TRANSCRIPT OF A PRESENTATION, BY ALAN BADMINGTON, TO
THE BRITISH STAMMERING ASSOCIATION NATIONAL
CONFERENCE AT HOPE UNIVERSITY, LIVERPOOL, ENGLAND ON 9
SEPTEMBER 2001
STUTTERING IS NOT JUST A SPEECH PROBLEM
My name is Alan Badmington………Alan Badmington. You cannot imagine
just how much pleasure it gives me to say that in front of an audience. You
see, for over 50 years, I experienced extreme difficulty in telling people who
I was. Yes, that simple task, which the majority of the population takes so
much for granted, caused me so much frustration, anxiety and heartache.
I understand that I commenced stuttering at the age of about 3 years, and
although I received early therapy, I do not recall encountering any major
difficulties until I entered the grammar school at the age of 11. On the first
day, as the registers were being prepared, I have vivid memories of
struggling to give my name and address in front of some 30 other pupils,
most of whom were complete strangers.
Reading aloud in class was another disaster. As it progressed around the
room, I would be calculating (10 desks ahead) exactly what I would be
saying. Struck by the stark realisation that my passage contained many
words with which I knew I would encounter difficulty, I would opt out,
remain silent, and the reading would pass to the next pupil. That was one
of the first examples, I can recall, of approach avoidance.
Further speech therapy followed without much success. I could read aloud
in the therapy room, but could not ask, or respond to, questions in class. I
knew the answers but would not dare raise my hand for fear of making a
fool of myself. Others around me took the plaudits as I whispered the
answers to them.
As I progressed through school, the situation worsened and I came to
accept that I could never speak in front of a group. I felt that I would
always have difficulty speaking to people who I did not know intimately.
In the company of my closest friends, I was reasonably outgoing, whilst in
the presence of strangers (and those not so close), I would always have
difficulty expressing myself. You see, I had particular problems with
words commencing with the initial letter ‘b’ (which was unfortunate
because my surname is Badmington). I also had difficulty with ‘c’, ‘d’, ‘f’,
‘g’, ‘j’, ‘k’, ‘m’, ‘n’, ‘p’, ‘s’, ‘t’, and ‘v’; to name but a few.
Consequently, I avoided such words and substituted them with synonyms
(alternative words) not commencing with the dreaded letters. My oral
participation would, invariably, be brief (comprising a few hastily delivered,
carefully selected words) and I would then withdraw from the
conversation. I could never give detailed explanations – I made it a
practice to interrupt while others were talking, so that the attention was
never focussed on me when I commenced speaking.
So even at that early age, my negative beliefs were being formulated. For
example, I believed that:
(1) I could not speak in front of groups, or persons I did not know
personally;
(2)
etc;
I could not use words commencing with the initial letter ‘b’, ‘c’, ‘d’
(3)
I could never give detailed explanations;
(4)
I could never speak while I was the centre of attention;
(5) That only others could perform in those speaking situations (and I
envied those who appeared to speak without worry or concern);
As a prominent sportsman, I represented my school first teams well in
advance of others in my age group. Consequently, I was admired by my
peers and, unlike many here today, I can never recall being ridiculed or
teased because of my stutter.
Earlier, I mentioned the fact that I had problems saying my name. Well,
this caused me great heartache when I was selected to play in a prestigious
sporting fixture. I promptly arrived at the venue with my kit, but could not
pluck up sufficient courage to introduce myself to the persons in charge.
They did not know me, I could not tell them – so I did not play.
At the age of 19, I took a very important decision in my life; one which was
greatly influenced by the fact that I stuttered. I realised that someone who
stuttered can take a reasonably sheltered passage through life by choosing
to avoid social intercourse; seeking employment with limited speaking
opportunities and restricting the occasions on which he/she engages in
conversation. Simple, isn’t it? – if you don’t speak, you don’t stutter.
Those options were open to me, but I decided that it was not the path I
wished to tread. I felt I needed to meet the challenge, and so, I joined the
Police Service.
In those days, the interview procedure was brief and uncomplicated –
comprising of only a few questions (coupled with the usual character
checks). Avoiding the problem words, I selected my responses very
carefully, and was successful in gaining appointment. On reflection, I feel
that the fact that my uncle had been the local magistrates’ clerk for many
years probably influenced the decision.
Today, the interview extends to two days and involves many group
speaking situations. Had that been the case then, I would NOT have been
selected.
When it came to patrol duties, I just about managed to keep my head above
water by various avoidance practices, such as drawing sketches for
persons who requested directions. The crunch came when I had to give
evidence in court for the very first time. I could not say the oath; I just
could not get past the second word – SWEAR.
I still have vivid memories of climbing up into the witness box, placing my
left hand on the bible, raising my right hand aloft and saying, “I ssssss, I
ssssss, I ssssss, I ssssss”. Nothing would come out of my mouth as I
struggled to say a small passage that was such an integral part of my
profession.
My eyes closed, my pulse rocketed, perspiration poured from every part of
my body as I stood locked in combat with a simple five-letter word.
(Ironically, had it been a four-letter word, I would probably not have
experienced any difficulty). The court officials and the public looked on
with sheer disbelief at what was happening. Well, at least, I can only
conjecture at their reactions, because I had entered a state of
unconsciousness, totally oblivious to everything around me.
Being a prolific writer of limericks, it was (perhaps) inevitable that I would
later recount that incident in verse:
A policeman in court with a stutter
While giving the oath cause a flutter
He said, “I sssssssssssssssssssssssssswear”
Then gave up in despair
Not a single word more could he utter.
That was not the end of it – I then had to give the evidence. As I
mentioned earlier, my whole life centred around avoidance and word
substitution. But, I could not change the defendant’s name; I could not
change the name of the road in which the offence occurred; the day and
date could not be altered, and the defendant’s vehicle and registration
number were not negotiable. It was impossible, and I was subsequently
transferred to office duties, away from the public contact that I so much
needed.
It had reinforced my belief that I could not say certain words. Neither
could I speak in front of others when the focus of attention was on me.
These negative beliefs were being cemented – my behaviour and personality
were being adjusted to accommodate my stutter.
Yet, only a few hours earlier, I had stood in the very same courtroom, and
given the very same evidence without too much difficulty. But the
circumstances had been far, far different. On that occasion, the courtroom
had been empty and devoid of the audience that later congregated to witness
my performance. I had been practising my spiel in advance of the real
event and amply demonstrated to myself that my speech mechanics were
not defective. That was little comfort when I later failed miserably under
scrutiny.
