CCN WEEKLY SOLUTIONS SERIES
THE WEEK OF APRIL 13, 2009
The World of Temptation, 4:
Jealous Minds!
Featuring
Dr. John Townsend
Psychologist
Best-selling co-author of Boundaries series,
author of How People Grow
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Solutions: The World of Temptation, 4—Jealous Minds!
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I. Jealousy
It takes three people to have jealousy
Jealousy: a suspiciousness which is fueled by a fear of losing exclusive love
Suspiciousness: I’m afraid that something’s not going well in the relationship
Exclusive love: knowing we are special and matter to somebody
When the beloved’s attention is diverted, it feels like losing exclusive love
There’s a healthy aspect to jealousy
Jealousy in the Bible is intense passion to protect a relationship
You must worship no other
gods, for the LORD, whose
very name is Jealous, is a
God who is jealous about his
relationship with you.
—Exodus 34:14
II. Unhealthy jealousy
- Unhealthy jealousy is resistant to freedom
In the service of love, we have to restrict our freedom
If you restrict your freedom and someone still stays jealous, there’s a character injury
- Unhealthy jealousy is non-reflective and outward oriented :
There’s no observing ego
If the problem’s always “out there”, you’re a three-year-old
“Could it be me?”
Trust injuries can be healed
- Fear that rivals are more powerful than you are
Enjoy the fact that other people bring growth to the one you love
We’re supposed to get good things from the same sex and from the opposite sex
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Solutions: The World of Temptation, 4—Jealous Minds!
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IV. Skills
For the “jealous-er”:
- Get to reality: Is there something to be jealous about?
- Get to your hurt and fear
There’s a reason you are jealous
- Get that hurt healed
Have constancy in your relationships
- Allow freedom with the love
- Become what the other person needs
Get out of your own zone and bend the knee to what the other loves
For the “jealous-ee”:
- Be open to the possibility that you might be inappropriate
Friendly is not flirty
- If you have more opposite-sex friends than same-sex friends...
- Reassure them of your love
Be the one who comforts
- Insist on your freedom
- Always serve weakness and put limits on selfishness
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God is our merciful Father and the
source of all comfort. He comforts us
in all our troubles so that we can
comfort others. When they are
troubled, we will be able to give them
the same comfort God has given us.
—2 Corinthians 1:3-5
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Solutions: The World of Temptation, 4—Jealous Minds!
Small Group Discussion Questions
The World of Temptation, 4—Jealous Minds!
1. Have you ever been in a relationship with a jealous person? What was the downside?
2. What makes God’s jealousy (Exodus 34:14) healthy?
3. How do you know if jealousy is healthy or unhealthy?
4. What steps help to resolve jealousy?
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Solutions: The World of Temptation, 4—Jealous Minds!
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Next week on Solutions:
The World of Temptation, 5: “Payback!”
Resources
Leadership Beyond Reason
by Dr. John Townsend
www.cloudtownsend.com
Solutions
www.cloudtownsend.com
Lessons from San Quentin:
Everything I Needed to Know, I
Learned in Prison
by Bill Dallas
www.LessonsFromSanQuentin.com
www.amazon.com
Sponsored In Part By:
New Life Ministries is a fully-equipped resource for the treatment of mental
and spiritual health issues.
www.newlife.com
Contact Information
Dr. John Townsend
Cloud-Townsend Resources
18092 Sky Park South, Suite A
Irvine, CA 92614
Phone: 800-676-4673
Web: www.cloudtownsend.com
Church Communication Network
PO Box 1718
Mountain View, CA 94042
Phone: 800-321-6781
Fax: 650-745-0660
Email: ccninfo@ccnonline.net
Web: www.ccn.tv
Visit CCN on the web at www.ccn.tv