comments
– don’t take them personally…
“It’s an injury and it will heal.”
• Expect displacement (i.e. anger directed at you that is meant for
someone else.)
• Assess your relationship and feelings toward the student.
Think PIE (i.e. everyone deserves an equal slice) An unpopular
student receives equal respect/treatment
• Practice the talk in your head. Longer discussions
generally have a beginning, middle, and end phase.
Other considerations:_______________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
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Core Verbal Interventions
Supportive Statements: Responses that support where a youth is “coming from.”
Supportive comments are non-judgmental and empathic. They are meant to engage and
comfort a student during a time of emotional unrest. Offering to help is a supportive
intervention
Examples:
“John, you seem really upset. What’s going on?”
“Who can blame you for feeling so angry.”
“Boy, this has been a rough day.”
“What can I do to help?”
Repeating or Paraphrasing w/qualifiers: Refers to the act of repeating back or
paraphrasing (i.e. stating the key points of what a youth has said). Repeating should be used
judiciously.
Example:
Kid:
Adult:
“I hate this place!”
“It sounds like you hate this place, right now.”*
* Solution-oriented, possibility language
Feelings Exploration: Troubled youth sometimes have difficulty expressing how they
feel. Adults need to help these kids identify, manage and work through the myriad of feelings
they experience.
Examples:
“So how do you feel about that?”
“How does that make you feel?”
Helping kids articulate their emotions is okay, at times:
Examples:
“Are you feeling hurt and angry?”
“Many kids would feel angry about what happened. Is
that how you feel?”
Young people who have suffered trauma often have trouble identifying and managing
their feeling. They need your help.
Sandwich Approach: During stressful encounters it is often easy for adults to focus
on what went wrong as opposed to what went right. Troubled youth often become
overwhelmed and reactive when confronted with their mistakes. Therefore, it is often wise to
interject something positive into a dialogue – particularly during the early phase of a
conversation. Doing so helps diffuse rising anxiety and frustration. Positive words should be
delivered in a more animated fashion.
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Example:
“John, you made a big mistake when you ran off. But,
you made a great decision to return after an hour.”
Note: Framing positive and negative behavior in terms of mistakes and decisions is an
effective way of addressing issues that are often problematic. Specific words help adults to
keep troublesome interactions from becoming personalized
Praise and Encouragement: Most troubled children and youth suffer from praise deficit.
Most experts believe that there is a strong correlation between a child’s improved
functioning and the amount of praise and encouragement
he/she receives.
Examples:
“That was fantastico! You really know how to keep your cool.”
“I know you can do it. You’ve done it before. You D’a man!
Praise is more effective when it is specific as opposed to general.
Examples:
Okay:
Better:
“You did a great job with that assignment.”
“ Great job! Your penmanship was excellent and
your choice of vocabulary was impressive.”
Humorous Words: Humor ought to be taken seriously. One doesn't have to be funny to use
humor (although it does help). Key Humor Rule: Use humor, but if it is not well received,
abandon it quickly – and don't use sarcasm.
Examples:
“Hey, you seem to be trying very hard to get me mad.
And do you know what? You're doing great job! I'm really upset..”
To an eight-year-old: “You’re acting just like an eight-year-old!”
Apologizing: Refers to the ability to admit mistakes. How can we expect
children and their parents to take more responsibility for their actions if we
ourselves are reluctant to do so? Modeling vulnerability, and humility
Example:
“I apologize for yelling at you, Billy. I got a little too
upset. I'm sorry.”
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Reasoning Responses: Refers to the process of explaining why certain
behaviors need to be addressed and/or warrant consequences and the possible ramifications if
such behaviors are not dealt with.
“Could you please take a break? Stomping around makes people feel
uncomfortable. What if we let all the kids stomp like that? It would
pretty loud and chaotic around here.”
Example:
be
Connecting Statements: In limit setting situations and/or when adults and youth are on
different sides of an issue, it is often helpful to take a step back and make a connecting
statement. These interventions build a bridge between the two parties.
Example:
“Hey, I don't like having to ask you to leave class. It's not me
against you. You and I are on the same side. Heck, I’m President of
your fan club. This hasn't been a fun day for either of us.”
Empowering Interventions: Challenging kids are often hypersensitive to power being used
against them. Interventions that shift power back to them are extremely effective. Asking
troubled kids for their opinions and giving them choices regarding important aspects of their
day are empowering interventions that greatly facilitate emotional growth and improved
functioning. When we say to a troubled child, “You make the decision,” we are really saying:
“You take the power,” and the message to the kid is: I trust and believe in you. A troubled
youth with little self-confidence needs to hear this message over and over again before he'll
believe it; and when he does, he's not so troubled anymore.
Examples:
Student:
Adult:
“Bruce is bothering me!”
“What can you do to get him to stop?”
Student:
Adult:
“What's my consequence?”
“What do you think it should be?”
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Explorative Response (psychological): Troublesome behaviors are sometimes symptoms of
underlying emotional upheaval (i.e. displacement). Given relationship factors and context, a
teacher might choose to explore possible sources of discontent.
Example:
“You know, it seems like you're pretty worked up about a rather small issue. You
don't usually act this way. Is there anything else bothering you?”
Note:
Depending upon your relationship, you might choose to volunteer or assist a child
with a possible reason for his/her discontent.
Example:
“I heard you mention your mother. Everything okay at home?”
“Today is Thursday. Is there anything happening tomorrow that might have you
worried?”
It is often helpful to use the millimeter acknowledgement technique when using an explorative
psychological response.
Example:
You seem off track this afternoon. Not yourself. Do you think there’s a
one percent chance that some of your problems have something to do with a
home issue? Maybe one percent?
Explorative Response (historical): The ultimate goal in helping an agitated youth is to assist the
youth in managing her own behavior (i.e. look within for solutions). This goal can be met by
asking the youth to recall something positive from her past that will help in the present.
Example:
“You’re pretty frustrated and upset right now. When you’ve been in a similar
position in the past, what good decision(s) did you make?”
“You hit Roger because he made you angry?
Have you ever been angry with a kid and not hit him? Why?
What were you thinking that stopped you from hitting him?
Have you showed this ability to control your emotions more than once?”
“You seem to think that none of the teachers like you at this school. Have you
ever had a teacher that liked you? Tell me about her.
Why do you think she liked you? Why did you like her?
So, would you agree that you’re clearly a likeable kid?”
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Explorative (reflective): It is often helpful to ask a youth to reflect upon the efficacy of a
certain mode of relating.
Example:
To a youth who often speaks disrespectfully to adults:
“When you talk to me and other adults like that, does
it work for you? Are you getting what you truly want?
Could you possibly try a different approach?”
Surface Clarifications: Although it is important to explore a child's underlying issues, it's
equally important to clarify problems in the here and now.
Example:
“So, lets make sure we've got this straight.
The thing upsetting you most is that Bobby got to switch seats and you didn't.
Is that correct?”
Plan Making: Proper utilization of the techniques contained in this handout help educators
to work through sensitive issues with youth. To be truly helpful, most serious conversations
should end with the adult and youth making a plan for the future. We want to help children
learn new ways of conducting themselves and reinforce good decisions.
Example:
“Okay, Cheryl, I'm proud of the way you
talked about this. I know it wasn't easy. Do
you think we can make a plan to help you
avoid making the same mistakes next time?”
“What might be a better way to let people know some
of the kids are teasing you during recess?”
Kid: “Talk to one of the lunch monitors.”
“Sure. That's a good plan.”
“Maybe, you can start a school journal, as well.
Write down how things are going outside. Would that
be something we can add to the plan?”
Kid: “Yeah, I like that.”
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Proactive Considerations for Educators
Rate yourself from 1-5:
5 = Excellent in this area 3 = Okay 1 = Serious room for improvement
1.
