I See, You Don't See
Images captured by sex workers in
Newcastle upon Tyne
as part of The GAP Project.
The Cyrenians
Julie
"The reason I took this photo is because the
girls in it are part of a group called GAP. It now
gives me a bit more stability and something to
look forward to and they try to make me think
twice about leaving to new places without
thinking if I would be likely to become homeless
again. They always accept me back after my
runnaway trips".
Rhonda
"This image of the Brunswick Methodist Church that has
been there for a very, very long time has an ancient
history. I felt always very much an affinity with it but in
the last little while when I've had to wander the streets
at night I've come down by that way and it felt loud
and quite intimidating. There have been people, not
just homeless people but also young ones drinking,
smashing bottles, on drugs being aggressive. That is
to me a picture of total vulnerability. Male or female,
whatever age range, it is a good representation of
what homelessness is about."
Kelle
"I took this picture because when we did decide to come
off heroin, when we had our own house, we couldn't
do it ourselves so we got an appointment at a drugs
service. We got put on the methadone on 20ml and it
used to go up daily until it ended up on 120 ml which
would hold us so we didn't need the heroin anymore.
The methadone saved my life because if I didn't have
that I wouldn't have been able to come off it because
we were on that much we wouldn't have been able to
do it ourselves."
Kelle:
"I took this picture because I got into sex work through
heroin. When I was on heroin, I needed money and as
I said before I didn't want to burgle houses or do crime
because I didn't want to go to prison and I didn't want
to hurt like other people and make victims,
undeserving victims, so I got into sex work. This way I
was the only victim. At that time when I was doing it
my life revolved around money and heroin and if you
had emptied my pockets or come to wherever I was,
these were the things that I always had and that was
all around us. Moreover, I put the black rose there
because the black rose, everyone knows, is
associated with death and I think I had a death wish
because I was nearly killing myself and I did end up
very ill but like I say that was the main focus of my life
at the time."
Kim
"This was the first street that I went to when I
came in to Newcastle and did sex work with
one boy but we were in a hurry to leave to go
back to Sunderland and get our heroin. I didn't
know what he was like and then when we went
back the next day, he came into the house and
he just started beating us up like tossing us
across the settee and karate kicking us and
things like that. It was just horrible and my
friend had to grab a knife coz he was not going
to let us out of the house because he wanted
his money back and he wanted sex."
Kim
"This place is important to me because I used to do
business there and I used to do business with this
particular man. Then I got to know him a little bit better
and I started going out with him. He was my boyfriend
and after a while I fell pregnant and I had my little girl.
Two weeks before I had my little girl, the social
services came out and said that I couldn't keep her
because I was still using one bag of heroin and
methadone. So, she had to go and live with my sister
and her husband but they said that I wasn't allowed to
go down and live there. I could only go down for a
couple of hours and that and it just broke my heart."
Kim
"The reason why I wanted the photograph of the
whole street was because every night I used to
walk along there to go in all of the house to do
sex work to get me money for the heroin coz
they all knew me by then. There were about
seven flats in the one house so I would come
out of one room and there used to be someone
standing there and I'd just go into all of the
rooms and then go to the next door and the
next door and the next door."
Rhonda
"The image of a shadow when you are like half
asleep, you can't see properly because you are
quite defensive. Shadows are frightening and
even though there wasn't anybody there when I
lied down, when you are half asleep you think
there is somebody there and you probably think
you are seeing shadows that you aren't actually
seeing. I just think this image captures the way I
felt in my mind".
Rhonda
"The pink bag is quite a symbol because my
friend lent me that lovely bag and you can get
loads of things in and I've carried that bag
round for a very long time. I have all my things
in that I need like the kind of things you would
do at home like my things to get washed with, a
book, a sandwich, a drink, paper work. It makes
me feel safe so that image of that pink bag on
that bench portrays my bag as being my
security. That is like my comfort blanket, like a
child."
“I Will Survive”
Inspiring short stories of women who have
survived
www.shewrites.com
In October 2010
www.shewrites.com
the online community for women writers
asked their members to narrate
in 300 characters or less
a nugget about a woman who has survived
domestic violence.
This is what the women wrote…
“Every inch of my being ripped
apart by the love of my life. Every
part of my soul torn to shreds by
him. He tried to kill me, but I would
not die. He tried to destroy me, but
I would not be lost. I am no longer
a victim, no longer a survivor, but I
am a conqueror of domestic
abuse.”
“The woman you left bruised and
bleeding is gone. In her place I stand. A
testament to the power of survival,
healing, acceptance and love.”
“He stuck the butcher knife to my
throat and forced me to undress then
proceeded to rape me. My younger
brothers and sisters told my parents,
and Mom beat me because the tall,
black, menace blamed me. He was 18
and I was 11. After years and therapy
and writing about it, I passed the story
on.”
“Years of planning. Trying to get it just
right, not hurt him, not lose everything,
not get hurt. But every day I stayed, I
lost something. I finally left. Lost
everything. Now I know I survived I'd
leave sooner. I'd still have had to start
over, but there would have been more
of me to start it.”
“…It has been so long since she has
felt this brave. It is hard to see through
the uncut hair, the bruised lips, the
worn down self to the person she
remembers herself as but the voices
are louder now, " Let's go, come on,
get up. I'm done, please, just leave. We
can't do this anymore. I can't do this
anymore." Okay, she says out loud.
Yes, I am ready. Yes, I am ready to
go.”
“She was my strength and the center
of my universe. She is my mother.
He tried to beat her soul from within
her body, but it refused to leave. Her
soul found a quiet escape to a new
life. In her escape, I found the will to
live again. It was too late for her
sons, but not for me. Thank you.”
“Forged through the fire of blood
and the black purple of a bruised
heart, the woman that once was is
no more. Tempered by undeserved
blows and mitigated grief, I am not
a survivor. I am not a victim. I am
me.”
“…Yes, healing is here, as I
let go of old words, old wounds.
I write the beauty of life, no
longer
needing a testament to pain.”
www.shewrites.com/profiles/blog/iwill-survive-domestic