One of my supervisors later wrote of me, “When this officer gives evidence
in court he is an embarrassment to all”. That reinforced my belief that
listeners became uncomfortable when I stuttered. He also reported (several
years later), “The only reason he has not been considered for promotion is
his speech impediment”. (And I still have copies of those reports).
While very young in service, I passed the national promotion examination
and attained third place in the UK (or, rather, England and Wales). This
qualified me for an accelerated promotion scheme at the prestigious National
Police College, which would have propelled me up through the ranks. They
would not accept me because of my stutter.
My belief was, therefore, that I would never be promoted within the Police
Service. The point I am trying to make is that the experiences I had
encountered were forming the beliefs about myself that I was to hold
throughout my adult life.
A few years later, I completed a two weeks fluency course, where I
became virtually fluent. Within weeks of leaving that controlled
environment, I lost the fluency and reverted to my former stuttering
behaviour. You see, there was no follow-up support. I did, in fact, return
on a second occasion but, once again, the same thing happened. My belief
was that I would never overcome my stutter.
In about 1977, there was another development in my life when I acquired
an auditory feedback device called the Edinburgh Masker. This was a small
electronic apparatus that blocked out the sound of my own voice by
emitting an infernal buzzing sound every time I spoke.
It was simply horrific – just imagine a uniformed police officer wearing a
throat microphone and a set of ear moulds, connected to a control box by
lengths of wires and tubing concealed beneath his clothing and hair.
Indeed, the original machine was equipped with what can only be described
as a doctor’s stethoscope. This was aesthetically unacceptable and so I
made arrangements to have the ear moulds manufactured locally.
The Edinburgh Masker worked on the principle that if you don’t hear your
own voice, then it will reduce your likelihood of stuttering.
I became so reliant on the device and would not go anywhere without it. I
changed my speech pattern to accommodate the masking sound –
prolonging the words so that I kept the sound activated. It sounded
unnatural, but it helped.
I developed the belief that I could not exist without the Masker and had an
array of spare parts on hand in case of failure. I believed that I could not
speak without difficulty if I heard my own voice, and became very aware
of my own voice when I was not wearing the Masker.
It was, indeed, a monstrosity (in that I was subjected to a buzzing noise
every time I spoke), and I was obliged to lip read if anyone chose to speak
while I was talking. I wore it for 10/12/14 hours every day over a period of
about 20 years, with frequent headaches and ear infections. But….without
it, I could not have existed in my profession.
After several years, I persuaded my employers to allow me to return to
operational duties. With the aid of the Masker I renewed the public contact
that I had been denied for so many years. I gave evidence in court, dealt
with incidents and even attempted a spot of lecturing. The latter was not
really successful but at least the Edinburgh Masker allowed me to attempt it
– previously, I would never have tried.
So my beliefs changed from “I can’t speak in front of a group” to “When
wearing the Masker I can speak in front of a group with a lesser degree of
difficulty”. I enjoyed the way I felt after giving a lecture. I enjoyed the
experience of speaking in front of people. My feelings about myself were
much so much warmer and pleasing. I also wore the Masker socially and
found that it gave me greater confidence in those circumstances.
I met dozens of people daily and expanded my comfort zones. My speech
was better in some circumstances than others, but I was never fluent. I wore
the Masker at all times – it had become my mechanical crutch. Without it, I could not
have undertaken my role. I constantly lived with the threat that it might let me down, and
- one day - it did in a big way.
Having developed my writing skills in order to compensate for my speech
problems, I became editor of the Force newspaper. On one occasion I was
invited to prepare a ‘This is Your Life’ book for a retiring Chief Constable.
Wearing the Masker, I plucked up the courage to present it to him in front
of about 200 people. (I wasn’t asked, I volunteered. I had written the
script and I wanted the credit).
I spoke reasonably well for the first five minutes or so, stuttering
moderately, but then disaster occurred. One of the wires became dislodged
and the masking sound ceased. I could hear my voice. I had severe
problems with the remainder of the presentation and when it was completed
my clothing was drenched in perspiration. I felt crestfallen and devastated
in front of such a distinguished audience.
Yet only a few minutes earlier (before the device had failed) I had managed
to undertake the role of presenter, albeit not in the *Michael Aspel mould.
When the Masker had been working I believed I could speak reasonably
well. I could not hear my own voice and I was detached from the
occasion. However, once the masking sound had been removed, I
experienced great difficulty and reverted to my old speech behaviours. But
at least I had not avoided the situation.
On another occasion I played the part of Goldilocks in a **pantomime that I
had written for a Christmas party. I spoke with a female voice throughout
and had no problem whatsoever. It was not Alan Badmington who was
being assertive but Goldilocks. It was acceptable for ‘her’ to speak loudly,
and assertively, in front of a crowd - but not ME.
A senior officer who was present expressed the view that I should always
talk with a high-pitched voice. I declined his suggestion but to this very day
I am convinced that I could have gained promotion in the Policewomen’s
Department. I thoroughly enjoyed the Thespian experience – I was doing
something totally alien to my normal behaviour. I found it pleasurable
holding the attention of an audience and it gave me a desire to perform in
front of people.
The Masker continued to let me down in really important situations. Whilst
I could chat reasonably well with my colleagues (when wearing the
Masker), it would inevitably let me down at promotion board interviews and
other important occasions. So much so that midway through one such
interview, an irate Chief Constable terminated the proceedings and told me
not to waste his time in the future.
He made it abundantly clear that he would never consider promoting me.
That reaffirmed my belief that I could never gain advancement because of
my stutter.
I retired from the Police Service in 1993 and stopped wearing the Edinburgh
Masker on a regular basis. I only wore it on special occasions but always
kept it near the telephone at home. My speech deteriorated and my comfort
zones became very narrow.
In 1996 I was involved in a car accident and found myself confined to
home. I could not use the Masker because of whiplash injuries. I
relinquished my role as adviser to a national television series and had
virtually no contact with anyone apart from my immediate family. My
speech hit rock bottom, my emotions and esteem were at a low ebb. I was
in pain, would not answer the telephone, indulged in very limited social
contact and had a great deal of time to dwell on my speech.
In May 2000, everything changed. My wife persuaded me, after much
resistance, to undertake a fluency programme.
It was at that time I first learned of the existence of John Harrison, one of
the earliest members of the National Stuttering Project in the USA, as well
as being its former Associate Director. That organisation subsequently
became known as the National Stuttering Association and John has been the
editor of its newsletter, ‘Letting Go’, for many years.
John is no stranger to the problem that has affected many of us here today,
having stuttered throughout his school years, college and well into
adulthood. His involvement in a broad variety of personal growth
programmes, over three decades, gave him a unique insight into the nature
and dynamics of stuttering, and today he is fully recovered. The
observations he made during that period enabled him to master the problem
himself.