Rules are clear and posted, as well as the daily schedule. In Middle and High Schools,
teachers preview the class ahead.____
Rules are taught for 2 weeks. Considerable effort is devoted to teaching and practicing
“good” behavior. Use role-plays, modeling, scripting, games, quizzes, cues, and direct
communication to repetitively teach expected behavior (i.e. good choices). Positively
reinforce good decisions.
Adult: “In one minute, we’re going to put the games away. What are you going to say
when I ask you to stop? ‘Thanks Mr. A for the extra minute.’
2.
Transition times are structured and orderly.____
a. Students are warned about upcoming transitions:
“In a few minutes we’ll be going to science."
b. Students line-up quietly. If they are loud and rambunctious during transitions, they
should be asked to return and try again.
Options: Transition kids in groups of two, have them line-up based on birth dates, table location,
etc.
3.
Seating assignments make sense.____
a. Troubled students could be separated during key academic periods. (First, give them a
chance to sit together.)
b. Students who often need “breaks” should be sitting closer to the break area(s).
4.
Students are not hungry.____
5.
Classroom is neat and orderly. Student desks/lockers do not get too messy.____
6.
There is a non-stimulating “safe” place for disruptive/agitated students
to “take a break.” ____
a. Have educational material and/or self-help material available for students in break time.
7.
There is an established limit-setting progression____ (e.g., 2 warnings > break > refusal >
office visit - or alternative location - > detention > suspension)
Students are held accountable for their behavior at all times in the progression.
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8.
The room(s) appears colorful and inviting.____
9.
The physical lay out of the room is most conducive to learning.____
For example, a horizontal classroom with 2-3 rows of seats situated in a semi-circle will
provide a teacher better access to each student than a vertical classroom with six rows of
seats. In addition, it is helpful to establish separate areas within a classroom with distinct
boundaries (i.e. a book shelf or divider)
10.
Teachers, parents, and other collaterals have established systems for communicating with one
another (e.g. homework assignment books, regular phone contact, email, established meeting
times, etc.)____
a. Regular or as needed class meetings often improve communication and relationships
between teachers and students._____
Meetings should have established rules and be designed to empower students.
Sample rules:
Appreciation of Others (i.e. no put-downs)
Listen Attentively
Respect Everyone
Right to Pass (students can pass when it’s their turn)
"What can we do to make this a better class?”
“What can we do to resolve this issue?”
“What can we do to learn more about each other?
Tips:
Designate a special gesture to keep things under control. For example, when the
the teacher raises their hand, everyone else raises their hand and stops talking.
At times, teachers use a special object (of interest) that is passed around – a
person can only speak if he/she is holding the object.
At each class meeting, introduce a positive sentence they must finish:
“One thing I like about our classroom is…”
“I’m grateful that…”
“One good thing that happened to me recently is…”
“ I wish…” …. “ I hope that….”
11.
Requests to students are issued using the words "Please" and "Thank you.” and
most requests do not start with the word “You”…instead “I” or “We”._____
12.
Limits are set in a calm and predictable manner.____
13. Teachers regularly use and promote humor (not sarcasm) with their students._____
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14. Teachers regularly circulate throughout the classroom.____
15.
Student accomplishments are trumpeted and/or displayed.____
16. Teachers call parents when a challenging student has had a good day!____
17.
In elementary school classrooms, a weekly Chore Chart can add structure and be both an
empowering and self-esteem building vehicle.
A great chore to create: "The Class Comedian!“____
18. Teachers enthusiastically welcome students when they enter the classroom.____
19.
Requests are specific vs. general____
Yes:
“Please do problems 1-4.”
No:
“Get your math done.”
20.
Assign tasks in a sequential manner. Break down all the long-range assignments and
projects. Give shorter time frames._____
21.
Teachers make it a priority to explore and know the strengths of their students. ____
Examples: A student who excels in sports could have certain academic principles
explained using sports metaphors. Students with hands-on strengths could learn by
“doing” vs. listening_____.
22.
Each class has its own routines and traditions that help make it special. _____
For example: Oldest student writes and reads a note of “thanks” on
Thanksgiving; write a funny poem for students on their birthdays; have a special class
greeting or rap, etc.
23.
Teachers stay calm as students grow more agitated (i.e. Use the Affect Scale)____
24. Teachers often utilize positive, strength-based verbal interventions._____
25. Teachers talk about the future in positive terms (positive predicting)?_____
26. Teachers are cognizant of the body messages they send (e.g. knowing when to
give students proper distance, when to get lower, how to angle themselves ,
etc.)_____
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Add your
own:________________________________________________________________
Proactive Strategies for Students with Learning Disabilities:
1.
Have them pre-read a page or section that you will be covering in class. Let them know which
questions you’ll be asking them.
2.
Stand behind them when it’s their turn to participate. Help them with difficult words and
sentences.
3.
Ask them to read and/or comprehend words, sentences, and paragraphs that are shorter in length.
4.
Be aware that the energy it takes an LD student to decode the written word often has an adverse
affect on comprehension skills.
5.
Provide more individual attention. At times, it is helpful to enlist the aide of other students to
help the cause.
6.
Provide frequent and regularly scheduled breaks
7.
Expect performance inconsistency and respond accordingly (e.g. If they’re “on” challenge them
more; if they’re not, be more cautious about your expectations). Help LD students to
understand this phenomenon and cope accordingly. This neurologically based problem causes
students to have good days and bad days that are largely beyond their control.
In a study conducted by Jonathan Cohen at Columbia University, eight hundred adolescents
with learning problems were asked to identify the most troubling and frustrating aspect of their
learning disability. The majority of the students cited performance inconsistency.
8.
Provide more direct instruction and as much one-to-one instruction as possible. Use guided
instruction.
9. Teach and practice organization and study skills in every subject area.
10. Design lessons so that students have to respond actively – get up, move around, go tot the board,
move in their seats.
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11.
Design tasks of low to moderate frustration levels.
12.
Use computers for instruction
13.
Challenge but don’t overwhelm.
14.
Provide frequent feedback.
15.
Schedule difficult subjects at these students’ most productive times.
16.
Monitor independent work
17.
Use mentoring and peer tutoring
18.
Allow doodling or appropriate mindless motor movement.
19.
Allow time during the day for locker, backpack, and desk organization.
20.
Have students create a master notebook-three ring binder- in which they
can organize (rather than stuff) papers. Limit the number of folders.
Monitor notebooks. Have daily and weekly organization and clean-up
routines.
21.
To assist with memory retrieval teach these students memory strategies
such as grouping, chunking, and mnemonic devices.
22.
For difficulty in sticking with and finishing tasks add interest and activity
to tasks. Divide larger tasks into easily completed segments. Shorten overall
tasks. Allow the students a choice in tasks. Limit lecture time. Call on these
students often.
23.
For difficulty in beginning tasks: repeat directions. Increase task structure.
Highlight or color-code directions and other important parts of the
assignments. Teach the students keyword-underlining skills. Summarize
key information. Give visual cues. Have the class start tasks together.
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Behavior Management: Understanding, Prevention, and Principles
View misbehavior as a message: “Something is wrong. I need help.” Try to respond instead of
react to difficult behaviors. In other words, don’t say or do anything to a student that you
wouldn’t want said or done to yourself. Practice the Golden Rule
Use your observing ego (e.g. “It’s an injury and it will heal. Respond instead of React”)
Practice pattern identification. Note if a child or group act out in a predictable manner (i.e. at the
same time each day, over the same issues, etc.). Once a pattern is identified, investigate your (or
the setting’s) role in contributing to the problem(s). What can you change, modify or practice?
How can you make the environment more user-friendly? Next, seek out the student’s input and
develop a plan.
Constantly practice and reinforce the desired behaviors.
Behavior experts suggest that students should hear four positive comments for every one
negative. Catch them doing it right. Positive reinforcement is far more effective than discipline in
promoting positive behavioral changes.
