IMPROVING
COMMUNICATION CLIMATES
CHAPTER TOPICS
 Communication Climate: The Key to Positive
Relationships
 Defensiveness: Causes and Remedies
 Saving Face
Looking Out/Looking In
Thirteenth Edition
Communication Climate
 Communication Climate
 Refers to the emotional tone of a relationship
 Levels of Message Confirmation
 Confirming Communication


Describes messages that convey valuing
Disconfirming Communication

Describes messages that show a lack of regard
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Communication Climate
 Disconfirming Messages
 Impervious Responses


Interrupting


Doesn’t acknowledge the other person’s message
Beginning to speak before the other person has finished
Irrelevant Responses

A comment unrelated to what the other person has just said
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Communication Climate
 Disconfirming Messages
 Tangential Responses


Impersonal Responses


The speaker uses the other’s remarks as a starting point to shift the
conversation
Loaded with clichés and other statements that never truly respond
to the speaker
Ambiguous Responses

Contain messages with more than one meaning, leaving the other
party unsure
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Communication Climate
 Disconfirming Messages
 Incongruous Responses

Contains two messages that seem to deny or contradict each
other.
 “Darling, I love you.”
 “I love you, too.” (Said in a monotone while watching TV)
 Disagreeing Messages
 Aggressiveness
 Complaining
 Argumentativeness
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Communication Climate
 Confirming Messages
 Recognition


Acknowledgement


Recognize the other person
Includes asking questions, paraphrasing and reflecting
Endorsement

The most obvious form of endorsement is agreeing
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Communication Climate
 How Communication Climates Develop
 When two people start to communicate, a relational climate
begins to develop
 Verbal and nonverbal communication can be climate-shaping
 After a climate is formed, it can take on a life of its own and
become a self-perpetuating spiral
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Communication Climate
 Spirals
 A reciprocating communication pattern in which each person’s
message reinforces the others
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Communication Climate
 Spirals
 Escalatory conflict spirals
A: (Mildly irritated) “Where were you? I thought we agreed to
meet here a half-hour ago.”
 B: (Defensively) “I’m sorry. I got hung up at the library. I don’t
have as much free time as you do.”
 A: “I wasn’t blaming you, so don’t get so touchy.”
 B: “Who’s getting touchy? I just made a simple comment.”

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Communication Climate
 Spirals
 De-escalatory conflict spirals



Rather than fighting, parties slowly lessen their dependence on
each other, withdraw and become less invested in the relationship
Rarely go on indefinitely
Most relationships pass through cycles of progression and
regression
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Defensiveness: Causes and Remedies
 Face-Threatening Acts
 Messages that seem to challenge the image we want to project
 Defensiveness becomes the process of protecting our
presenting self, our face
 Preventing Defensiveness in Others
 Jack Gibb isolated six types of defense-arousing
communication and six contrasting behaviors
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Defensiveness: Causes and Remedies
 The Gibb Categories of Defensive and Supportive
Behaviors
Defensive Behaviors
Supportive Behaviors
1. Evaluation
1. Description
2. Control
2. Problem Orientation
3. Strategy
3. Spontaneity
4. Neutrality
4. Empathy
5. Superiority
5. Equality
6. Certainty
6. Provisionalism
Table 10.3 Page 350
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Defensiveness: Causes and Remedies
 Gibb Categories
 Evaluation versus Description
Evaluation: “You don’t know what you’re talking about!”
 Description: “I don’t understand how you came up with that
idea.”
 Evaluation: “This place is a mess!”
 Description: “When you don’t clean up, I have to either do it, or
live with your mess. That’s why I’m mad!”

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Defensiveness: Causes and Remedies
 Gibb Categories
 Control versus Problem Orientation
Controlling: “You need to stay off the phone for the next two
hours.”
 Problem orientation: “I’m expecting some important calls. Can
we work out a way to keep the line open?”
 Controlling: “There’s only one way to handle this problem.”
 Problem orientation: “Lets work out a solution we can both live
with.”

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Defensiveness: Causes and Remedies
 Gibb Categories
 Strategy versus Spontaneity
Strategy: What are you doing Friday after work?”
 Spontaneity: “I have a piano I need to move Friday after work.
Can you give me a hand?”
 Strategy: “Tom and Judy go out to dinner every week.”
 Spontaneity: “I’d like to go out to dinner more often.”

