Stages of Recovery – by Patrick Carnes
Six stages that those who succeed in their recovery go through.
I. The Developing Stage. Unmanageability and powerlessness force you to acknowledge the problem,
but you may continue actively in the addiction. True recovery begins only after this stage. This stage can
last up to two years. For most addicts the addiction is closely connected to survival. It has been a trusted
friend, relied upon for years. It has always delivered what it promised – but at a price. As the price grows
intolerable, the addict prepares to face the fact that something has to change. Characteristics of this stage:
Many addicts seek help but discontinue it or find it not helpful. Many therapists fail to see the problem or
if they see it fail to follow through on it. Addicts have a growing appreciation of the reality of the problem
or thinking they can handle it by themselves. Some addicts temporarily curtail their behaviors or
substitute other behaviors. Sex addicts fear that stopping would mean giving up sex.
II. The Crisis/Decision Stage. A commitment to change is made. This stage can occur within a single
day or can take up to three months; in any case it marks the beginning of recovery. There can be a
substantial time lag between when the behavior stops and when the commitment is made. There is a
growing consciousness that something needed to be done; or, the addict is frightened into action by the
escalation of behaviors; or, the addict is overwhelmed by their behaviors and wants to do anything to fix
it; or, they may be forced to do something by events or people. Because of the denial, the pressure to
change here, often has to be continued over a long period of time. This process of breaking through denial
continues throughout recovery.
III. The Shock Stage. This is a time of emotional numbness, extraordinary disorientation, and efforts to
control the damage. On the average addicts spend the first eight months of the first year of recovery in this
shock stage. The addicts in their early stage are operating at a subsistence or survival level. Encourage
AA/NA wisdom which says, “Nothing major the first year”. Simply entering recovery and dealing with
the implications of the illness are so stressful that to undertake significant change would overload the
system. It is important to follow: One Day At A Time; Keep it simple. The following are characteristics
of the shock stage: physical symptoms of withdrawal that are at times unbearable; periodic bouts with
despair and hopelessness with becomes more intense initially; experiences of disorientation, confusion,
numbness, and inability to have focus or concentrate; reacting with angry feelings about limits set by
therapists, sponsors, or family members. When joining a recovery group, they experience a sense of
belonging and knowing the decision was right. Feelings of relief and acceptance are common once the
double life is over. The biggest struggle in this period is to be honest about the extent and nature of the
addiction. With time and support, clarity emerges about the addiction and a stage of profound grieving is
entered.
IV. The Grief Stage. Grieving involves denial or bargaining, anger at the loss, acceptance of the reality
and sadness. This lasts from 4 – 8 months and for most occurs at the end of the first year and the
beginning of the second year. This is WHY most slips occur in the 2nd half of the first year. Acting out is
used to avoid pain and when the pain becomes overwhelming, the addiction brings relief. The high stress
associated with grief impairs the immune system. Stress and preoccupation reduce the ability to function
normally, increasing vulnerability to accidents. The characteristics of this stage are as follows: anger and
defiance of the shock stage continue; sadness and pain are punctuated with periodic bouts of despair;
extraordinary sadness exists about the losses incurred because of the addiction; a profound loss as the
addiction ceases to serve as friend, comforter, and high; addicts take general stock of their lives,
inventorying now beyond the addiction.. The expression of sadness shared with others leads to the
acceptance of new realities. When the final acceptance occurs then significant change begins. Addicts
must clearly admit to the extent and range of their behavior. Awareness of the addiction will expand and
deepen over many years. It seems important that addicts perceive the broad outlines of their behavior and
grasp that the addiction is more than just behavior but involves beliefs, attitudes and distorted thinking
which have preserved the denial and delusion. With the growing acceptance, you enter the repair stage.
V. The Repair Stage. Productivity and renewal typifies this stage. Crucial changes characterize the repair
stage: a new capacity for joy; the deepening of new bonds with others; taking responsibility for
themselves in all areas of life; work on completing things (degrees, projects, work, etc.) and on being
dependable (being on time, following through and responding to requests); living less on “the edge” and
learning to choose low key options over high excitement options. A common goal for addicts during this
time is to achieve balance. Things were out of hand for so land that they must focus on the basics.
Working toward completion and staying low-key feels good after all the unmanageability. The repair
stage also requires developing new skills and forging new bonds. This forces facing fundamental issues
that made them vulnerable to the addiction in the first place. The profoundly personal problems of
distrust, victimization and shame remain. Most need therapeutic support. The task at hand is for the addict
to “reparent” themselves and “heal the child within”. At this level of self-care, many addicts nurture
themselves into the growth stage.
VI. The Growth Stage. Addicts explore new options and restructure relationships. Recovery creates an
open personal system that allows for the expansion of options. This period of growth usually occurs
during years four and five of recovery. And, once a system is open, it can renew itself and one can
experience growth spurts after years of sobriety. Quality of relationships improve dramatically, resulting
in more balance and intimacy and improved capacity to resolve conflict, be less judgmental and more
compassionate. The themes characterizing this stage are: Profound empathy and compassion for one’s
self and for others. Developing trust for one’s own boundaries and integrity in relationships. Feelings of
achievement over new milestones in love and sex. A new ability to take care of and nurture relationships.
Old relationships are transformed or ended. And, a deep abhorrence of old behavior (from remorse, from
gained health, and from seeing the depth of fear and terror that they HAD lived in). Once an addict hits
the growth stage, there are no more false starts and they see the addiction as a gift because it has given
them greater perception, compassion and presence.