Use consequences instead of punishment. A consequence is related to an inappropriate behavior,
a punishment is not. Consequences reinforce the values of your setting/society.
In general, the sooner a consequence follows a misbehavior the more effective it will be.
Try and avoid delayed consequences except for serious behaviors.
Issue consequences that have a high probability of being accepted. Be careful about using
traditional motivational approaches with non-motivational youth (A,B,C Baskets)
Establish a limit setting progression. In other words, everyone should know exactly what
happens if a student refuses to accept a limit.
Use best possible interventions but advocate for resources to enhance the learning climate as it
Relates to the emotional well-being of all concerned.
Whenever possible, and for more serious behaviors, try and let the students decide the appropriate
consequence(s).
Practice progressive discipline
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Limit Setting
Limit setting progresses in five clearly defined stages:
First:
Second:
Third:
Fourth:
Five:
Supportive
Logical Consequences
Physical Intervention
Processing
Reintegration
First Stage: Supportive Interventions include but are not limited to:
Verbal prompts, reminders, warnings
Redirection, distraction, divide & conquering
Appropriate verbal dialogue (e.g. Compromise, negotiate, reframe, support and help,
explore historically)
Hydraulically squeeze (i.e. Find a benign place for the student (or group) to
do the same behavior. Example: A teen who swears is allowed to swear
one-on-one with an adult in a private location).
Humor (but not sarcasm)
Non-verbal interventions (e.g. Hand signals, lights out, circulating around the room,
rhythmic clapping, standing on a table, lying on the floor, etc.)
“Love the object” If a student is playing inappropriately with an object –
take an interest in it. Follow-up later.
Use the power of a group
Channel (e.g. Have an energetic kid do something physical, have the
entire class do some exercises)
Hold an impromptu meeting….Play a music box every time the class gets
off track. Reward them if the box still has music to play at the end of the day
Vicarious reinforcement (Praise another youth for the behavior you want the youth in
question to display.)
Selectively ignore
In general, if two or three supportive interventions don’t work in a relatively
short time period, a logical consequence should follow.
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Logical Consequences
Proximity Manipulation
Levels of supervision can be intensified when students behave inappropriately:
“John, would you please sit up front for the remainder of the class?”
“Carla, we're going to walk side-by-side to the gym.”
“Billy, you will need to be escorted from class to class until you’ve earned
back some trust.”
When a student begins to improve his behavior, he can earn the incentive of gaining
more freedom, with respect to his/her proximity to adults.
Supervision levels can be created to address unsafe, problematic acting out, such as: Insight, one-to-one, and close supervision. These levels – which represent proximity
manipulation – can be adjusted as a kid or group regain (earn) their trust.
Re-Doing
Students who have trouble meeting expectations, such as walking quietly to lunch, not
running in the hallways, talking inappropriately, etc., can be asked to re-do the specific
task:
“Okay John, I'd like you to go back to the door and try walking here again...s-l-o-w-l-y.”
“Could you please try and redo this assignment? I don’t think it’s your best effort.”
“Could you please try and say that to me again? Thanks.”
Option: “I think you said I’m a wonderful dude and a sharp dresser, but I’m not sure.”
The Directed Chat
When a student is not responding to supportive interventions, a teacher – if conditions
permit – can request a private chat, preferably in a different location. By changing
location, it is often easier to approach the issue at hand with more calmness and emotional
distance. Going to a neutral location often facilitates conflict resolution.
An educator, for instance, could ask a disruptive student to join her outside the class for
a minute. Oftentimes, by giving a student or group such attention, problematic behavior is
ameliorated.
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Removal of Attention
At times, the best way to deal with negative behavior is to walk away from it and/or switch-off.
Educator: “You’re choosing to make me upset. I think I’m going to take a break from being with
you now. I’m hoping that later we can work this out.”
If an educator is becoming angry with a youth or group, a fellow staff member
should be empowered to step in and take over for the person. Some schools/programs
employ a “tag-off” like in professional wrestling.
Natural Consequences
Natural consequences involve discipline that it is a natural byproduct of one’s actions.
Examples:
“I think I am going to stop working with you now. I’m uncomfortable with your language.
You could make better choices. I’ll check back with you in a little while to see if you can talk
with me in a more civil manner.”
If a group is too loud and unruly an adult could just sit quietly and wait for them to calm
down. The educator could look towards the clock (meaning they’ll be losing free time)
Other consequences could be applied if this intervention isn’t successful.
A youth refuses to do his homework. The natural consequence: He fails the test.
A youth refuses to wear gloves. The natural consequence: Frozen fingers
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Loss of Privileges
Restricting a privilege, such as using a computer or going out to recess is generally a delayed
consequence and should only be used for more serious behaviors or when minor behaviors
become problematically repetitive.
However, when students commit serious infractions to school rules…a restriction meted out
based on the severity of the action and the frequency it has occurred is often the appropriate
consequence.
Bettelheim: Taking activities away from a troubled child is like taking cough syrup from a
person with a sore throat.
Problem Behavior:
Response:
The student is restricted from using the school computers for a determined period
of time – based on severity and frequency.
Problem Behavior:
Response:
A student visits inappropriate websites during school.
Students are caught texting during class.
They lose the right to use their cell phones in school for a determined period of
time – based on severity and frequenc
Reparation (Restitution, Community Service, etc.)
If a child or youth acts out towards a human being or physical object, it invariably causes
psychological and physical damage, respectively. It is, at times, helpful to have the student (or
group) that has offended repair the damage (within herself, as well). Examples:
Problem Behavior: A student is caught bullying others:
Reparation: Have the student apologize to the kids he/she has tormented and require her to
help others for a certain duration of time.
Problem Behavior:
Reparation:
A student throws food in the kitchen:
Require the youth to help out in the cafeteria.
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Problem Behavior:
Reparation:
A student is caught texting during class
The student loses the right to use his/her cell phone for a determined
period of time – based on severity and frequency
Another way to frame this consequence is to view the act of repentance as “giving back.”
Principal: “Bill, you took away some of the respect and harmony we feel here by making the
bad decision to damage the property. I’d like for you to give something back by coming up
with a project that will contribute to the well-being of the school.
You took something away…now give something back
Whenever possible let the student or group decide the consequence
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Breaks (Time-Out)
Students often react negatively to the term time-out. As a result, it is best to use alternative
terminology:
“Could you please step outside the room and chill out?”
“Jim, I'd like you to sit on the bench, calm down, and think about making some better choices.”
“Sara, would you please walk to Mrs. Brown’s room for a short break, thanks.”
It’s best to give students choices where to take their breaks:
“Reggie, could you please take a break. Chill out in the back or take a short walk and return.
Thanks.”
The more empowering we are, the less issues students will have with power.
There are two forms of Breaks: Set Amounts and Open Ended
Set Amounts = Established time-out lengths and progressions
Example: 2 minutes > refusal > student must leave the room > refusal > administrator called
& a call home is placed > processing.
Open Ended =
No set amounts of time for breaks
Examples: “Could you please take a break in the back. You choose where to sit .” > refusal >
“If you don’t move, I’m not sure I’ll feel comfortable taking you outside in an hour.”
2 warnings (i.e. supportive interventions) > “Could you please take a break. Please return
when you think you are ready to calmly join the group.” Refusal > “Remember, you don’ t earn
any points if you refuse to move. It’s your choice.” Refusal > “You’ve got three seconds to take
The break or you will need to go to the office. Make a good choice. Three, two, one…” > Refusal
> Student must go to the office
2 warnings (i.e. supportive interventions) > “Could you please take some space? I'll come and
talk to you when you are sitting quietly.” refusal > “If you don’t make the good choice to take
A break within a minute or so , you know what happens, I’ll have to send you to the office. And I
don’t want to do that. Make a good choice.” > One minute later > “Three, two…” > Refusal
“Could you please head to the office. Thanks.”