Many of the views I shall be expressing here today, are advanced by John
in his wonderfully informative book entitled ‘How to conquer your fears of
speaking before people’. I strongly recommend that you might consider
acquiring a copy, or at least obtain sight of that publication. John and I
have become great friends since our first meeting in California last August,
and I know that I am speaking today with his total blessing.
A man is walking along the road when he encounters another man on his
hands and knees under a street lamp. Being a Good Samaritan, he stops and
enquires if he can be of any assistance. “I’m looking for my car keys”,
replies the gentleman as he scrambles about on the pavement. With that,
the second man also gets down on all fours to assist with the search.
After about ten unsuccessful minutes, he enquires, “Have you any idea
where you may have dropped them?” “Yes” responds the original man,
“Over there amongst the trees”. Rather taken aback, the second man asks,
“Well, why are you looking here then?” “Because this is where the light is”
was the prompt response.
Now that story is not humorous (I’ve plenty of those to tell you in the bar
later); it is intended to demonstrate just how the problem of stuttering has
been approached, in many quarters, throughout the years.
“Where the light is”, meaning that area around the mouth; The articulators,
the tongue, the vocal chords etc. Those parts from which speech is
emitted; those parts from which speech originates; and those parts upon
which speech therapists/pathologists (and others) have tended to
concentrate their efforts and attention. The area that appears to be the
source of the problem.
John Harrison understands stuttering not simply as a speech problem, but as
a system involving the entire person – an interactive system that is
composed of at least six essential components – physiological responses,
behaviours, emotions, perceptions, beliefs and intentions.
In order to facilitate explanation of his paradigm (or model), John Harrison
devised a six-sided diagram, which he refers to as the STUTTERING
HEXAGON.
In the brief time at my disposal this afternoon, I shall attempt to explain his
theories and, hopefully, demonstrate how they applied to my own personal
recovery from stuttering after more than half a century.
I should mention that, in his own workshops, John generally takes some
two days to cover this subject. I have just over an hour – so my efforts
will be somewhat abbreviated. (But if anyone wishes to remain until
Tuesday, I am sure I can oblige).
I think it might be a good idea if I show you a slide of the hexagon, so that
you may have better understanding of what I am attempting to explain.
(Reproduced as an Appendix to this transcript). Before someone questions
my ability to spell, I should explain that John has kindly allowed me to copy
it directly from his book – hence the American spelling of ‘Behavior’. As
you can see, it comprises six different components:
PHYSIOLOGICAL RESPONSES
PHYSICAL BEHAVIOURS
EMOTIONS
PERCEPTIONS
BELIEFS
INTENTIONS
Before I explain each component, I should mention that there is something
very important about the system you are viewing. Each point (each
component) is connected to, and brings influence to bear upon, every other
component within the Stuttering Hexagon. None of these elements
individually creates the speech problem; it is the way in which these
elements instantly interact that brings to life the stuttering behaviour.
For example, your EMOTIONS will affect your BEHAVIOURS,
PERCEPTIONS, BELIEFS, INTENTIONS and PHYSIOLOGICAL
RESPONSES.
Similarly, any change in your beliefs, emotions, etc will resonate at all parts
of the hexagonal model. Very much like when a fly gets caught in a
spider’s web and starts to struggle to release itself. Vibrations are felt at
every point on that web and, similarly, whatever is happening in one part of
the hexagon is felt by, and affects, the whole hexagon.
As my talk progresses, I hope to show you how merely attempting to work
on your speech, in isolation, may not be sufficient to change your overall
stuttering behaviour. You need to do so much more.
If you receive therapy, or attend a fluency course, you may see an
improvement in your speech IN THAT ENVIRONMENT because, in
addition to the various control techniques being implemented, your self-
image, perceptions, beliefs and emotions are positively influenced by the
relationship with the therapist.
But that is not enough, if you do not make efforts to address other matters
relating to your life (such as the limited way you see yourself; your longheld, self-defeating negative beliefs; your unwillingness to take risks, etc),
the other points on the stuttering hexagon are likely to pull your speech back
into balance with the rest of the system. Eventually, you will find yourself
slipping back into the same old patterns.
Let us now take a more in-depth look at the individual components that
make up the stuttering hexagon.
PHYSIOLOGICAL RESPONSES
These are the physiological characteristics we inherit.
A statistically significant number of people within the stuttering community
appear to show a higher level of sensitivity than persons who do not stutter.
Thus, when the shop assistant has a look of impatience, or is abrupt, then
we might be more liable to react.
Our bodies have been genetically programmed to initiate a fight-or-flight
reaction whenever our physical survival is threatened. Your heartbeat
increases, your blood pressure soars, blood rushes from your stomach
towards your muscles as you prepare for the danger. You experience a
stress reaction in order to meet the threat, but fear of talking is not generally
a physical danger, as the body is being led to believe by these physiological
changes.
It is a social danger, but your body cannot differentiate, therefore the
physiological response is creating additional insecurity and discomfort.
There is not a great deal you can do about the physiological system you
were born with. However, by exercising control over the other parts of the
hexagon, you can reduce the frequency with which you experience these
fight-or-flight responses.
BEHAVIOURS
There are specific behaviours that are counter productive to fluent speech –
holding the breath, pursing the lips, locking the vocal chords, etc. I did all
of these. If a person curtails these behaviours, or improves his or her
technique, then fluency can be enhanced.
However, the speech block is not created solely by these physical
behaviours. It occurs because of the individual’s emotions, perceptions,
beliefs, intentions, physiological responses and speech behaviours all being
woven together into a patterned response. None of these elements
singularly creates the block – the block is created by the way in which these
elements interact and reinforce each other.
EMOTIONS
There are certain feelings that contribute to, or result from, our stuttering.
You will all recognize them: FEAR, HURT, ANGER, FRUSTRATION,
HELPLESSNESS, EMBARRASSMENT, SHAME AND VULNERABILITY.
Those of us who stutter have always tried to de-personalise the speaking
experience because it was painful. We did not wish to feel the feelings any
more than we had to. We avoided eye contact; we detached ourselves from
the speaking situation; we retreated. That very attitude of holding back is
what helps to create and perpetuate our speech blocks.
Often our ability to block out our feelings is so automatic that we fail to
recognise that these feelings exist. When we stutter, there is a sense of
panic and we are completely unconscious to what is occurring. We don’t
even realise that we are having feelings at that moment because we become
totally oblivious. (As I did in the courtroom).
Instead of suppressing these intense feelings, we must learn to experience
them as they surface. Experience the fear; experience the panic – so that
we can use them to energize our speech (in a similar manner to actors who
use it to put oomph into their performance). What we must not do is to
continue to block them out.
