Fifteen Theological Arguments for Gay Marriage
by Keith Sharpe
1. The fundamental purpose of marriage is companionship:
Then YHWH said, "it is not good for the Earth Creature to be alone. I will make a
fitting companion for it." Genesis 2:18
The reason God creates Eve is solely to alleviate Adam's isolation. God's overriding
concern is for Adam's/our well being. God wants him/us to thrive and flourish and
realises that this will not happen unless his/our loneliness is relieved by a soulmate.
If God did this for Adam it is not credible that God would create homosexual people
and then subject them to the pain of lifelong loneliness For gay people the fitting
companion, the soulmate, is necessarily somebody of the same sex.
2. A lifelong companion has to be someone compatible. Gender is not important.
The Earth Creature gave names to all the cattle, all the birds of the air, and all the
wild animals. But none of them proved to be a fitting companion. Genesis 2:20
At first God tries to find a companion for Adam by creating the animals, but then
realises that he needs someone like himself, another human being. So the essential
point about Eve is not that she is female but that she is human. She is a human person
like Adam.
3. The essence of marriage is mutual commitment and faithfulness
Adam exclaimed, "this time, this is the one! Bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh!
Now, she will be woman, and I will be man, because we are of one flesh. Genesis
2:23
What matters here is that the human pair should commit totally to each other in a
relationship of mutual dedication and faithful support. Widows, widowers and
bereaved partners often say they feel only 'half a person' after the death of their spouse.
'One flesh' does not crassly imply the sexual act but rather the entire human union
which the two people together created. Two men or two women can equally make
such profound mutual commitment.
4. Procreation is not essential
There is no reference to procreation in the story of Adam and Eve until chapter three
of Genesis, and even then it comes only as a sort of incidental afterthought. Its only
mention is as a minor detail in the story of God's punishment of Eve for eating the
apple proffered by the snake.
To the woman God said, I will greatly multiply your pains in childbearing, you will
bear children in pain. You will desire union with your man, but he will be bent on
subjugating you. Genesis 3:16
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Childbearing is therefore not an essential part of marriage. And indeed the Christian
churches have long been happy to marry couples who cannot have children by reason
of infertility or age. And of course protestant and reformed churches all approve of
contraception which clearly demonstrates their view that marriage is not about having
children. There can therefore be no objection to same-sex marriage on the grounds of
inability to procreate.
5. There is no Biblical injunction on individuals to reproduce
There are two accounts of Creation in Genesis. In the first account there is no mention
of Adam and Eve. God creates the heaven and the earth and then everything else
including humanity, and then the text says:
God saw that this was good and blessed them. saying, "Bear fruit, increase your
numbers, and fill the waters of the seas! Birds abound on the earth!" Genesis 1:22
This injunction is addressed to whole species of creatures, and by implication to the
whole of humanity, not to individuals. So there is no necessary implication here that
every single person is supposed to be heterosexual or produce children. Indeed in the
present circumstance of global overpopulation where the earth has been more than
replenished, this commandment has been fulfilled and not having children might be
considered the more godly act.
6. If marriage is a 'remedy for sin' for opposite-sex couples then it is equally so
for same-sex couples
St Paul's view was that the sexual drive is so powerful that most people (he of course
meant men) have difficulty restraining it, and so it is better for them to marry in order
to avoid the sin of fornication.
But if you cannot control yourselves, then you should marry, for it is better to be
married than to burn with passion. 1 Corinithians 7: 9
Homosexual people are as much in need of this institutionalised channel for sexual
expression as heterosexuals, and it is therefore as good a theological justification for
the marriages of lesbian and gay people as it is for those of straight people.
7. Marriage is a partnership of equals
St Paul is usually read as a defender of patriarchy and female subjugation, but on the
question of marriage he advocates equality, with each partner owning the body of the
other.