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Where are Breaks Conducted?
Best place: A non-stimulating area; a natural part of the room. You don't necessarily have to
have specific time out areas.
How are Breaks Conducted?
Students should always be allowed to sit comfortably to complete breaks. A break should
be conducted in a quiet and respectful manner. The student should not be facing a corner
or wall. If using set amounts (e.g. 5 minute break) “Time” counts when the child is sitting
quietly. Do not start break time over if the student begins to escalate. Give him/her
credit for time already served. Do not have the student stand to do a break. Don't keep
adding time if the youth continues to misbehave:
“Please let me know when you're ready to begin.”
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Self-Management Options for Children & Youth
Teach students how to control their anger. Suggest the following techniques:
1.
Stop and count to 5 or 10 (or 100!).
2.
Take a deep breath. Breathe calmly. Take a step back from the scene.
3.
Decide what the problem is? Suggest that a youth ask him/herself:
“Who (or what) am I really mad at?”
4.
Think Rap! (NBD – easier than 1, 2, 3! - No Big Deal, Walk or talk, Don’t be a fool – stay cool,
Stand tall - make the right call, etc.)
5.
Think about alternative options (choices) – instead of acting inappropriately:
Walk away (ignore)
Ask for help
6.
Try and talk it out in a friendly manner
Give a reason for the person to stop
Think about the consequences of making a good vs. a bad choice:
“If I hit him, I’m grounded for a week.”
“If I walk away, I go to the Mall tonight and no hassles
from home.”
“If I hit him, no soccer after school!”
7.
Avoid stinkin’ thinkin’ (Life isn’t what you see – it’s what you think!)
8.
When getting angry try and replace negative thoughts (stinkin’ thinkin’)
with more positive thoughts.
Have students PRACTICE these self-management techniques – and reinforce + choices 83
Avoid Stinkin’ Thinkin’!
Life isn’t what you see…it’s what you think!
Your friend doesn’t call you back:
Stinkin’ Thinkin’:
“She’s mad at me., and a real
jerk for ignoring me!”
Positive – replacementthought:
“Maybe she’s busy or didn’t get
the call.”
You don’t do well on a test
Stinkin’ Thinkin’
“I’m stupid!”
Positive – replacement thought:
“No one is good at every subject
I’m trying!”
Can you think of times you have let Stinkin’Thinkin’ get in your way?
_________________________________________________
Be a Good Detective!
Check your past for proof that you have succeeded at difficult tasks!
Any time you feel you can’t do something….
Think: “Have I done this before?”
And if the answer is “Yes”…Why not know?
Why did I do it before? What did I do?
How will I feel when I succeed?
Or
Think of other people who were in the same position (and just as worried)
…but succeeded.
Think: If they can do it: Why can’t I?
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See the Future!
Visualize /imagine yourself doing great at school, getting along well with the key people in your
life, holding a super job, etc.
The more you see it, think it…believe it…the greater the likelihood it will happen!
Visualization
When you get stressed or upset…take a trip in your mind to a peaceful place….
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The Connections Map
Rate Your Level of Support
Job(s)
SelfHelp
Money
Therapy,
Al-Anon, etc.
Religion
Hobbies
Sports
Community
Groups
Neighbors
Roommates
Me
School
Support
Number____
Parents
Pets
Siblings
Health
Relatives
Boy/Girl
Friend
Physical
Appearance
(Eating.
Sleeping, etc.)
Friends
Strong source of support
+3
The support
continuum
Serious drain & lack
of support
-3
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SELF-MANAGING
I’m ticked. But stay
cool.
It’s an injury and it’ll
heal. That’s the deal!
Use the Force!
I got to make
the right call.
Be my own COACH.
Call the right play!
Coach
You
Avoid the
Dark Side!
Lack of
support causes
stress.
Stress affects
your ability to
make good
choices.
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Using Heroes to Guide Appropriate Actions
(Often effective for students on the autism spectrum)
“All Jedi Knights worry and feel nervous during
stressful encounters…don’t they?
Doesn’t Luke feel anxious from time to time?”
“How would Luke feel if ____________?”
“What would Luke do in this situation? What
can Jedi’s do if they feel upset or anxious?
“How would he save the day?”
“What would Luke want you to do?
“What would a Jedi Knight do?
Luke Skywalker, Jedi Knight
“Tell Vader to get lost!
“Use the Force my young Jedi!
Stretch out your feelings….
The Force is always with you…”
Paul Gladstone – Jedi in Training
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Tip: Use action figures to enhance the effectiveness of this approach.
Quiz #1: Strength-Based Practice
True or False
1. Solution-Focused work begins with the notion that students must assume responsibility for their
negative actions before moving on_____.
2. A teacher should always be honest with his/her students_____
3. The snowball metaphor is appropriate to use with students who have endured a traumatic
event_____.
4. “Is there a 1% chance that some of your actions today are due to the testing
you’ll have tomorrow?”…is an example of The Millimeter Acknowledgement_____.
5. A well-functioning, strength-based environment adheres to the notion
of “Believing is Seeing”_____.
6. Strength-based education is primarily about Attitude and Accountability_____.
7. Synaptic plasticity can adversely affect the effectiveness of cueing_____.
8. There are three major components with respect to the success of cueing: humor, rhythm, and
repetition_____.
9. Strength-based practice assumes change is inevitable not uncertain_____.
10. Reframing involves finding the positive aspects of a seemingly negative behavior_____.
11. Students should not be positively reinforced unless they have accomplished
a measurable endeavor_____.
12. Behavior is always a message_____.
13. Strength-based practice is all about attitude and actions_____.
14. Students with emotional and behavioral issues are often success deprived_____.
15. The most important aspect of an individualized incentive plan is to reward
improvement_____
89
Review Quiz #2: Managing Number One and Developmental Psych.
True or False:
1.
Self-esteem injuries are typical in a school setting. ____
2.
Having high self-esteem prevents one from incurring self-esteem injuries. ____
3.
Some feelings are inappropriate to harbor towards a child or youth. ____
4. An observing ego helps adults monitor the actions of others. ____
5. It is never okay to yell at a student. ____
6. Lack of support leads to punitive actions. ____
7. Staff members should assume that a troubled student who is given extra attention by
an educator should be appreciative and will not misbehave afterwards. ____
8. All of the following represent forms of support to a teacher: praise, encouragement,
breaks during a day, shorter work hours, more pay, asking his/her advice
(empowering), using more para-professionals, improving staff-to-student ratios. ____
9. It’s better if a school staff member with a good observing ego makes a mistake with a
youth. ____
10. Use the Force, Luke is a self-management tool that reminds adults to
read science fiction. ____
11. Filling vs. Talking is consistent with the phrase: actions speak louder than words. ____
12. Stress and the pathology of the students often cause problematic splitting in a school or
child welfare setting. ____
13. A good talk with a kid puts in a brick that will stay with him/her forever. ____
14. A holding environment is any place a kid has total environmental provision. ____
15.
Deficits are analogous to problems, as conflicts are to symptoms. ____
90
Review Quiz #3: Communicating Principles and Techniques
Answer True or False:
1. All verbal communication has only one content and one message ____.
2. Content refers to the actual information being relayed. ____
3. Youth care workers are always aware of the message(s) they are sending when communication
with kids. ____
4.