We need to understand the differences between creative and negative
discomfort. Negative discomfort is the kind that debilitates us. It is usually
associated with holding back something that wants to be expressed.
Creative discomfort, on the other hand, is experienced when you let go.
Transforming your discomfort into something positive - actually learning
how to make it work for you – will be a major step in overcoming your
fears. You will certainly experience creative/positive discomfort as you
push out your comfort zones and attempt to change your old negative
stuttering behaviour. If you are not feeling that discomfort, then it is a sign
that you are continuing to remain within your former narrow parameters.
Persons who have grown up with a stutter tend to be frightened of their
own voice and do not enjoy the feeling of power when addressing an
audience. Possibly, we are afraid of coming on too strong – being too
powerful? It is as though we feel obliged to compensate by toning
ourselves down – pulling back.
PERCEPTIONS
Perceptions are how we see and interpret things HERE AND NOW – not in
the future.
If we feel that we are an oddity because of how we speak, then we
perceive that the whispered comments of one person to another are about
us. For example, if I had passed a group of unsavoury individuals as I was
entering the courtroom, and they started whispering , I might have
perceived that they were talking about me – about my speech. Whereas,
they were discussing how one of their number had seduced the inspector’s
daughter the previous weekend. In effect, their conduct had nothing at all
to do with me.
If your hexagon is in the negative (in any of the component areas) then this
can affect how you react to, or envisage, any situation. If you have been
involved in a blazing row with your girlfriend, or wife (or both); or just had
a bad speaking experience on the telephone, your emotions would be at a
low ebb – thereby affecting your emotions (and, correspondingly, your
perceptions) in a negative manner.
Persons who stutter tend to have a fixation that whatever happens in their
lives is related to their speech. Their speech is uppermost in their minds at
all times. They go to bed thinking about their speech – they wake up
thinking about their speech. Speech, speech, speech – it consumes them.
Our irrational thinking about our speech totally influences our perceptions.
Nearly every time I spoke, I perceived that I was being judged.
Quite frequently, our perceptions of others with respect to our stuttering, is
completely without foundation. As a result, all too often we miss
opportunities for intimacy, growth and pleasure, merely because we
maintain the unfounded belief that our stuttering prohibits us from
experiencing our own life. We hide further and further from those around
us, and we sink deeper and deeper into the mire of self-doubt, self-hatred
and self-pity.
Persons who stutter may have not always been good at developing a selfimage grounded in reality. Neither have they been able to define what is
acceptable behaviour. Generally, many of us are too worried about coming
on forcibly, and so we tend to hold back. In order to move forward, it is
essential that we discover that we don’t need to live our lives in such
narrow comfort zones. We need to discover that the world actually likes us
better when we let go, and what’s more we would like (and know)
ourselves better too.
BELIEFS
Unlike perceptions, which can be easily modified by how we feel at a
particular time, beliefs remain relatively constant. They are much more
deep-rooted. I suppose they could be described as perceptions that have
proven to be true over a period of time.
My beliefs about my speech came about in two different ways. Firstly,
they were created by everything that happened to me; while secondly, they
were developed through contact with authoritative figures (such as my
parents, teachers, police colleagues etc). Indeed, they can be passed from
grandfather to father to son.
I believed that I could not gain promotion because my speech would prove
a hindrance. (My former Chief Constable certainly substantiated that belief
for me).
I believed that I should avoid pausing at all costs. Once I managed to get
started, I believed that I had to continue speaking while I enjoyed a degree
of fluency.
We may believe that we shall never become effective speakers – I certainly
held that belief until last year.
Many persons who stutter feel they are flawed because of their stutter.
They believe that they have to please others and that they have to be perfect
to be liked and accepted. That was true for me for as long as I can
remember. I felt I had to compensate for my speech problem by excelling
at everything I did (sport, report writing, appearance, punctuality etc) and
performing a volume of work far greater than my ‘fluent’ colleagues.
They also believe that the fears and panic they feel in front of others are
unique to them; that ‘normal fluent’ people don’t experience such feelings
when they have to stand and address a group.
(Surveys clearly indicate that this is not the case – public speaking is quoted
as the number one fear of everyone. It is NOT unique to persons who
stutter. When I joined speaking clubs last year, I found that there were
several members who became extremely agitated prior to speaking).
Beliefs are the most powerful long-term influence on your hexagon and will
be the last thing to change as you deal with the rest of the hexagon. In fact,
I would say that beliefs are the beginning of the real change. Once you
change your beliefs positively, you are well on the road to empowerment.
Once beliefs are formed, we tend to shape our perceptions to fit those
beliefs. In effect, our beliefs function like a pair of tinted sun glasses; they
colour the way we see and experience life.
INTENTIONS
Intentions are our motivations for acting in the manner in which we do.
Frequently, our conscious intentions pull us in one direction, while our
unconscious intentions pull us in the opposite direction.
In a speech block, for example, our apparent intention may be to speak the
word, while our hidden intention may be to hold back out of fear of
revealing ourselves and our imperfections to our listeners. When our
intentions pull in opposite directions, we block and are unable to move.
You want to talk but, at the same time, you have feelings that threaten to
push you beyond the threshold of what you are willing to experience. So
you hold back – and for a while the forces are equally balanced. If this
becomes your modus operandi (ie your usual method of speaking) in
stressful situations, then it becomes your default - and you will routinely
find yourself slipping into stuttering and blocking behaviour…but you
cannot understand why.
None of the individual elements in the hexagon creates a speech block. It is
the way in which these elements interact that creates the problem.
Let us now relate what we have learned about the Stuttering Hexagon to
some of the speaking situations that I have experienced in my life. You may
recall me telling you earlier about the courtroom scene that gave me so
many problems.
The seeds of doubt were sown some weeks before the court appearance,
when I learned that I would be required to give evidence. I must have
rehearsed the oath a hundred times, when alone.
I knew the second word commenced with the feared letter ‘S’ (SWEAR),
and that the oath also contained many other problematical letters.
Let us examine some of my beliefs:
Due to my previous difficulties with these letters, I believed that I would
stutter and make a fool of myself.
I believed that I could not speak in front of an audience when I was the
centre of attention.
I believed I could not say the oath, or my name.
I believed I would be judged by my performance (especially as a young
officer on probation).
I believed the court would expect me to be perfect.
My perceptions (at the time of being in court) were:
I’m performing in front of people who would not understand or be
sympathetic to my problem.
The group of young men at the back of the court, who I had cause to deal
with a couple of weeks earlier for public disorder, were talking about me
and eagerly waiting for me to stutter.
If I made a fool of myself the news would quickly spread and I would
become a laughing stock.