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Defensiveness: Causes and Remedies
 Gibb Categories
 Neutrality versus Empathy
Neutral: “That’s what happens when you don’t plan properly.”
 Empathic: “Ouch – looks like this didn’t turn out the way you
expected.”
 Neutral: “Sometimes things just don’t work out. That’s the way it
goes.”
 Empathic: “I know you put a lot of time and effort into this
project.”

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Defensiveness: Causes and Remedies
 Gibb Categories
 Superiority versus Equality
Superior: “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
 Equal: “I see it a different way.”
 Superior: “No, that’s not the right way to do it!”
 Equal: “If you want, I can show you a way that has worked for
me.”

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Defensiveness: Causes and Remedies
 Gibb Categories
 Certainty versus Provisionalism
Certain: “That will never work!”
 Provisional: “I think you’ll run into problems with that
approach.”
 Certain: “You don’t know what you’re talking about!”
 Provisional: “I’ve never heard anything like that before. Where
did you hear it?”

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Saving Face
 The Assertive Message Format
 The five parts of the assertive message
Behavior
 Interpretation
 Feeling
 Consequence
 Intention

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Saving Face
 The Assertive Message Format
 Behavior
Describes the raw material to which you react
 Example:
 “One week ago John promised me that he would ask my
permission before smoking in the same room with me. Just a
moment ago he lit up a cigarette without asking for my OK.”
 The statement only describe facts
 There is no observer meaning attached

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Saving Face
 The Assertive Message Format
 Interpretation
Describes the meaning you’ve attached to the other person’s
behavior
 Example (two interpretations):
 “John must have forgotten about our agreement that he
wouldn’t smoke without asking me first. I’m sure he’s too
considerate to go back on his word.”
 “John is a rude, inconsiderate person. After promising not to
smoke around me without asking, he’s just deliberately done
so. This shows that he only cares about himself.”

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Saving Face
 The Assertive Message Format
 Feeling
Consider the difference between saying:
 “When you laugh at me (behavior), I think you find my
comments foolish (interpretation), and I feel embarrassed.”
 “When you laugh at me, I think you find my comments
foolish, and I feel angry.”
 Some statements seem as if they’re expressing feeling but are
actually expressing interpretations or statements of intention

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Saving Face
 The Assertive Message Format
 Consequence

What happens as a result of the situation
 What happens to you, the speaker:
 “When I didn’t get the phone message yesterday (behavior), I
didn’t know that my doctor’s appointment was delayed and
that I would end up sitting in the office for an hour when I
could have been studying or working (consequences). It
seems to me that you don’t care enough about how busy I am
to even write a simple note (interpretation), and that’s why
I’m so mad (feeling).”
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Saving Face
 The Assertive Message Format
 Intention

Can communicate three kinds of messages
 Where you stand on an issue
• “I want you to know that it bothers me.”

Requests of others
• “I’d like to know if you are angry.”

Descriptions of how you plan to act in the future
• “I want you to know that unless we clear this up now, you
shouldn’t expect me ever to lend you anything again.”
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Saving Face
 Using the Assertive Message Format
 The elements may be delivered in mixed order
 Word the message to suit your personal style
 When appropriate, combine two elements in a single phrase
 Take your time delivering the message
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Saving Face
 Responding Nondefensively to Criticism
 Seek more information
Ask for specifics
 Guess about specifics
 Paraphrase the speaker’s ideas
 Ask what the critic wants
 Ask about the consequences of your behavior
 Ask what else is wrong

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Saving Face
 Responding Nondefensively to Criticism
 Agree with the critic
Agree with the facts
 “You’re right, I am angry.”
 “I suppose I was being defensive.”
 “Now that you mention it, I did get pretty sarcastic.”
 Agree with the critic's perception
 “It’s silly to be angry.”
 “You have no reason for being defensive.”
 “You were wrong to be so sarcastic.”

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Chapter Review
 Communication Climate: The Key to Positive
Relationships
 Defensiveness: Causes and Remedies
 Saving Face
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