Controlled anger at the choice a student makes is acceptable. ____
5. Counter-phobic behavior is a kid’s way of gaining control of an anxiety-reducing situation___.
6. The affect scale calls for an inverse relationship between an adult’s and youth’s control of a
affect/emotion. ____
7. In general, a hard working and compassionate staff member needs to worry less about the
messages he/she is sending. ____
8. The more agitated a kid appears, the more important it is to speak with him/her from a position
of authority and control (i.e. in an elevated position). ____
9. Pattern identification involves detecting predictable speech anomalies. ____
10. When using pattern identification, the first step after identifying an ongoing, predictable
behavior issue is to determine the adult’s role in contributing to the problem(s). ____
91
Review Quiz #4: Behavior Management
True or False
1. The theories and techniques from Ross Greene’s book The Explosive Child would
not work well with students who are neurologically impaired._____
2. Only one supportive intervention should be given prior to issuing a logical
consequence._____
3. Limit setting progresses in five stages._____
4. A consequence is related to the behavior in question; a punishment isn’t._____
5. Immediate and delayed consequences are equally effective._____
6. When issuing a break/time-out, it’s best not to say “Could you please take a break”
since it is in question form and will confuse the child _____
7.Time-outs or breaks always have a prescribed amount of time to serve._____
8.If a teacher enters a room and hears a youth swear, and asks the child to take a break, she is
incorrectly starting the limit setting stage progression with a logical consequence._____
9.It is generally essential to create a limit setting progression in every setting._____
10. Distraction is a very effective supportive intervention._____
92
Quiz answers
Quiz #1
1. F, 2. F., 3. T, 4. T, 5. F, 6. T, 7. F, 8. F, 9. T, 10. T, 11. F,
12. F, 13. T, 14. T, 15. T
Quiz #2
1. T, 2. F., 3. F, 4. F, 5. T, 6. T, 7. F, 8. T, 9. T, 10. F, 11. T,
12. T, 13. T, 14. T, 15. T
Quiz #3
1. F, 2. T., 3. F, 4. T, 5. T, 6. T, 7. T, 8. F, 9. F, 10. T
Quiz #4
1. F, 2. F., 3. T, 4. T, 5. F, 6. F, 7. F, 8. T or F, 9. T, 10. T
93
Name:____________________
Date:_________
Teacher Feedback Form
1.
Did you greet your students with a great attitude today?___________
2.
Give an example where you responded instead of reacted to a student or group?
(Practiced the golden rule; used the affect scale, etc.)
___________________________________________________________________ __
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
3.
Cite times where you used your observing ego today? (Ex: Thought - "It's an injury and it
will heal; lack of support equals punitive actions,” etc.)
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
4.
Describe how you managed a transition time today (e.g., Escorting students to and from
specials, lunchtime, etc.). For instance, did you have the students re-trace their steps,
sit quietly before exiting, did you review expectations, positively reinforce good
transitions, etc.?
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
5. Did you reframe a troublesome behavior today? If yes, what did you say?
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
6. Did you use any metaphors today to inspire your students? If yes, which ones?
____________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
94
7. Did you keep your classroom neat today? (including student desks, lockers, hallways, etc.)
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
8. Did you use humor in an appropriate manner today? If yes, how? (Did anyone laugh?)
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
9. What was your best moment of the day?
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
10.
Did you take any risks today (i.e. try a new intervention? Stretch your comfort zone?)
Explain:
___________________________________________________
___________________________________________________
___________________________________________________
11. Any situations you felt you could have handled more appropriately?
Discuss:______________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
12. Did you apologize at any time to a student or the group today?
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
95
13. Did you use any of the new verbal interventions that have been
introduced to you? (e.g. solution focused questions, millimeter acknowledgement, connecting
statement, etc) Which ones?
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
14. Did you say please and thank you most of the time when making requests?
And were you cognizant of your body language and messages?
_______________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________
15. Did you do anything today to reduce “splitting” among team members?
(i.e. staff, parents, students, administrators, clinicians, etc.)
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
16. What did you say or do to build self-esteem in some of your students?
Did you create and/or modify tasks, academics, games, or sports in order
to provide more success opportunities for your students?
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
17.
Did you trumpet successes today? (e.g. post accomplishments, call a student’s home,
inform a co-worker about a nice achievement, etc.)
________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
96
18. Are you taking good care of yourself? Are you content with the results of your eco-map as
it is today? Are there some steps you can take to raise the your level of support (i.e. support
quotient)? (Keep these answers to yourself).
19. What are you doing really well as a teacher?
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
20. Do all of your students wake up thinking that you think they are all terrific?
(If the answer is no - why?)
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
21.
How well did you set limits today? Were you creative in the supportive stage?
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
22. Discuss a limit-setting situation that was difficult. What alternative approaches could you
have tried?
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
Comments/Questions:
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________97
_________________________________________________________________
Feedback Form: Other Questions
What are other questions you would want a your staff members to answer after a day
of teaching?
1.___________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
2.___________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
3.___________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
4.___________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
5.___________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
6.___________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
98
My Personal Strength-Based Training Journal
Date:____________
Today I used the following strength-based techniques:________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Comments___________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
99
My Personal Strength-Based Training Journal
Date:____________
Today I used the following strength-based techniques:________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Comments___________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
100
My Personal Strength-Based Training Journal
Date:____________
Today I used the following strength-based techniques:________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Comments___________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
101
My Personal Strength-Based Training Journal
Date:____________
Today I used the following strength-based techniques:________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Comments___________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
102
My Personal Strength-Based Training Journal
Date:____________
Today I used the following strength-based techniques:________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Comments___________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
103
Transactional vs. Interactional Analysis
Transactional Analysis:
Explore/factor-in all underlying issues
…See the BIG Picture
Key question:
What is my role in or responsibility for what occurred?
(The school’s role?)
Behavior is always a message. Before reacting to problem behavior, investigate the source of the
issue(s) and then respond accordingly.
Be self-reflective. Ask yourself:
“Whom am I really mad at?
“What else is going on that has contributed to me feeling this way?
“Am I (or another party) partly responsible for how this person and/or group is acting?” (If yes,
take some responsibility for what has occurred.) Jointly work
towards a resolution.
Interactional Analysis:
Deal with an interaction as it was observed or reported
Example: A teacher care uses sarcasm with a youth. The youth gets angry and utters a rude
retort. The teacher sends the student to the office for being disrespectful. If the teacher had
used transactional analysis and pondered why the youth misbehaved, there would have been a
better result.
____________________________________________________________________________
Question: Who is generally the most popular person in any large residential setting?
__________________________________________________________________________
Why?_____________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________
104
Superior Strength-Based Leadership
It has been written that a successful leader/supervisor must possess these two critical attributes:
1________________________________2.______________________________
Teachers and others look to their principal and other leaders (i.e. Dept. Chair) for
guidance, support, safety, inspiration, and education. However, the degree to which they
will be motivated for maximum performance is often contingent upon their
perception of the leader/supervisor as a likeable person, tireless worker, and one that knows
what he or she is talking about. Therefore , superior modeling is essential for all leaders.
Groups tend to rise and fall based on the quality of their leadership.
What is "Superior Strength-Based Leadership?" In a nutshell, SSBL is:
Focusing on what his/her staff members do right.
Striving to make every staff member feel valued
Always coming in on time
Actively attending to the appearance of one's facility
(How a setting looks is a reflection of how much the staff cares)
•
Establishes and oversees roles, rules and expectations that are
clear and unambiguous.
•
Never raising one's voice to staff or students (i.e. practices the Golden Rule)
•
Maintaining a high level of enthusiasm
•
Strongly adhering to the rules of the school
•
Maintaining regular contact/supervision with superviseesparticularly new professionals and/or those most in need.
•
Listening to both sides of any issue and refraining from being too judgmental
•
Responding to adversity (e.g., staff calls in sick, broken appliances, major
acting out, expansion, etc.) with external calmness and confidence.
•
Remaining neutral in dealing with staff members who are angry about
school policy - but, encouraging workers to follow through with their
area(s) of concern. (At times, it may be appropriate for a supervisor to
pursue a worker's issue.)
•
Dressing appropriately at all times
•
Establishing strong lines of communication between all parties.
•
Demonstrates a strong desire to become a greater educated
professional (e.g. Attends workshops, utilizes journals
and relevant articles and books, etc.)