My physiological system was generating a fully-fledged fight or flight
action. The body was pouring adrenaline into the blood stream, my blood
pressure was rising etc.
My emotions were rooted in fear and terror. (After all, I had experienced
severe problems during a mock court exercise, while attending a training
course a few months earlier).
My intentions were that I should say the oath and then give the evidence.
But my speech failed me. I was being pulled by two opposing forces – the
poles of divided intention. I wanted to say the oath, the situation demanded
that I say the oath – but I was fearful of stuttering. I was fearful of
revealing my secret, my deficiencies to everyone present. So I had a
speech block.
Let us now retrace my steps to two hours earlier. I arrive at the court in
advance of everyone else, with one colleague (a personal friend of mine) for
the purpose of practising my evidence. I walk the same path to the witness
box, climb up into the same hallowed area, place my left hand on the same
bible and recite, “I swear by Almighty God that the evidence I shall give,
shall be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth”.
Absolutely perfect – shall I tell you why? All the elements – the negative
emotions, perceptions, beliefs, intentions and physiological responses that
characterised the real event, were not present. Instead there were positive
forces.
I knew the other officer well and perceived him as a friend. I believed I
could speak in front of him without too much difficulty. I knew it was not
necessary to perform well to earn his high regard – he was not judging me.
I knew that he was aware that I stuttered – so there was an absence of fear
that my secret would be exposed. I knew there would not be any pomp
and ceremony. I knew it didn’t really matter if I stuttered – it was only an
unimportant trial run.
The positive forces had reinforced each other to create a benign hexagon –
one in which the need to hold back was not an issue. Thus I had little, if
any, difficulty with the hitherto dreaded words when giving the oath and
then continued to recite my evidence in a like manner. I knew that I would
not be challenged by any hostile party.
As I was not holding back, I did not create the block. I was not fearful of
what I would expose when I spoke. WHAT A CONTRAST.
Let us also examine what happened at my wedding some years later. I
knew from experience that when someone else spoke, or read, at the same
time as myself I would, invariably, not encounter speaking difficulties. I
made good use of this when it came time to say my wedding vows. In our
pre-ceremony meetings with the vicar, we came to an arrangement
whereby he would recite a line and then repeat it quietly when I was saying
it.
What I didn’t bargain for was my caring bride who, in order to ensure I
didn’t have any problems, also joined in saying my vows. So you can just
imagine it – the vicar would say a line and then ALL THREE OF US would
repeat it. Of course, mine was the loudest and most prominent voice – the
other two merely whispered. But I was aware of the support. No one else
realised what we were doing and everything went perfectly.
Now let us examine that episode.
I believed I could speak when someone else spoke at the same time as
myself as (in my eyes) I was not the centre of attention. Like many
persons who stutter, I felt uncomfortable hearing the sound of my own
voice – associating it with all the shame and embarrassment I had
experienced over the years.
With my wife and the vicar joining me, I was detached from my own
speech and the negative emotional feelings were not present.
I perceived the vicar and my wife as friendly and supportive persons.
Because I was relaxed about the situation, I did not experience the usual
feelings of fear and panic (the physiological responses).
I intended to say the vows and I was not holding back. As there was no
conflict (divided intentions), a speech block did not occur, thereby allowing
the speech function to be completed.
Every component in the hexagon was positive, reacting positively with one
another.
So there is another example of how the hexagon works. Having said that it
went well, there are still a few things that concern me regarding that
episode. I frequently lie awake at night, wrestling with the following
questions:
Am I married to my wife?
Am I married to the vicar?
Is my wife married to the vicar? or
Are we all three joined in holy matrimony?
Contrast this with what happened a few hours later at the wedding
reception. I rose to speak in front of the guests and had terrible problems.
I said a few sentences, blocked and blocked again. It was so bad that one
of my aunts intervened and started singing ‘For he’s a jolly good fellow’.
Everyone joined in and I sat down a very disappointed and humiliated
bridegroom.
I was not disappointed with my new bride, I should quickly explain – but
with my inability to complete the speech that I had rehearsed for weeks.
There was nothing organically wrong with my speech, but there were
significant changes in my emotions, perceptions, beliefs, intentions,
physiological responses and speech related struggles in the two
environments.
Let us look at that painful episode in more detail. Unlike the situation in the
church involving the vows, everything had changed.
I believed I could not speak in front of a large crowd and would make a
fool of myself – and I did.
I believed that I could not speak while the focus of attention was on me. (I
wasn’t so much worried about any feared words because I had written the
speech myself and carefully omitted any letters that normally presented
difficulty).
I always spoke in short, sharp bursts and believed that I could not orate
anything of a lengthy nature (even though it extended to only eight or ten
lines).
I believed that most guests would be embarrassed when (not IF) I stuttered.
I perceived that many of those present would not understand my problem.
I perceived that those who knew I stuttered were waiting for me to slip up.
I perceived that my wife and parents were anxious for me.
My physiological responses created the usual fight or flight reaction, with
the accompanying body changes.
My emotions were totally immersed in fear, panic, vulnerability and
embarrassment.
I was caught up in the speak/don’t speak conflict. I wanted to continue
speaking – it was the happiest day of my life. But I was fearful of
stuttering – laying myself bare and revealing my speech difficulty to all
present. This power struggle caused me to hold back and the inevitable
speech blocks occurred.
Everything was negative – each component reacting negatively with each
other to have such a detrimental effect on my speech behaviour.
In May 2000, everything changed when my wife persuaded me to make
one last effort to overcome my speech problem. I fought tooth and nail –
but she is a very persuasive lady. I had suffered so much heartache in my
life (as a result of failed therapies) that I vowed I would never again place
myself in a situation where I might be exposed to such disappointment.
I had retired from the Police Service, so my speech was no longer an issue
in respect of employment. In any case, I doubted that I could generate the
enthusiasm, or even interest, and felt content in the limited comfort zones to
which I had withdrawn following my car accident. At the time, I hardly
wore my Edinburgh Masker and, in fact, had only minor social contact. I
rarely left the comfort of my own home. If the telephone rang, I frequently
ignored it.
My wife implored me to give it one last shot and so, with an incredible
degree of scepticism I very begrudgingly agreed.
The programme I joined deals with stuttering from a holistic perspective
and it was while attending my first course, just 16 months ago, that I
learned about John Harrison. John is not actively involved with the
programme, but he has very kindly allowed abbreviated versions of his
workshops (devised to overcome the fear of public speaking) to be
incorporated into the programme. John doesn’t run the workshops; his
concepts and ideas are merely used by those attending.
