Here is another example of revision, beginning with a formal
sentence outline, which will be used as the plan for the final
draft. Use this kind of step-by-step outline when you want to
make sure that you stick to the point and include all the
essential elements of the argument, making a point,
demonstrating it, explaining it, and closing/connecting to the next
point.
OUTLINE
Introductory Statement:
In the short story “The Rocking-Horse Winner”, the characters confuse success and
happiness with the pursuit of luck and money, a course which ultimately leads to death.
Thesis Statement:
D. H. Lawrence uses specific aspects of literary style to demonstrate this ironic path to
destruction.
Paragraph 1:
Material possessions are valued over relationships in the family, even though it does not
appear that way to outsiders.
In this
particular
paper, the
student is doing
a literary
analysis, so the
examples are
all direct
quotations
from the
primary work
of literature.
Note that
page
references
are easy to
include at this
stage and allow
for ease of
assembly in
later drafts.
Point 1:
The mother appears, to anyone outside the family, to be a caring and loving person,
although she actually does not demonstrate affection for her children.
Example:
“Everybody else said of her: ‘She is such a good mother. She adores her children.’ Only
she herself, and her children themselves, knew it was not so. They read it in each other’s
eyes.” (Lawrence 19)
Explanation:
Despite appearances, the family is not happy and loving, and that fact remains unspoken.
Point 2:
The family attempts to live a glamorous life, even though they are unable to afford it.
Example:
pg. 1
“There was never enough money. The mother had a small income, and the father had a
small income, but not nearly enough for the social position which they had to keep
up”(19).
Explanation:
Since the family cannot afford their way of life, the mother’s actions haunt the children
who feel a constant need for money.
Closing Sentence:
The appearance of a contented family contrasts with the reality of a compulsive need for
more.
Paragraph 2:
Weaknesses in
argument
become easily
apparent when
you use this
approach, and
cosmetic
changes can be
readily
incorporated as
you progress
through various
drafts.
For this family, who is struggling financially, luck is the ability to make more money and
have a better life.
Point 1:
No matter how much money the family makes, there is always a need for more.
Example:
“If you’re lucky, you have money. That’s why it’s better to be born lucky than rich. If
you’re rich, you may lose your money. But if you’re lucky, you will always get more
money” (20).
Explanation:
In this conversation with Paul, his mother explains why they are the “poor members of
the family” and blames it on the fact that his “father has no luck” (20).
Point 2:
The children detect an underlying pulse in the house regarding the need for more money.
Example:
“And so the house came to be haunted by the unspoken phrase: There must be more
money! There must be more money! The children could hear it all the time, though
nobody said it aloud” (19).
Explanation:
pg. 2
Family life in the story revolves around money. The intensity is so great that even the
house whispers the need. The children infer from the mother’s words and actions that
money is the most important thing in life.
Closing Sentence:
The focus of the entire family is on finances and possessions.
Paragraph 3:
Paul’s innocent desire to make money for the sake of his mother’s happiness leads to his
tragic corruption and death.
Point 1:
The children are haunted by the need for money.
Example:
“And the children would stop playing, to listen for a moment. They would look into each
other’s eyes, to see if they had all heard. And each one saw in the eyes of the other two
that they too had heard. ‘There must be more money! There must be more money!’”
(19).
Explanation:
The children are disturbed by problems that they should not be troubled about
Point 2:
There is a contrast between the figure of the rocking horse and the corruption of the race
horses.
Example:
“’I’ve got to know for the Derby! I’ve got to know for the Derby!’ the child reiterated,
his big blue eyes blazing with a sort of madness” (20).
Explanation:
Paul begins with the child’s play of riding a rocking horse, but ends with an addiction to
gambling on the horse races. Paul’s uncle and the gardener continue to use his advice to
bet on horses, even while Paul is on his death bed.
Closing Sentence:
pg. 3
Although Paul reaches his destination on his rocking-horse ride, he is ultimately
overtaken by the corruption of his family and friends.
Conclusion:
Restatement of thesis:
Paul’s inevitable death is an ironic end to an innocent pursuit.
Restatement of key arguments:
A young man’s desperate attempt to fulfill his mother’s dreams exposes the irony of the
situation, as he rides his horse to money and to death.
The clincher:
Even on Paul’s death bed, his uncle’s words to his mother reveal the irony: “My God,
Hester, you’re eighty-odd thousand to the good, and a poor devil of a son to the bad. But,
poor devil, poor devil, he’s best gone out of a life where he rides his rocking horse to find
a winner” (30).
pg. 4