The average hipster consumes 10 cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon every Saturday night. Add 17 Parliament Lights, eight sensible bumps of cocaine, and three miles of pedaling on a fixed-gear bicycle, and you've got all the makings for a hangover from hell. And although hipsters generally like to keep themselves fashionably emaciated, the traditional Saturday night substance binge can make a hipster hungry enough to actually eat something besides beer. Greasyass American food is the only thing that will quell the headaches and nausea.
So strap on those ironic sunglasses, vintage tennis shoes, and stretchy jeans; these greasy spoon hot spots are going to get you ready for work on
Monday. Work? Do hipsters do that? (Justin Juul)
All the young punks queue up in front of both Pork Store locations at 10 a.m. every Sunday morning. What are they waiting for? Grease — lots of it. Even the tofu scramble and the house salad have enough saturated fat to keep the queasy from puking up last night's whiskey dinner. You will not leave hungry, broke, or feeling clean. You will, however, finally be able to relax, knowing that you've just purchased an express ticket through Hangoverville.
1451 Haight, SF. (415) 864-6981; 3122 16th St., SF. (415) 626-5523
Big lines, like the one that forms outside Boogaloos on Sunday morning, are a must for any hipster hangout. All the "I don't give a fuck" outfits — Vans slip-ons, tight black jeans, Gucci sweatshirts circa 1982, etc. — would go completely unnoticed without them. Boogaloos serves Caribbean-influenced breakfasts all day long. You can build your own omelets and scrambles or stick with some good old pancakes or polenta stacks. Don't worry, vegans:
Boogaloos has Soyrizo and tofu combinations. It also has beer.
3296 22nd St., SF. (415) 824-4088
Kate's has been a staple of hipster dining since 1992. The 43-seat restaurant, featuring red vinyl checkerboard tablecloths and intimate seating, makes you feel like you're in a diner in North Carolina, but the tattooed, sassy waitresses will quickly remind you where you're really at — the Lower Haight. Kate's offers a variety of egg dishes, French toast, hot cereal, hush puppies, and more. The prices aren't bad, and the food will get that cigarette-and-alcohol taste out of your mouth.
471 Haight, SF. (415) 626-3984
Judging by the quality of food (not too greasy), this isn't exactly a hipster dwelling, but there are other notable factors that suggest otherwise. Eggs all over the place, huge lines, and an outdoor bathroom — if that ain't a hipster atmosphere, we don't know what is. Mama's bakes its own bread, stuffs omelets with gourmet ingredients like pancetta, and occasionally features inventive crab cake combos and unique French toast offerings.
1701 Stockton, SF. (415) 362-6421

The Tenderloin isn't known for its vast assortment of comfort food, but
Dottie's is a mom-style diner complete with knickknacks, small tables, and of course the standard-issue naked-lady poster that looms over guests as they eat. Dottie's serves American breakfasts: whole wheat pancakes, coffee cake,
French toast, bacon, sausage, and eggs, eggs, eggs.
522 Jones, SF. (415) 885-2767
When you get hungry at 3 a.m. and want some fucking French toast right motherfucking now, do you call it breakfast or dinner? We don't care and neither does Sparky's. Omelets, steaks, salads, coffee, beer — it's all part of the same perpetual meal at this 24-hour dining establishment. When brain tacos and pizza cease to whet your appetite, cab your drunk ass to Sparky's.
242 Church, SF. (415) 626-8666
This Dogpatch diner isn't your typical hipster breakfast haven. It's got all the standards (big-ass line, eggs, etc.) but go one step further by adding some Cajun creole flair to the menu. Are huge delicious breakfast burritos considered Cajun? According to Just for You they are. It also serves grits, pancakes, and of course a wide variety of home-style eye-openers.
732 22nd St., SF. (415) 647-3033
Cheap, fast, friendly American soul food breakfasts are Eddie's specialty.
We're talking grits, eggs, pancakes, hash browns, salmon patties, and Crystal hot sauce here. The next-best thing about Eddie's (after its food and incredibly friendly waitstaff) is its huge assortment of truck stop coffee cups.
800 Divisadero, SF. (415) 563-9780
When you've been partying for days on end, a little hair of the dog is in order before you meet Monday. Zeitgeist in the Mission has a world-famous hangover cure: start early on Sunday with one of their famous Bloody Marys and an egg sandwich, have a burger and pitcher of Hefeweizen in the afternoon, down one cocktail and three tamales around 10:30 p.m., top it off with a shot of Fernet at midnight, then stumble upstairs to your hotel room and pass out. It works, we swear. Disclaimer: it doesn't really work, but fuck, it's a lot of fun .
199 Valencia, SF. (415) 255-7505 SFBG