The husband's body belongs not to him alone, but also to the wife, and the wife's
body belongs not to her alone, but also to the husband. 1 Corinthians 7:4
He even goes further to suggest that there should be equality in the sexual pleasure
enjoyed by both partners, placing a duty on both to ensure that they think of the
satisfaction of each other:
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Do not deprive each other (of sex), except by mutual consent and within a time frame,
so that you can devote yourselves to prayer. But come together again lest you invite
Satan to tempt you through your weakness. 1 Corinthians 7: 5
Since there is no gender differentiation in these injunctions they apply equally well to
a faithfully committed same-sex couple.
Some Christians, particularly evangelicals, believe that in Genesis, and in some of the
writings of St Paul, God establishes what they call 'complementarity' between the
sexes. This concept, for which in practice there is very little actual Biblical support,
leads them to overemphasise the differences between males and females and ignore
manifest historical and cultural variation, to believe that God ordained men to rule
over women, and of course to argue that monogamous heterosexuality is the only
divinely sanctioned erotic. They overlook both Paul's important statement that 'in
Christ there is no male or female' and Christ's own words that there will be no
marrying in the Kingdom of Heaven. This discredited idea is an interpretive
imposition on the Biblical text and is not a sound basis for opposing gender equality
and same-sex marriage.
8. The diversity of human sexuality is a gift of God
Paul believed that the second coming of Christ and the end of the world were
imminent in his own times. He therefore thought it best that people should remain
celibate in order to work for the coming of God's Kingdom, although he
acknowledges that this does not suit everybody.
Let me make a suggestion - it is not a decree. I would hope that everyone could be
like me. But we all have our own particular gifts from God. One has the gift for one
thing and anfother has the gift for another thing.
1 Corinthians 7:6
There seems to be an implicit recognition here that not everybody is the same. Some
theologians have seen in this text an implicit acknowledgement of human sexual
diversity as a gift of God. Not everybody is heterosexual and these differences should
be respected because they are part of God's creation. The logic of the argument is that
if marriage is the solution for heterosexuals then it is also the solution for those with
other 'gifts of God', lest they too fall into sin.
9. Marriage is the union of two people who find each other sexually attractive,
love each other and wish to commit to each other. It is not necessarily the union
of one man and one woman.
A person does not marry somebody because they are the opposite sex. A man does
not choose to marry a woman because she is female. He marries her because he is
sexually attracted to her and loves her. Marriage is the union of two people who are
sexually attracted to each other and who love each other. This works in exactly the
same way for two homosexual persons as it does for two heterosexual persons. There
is no difference. If God blesses the union of a man and woman who love each other
and marry he will also bless the union of two men or two women who get married
because they love each other. There is no 'missing ingredient' in homosexual unions
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which is present in heterosexual unions. Also, because marriage is the union of two
human persons there is no 'slippery slope' into disorder. Marriage is an I-Thou
relationship in Martin Buber's sense. This rules out all the usual claims about the
recognition of same-sex marriage leading to the legalisation of pederasty, bestiality,
polygamy etc.
10. 'Traditional' marriage is constantly evolving
Historically marriage was seen in a socio-political and economic context. In Biblical
times daughters were effectively owned by their fathers, and then 'given' in marriage
to a husband who took over ownership. The main concern was control of property
and obedience to authority. A thousand years ago most marriages were not celebrated
in church. Right into the twentieth century many states in America prohibited
interracial marriage. Being divorced used to be a barrier to remarriage. Now almost
half of all marriages end in divorce, and serial monogamy has become normal, so in
practice marriage is no longer a lifelong union of two people to the exclusion of all
others. It is simply not the case that there is a 'traditional' concept of marriage which
same-sex marriage threatens to destroy. On the contrary, the devotion and
commitment of same-sex marriages will help to strengthen the institution.
11. The Bible does not support models of 'traditional marriage and the family'
The modern advocacy of the happily married heterosexual couple with two children is
an invention of nineteenth century protestantism. Marriage appears nowhere in the
Nicene Creed. Any claim that the Bible presents anything approaching consistent
teaching about marriage is frankly incredible. Biblical men have multiple wives and
many concubines, they marry and have sex with their relatives, they engage in
forcible sexual conquest, and all apparently with the approval of the almighty.