•
Aggressively advocates for MACRO level changes but
conscientiously attends to MICRO level needs.
•
Motivating workers with respect to dealing with:
-Particularly difficult students, interagency changes
and interpersonal issues between workers
•
Utilizing a liberal amount of humor on a daily basis, and encouraging
others to do likewise. But is careful with sarcasm (veiled hostility).
105
•
•
•
•
Additional Training Sheets
106
Reframing
Reframing involves taking a seemingly negative behavior and "reframing" it in a
positive way. For example, a youth who appears hyperactive could be told: "Billy, you have
a lot of energy. You can probably do more things in an hour than most of us can. I wish I
could move like you.“
Try and reframe the following behaviors exhibited by troubled students.
Write down the reframe you might utilize:
1.
A student who is always looking for attention:
2.
A youth who won't talk about his/her feelings:
3.
A student who acts rudely:
4.
A student who makes funny noises at the wrong time:
5.
A student who acts in a stubborn manner:
6.
A student who tattles:
7.
A youth who frequently swears:
8.
A student who's bossy with peers:
107
Relationship Building & The Art of Engagement
30 Questions You Could Ask Your Students
1. Tell me the five best things about you?
2. If you could have the following superpower which one would you pick?
a. The ability to fly b. super-strength c. could turn invisible
3. If you were trapped on a deserted island and could pick one famous person to be with, who would
it be?
4. If a genie could grant you any three wishes, what would they be?
5. What profession do you want to be when you’re older?
6. Who was the best teacher you ever had? Tell me why.
7. What would the ideal teacher be like?
8. Choose: Live to 100 in excellent health or win10 million dollars in the lottery but pass away
at age 70.
9. If you are feeling sad, what meal would be the one that would cheer you up?
10. Do you believe men and women are equally smart? Why or why not?
11. Choose: Live forever in good health or five people you pick live forever (in good health)?
12. Is there anything you pretend you understand, but you really don't? What is it?
13. If a genie would give you only one wish, which would you pick, and why?
1. Being world-class attractive 2. Being a genius 3. Being famous for doing something great
14. What is your most embarrassing moment?
15. Tell me who you think are the three greatest musicians in the world? Why?
16. If you could change three things about yourself, what would they be?
17. If you had to have a disability, which one of these would you pick, and why?
1. Blindness 2. Deafness 3. Inability to walk
18. What are the qualities that make a good friend?
19. What do you say to comfort yourself when something scares you?
20. If you paid your bill at a restaurant and the waiter gave you too much change, would you tell
him/her?
21. What do you think are the characteristics that make a good teacher?
22. Name the three music artists you most admire. Three athletes you most admire?
23. Choose: a. Super-human strength b. The ability to fly c. Able to become invisible
24. Name a TV or movie star that you think is lame.
25. Do you think it's important to get physical education in school? Why or why not?
26. If you had to live in another country for the rest of your life, where would it be?
27. Choose: If you had to eat the same dinner for one year…what would it be?
28. Choose: Find a cure for all cancers or stop all wars for the next 100 years
29. What have you done in school or sports or anywhere, that you are most proud of?
30. Choose: Win American Idol or win the Presidency?
108
Building Self-Esteem Action Plan:
1. Give each of your staff members two dice. See who can throw the most
consecutive rolls without getting doubles. They can start again when they get doubles.
Play for around five minutes. Afterwards, ask them why it was fun?
The answer:
The activity provided a universal opportunity for success. Explain that we increase the
odds for all students to function well and learn, when they have ample opportunities for
success on a daily basis.
2. Ask your staff members what steps the school could take to increase student success
opportunities and, in particular, for the more challenging students? (e.g. community
projects, volunteer opportunities, creative vocational endeavors, more after-school sports,
clubs and activities, in-house jobs, student government, school newspaper, etc.
109
Exercise: Creating User-Friendly Environments
1. Pick a student who is often inflexible and can act in an explosive manner.
Discuss: How “user- friendly” is the current environment to him/her? What changes
could you make? (think baskets).
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
2. Pick a time of day or particular class that is struggling or problematic. How could you create a
more user-friendly environment to better meet their needs?__________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
110
Respecting Roots & Cultural Diversity
The search for and healing identification with ancestors, people of the sam race, color, gender,
and/or religion. People who INSPIRE and provide HOPE!
Franklin D. Roosevelt
Harriet Tubman
Amelia Earhart
Martin Luther King
Cesar Chavez
Explore: Customs, Traditions, Holidays, & History.
- Have students explore their roots. Help them to learn about and hang
pictures of inspiring heroes.
-Read stories aloud of inspiring historical (or current) figures who
overcame great odds to make a difference.
- Bring in foods, art, and other items that are endemic to a
particular culture. Attend a concert. Bring in a movie, etc.
Other ideas:__________________________________________
Michael Jordan
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
111
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
What is a Family School Partnership Supposed to Look Like?
Rate how your school measures up in this area:
1 = Never
3 = At times
5 = Most definitely
1. Home visits are made to every new student_____
2. Home visits are often made to the home of a struggling student_____
3. Activities honor families’ contributions_____
4. Building is open to community use and social services are available to families_____
5. Most family activities connect to what children are learning_____
6.School staff, families, and community members share recreational time together
(e.g. holiday party, bingo, movie night, etc.)_____
7. Parents and teachers look at student work and test results together____
8. Community groups offer tutoring and homework programs at the school_____
9. Students’ work goes home every week, with a scoring guide_____
10. Translators are readily available_____
11. Teachers use books and materials about families’ cultures_____
12. PTA includes all families_____
13. Local groups help staff reach parents_____
14. There is a clear, open process for resolving problems_____
15. Teachers contact families each month to discuss student progress_____
16. Student-led parent-teacher conferences are held three times a year for
thirty minutes_____
17. Parents and teachers research issues such as prejudice and tracking_____
18. School personnel assist families in seeking essential social, economic, medical and
therapeutic resources_____
19. Parents can use the school’s phone, copier, fax, and computers_____\
20. Staff work with local organizers to improve the school and neighborhood_____
From Beyond the Bake Sale, P.15
112
Create a “cue (rap) or two” for some of the students you work with:
Bad Habit:____________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________
Cue:_________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________
Bad Habit:____________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________
Cue:____________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________
Bad Habit:_________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________
Cue:__________________________________________
________________________________________________________
P. 31 “The prefrontal cortex, the area of the brain primarily responsible for the
development of the executive functions, has been shown to be adversely affected by trauma.”
Fortunately the brain is an amazing organism and even when it is impaired, it often has
the ability through environmental interventions – such a s cueing - to be “rewired.” Neurologists
call this characteristic of the brain: synaptic plasticity. When a child or youth repeats a cue
(coping mantra) – over and over again with a set rhythm - dramatic behavioral gains can occur.
The desired behavior, in essence, becomes imbedded in the individual’s neuropathways.
113
Externalizing & Naming Negative Behaviors
Giving life and a name to a problematic issue or “bad habit” (i.e. externalizing it)
can help kids rid themselves of problematic tendencies/habits/compulsions.
Examples:
A student who needs to do things perfectly:
“Get lost Mrs. Perfecto! Get out of here. Get off my back, you loser!”
A student who is prone to behavior outbursts:
“Get out of here Mr. Fitz!”
A student who talks rudely:
“Get lost Rudy! You’re nothing!”
A student who argues incessantly:
“Go far Mr. R!” “You’re through Mr. R Gue!”
A student who is reluctant to write:
“Get out of town, Mr. No Write!”
Rudy
A student who skips school or is frequently tardy:
“Are you going to let I.B. Truant/Tardy get you into trouble next week?”
A student who is often provocative:
“Why are you letting I.B. Provokin get you in trouble?”
