One model that is helpful in identifying child behaviors is that of Sharon Wegscheider
(1981). In this model children adopt various coping and enabling roles.
Little caretaker
The little caretaker role is often a carbon copy of the partner of the alcoholic. They take care
of the alcoholic; getting drinks, cleaning up after the alcoholic and soothing over stressful
situations and events. They are validated by approval for taking responsibility for the
alcoholic and their Behaviour. This little person often goes on to become a partner of an
alcoholic or other dysfunctional person if they do not get treatment.
Codependent/Enabler/Caretaker
- steps up and takes control if the alcoholic loses power
- enabling is anything that protects the chemically dependent person from the consequences
of their actions
- spouse often takes on the role, but children and siblings can also be enablers
(multigenerational alcoholic families will sometimes designate a child in this role, a sign of
more serious pathology)
- tends to everyone's needs in the family
- loses sense of self in tasks of a domestic nature
- never takes the time to assess his/her own needs and feelings
- person never gains what they need most in order to get better: insight
- never are confronted with the facts that would drive home the point: drugs or alcohol are
destroying their lives and their family
- as long as the enabler and the chemically dependent family members play their game of
mutual self-deception, things never get better - they get worse
- others cannot bond with the caretaker due to the bustle of activity
Caretaker's purpose: to maintain appropriate appearances to the outside world.
Family hero
The family hero role brings pride to the family by being successful at school or work. At
home, the hero assumes the responsibilities that the enabling parent abdicates. By being
overly involved in work or school, they can avoid dealing with the real problem at home and
patterns of workaholism can develop. Although portraying the image of self-confidence and
success, the hero may feel inadequate and experience the same stress-related symptoms as
the enabler.
- high achiever; takes focus off the alcoholic because of his/her success; perfectionist; feels
inadequate; compulsive; can become a workaholic
- alcohol bestows this role onto the individual whose accomplishments compensate for the
alcoholic's behavior
- often the oldest child who may see more of the family’s situation and feels responsible for
fixing the family pain
- child excels in academics, athletics, music or theatre
- gets self worth from being "special"
- rest of family also gets self worth ("we can't be that bad if one of us is successful") ->
his/her deeds assure the family that their definition is more than alcohol
- hero does not receive attention for anything besides an achievement; therefore, inner
needs are not met
- he/she loses the ability to feel satisfied by whatever feat he/she has manifested
- as things get worse, the hero is driven to higher and higher levels of achievement. No
level of super responsible, perfectionist, over achievement can remove the hero’s
internalized feelings of inadequacy, pain, and confusion
- many others grow up to become workaholics and live under constant stress as they work
in the service of others seeking approval for their extraordinary effort
- they often end up distancing themselves from their family of origin
- interestingly, many family heroes grow to marry alcoholics and become enablers
Hero's purpose: to raise the esteem of the family.
Scapegoat
The scapegoat role diverts attention away from the chemically dependent person’s behavior
by acting out their anger. Because other family members sublimate their anger, the
scapegoat has no role model for healthy expression of this normal feeling. They become at
high risk for self-destructive behaviors and may be hospitalized with a variety of traumatic
injuries. Although all the children are genetically vulnerable to alcoholism, this child is often
considered the highest risk because of their association with risk-taking activities and peers.
Although tough and defiant, the scapegoat is also in pain.
- goes against rules; acts out to take the focus off the alcoholic; feels hurt & guilt; because
of behavior, can bring help to family
- lightening rod for family pain and stress
- direct message is that they are responsible for the family’s chaos
- family assigns all ills to the person who harbors this role, e.g. "Mom would not drink so
much if (Scapegoat's name) were not always in trouble."
- in reality the misbehavior of the Scapegoat serves to distract and provide some relief from
the stress of chemical dependency
- child has issues with authority figures as well as negative consequences with the law,
school and home
- on the inside the child is a mass of frozen feelings of anger and pain
- may show self-pity, strong identification with peer values, defiance, and hostility or even
suicidal gestures
- this role may seem strange in purpose. However, if there were no scapegoat, all other
roles would dismantle. He/she allows others a pretense of control
- alcohol is not identified as an issue -> often, the scapegoat is identified as 'The Problem.'
Scrapegoat's purpose: puts the focus away from alcohol thereby allowing the alcoholic to
continue drinking.
Lost child
The lost child role withdraws from family and social activities to escape the problem. Family
members feel that they do not need to worry about them because they are quiet and appear
content. They leave the family without departing physically by being involved with
television, video games, or reading. These children do not bring attention to themselves,
but also do not learn to interact with peers. Many clinicians have noted that bulimia is
common in chemically dependent families and feel this child is prone to satisfy their pain
through eating.
- no connection to family; brings relief to family by not bringing attention to the family;
feels lonely; does not learn communication and relationship skills
- has much in common with scrapegoat -> neither feels very important
- disappears from the activity of the family
- sees much more than is vocalized
- reinforced for causing no problems
- build quiet lives on the edges of family life and are seldom considered in family decisions
- they hide their hurt and pain by losing themselves in the solitary world of short-term
pleasure including excessive TV, reading, listening to music, drugs, object love, eating and
fantasy
- favorite places for the lost child are in front of the T.V. as well as in his/her room
- due to the sedentary lifestyle, a lost child tends to have issues with weight
- as adults they feel confused and inadequate in relationships
- may end up as quiet loners with a host of secondary issues such as: sexuality problems,
weight problems, excessive materialism, or heavy involvement in fantasy
Lost child's purpose: does not place added demands on the family system; he/she is low
maintenance.
Family clown
The family clown role brings comic relief to the family. Often the youngest child, they try to
get attention by being cute or funny. With family reinforcement, their behavior continues to
be immature and they may have difficulty learning in school.
Mascot/Cheerleader/Clown
- uses humor to lighten difficult family situations; feels fear; others see him/her as being
immature; limited by bringing humor to all situations even if inappropriate
- this individual most popular in the family; brings fun and humour into the family
- learn to work hard at getting attention and making people laugh especially when the anger
and tension of substance use are dangerously high
- often named a class clown in school; frequently demonstrates poor timing for the comic
relief; most people don't take this child seriously
- often hyperactive, charmers, or cute
- inside, they feel lonely knowing no one really knows the real person behind the clown’s
mask
- may grow up unable to express deep feelings of compassion
- may put themselves down often as well as cover up their pain with humour
- accepts laughter as approval, but the humor serves to hide inner painful feelings
- the laughter prevents healing rather than produces it
Mascot's purpose: to provide levity to the family; to relieve stress and tension by distracting
everyone.
The Alcoholic
- other family members revolve around this person
- likely to be experiencing quite a bit of pain and shame even though they may not see it as
the result of excessive alcohol or drug use
- as things get worse, the alcoholic is faced with increasing feelings of shame, guilt,
inadequacy, fear, and loneliness
- develop a number of defenses to hide their shame and guilt -> may include irrational
anger, charm, rigidity, grandiosity, perfectionism, social withdrawal, hostility, and
depression
- project blame or responsibility for their problems onto others including family members
who take on unhealthy roles in order to survive
- children of alcoholics feel guilty for their failure to save their parents from the effects of
alcohol
- "The alcoholic parent is not satisfied with his own childhood," Bly says, using the bruised
rhetoric of recovery. "He wants yours too... When the father vanishes into alcohol, the son
lingers and lingers, searching for a lost part of himself."