Jesus was certainly no nuclear family man. He sought no wife and had a particularly
loving relationship with one of the disciples. He told his disciples to leave their
families and said that nobody could be a disciple unless they hated their own father
and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters.
It is therefore simply not possible to argue that the Bible endorses heterosexual
marriage and condemns gay marriage. There is no eternal divinely ordained form of
marriage and therefore same-sex marriage is as Christian as opposite-sex marriage.
12. Tradition and Christian Love: Orthodoxy and Empathy
Even if it were possible to demonstrate a continuity of tradition in marriage, the
Christian approach would still be to consider the needs and wellbeing of those outside
the orthodoxy. Many protestant and reformed churches believe in divorce, yet there is
arguably a very clear Biblical injunction against it, and a centuries long tradition of
legal prohibition. These churches have accepted divorce because of the pastoral need,
and because they empathise with the pain of those caught up in it, whatever the
orthodox teaching might say.
On every occasion when Jesus had to choose between orthodoxy and empathy he
chose empathy. The task of Christians is to proclaim the gospel afresh in every
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generation. In our generation empathising with the genuine love lived out by a
faithful same-sex couple is a greater Christian imperative than rigidly adhering to a
supposed traditional set of rules governing who can marry whom. The Christian
churches therefore should recognise and celebrate the fruits of the Spirit evident in
these faithful same-sex unions - love, joy, peace, patience, fidelity, kindness,
goodness, constancy, tenderness, gentleness, self-control etc.
13. The LGBT communities need same-sex marriage
The LGBT communities suffer disproportionately high rates of problems relating to
self-esteem, social integration and psychological security: alcoholism, drug abuse,
mental illness, social isolation, self-harm and suicide etc. This cannot be God's will if
we are to believe the Gospel. These sad statistics arise out of attitudes towards LGBT
people in the wider society but they are also influenced by a lack of the sort of
stability which marriage can provide. Marriage is good for the individual and good
for the community. Including same-sex couples in the institution of marriage will
help to strengthen it and will help also to stabilise networks of relationships within the
LGBT communities themselves. It will also send a message that LGBT people are
fully loved and valued as God intended.
14. Civil Partnerships are not marriage
The term 'civil partnership' is essentially about a legal and financial contract. Marriage
is also a legal contract but it carries a superstructure of social and cultural meanings
about personal commitment, dedication, devotion and mutual love. with which many
same-sex couples wish to identify themselves. And for gay Christians it is important
that they make these marriage vows before God. Furthermore, while same-sex
couples are barred from the institution of marriage there is still the implication that
they are second-class. It is a form of segregation and discrimination, it is a
manifestation of inequality, and it is a denial of the Christian birthright of all, evident
in Christ's great commandment that we love our neighbour as ourselves. We are all
God's children, gay or straight, and we should be treated accordingly equally.
15. Same-sex marriage as much as opposite-sex marriage models the self-giving
character of God
Any faithful loving relationship finds its raison d'etre, meaning and purpose in selfgiving love for the other person. To enter into such a relationship is to experience at
first hand the kind of self-giving which is characteristic of the three persons of the
Trinity and characteristic also of the relationship between God and his Creation. In
reality it has never mattered what the genders of the two people are. Many scholars
believe for example that the relationship between the Roman centurion and his boy
servant, whom Jesus healed, was a gay one (ref) . What mattered was that here was
true love and commitment. Everything therefore that the church has taught about
opposite-sex marriage mirroring the love of God applies equally to same-sex marriage.
The church also conceives of itself as the Bride of Christ awaiting the (second)
coming of the bridegroom Christ. As a number of queer theologians have pointed out,
this is in itself a decidedly gender-queer notion if we take it seriously from a
traditionalist standpoint, since it implies that Jesus is going to marry the men in the
church as well. Actually a stronger implication is, as has been said above, that
gender is of no ultimate significance. All that matters in the end is the committed
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love of the church for the Creator and the reflection of this in the here and now in the
loving commitment of two spouses of whatever gender.
December 2012
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