So it was just sixteen months ago that I initially became aware of the
stuttering hexagon. And for the very first time in my life, I understood that
whether or not I stuttered, depended very much on how I felt at any
particular time. How a whole host of other factors affected my ability to
speak.
I learned how to physically overcome speech blocks. I was given the tools
to greatly reduce the likelihood of a speech block occurring – and also how
to release a speech block should one occur. Armed with that, and many,
many other valuable facets (including an understanding of the physiology
and psychology of stuttering), I set out along the road to recovery.
By the second day of the four day course I was walking on air – I was
speaking like I had never spoken before and I was enjoying it. I was
talking in front of groups for the very first time in my life while not wearing
the Edinburgh Masker. I could hear my own voice – it was initially
disconcerting – but I liked what I heard.
When these four days ended I knew that the real challenge lay ahead. I had
tasted fluency many years earlier (although never as manageable as now)
but, previously, I had not been able to sustain it for any length of time
outside the security and safety of a course environment. I felt this was
different; I knew so much more about stuttering and myself and I knew
that I had the life-long support of the programme.
”Keep moving forward” and “Push out your comfort zones” were two of
the many sayings I retained in my head. God knows, I had heard them
enough in those four days. I knew that if I was to sustain the incredible
gains I had attained, I needed to strictly adhere to this advice. So, using the
new technique I had been taught, I immediately set out to dismantle the
psychological framework that I had erected to support me during a lifetime
of stuttering.
I had so many negative beliefs, negative perceptions, negative emotions and
negative practices to eradicate. I knew that I had to create a fluency
system in which my new speech behaviours, as well as emotions,
perceptions, beliefs, intentions and psychological responses, all interactively
supported each other.
I began placing myself in situations where I did things I would not
previously have attempted. I knew that I had to face my fears, I needed to
challenge the negative beliefs and feelings that I had developed (in many
cases unconsciously) over so many years and, above all, I resolved that I
would never again practise avoidance.
I would never again succumb to the temptation of substituting an easy word
for a difficult word, and I promised myself that I would accept, and never
avoid, the challenge of any speaking situation.
In effect, much of this had already commenced during the course when I
participated in the Harrison workshops, which are principally designed to
improve speaking in front of people - but also to demonstrate how to
challenge and change certain life long traits.
This involved speaking in front of groups by using exaggerated techniques
designed to help us ‘let go’. They included such tasks as “projecting one’s
voice”; “maintaining eye contact”; “use of inordinately…………..
long…………..pauses”; “speaking with feeling” and “adding music to
one’s voice”. There were many others.
It was uncomfortable doing something I had always avoided but that was
the purpose of the exercise. I was experiencing positive discomfort. You
WILL feel uncomfortable on the first occasion, less uncomfortable on the
second, and so on. Eventually, the discomfort will depart as that way of
speaking begins to feel natural. It was great fun and I still engage in such
workshops today. I am now at ease and find it enjoyable – I have lost my
inhibitions. This is the REAL me.
Your ability to tolerate short periods of discomfort is the key to change. If
you are willing to take a chance, and hang on in there, you can bring about
a significant shift in your attitude and self-image.
On my return home, I spent many hours speaking on the telephone with
persons who had previously attended similar courses. Most were complete
strangers – that made it a far greater challenge. My confidence was skyhigh as I chatted, and I began to feel good about myself. If my new
technique strayed, then I was quickly corrected.
In addition, I regularly attended support groups that had been set up and run
by graduates of the programme. Here again, I expanded my comfort zones
and reinforced the speaking technique. Perhaps more importantly, I also
reinforced my belief that my recovery was not temporary or fragile (as had
been the case on previous occasions).
Each day, I would spend lengthy periods on the telephone – speaking to
businesses that I had selected from the Yellow Pages directory - making the
most outrageous enquiries. All had free phone numbers – so that I did not
incur any expenditure.
With each telephone call, the fear was reduced. I had demonstrated to
myself that I could speak authoritatively during a lengthy telephone
conversation to complete strangers. Of course I experienced fear, but I
kept uppermost in my mind the words of American psychologist, Susan
Jeffers – “Feel the fear and do it anyway”.
Throughout our marriage, my wife had always undertaken the task of
making my appointments with the doctor, dentist etc – but now this was to
change. A few days after my first course, I boldly marched into the
doctors’ surgery. In front of a waiting crowd, I projected my voice and
said, “Please may I have the prescription for Alan Badmington”.
On previous occasions, my wife would have collected it, or I would have
produced my National Health card (or shown a piece of paper) that
conspicuously bore my name. I am not saying that I wasn’t nervous, but I
faced the fear, told myself that I could do it and reaped the reward. I have
since repeated it on many occasions, thus reinforcing my positive beliefs.
Returning to the practice of writing my name on a piece of paper, I well
recall the day (many years ago) when I took an item of clothing to the dry
cleaners. I had omitted to carry my usual written note and when the
assistant requested my name, I panicked and said, “Adrian Adams”. (I
never had problems with vowels). This was all very well until my landlady
kindly decided to do me a favour and collect that item a few days later. She
duly gave my name as ‘Alan Badmington’ but, as we all know, it was not
recorded under my correct identity. I had a lot of explaining to do.
Success followed success, and I could feel my whole self-image changing.
I began to believe in myself; I did not have the negative feelings of selfdoubt and this positivity created a chain reaction within my hexagon –
resulting in a positive effect in my speech.
During my course, I had been encouraged to engage in conversation with
complete strangers in the street, and one day I spoke to nearly 300 people.
I told many that I was a recovering stutterer and was amazed at the interest,
and words of encouragement, that I received. Quite apart from the fact
that I was accepting myself as a stutterer, I was also desensitising the
situation. I began believing that I could speak to total strangers about my
speech problem, (or any subject) and my negative perception that they
would be embarrassed, or might ridicule me, was replaced with a positive
perception.
Things took a dramatic change in August 2000 when I travelled to the USA
to help set up the first American programme. My role was to publicise the
forthcoming event by telling my story. As I flew alone across the Atlantic
to San Francisco, I wondered what I had let myself in for. Only three
months earlier (after more than half a century of stuttering) I still had
difficulty in saying my name. Yet now, I was thousands of miles from
home and knew that I would be required to introduce myself to a multitude
of strangers.
I literally knocked on the door of every newspaper office, radio station and
TV studio in the corridor running from San Francisco to Northern Nevada.
I went for two weeks and stayed for six weeks – what an adventure!
During that time I transformed my stuttering hexagon ten thousand fold.
For fifty years it had been negative – that was now to change permanently.
I did things I, hitherto, thought were impossible.
You cannot imagine the immense satisfaction I gained from speaking to
every section of the media.
