1. DEATH WITH DIGNITY
2. SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER
Explaining what I feel, that empty feeling
Spirit of my silence I can hear you
I should have known better
Don’t back down, concentrate on seeing
But I’m afraid to be near you
To see what I could see
The breakers in the bar, the neighbor’s greeting
And I don’t know where to begin
My black shroud
My brother had a daughter
And I don’t know where to begin
Holding down my feelings
The beauty that she brings, illumination
Somewhere in the desert there’s a forest
A pillar for my enemies
Don’t back down, there is nothing left
And an acre before us
But I don’t know where to begin
But I don’t know where to begin
Again I’ve lost my strength completely,
I should have wrote a letter
And grieve what I happen to grieve
My black shroud
I never trust my feelings
oh be near me,
I waited for the remedy
Tired old mare with the wind in your hair
When I was three, three maybe four
Amethyst and flowers on the table,
She left us at that video store
The breakers in the bar, no reason to live
I’m a fool in the fetter
Rose of Aaron’s beard, where you can reach me
Don’t back down: nothing can be changed
Cantilever bridge, the drunken sailor
My brother had a daughter
The beauty that she brings, illumination
is it real or a fable?
Be my rest, be my fantasy
Well I suppose a friend is a friend
I’m light as a feather
3. ALL OF ME WANTS ALL OF YOU
And we all know how this will end
I’m bright as the Oregon breeze
Shall we beat this or celebrate it?
Chimney swift that finds me, be my keeper
My black shroud
You’re not the one to talk things through
Frightened by my feelings
You checked your text while I masturbated
What is that song you sing for the dead?
I only want to be a relief
Manelich, I feel so used
What is that song you sing for the dead?
No, I’m not a go-getter
Found myself on Spencer’s Butte
I see the signal searchlight strike me
The demon had a spell on me
Traced your shadow with my shoe
in the window of my room
My black shroud
Empty outline changed my view
Well I got nothing to prove
Captain of my feelings
Now all of me thinks less of you
Well I got nothing to prove
The only thing I want to believe
I forgive you, mother, I can hear you
When I was three, and free to explore
All of me pressed onto you
And I long to be near you
I saw her face on the back of the door
But in this light you look like Poseidon
But every road leads to an end
Be my vest, be my fantasy
I’m just a ghost you walk right through
Yes every road leads to an end
I should have known better
Saw myself on Spencer’s Butte
Nothing can be changed
Landscape changed my point of view
The past is still the past
Revelation may come true
The bridge to nowhere
Now all of me thinks less of you
Silhouette of the cedar
Your apparition passes through me
in the willows:
Five red hens—you’ll never see us again
You’ll never see us again
I should’ve wrote a letter
On the sheet I see your horizon
(All of me wants all of you)
4. DRAWN TO THE BLOOD
The man who taught me to swim,
“Well you do enough talk
I’m drawn to the blood
he couldn’t quite say my first name
My little hawk, why do you cry?
Like a father he led
Tell me what did you learn from the Tillamook burn?
community water on my head
Or the Fourth of July?
And he called me “Subaru”
We’re all gonna die.”
And now I want to be near you
Sitting at the bed with the halo at your head
Since I was old enough to speak
Was it all a disguise, like Junior High
I’ve said it with alarm
Where everything was fiction, future, and prediction
Some part of me was lost in your sleeve
Now where am I? My fading supply
where you hid your cigarettes
“Did you get enough love, my little dove
The flight of a one-winged dove
How? How did this happen?
How? How did this happen?
The strength of his arm
My lover caught me off guard
How? Head of a rabbit
How? Head of a rabbit
For my prayer has always been love
What did I do to deserve this?
With blood on my sleeve
Delilah, avenge my grief
How? God of Elijah
How? God of Elijah
As fire to the sun
Tell me what I have done
How? Heart of a dragon?
How? Heart of a dragon?
For my prayer has always been love
What did I do to deserve this now?
How did this happen?
5. EUGENE
Light struck from the lemon tree
What if I’d never seen
hysterical light from Eugene?
Lemon yoghurt,
remember I pulled at your shirt
I dropped the ashtray on the floor
I just wanted to be near you
Emerald Park, wonders never cease
No I’ll never forget
I just want to be near you
Why do you cry?
And I’m sorry I left, but it was for the best
Still I pray to what I cannot see
Though it never felt right
In the sprinkler I mark the evidence
My little Versailles.”
known from the start
The hospital asked should the body be cast
From the bed near your death,
and all the machines that made a mess
Far away the falcon flew
Now I want to be near you
What’s left is only bittersweet
For the rest of my life,
admitting the best is behind me
Now I’m drunk and afraid,
wishing the world would go away
What’s the point of singing songs
If they’ll never even hear you?
Before I say goodbye, my star in the sky
Such a funny thought to wrap you up in cloth
Do you find it all right, my dragonfly?
“Shall we look at the moon, my little loon
Why do you cry?
Make the most of your life, while it is rife
While it is light
Well you do enough talk
My little hawk, why do you cry?
Tell me what did you learn from the Tillamook burn?
Or the Fourth of July?
6. FOURTH OF JULY
We’re all gonna die.”
The evil it spread like a fever ahead
7. THE ONLY THING
It was night when you died, my firefly
What could I have said to raise you from the dead?
Oh could I be the sky on the fourth of July?
