Writing problems
What we can all learn from the drafts
Defining rel. cl. with general noun
heads/reference
• I am writing in response to your article in
connection with the role of fathers in the family. In
my opinion there are a lot of fathers, who spend
most of their time with their family. There also are
men who do not really have time to go hiking with
their children. I feel it mostly depends on their jobs.
…
• I see a lot of husband, who work 8 or 12 hours a
day and then go home, help with the housework,
take care of the children or even make the dinner.
What kind of relative clause?
• 1st para.
– I am writing to complain about an alcohol commercial,
which appeared during a children’s program.
• 2nd para.
– The advertisement is about two young girls, who are trying
to prepare for a party. They are looking for the proper
clothes and accessories, they are speaking and laughing.
• Helpful Hungarian „crutch”
• Recent example:
– I do not think that those- who will not be a maths teacher
or an engineer -,need the use of the cosinus or need the
knowledge of the combinatoric.
An evergreen…
• He has to set an example, what children can
follow when they grow up.
• He still does everything in his power to keep the
family safe from that which would injure or harm
the family members physically or emotionally.
• As you mentioned, being a father is not easy, but
I feel it was a little unfair that you wrote.
– Word order!
– PEU 497, 130
– Rewrite it!
Syntactic consistency- concept of lists
As it was mentioned, a father is more than a male
parent. There are many expectations about dads. They
are forced to raising kids, being productive, achieving
goals and changing habits at the same time. It must be
hard, but a real father can cope with it and these people
can be admirable role models to sons to inspire them
today. I would like to describe someone who has not
been just a model, but an exemplar for me, and has
fulfilled ’being a real dad’ criteria – my dad.
• Reformulate it!
Prepositions, conjunctions or
conjuncts?
Now, in the 21st century women also take up a
career, so a married couple shares the whole
responsibility of financial matters moreover, the
matters of children. Despite, parents seem to
have less time to devote to the family.
• Reformulate it!
Use of commas
• I am writing in connection with your article
about ideal fathers. I think, your points are
true and you are entitled to ask if there are no
real fathers left because that is the typical
model especially nowadays in our busy lives.
• Rewrite it!
Long „run-on” sentences
As we know, men are expected to do most of
the work in a family so it can be hard to make
some leisure time to spend with the children,
however I think it was a bit extreme to say that
fathers don’t know their children.
…
•Write your own version!
General ideas
All I wanted to say with this letter is that we cannot
generalize the fathers. There are always exceptions.
An ideal father does not exist because we all make
mistakes, and mess up some days.
…
In the „world of work” father’s main role in the
family is to make a living and earn enough money.
•Correct the problems.
Linking and paragraphing
Despite the fact that we started to let go of conventional
orders, the media still try to represent how a dad should
behave. There are many movies where the fathers stand by
their families and protect them even in the worst times. They
are leaders in those films but not oppressors. If nothing can
operate like a ’model’ for sons among their families they can
learn from the television.
Though the roles have changed with time. While men were
the breadwinners of the family for many years, in those days it
is accepted among women to be the head of the family.
• Decide how many papragraphs this message should go into,
write it out in that way, making whatever other changes you
think are necessary.
Linking and paragraphing
As many people say that fathers no longer have a clear
role in the family. My father did a lot for our family to
take financial responsibility, feed and cloth us and teach
us how to behave. He works many hours to help me pay
for my studies and to give me the best education and the
living standard.
Furthermore, an ideal father has to be a model to follow,
so today’s boys can understand the concept of ’being a
father’, which is very important. In my opinion a real
father, a man with a great personality and great thoughts,
teaches his children the deciplins and importance of life.
In other words, shows us the stars and teaches us how to
reach them. These are the best aspects of parentage.
Conjoins: Not as if you were speaking
• There have been good and bad persons at all
times, you should not say there are no longer
ideal men and fathers.
Not as if you were speaking 2
In my opinion, everybody imagine ideal father a bit
different. Nowadays there are some families,
where father stays at home with babies. It has
many reasons, for example mother earns more, or
she has a better, higher duty job. But he always
takes part raising the children, doesn’t let them
grow up without him. Fathers should put family
before work. A father is the person who
encourages his children to never give up on their
dreams no matter what. And he always has to be
supporting and be there for the kids in happiness
and sadness as well.
Present perfect
• In my opinion my grandfather is the best
father on the world. He and my grandma are
married for 46 years and they always did
everything together.