Before I move on, let me just take a few minutes to tell you, briefly, about
how my hexagon had a massive positive boost early in the US adventure.
Shortly after my arrival in San Francisco, I made the acquaintance of John
Harrison for the first time. We hit it off straightaway and have become
good friends.
John very kindly invited me out for a series of meals in the ‘City by the
Bay’. Each time we dined, we talked and talked well into the early hours.
Two things that John told me had such a positive influence upon my
hexagon and, subsequently, my life.
When returning me to my place of residence one night, he suddenly said,
“Alan, you’re a remarkable conversationalist and very inspirational”. You
cannot imagine the effect that had upon me. For over 50 years, I had
struggled to talk to people; I had been castigated for the manner in which I
gave evidence in court; a Chief Constable had prematurely terminated a
Promotion Board interview because I was “wasting his time” – and I had
failed miserably to give a speech at my wedding.
Yet now, this prominent person had paid me such a compliment. His
comments took some time to sink in – I told him that I had never
considered myself to possess either of those qualities. He reiterated his
opinion. Various components in my hexagon changed considerably that
night:
I believed that persons enjoyed listening to me.
I believed that I could inspire others.
I believed I could speak well, and interestingly, for lengthy periods of time.
I believed that others wanted to hear my opinions.
My previous long-held perception that persons were embarrassed when I
spoke, moved from negative to positive.
My emotions took a distinct upturn; I was elated and overjoyed with my
efforts.
My self-image was widening, and I liked the person I was becoming.
I had so many positive experiences during my perambulations around
California and Nevada – too numerous to mention. However, let me
recount one particular incident to further illustrate the hexagon in action.
I was visiting one of the major TV stations in San Francisco. Security
within major cities is quite rigid and I was obliged to relate my story to the
news desk via the house telephone. This was situated right in the heart of
the busy public waiting area, where at least 25 to 30 persons were
congregated.
This was a stutterer’s worst nightmare – talking on the telephone before a
listening audience. Initially, I found this disconcerting but, as time
progressed, I became less aware of those around me. When I completed
the call, several members of the public approached me, expressed their
interest in my recovery and wished me every success. (As it was obvious
that my conversation had been heard by everyone, I felt justified in
awarding myself full marks for voice projection).
There were many, many more occasions where I was obliged to use the
house phone in public areas, but I knew I could do it because I had done it
before, and each time it became easier. Quite apart from increasing my
self-belief, my perceptions of how the listening public would react changed
dramatically. They were NOT embarrassed to hear my story and I gained
in confidence. My emotions became positive and I spoke well.
Throughout my journey north to Nevada, I talked openly about my recovery
in every situation. I engaged in conversation with complete strangers in
restaurants; in the street; in motels; in casinos; in shops; in laundries –
indeed, anywhere. The reactions I encountered were quite unbelievable; all
were courteous and nearly everyone knew someone who stuttered. I
became totally desensitised and my perceptions and beliefs about what
others thought in relation to my speech became so positive.
Newspaper after newspaper carried my story and I was to undergo many
radio and television interviews. My comfort zones continued to expand as
well as my previous narrow self- image.
Following my return to the UK, I joined three speakers’ clubs and now
regularly give prepared and impromptu speeches. One experienced
member, who was a public speaking tutor for more than 25 years, confided
(on hearing me make my maiden speech) that he would never have
suspected I had ever been troubled by a speech impediment. It is
comments of this nature that help to change the narrow and negative way in
which we have viewed ourselves for so long.
A few months ago, I engineered a ‘chance’ meeting with my former Chief
Constable at the funeral of a colleague. I knew he would be present and
purposely sought him out. I had experienced some harrowing moments
while speaking to him in the past, and wanted to exorcise those ghosts. He
was wide-mouthed when he told me that he did not recognise me as the
officer who had served under his command for so many years – and whom
he would not promote under any circumstances.
Having achieved this, my hexagon rocketed with positivity, and it was not
long before I embarked upon the next stage of dismantling my stuttering
structure.
Live radio interview followed live radio interview (not just about stuttering
but also about other topics) as I pursued my relentless quest for recovery.
I am not ashamed to admit that I regularly play over those tapes when I am
in the car. Not for any egotistical reason but merely as a positive
affirmation.
Since childhood, my stuttering had been fuelled by the pain and misery I
encountered. For over half a century I constantly reminded myself of what
I could NOT do, or the dire consequences of attempting to speak in certain
situations. I spent a lifetime accumulating, recounting and giving far too
much prominence to the memories of bad speaking experiences – that is
how my stutter developed and thrived. The more I nourished and sustained
it – the more it took hold. I make no excuse for reversing that trait. The
worm has turned and I now constantly remind myself of the successes I
enjoy. Never shirk from telling yourself how much you have achieved.
One radio interview lasted for 15 minutes (it was originally scheduled for 7
minutes but I just kept talking and talking). My eyes never fail to water
when, at its conclusion, the interviewer comments, “Wasn’t that an
inspirational chat. Alan, a stutterer and stammerer for over fifty years -and
now you’d never know”. That certainly keeps my hexagon positive.
It received a further boost, a short while ago, when a police newsletter
(which is circulated to all retired police personnel within my former force)
carried an article about my recovery. It said, “You will all remember Alan
when he served in the Constabulary. He suffered from a stammer that was
a big obstacle to him during his police service and, more or less, confined
him to administrative duties which prevented his promotion”.
Referring to the first of my many interviews on BBC Radio Wales, the item
continued, “It was amazing to hear Alan speaking with such confidence and
without any trace of his stammer”.
Nothing will ever make amends for the heartache and catalogue of lost
opportunities that tainted my police career but, at least, my former
colleagues will now view me in an entirely different light. My beliefs,
perceptions, emotions and speech are now so positive. (I should mention
that the article was not of my own initiation but resulted from someone
hearing the radio broadcast).
During the past few months, I have further expanded my comfort zones by
undertaking a series of lectures at Arkansas State University. The Professor
of Speech and Language Disorders thought it would be useful if I gave her
classes of future Speech and Language Pathologists an insight into my
lifetime of stuttering. (Quite astonishingly, I understand that ASHA – the
regulatory body in the USA – does not require SLPs to have contact with
persons who stutter, prior to graduation).
After the final presentation I was given a birthday cake to celebrate the first
anniversary of the commencement of my recovery, together with a model
turtle – the significance of which is that a turtle can only move forward if it
pushes its neck out. The Professor suggested that I had certainly pushed
my neck out during the preceding twelve months.
During my life, as I suffered the social consequences of malfunctioning
speech, I changed the way I felt about myself, and others. I developed
social strategies to protect myself from shame and embarrassment. I also
developed strategies for pushing out, or hiding, difficult words. When these
changes began to influence and reinforce each other, the problem became
self-perpetuating.