The only thing that keeps me from driving this car
Half-light, jack knife into the canyon at night
Signs and wonders: Perseus aligned with the skull
Slain Medusa, Pegasus alight from us all
Should I tear my heart out now?
Ephemera on my back
Do I care if I survive this?
Everything I feel returns to you somehow
She breaks my arm
8. CARRIE & LOWELL
9. JOHN MY BELOVED
Carrie and Lowell
Are we to speak, first day of the week
Such a long time ago
Stumbling words at the bar
Like a dead horse
Beauty blue eyes, my order of fries
Meadowlark, drive your arrow
Long Island kindness and wine
Season of hope (after the flood)
Beloved of John, I get it all wrong
Bury the dead where they’re found
In a veil of great surprises:
I wonder did you love me at all?
The only thing that keeps me from cutting my arm
Cross hatch, warm bath, Holiday Inn after dark
Signs and wonders: water stain writing the wall
Daniel’s message, blood of the moon on us all
Do I care if I despise this?
Nothing else matters, I know
In a veil of great disguises:
How do I live with your ghost?
Should I tear my eyes out now?
Everything I see returns to you somehow
Should I tear my heart out now?
Everything I feel returns to you somehow
I want to save you from your sorrow
The only reason why I continue at all
Faith in reason, I wasted my life playing dumb
Signs and wonders: sea lion caves in the dark
Blind faith, God’s grace, nothing else left to impart
Do I care if I survive this?
Bury the dead where they’re found
In a veil of great surprises,
hold to my head till I drown
Should I tear my eyes out now,
before I see too much?
Valentine, spurn my sorrow
Head on the floorboards (covered in blood)
Have they no life of their own?
Climb on the mattress pad
So can we pretend sweetly
Twist my arm
Before the mystery ends?
Under the pear tree
I am a man with a heart that offends
Shadows and light conspiring
Covered bridge, I scream
with its lonely and greedy demands
There’s only a shadow of me;
Cottage Grove shade, invite me
in a manner of speaking I’m dead
I will bow down (Dido’s lament)
Such a waste, your beautiful face
Lord of the ancient waters
From the backyard (as far as she went)
Carrie surprised me
Erebus on my back
My lucky charm
Carried by stones
Fairyland all around us
Like a dead horse
Sign of your children’s fever
Carrie, come home (Thorazine’s friend)
I want to feel your touch
Holding your hands with Opal
Everything I see returns to you somehow
Covered in lines, the fossils I find
Drunk as a horsefly
Should I tear my arms out now?
Should I tear my eyes out now?
I read you for some kind of poem
Like a dead horse (shall we ascend?)
Flight of the mayfly
Stumbling carpet arise
Go follow your gem, your white feathered friend
Icarus, point to the sun
If history speaks of two baby teeth
I’m painting the hills blue and red
They said beware, Lord hear my prayer:
I’ve wasted my throes on your head
So can we be friends sweetly
Before the mystery ends?
I love you more than the world can contain
in its lonely and ramshackle head
There’s only a shadow of me;
in a manner of speaking I’m dead
I’m holding my breath
Drag me to hell
11. BLUE BUCKET OF GOLD
My tongue on your chest
In the valley of The Dalles
What can be said of my heart?
Like my mother
My blue bucket of gold
If history speaks, the kiss on my cheek
Give wings to a stone
Where there remains but a mark
It’s only the shadow of a cross
Beloved my John, so I’ll carry on
I slept on my back
Raise your right hand
In the shade of the meadowlark
Tell me you want me in your life
Like a champion
Or raise your red flag
Get drunk to get laid
Just when I want you in my life
So can we contend peacefully
I take one more hit when you depart
Before my history ends?
Search for things to extol
I’ll drive that stake
Friend, the fables delight me
through the center of my heart
My blue bucket of gold
Lonely vampire
Lord, touch me with lightning
Inhaling its fire
Raise your right hand
Counting my cards down to one
And when I am dead, come visit my bed
My fossil is bright in the sun
Jesus I need you, be near, come shield me
From fossils that fall on my head
There’s only a shadow of me;
in a manner of speaking, I’m dead
10. NO SHADE IN THE SHADOW OF THE CROSS
Now that I fell into your arms
My only lover
Give out to give in
I search for the capsule I lost
I’m chasing the dragon too far
The lens deforms it as lightning
Tell me you want me in your life
Or raise your red flag
Fuck me, I’m falling apart
Just when I want you in my life
My assassin
Like Casper the ghost
There’s no shade in the shadow of the cross
Performed by: Sufjan Stevens, Casey Foubert, Laura Veirs, Nedelle Torrisi, Sean Carey, Ben Lester, and Thomas Bartlett
Recorded variously at:
Flora, Portland, Oregon (engineered by Tucker Martine)
Black Watch, Norman, Oklahoma (engineered by Chad Copelin and Jarod Evans)
April Base, Eau Claire, Wisconsin (engineered by Brian Joseph)
Pat Dillet’s studio somewhere midtown Manhattan
And at Sufjan’s office in Dumbo, Brooklyn
Some tracks were also recorded on an iPhone in a hotel room in Klamath Falls, Oregon
Asthmatic Kitty Records
P.O. Box 1282 Lander, WY 82520 USA
Once the myth has been told
There’s blood on that blade
All songs by Sufjan Stevens ©2015 New Jerusalem Music/ASCAP
Mixed by: Sufjan Stevens, Thomas Bartlett, and Pat Dillet
Friend, why don’t you love me?