Create your own:_____________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
114
“Check Your Baggage at the Door”
This is a reflective questionnaire about who you are and why you’re here. No one will see this
document but you. It is given to increase your self-awareness about past experiences and how they
can influence present day decisions, practices, and attitude.
For example, if you were raised by a punitive father it’s possible that you’ll act punitively
towards your students because that’s what you learned. It’s also possible that you entered the
field to counteract how you were raised (to heal some of the wounds you incurred) and will be too
lenient (soft) with your students. At times, teacher’s copy the traits (good or bad) of a parent as
a way of identifying with that parent – which, on some level, bring them closer to these
individuals.
Bottom line: Few people escape childhood unscathed. We all tend to bring baggage to our adult
positions. Some of it should come through – and some should be checked at the door.
Know thyself.
Were you raised in a happy home?
Did you receive enough attention from both parents?
What kind of limit setting did your folks employ? (e.g. spanking, yelling,
logical consequences, punishment, etc.)
Were your parents physically affectionate to you?
What kind of values were taught and modeled?
Were there a lot of rules and structure in your home?
Did your childhood experiences influence your decision to work
with kids?
What baggage should you check at the door?
What should come through?
115
The Observing Ego
“I’m REALLY ticked…I could just it’s okay. Stay cool…ALL feelings
are normal. Learn from this. I’m
suffering a bad self-esteem injury,
but in a little while it will heal.
Respond instead of React.
Use the Force, Betty!
…I mean, Luke.”
Lack of support leads to punitive actions.
Strategies to use in order to keep your cool
1. Think about the principle of lack
of support being related to punitive
actions – and don’t go there. Think:
“I can do anything for 90 more minutes!”
2. Visualize yourself walking to your car at
the end of a brutal shift with a BIG smile
on your face thinking “I kept my cool all
during the shift. I didn’t “react” like some of
others. I did good!”
3. Think about tomorrow: If I respond instead of
react to the end of the shift, my relationships
will grow stronger…and the job will get
easier.
Respond =
The Golden Rule
Self esteem is
fragile even when
It’s good!
Don’t say or do
anything to a
youth or group
that you
wouldn’t want
said or done to
you.
4. Think about a M.A.S.H. Unit: When I’m at my
worst, I need to give it my best!
5. Use the Force, Luke! Don’t succumb to the
Dark Side.
116
Misuse of Power Exercise
1. How is power misused in a school setting? List any and all ways misuses occur.
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
117
The Eco Map
Rate Your Level of Support
Finances
Work
Self
Help
Therapy, AA,
Etc.
School
(adult)
Recrea
tion
Schools
(kids)
Commu
nity
Orgs.
Neighbors
Religion
Household
Respons-ibilities
Me
Couple or
Signif. Other
Support
Quotient
_____
Other family
Members
Relatives
Health &
Medical
(kids)
Health &
Medical
(adult)
Friends
Strong source of support
+3
The Support
Continuum
Serious drain & lack
of support
-3
118
Exploring Personal Boundaries & Self-Disclosure
How would you respond if a student asked you any one of these questions?
Do you have a boy/girlfriend?
Do you have sex?
Are you gay?
Are you straight?
Do you drink or do drugs? Did you do either when you were my age?
Where do you live…with whom? Where?
Have you ever been abused?
Been in therapy?
Do you gamble? Buy lottery tickets?
Where did you grow up?
Any brothers or sisters?
Are you my friend? Do you love me?
Key considerations if asked:
Will my answer create a split?
How will the student experience my answer? What is the
student’s frame of reference? It’s best to be conservative and
adhere to a strong self-disclosure policy when working with
troubled young people.
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Proactive Considerations for Educators
Rate yourself from 1-5:
5 = Excellent in this area 3 = Okay 1 = Serious room for improvement
1.
Rules are clear and posted, as well as the daily schedule. In Middle and High Schools,
teachers preview the class ahead.____
Rules are taught for 2 weeks. Considerable effort is devoted to teaching and practicing
“good” behavior. Use role-plays, modeling, scripting, games, quizzes, cues, and direct
communication to repetitively teach expected behavior (i.e. good choices). Positively
reinforce good decisions.
Adult: “In one minute, we’re going to put the games away. What are you going to say
when I ask you to stop? ‘Thanks Mr. A for the extra minute.’
2.
Transition times are structured and orderly.____
a. Students are warned about upcoming transitions:
“In a few minutes we’ll be going to science."
b. Students line-up quietly. If they are loud and rambunctious during transitions, they
should be asked to return and try again.
Options: Transition kids in groups of two, have them line-up based on birth dates, table location,
etc.
3.
Seating assignments make sense.____
a. Troubled students could be separated during key academic periods. (First, give them a
chance to sit together.)
b. Students who often need “breaks” should be sitting closer to the break area(s).
4.
Students are not hungry.____
5.
Classroom is neat and orderly. Student desks/lockers do not get too messy.____
6.
There is a non-stimulating “safe” place for disruptive/agitated students
to “take a break.” ____
a. Have educational material and/or self-help material available for students in break time.
7.
There is an established limit-setting progression____ (e.g., 2 warnings > break > refusal >
office visit - or alternative location - > detention > suspension)
Students are held accountable for their behavior at all times in the progression.
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8.
The room(s) appears colorful and inviting.____
9.
The physical lay out of the room is most conducive to learning.____
For example, a horizontal classroom with 2-3 rows of seats situated in a semi-circle will
provide a teacher better access to each student than a vertical classroom with six rows of
seats. In addition, it is helpful to establish separate areas within a classroom with distinct
boundaries (i.e. a book shelf or divider)
10.
Teachers, parents, and other collaterals have established systems for communicating with one
another (e.g. homework assignment books, regular phone contact, email, established meeting
times, etc.)____
a. Regular or as needed class meetings often improve communication and relationships
between teachers and students._____
Meetings should have established rules and be designed to empower students.
Sample rules:
Appreciation of Others (i.e. no put-downs)
Listen Attentively
Respect Everyone
Right to Pass (students can pass when it’s their turn)
"What can we do to make this a better class?”
“What can we do to resolve this issue?”
“What can we do to learn more about each other?
Tips:
Designate a special gesture to keep things under control. For example, when the
the teacher raises their hand, everyone else raises their hand and stops talking.
At times, teachers use a special object (of interest) that is passed around – a
person can only speak if he/she is holding the object.
At each class meeting, introduce a positive sentence they must finish:
“One thing I like about our classroom is…”
“I’m grateful that…”
“One good thing that happened to me recently is…”
“ I wish…” …. “ I hope that….”
11.
Requests to students are issued using the words "Please" and "Thank you.” and
most requests do not start with the word “You”…instead “I” or “We”._____
12.
Limits are set in a calm and predictable manner.____
13. Teachers regularly use and promote humor (not sarcasm) with their students._____ 121
14. Teachers regularly circulate throughout the classroom.____
15.
Student accomplishments are trumpeted and/or displayed.____
16. Teachers call parents when a challenging student has had a good day!____
17.
In elementary school classrooms, a weekly Chore Chart can add structure and be both an
empowering and self-esteem building vehicle.
A great chore to create: "The Class Comedian!“____
18. Teachers enthusiastically welcome students when they enter the classroom.____
19.
Requests are specific vs. general____
Yes:
“Please do problems 1-4.”
No:
“Get your math done.”
20.
Assign tasks in a sequential manner. Break down all the long-range assignments and
projects. Give shorter time frames._____
21.
Teachers make it a priority to explore and know the strengths of their students. ____
Examples: A student who excels in sports could have certain academic principles
explained using sports metaphors. Students with hands-on strengths could learn by
“doing” vs. listening_____.
22.
Each class has its own routines and traditions that help make it special. _____
For example: Oldest student writes and reads a note of “thanks” on
Thanksgiving; write a funny poem for students on their birthdays; have a special class
greeting or rap, etc.
23.