All these adjustments were made to support my stuttering habit. I knew
that if I did not change the components in this system, the same system
would have sat around waiting for the missing component (my stutter) to
reappear. I was not prepared to allow that to happen.
So every day (even now) I still set myself new goals as I continue to etch –
erode - the negativity that influenced my life, and my speech, for so long. I
am determined that my old stuttering behaviour will never return. I am
showing myself differently to the world and I love the way it is reacting
differently to me.
My programme recognises that changing personal defaults in a number of
areas does not occur overnight, and allows graduates to return on as many
occasions as they wish. I have now completed nine courses. I didn’t need
to go back as many times as that; I had attained such a remarkable degree
of fluency after the initial course. However, I chose to return because I
wished to reinforce, and utilise, my speech in a variety of situations.
During that time I have become empowered by coaching others, in addition
to maintaining my own recovery.
As a person who stuttered, I built up a self-image of who I was. Anything
that challenged that image, I perceived as a threat to my well-being. A selfimage that is too narrow and constrictive to accommodate our entire
personality, imprisons us. It forces us to curtail our activities so that we
may continue to act out of character. Persons who stutter avoid expanding
their comfort zones. Many continue to live their lives doing things with
which they feel comfortable. We cast ourselves in a diminished role and are
content to remain in the same old safe predictable world – maintaining the
status quo.
On the other hand, if we can broaden this self-image to accommodate the
different sides of ourselves, then we are able to play all these roles, and be
comfortable in doing so. The moment you are willing to give up your old
self-image, you will find that there are incredible opportunities for change.
Unless you change you will fight the new you because it does not fit into
how you see yourself.
In order to achieve this, you need to do certain things over and over until
these behaviours become familiar and you get used to seeing yourself in
these new roles. Only then will they become a welcome and acceptable
part of the ‘real’ you. Until permanent changes occur – through continual
expansion – the hexagon will remain vulnerable.
In his book, John Harrison says that he made his stuttering disappear long
before his actual blocking behaviours ceased. He did this by observing
what he was doing in a different light. He says, and I quote, “When I
stopped observing my problem through the narrow perspective of
stuttering; the stuttering per se was gone. That is, I stopped seeing the
behaviour as something called stuttering – and in its place was a handful of
other problems in a unique relationship that needed to be addressed. By
addressing these issues, individually, the actual physical blocking behaviours
slowly diminished and disappeared over time”.
If you do not do anything about your posture of helplessness; or your
reluctance to communicate your feelings; or your lack of self-assertiveness;
or your constant need for the approval of others – then the old stuttering
habits will return.
Stutterers have a fear of being different – of looking strange. We are
obsessed with our desire to be like other people. We are obsessed with
wanting others to be comfortable with us. We are obsessed with the need
to belong.
In order not to risk upsetting others, we constantly modify and adjust
ourselves until we present an image that THEY like, because we believe that
pleasing people was the only choice we had. The reality is that in changing
ourselves to please others, we lose contact with our real selves.
As stutterers, we seem to be overly introspective. We focus inwardly; we
relive every speaking situation a hundred times in our minds before we
speak. That is what I did for more than 50 years – but, thankfully, it is a
thing of the past.
Now, I acknowledge negative thoughts (I don’t block them out any more)
but I have learned not to dwell upon them. I focus on what I want to do –
I create an image of how I want the experience to be. If I feel like I am
going to block, then I use my new tools to release the block. The
debilitating oral shackles that inhibited me for so long have finally been
removed.
I am not suggesting that everyone can make his or her speech blocks totally
disappear. However, by correctly recognizing the nature of the problem, it
is possible to maximise whatever efforts are made to improve one’s ability
to speak.
But let me give you a word of warning. All dynamic systems, from the
atom to the largest galaxy have a built-in resistance to change. People fail to
realise that a behavioural pattern – not just stuttering – has a life of its own.
When threatened, the habit struggles to survive, much as we would do if
we were threatened with annihilation. We want to live – so does your
stutter. After all, it is nearly old as you (and, in my case – that’s quite an
age). This resistance is one of the reasons why stuttering is such a hard
nut to crack.
There are so many other issues I would like to have dealt with this
afternoon, such as:
1. How research into stuttering has suffered over the years because of
the narrow paradigm that has been applied to it.
2. Why it is most unhelpful that the term ‘stuttering’ is used to
encompass so many diverse types of dysfluency.
3. Why stuttering cannot be solved like a mathematical problem, where
the subject matter continues to exist in a different form.
Sadly, time is not on my side – but perhaps I may have the opportunity to
enlarge upon this on some future occasion.
I now realise that, although I was not aware of John Harrison’s concepts
until last year, I had made considerable changes in my own personal
stuttering hexagon over the years – aided, of course, by the Edinburgh
Masker. Despite the setbacks, I had already set up a system that would
support greater fluency and fuller self-expression. I recognise that I owe an
immense debt of gratitude to the McGuire Programme for providing the
final piece of the jigsaw and, like a laser beam, all my energies are now
moving in the same direction.
There has been, and will continue to be, discussion as to whether stuttering
is a genetic or psychological problem. That is not the remit of my
presentation here today. I came to tell you that I strongly believe that
stuttering is not merely associated with the mechanics of speech. I hope
that during this past hour or so, I have demonstrated my reasons for
claiming that, “Stuttering is not just a speech problem”.
The theme of this year’s conference, here at Hope University, is “Fear can
hold you prisoner, hope can set you free”. The need to overcome fear has
been a prominent thrust of my presentation this afternoon, and I would like
to conclude by reciting a hastily composed limerick that, I feel,
appropriately reflects that sentiment:
When you stutter, some think you’re a dope
At times, it is so hard to cope
Whether mild or severe
Face up to your fear
If you let yourself go, then there’s hope.
ALAN BADMINGTON (Email: alan@highfieldstile.fsnet.co.uk)
9 SEPTEMBER 2001
* Michael Aspel is presenter of the popular British television programme
‘This is your Life’.
** A pantomime is a kind of play performed (in the UK) at Christmas time
in which, traditionally, the principal female character is played by a man.
‘HOW TO CONQUER YOUR FEARS OF SPEAKING BEFORE PEOPLE’,
by John C Harrison, is available from the author at:
3748 22nd Street, San Francisco, CA 94114 , USA
Telephone: 415-647-4700. Fax: 415-285-4359.
Email: jcharr1234@aol.com
(Cost – 30 US dollars, including airmail and package to the UK)
A diagram of the Stuttering Hexagon is reproduced as an appendix to this
transcript.