Revision Step 1: Intro Strategies
 Beginning with a short, startling statement that
needs further explanation.
“I don’t talk on Sundays. I haven’t in more than
three years.”
 Defining the central term of the prompt. For example,
focus on the meaning of the term “hardship” before
explaining how hardships are necessary.
 Beginning with background information necessary to
understand the explanation or examples.
Revision Step 2: Clear Thesis
THESIS: The central/controlling idea or argument of your
essay. A thesis statement tells your purpose for writing or
gives your opinion about a topic.
Prompt: Write an expository essay
explaining the effect of one new
technology on people’s lives.
Sample Thesis Statements:
Many technologies have had a positive
effect on people’s lives.
Too broad
Weather.com lets people know what to
wear.
Too narrow
Facetime has revolutionized the way people
communicate in our society.
Just right
Revision Step 3: Strong Evidence
0 What are your two examples?
0 In your example, will your reader understand
who did what and when?
0 If not, what can you add?
0 Will your reader understand why this
happened?
0 If not, how can you expand?
0 Look at the last sentence of the paragraphdoes it tie your example back to the thesis?
Re-writing your Essay
0 With these changes in mind, re-write your essay on the
provided 26-line paper.
0 Consider making these changes as we have discussed:
0 New introduction that ends with a clear thesis statement.
0 Elaborate or change your examples in each paragraph-
0
0
0
0
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include more specific detail.
Add an effective conclusion
Check that every sentence is focused on proving your thesis.
Look at word choice- strong verbs, precise adjectives, and
avoid repetitive wording.
Check for any and all grammatical errors.
Check your essay with the rubric- what score would you give
yourself?
Record examples of the following
terms in your packet based on your
essay:
0 Thesis—a sentence that states the point of the essay,
usually at the end of the introduction
0 Supporting details—specific details that prove or
support the thesis, found in the body paragraph(s)
0 Topic sentence—the first sentence of a body
paragraph that states the point of the paragraph