Teachers stay calm as students grow more agitated (i.e. Use the Affect Scale)____
24. Teachers often utilize positive, strength-based verbal interventions._____
25. Teachers talk about the future in positive terms (positive predicting)?_____
26. Teachers are cognizant of the body messages they send (e.g. knowing when to give students
proper distance, when to get lower, how to angle themselves , etc.)_____
Add your own:______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
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Review Quiz #1: Strength-Based Practice
True or False
1. Solution-Focused work begins with the notion that students must assume responsibility for their
negative actions before moving on_____.
2. A teacher should always be honest with his/her students_____
3. The snowball metaphor is appropriate to use with students who have endured a traumatic
event_____.
4. “Is there a 1% chance that some of your actions today are due to the testing
you’ll have tomorrow?”…is an example of The Millimeter Acknowledgement_____.
5. A well-functioning, strength-based environment adheres to the notion
of “Believing is Seeing”_____.
6. Strength-based education is primarily about Attitude and Accountability_____.
7. Synaptic plasticity can adversely affect the effectiveness of cueing_____.
8. There are three major components with respect to the success of cueing: humor, rhythm, and
repetition_____.
9. Strength-based practice assumes change is inevitable not uncertain_____.
10. Reframing involves finding the positive aspects of a seemingly negative behavior_____.
11. Students should not be positively reinforced unless they have accomplished
a measurable endeavor_____.
12. Behavior is always a message_____.
13. Strength-based practice is all about attitude and actions_____.
14. Students with emotional and behavioral issues are often success deprived_____.
15. The most important aspect of an individualized incentive plan is to reward
improvement_____
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Review Quiz #2: Managing Number One and Developmental Psych.
True or False:
1.
Self-esteem injuries are typical in a school setting. ____
2.
Having high self-esteem prevents one from incurring self-esteem injuries. ____
3.
Some feelings are inappropriate to harbor towards a child or youth. ____
4. An observing ego helps adults monitor the actions of others. ____
5. It is never okay to yell at a student. ____
6. Lack of support leads to punitive actions. ____
7. Staff members should assume that a troubled student who is given extra attention by
an educator should be appreciative and will not misbehave afterwards. ____
8. All of the following represent forms of support to a teacher: praise, encouragement,
breaks during a day, shorter work hours, more pay, asking his/her advice
(empowering), using more para-professionals, improving staff-to-student ratios. ____
9. It’s better if a school staff member with a good observing ego makes a mistake with a
youth. ____
10. Use the Force, Luke is a self-management tool that reminds adults to
read science fiction. ____
11. Filling vs. Talking is consistent with the phrase: actions speak louder than words. ____
12. Stress and the pathology of the students often cause problematic splitting in a school or
child welfare setting. ____
13. A good talk with a kid puts in a brick that will stay with him/her forever. ____
14. A holding environment is any place a kid has total environmental provision. ____
15.
Deficits are analogous to problems, as conflicts are to symptoms. ____
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Review Quiz #3: Communicating Principles and Techniques
Answer True or False:
1. All verbal communication has only one content and one message ____.
2. Content refers to the actual information being relayed. ____
3. Youth care workers are always aware of the message(s) they are sending when communication
with kids. ____
4.
Controlled anger at the choice a student makes is acceptable. ____
5. Counter-phobic behavior is a kid’s way of gaining control of an anxiety-reducing situation___.
6. The affect scale calls for an inverse relationship between an adult’s and youth’s control of a
affect/emotion. ____
7. In general, a hard working and compassionate staff member needs to worry less about the
messages he/she is sending. ____
8. The more agitated a kid appears, the more important it is to speak with him/her from a position
of authority and control (i.e. in an elevated position). ____
9. Pattern identification involves detecting predictable speech anomalies. ____
10. When using pattern identification, the first step after identifying an ongoing, predictable
behavior issue is to determine the adult’s role in contributing to the problem(s). ____
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Review Quiz #4: Behavior Management
True or False
1. The theories and techniques from Ross Greene’s book The Explosive Child would
not work well with students who are neurologically impaired._____
2. Only one supportive intervention should be given prior to issuing a logical
consequence._____
3. Limit setting progresses in five stages._____
4. A consequence is related to the behavior in question; a punishment isn’t._____
5. Immediate and delayed consequences are equally effective._____
6. When issuing a break/time-out, it’s best not to say “Could you please take a break”
since it is in question form and will confuse the child _____
7.Time-outs or breaks always have a prescribed amount of time to serve._____
8.If a teacher enters a room and hears a youth swear, and asks the child to take a break, she is
incorrectly starting the limit setting stage progression with a logical consequence._____
9.It is generally essential to create a limit setting progression in every setting._____
10. Distraction is a very effective supportive intervention._____
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Quiz Answers
Quiz #1
1. F, 2. F., 3. T, 4. T, 5. F, 6. T, 7. F, 8. F, 9. T, 10. T, 11. F,
12. F, 13. T, 14. T, 15. T
Quiz #2
1. T, 2. F., 3. F, 4. F, 5. T, 6. T, 7. F, 8. T, 9. T, 10. F, 11. T,
12. T, 13. T, 14. T, 15. T
Quiz #3
1. F, 2. T., 3. F, 4. T, 5. T, 6. T, 7. T, 8. F, 9. F, 10. T
Quiz #4
1. F, 2. F., 3. T, 4. T, 5. F, 6. F, 7. F, 8. T or F, 9. T, 10. T
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Name:____________________
Date:_________
Teacher Feedback Form
1.
Did you greet your students with a great attitude today?___________
2.
Give an example where you responded instead of reacted to a student or group?
(Practiced the golden rule; used the affect scale, etc.)
___________________________________________________________________ __
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
3.
Cite times where you used your observing ego today? (Ex: Thought - "It's an injury and it
will heal; lack of support equals punitive actions,” etc.)
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
4.
Describe how you managed a transition time today (e.g., Escorting students to and from
specials, lunchtime, etc.). For instance, did you have the students re-trace their steps,
sit quietly before exiting, did you review expectations, positively reinforce good
transitions, etc.?
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
5. Did you reframe a troublesome behavior today? If yes, what did you say?
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
6. Did you use any metaphors today to inspire your students? If yes, which ones?
____________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
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7. Did you keep your classroom neat today? (including student desks, lockers, hallways, etc.)
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
8. Did you use humor in an appropriate manner today? If yes, how? (Did anyone laugh?)
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
9. What was your best moment of the day?
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
10.
Did you take any risks today (i.e. try a new intervention? Stretch your comfort zone?)
Explain:
___________________________________________________
___________________________________________________
___________________________________________________
11. Any situations you felt you could have handled more appropriately?
Discuss:______________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
12. Did you apologize at any time to a student or the group today?
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
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18. Are you taking good care of yourself? Are you content with the results of your eco-map as
it is today? Are there some steps you can take to raise the your level of support (i.e. support
quotient)? (Keep these answers to yourself).
19. What are you doing really well as a teacher?
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
20. Do all of your students wake up thinking that you think they are all terrific?
(If the answer is no - why?)
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
21.
How well did you set limits today? Were you creative in the supportive stage?
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
22. Discuss a limit-setting situation that was difficult. What alternative approaches could you
have tried?
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
Comments/Questions:
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
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_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
Feedback Form: Other Questions
What are other questions you would want a your staff members to answer after a day of
teaching?
1.___________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
2.___________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
3.___________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
4.___________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
5.___________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
6.___________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
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My Personal Strength-Based Training Journal
Date:____________
Today I used the following strength-based techniques:________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Comments___________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
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My Personal Strength-Based Training Journal
Date:____________
Today I used the following strength-based techniques:________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Comments___________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
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My Personal Strength-Based Training Journal
Date:____________
Today I used the following strength-based techniques:________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Comments___________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
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My Personal Strength-Based Training Journal
Date:____________
Today I used the following strength-based techniques:________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Comments___________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
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