MINDFUL LISTENING
MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR
LISTENING-MOST IMPORTANT
Speaking16.1%
Writing11.4%
Reading17.1%
Media
Listening27.9%
Interpersonal
Listening27.5%
+ 50% Listening
LISTENING PROCESS
• Hearing
• Sound waves striking eardrum causing vibration
• Does not require energy
• Listening
• Reconstructs electro impulses into a representation of the
original sound + gives meaning
• Active, complex process
PROCESS
• Mindfulness-being fully present in the moment
• Fosters dual perspective
• Enhances effectiveness of other’s communication
• Must make commitment to attend
PROCESS
• Physically receiving messages-automatic &
unhindered
• Harder to pay attention with noise
• Women generally more attentive than men, noticing details
• Have better developed right lobes for creative & holistic
thinking & will listen with both lobes of the brain
• Men have better developed left lobes for analytic & linear
information processing
PROCESS
• Selecting & organizing material-what we attend to &
how we organize it to understand the message
• Interests, cognitive structures, expectations (package we all
carry around supports the selection part of process)
• Intense, standouts, unusual in flow of conversation
• Greater challenging with nonassertive, quiet communication
• Schemata assists us in making sense out of the message once
we focus & select
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Prototypes
Personal constructs
Stereotypes
Scripts
Note: we construct others & their communication when we use
our schemata to makes sense of situations & people
PROCESS
• Interpreting-be person-centered in order to get the
message on the other’s terms
• Make earnest effort to understand
• Stay out of the other’s way
PROCESS
• Responding –show you are following & interested
throughout the interaction using:
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Eye contact
Nodding
Attentive posture
Questions & comments that invite elaboration
• Responsiveness demonstrates we care
PROCESS
• Remembering –retaining what you heard
• Recall only about 50% of what we heard immediately after
hearing it
• That drops to about 35% within 8 hours
• In a couple of months, drops to 25%
• Figure out ways to improve that retention rate & recall
TYPES OF INEFFECTIVE LISTENINGNON-LISTENING BEHAVIORS
Pseudolistening-imitating the real thing
Stage-hogging or Monopolizing-focus on self
Selective listening-focus only on what’s interesting
Insulated listening-avoid topics not want to deal w/
Defensive listening-take other’s comments as a
personal attack-shaky-touchy-insecure
• Ambushing-only to collect info & attack you
• Insensitive listening-respond to superficial content &
miss more important emotional information
• Literal listening-getting & responding to only content
& missing the relationship level of meaning
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WHY WE DON’T LISTEN BETTER
• External obstacles:
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Message Overload
Message Complexity
External Noise
Lack of Training
WHY WE DON’T LISTEN CONT.
• Internal Obstacles:
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Preoccupation
Rapid thought
Effort
Prejudgment/faulty assumptions
Lack of apparent advantages
Reacting to emotionally loaded language
Failure to adapt to listening styles
• Skills needed
• Diverse culture requires it
LISTENING BETTER
• Listening for pleasure
• Be mindful
• Control distractions
BETTER LISTENING
• Listening for information-gain & evaluate
information
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Be mindful
Control obstacles
Ask questions
Use aids to recall
Organize information
LISTENING TO SUPPORT
• Be mindful
• Use prompting
• Paraphrase
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Is issue complex enough
Time & concern?
Withhold judgment?
Paraphrase in proportion to other responses
• Supporting –expressions of concern, care, affection,
interest, especially in times of stress & upset
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DO NOT deny other the right to their feelings
Do not have to agree or approve
Note other’s reaction to your support
Support may not always be welcome
MORE LISTENING TO SUPPORT
• Analyzing –offering an interpretation of speaker’s
message
• Offer tentatively
• Be sure other will be receptive to your analysis
• Check your motive (ego-driven?)
• Advising –help by offering a solution
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Is advice needed? Wanted?
Give in right sequence
Come from expertise/experience
You need to be a close, trusted friend
• Judging –evaluate other’s thoughts/behaviors
• Make sure it is requested
• Be genuinely constructive
FINAL GUIDELINES
• Be Mindful
• It’s a choice
• It’s a commitment
• It compliments the other
• Adapt
• Situation
• Other person
• Listen Actively
• You can burn calories!
• It takes effort & an investment