Stuck on Stickers?…STOP!

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#169
June 3, 2010
Stuck on Stickers?…STOP!
Featuring
Alfie Kohn, Author & Educator
Linda Fritz, Teacher
Amy Lehr, Teacher
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YOUNG CHILDREN
September 2001
Five Reasons to Stop Saying "Good Job!"
By Alfie Kohn
NOTE: An abridged version of this article was published in Parents magazine in May 2000
with the title "Hooked on Praise." For a more detailed look at the issues discussed here -as well as a comprehensive list of citations to relevant research -- please see the books
Punished by Rewards and Unconditional Parenting.
Para leer este artículo en Español, haga clic aquí.
Hang out at a playground, visit a school, or show up at a child’s birthday party, and
there’s one phrase you can count on hearing repeatedly: "Good job!" Even tiny infants
are praised for smacking their hands together ("Good clapping!"). Many of us blurt out
these judgments of our children to the point that it has become almost a verbal tic.
Plenty of books and articles advise us against relying on punishment, from spanking to
forcible isolation ("time out"). Occasionally someone will even ask us to rethink the
practice of bribing children with stickers or food. But you’ll have to look awfully hard
to find a discouraging word about what is euphemistically called positive
reinforcement.
Lest there be any misunderstanding, the point here is not to call into question the
importance of supporting and encouraging children, the need to love them and hug
them and help them feel good about themselves. Praise, however, is a different story
entirely. Here's why.
1. Manipulating children. Suppose you offer a verbal reward to reinforce the
behavior of a two-year-old who eats without spilling, or a five-year-old who cleans up
her art supplies. Who benefits from this? Is it possible that telling kids they’ve done a
good job may have less to do with their emotional needs than with our convenience?
Rheta DeVries, a professor of education at the University of Northern Iowa, refers to
this as "sugar-coated control." Very much like tangible rewards – or, for that matter,
punishments – it’s a way of doing something to children to get them to comply with
our wishes. It may be effective at producing this result (at least for a while), but it’s
very different from working with kids – for example, by engaging them in conversation
about what makes a classroom (or family) function smoothly, or how other people are
affected by what we have done -- or failed to do. The latter approach is not only more
respectful but more likely to help kids become thoughtful people.
The reason praise can work in the short run is that young children are hungry for our
approval. But we have a responsibility not to exploit that dependence for our own
convenience. A "Good job!" to reinforce something that makes our lives a little easier
can be an example of taking advantage of children’s dependence. Kids may also come
to feel manipulated by this, even if they can’t quite explain why.
2. Creating praise junkies. To be sure, not every use of praise is a calculated tactic to
control children’s behavior. Sometimes we compliment kids just because we’re
genuinely pleased by what they’ve done. Even then, however, it’s worth looking more
closely. Rather than bolstering a child’s self-esteem, praise may increase kids’
dependence on us. The more we say, "I like the way you…." or "Good ______ing," the
more kids come to rely on our evaluations, our decisions about what’s good and bad,
rather than learning to form their own judgments. It leads them to measure their worth
in terms of what will lead us to smile and dole out some more approval.
Mary Budd Rowe, a researcher at the University of Florida, discovered that students
who were praised lavishly by their teachers were more tentative in their responses,
more apt to answer in a questioning tone of voice ("Um, seven?"). They tended to back
off from an idea they had proposed as soon as an adult disagreed with them. And they
were less likely to persist with difficult tasks or share their ideas with other students.
In short, "Good job!" doesn’t reassure children; ultimately, it makes them feel less
secure. It may even create a vicious circle such that the more we slather on the praise,
the more kids seem to need it, so we praise them some more. Sadly, some of these kids
will grow into adults who continue to need someone else to pat them on the head and
tell them whether what they did was OK. Surely this is not what we want for our
daughters and sons.
3. Stealing a child’s pleasure. Apart from the issue of dependence, a child deserves to
take delight in her accomplishments, to feel pride in what she’s learned how to do. She
also deserves to decide when to feel that way. Every time we say, "Good job!", though,
we’re telling a child how to feel.
To be sure, there are times when our evaluations are appropriate and our guidance is
necessary -- especially with toddlers and preschoolers. But a constant stream of value
judgments is neither necessary nor useful for children’s development. Unfortunately,
we may not have realized that "Good job!" is just as much an evaluation as "Bad job!"
The most notable feature of a positive judgment isn’t that it’s positive, but that it’s a
judgment. And people, including kids, don’t like being judged.
I cherish the occasions when my daughter manages to do something for the first time,
or does something better than she’s ever done it before. But I try to resist the knee-jerk
tendency to say, "Good job!" because I don’t want to dilute her joy. I want her to share
her pleasure with me, not look to me for a verdict. I want her to exclaim, "I did it!"
(which she often does) instead of asking me uncertainly, "Was that good?"
4. Losing interest. "Good painting!" may get children to keep painting for as long as
we keep watching and praising. But, warns Lilian Katz, one of the country’s leading
we keep watching and praising. But, warns Lilian Katz, one of the country’s leading
authorities on early childhood education, "once attention is withdrawn, many kids
won’t touch the activity again." Indeed, an impressive body of scientific research has
shown that the more we reward people for doing something, the more they tend to lose
interest in whatever they had to do to get the reward. Now the point isn’t to draw, to
read, to think, to create – the point is to get the goody, whether it’s an ice cream, a
sticker, or a "Good job!"
In a troubling study conducted by Joan Grusec at the University of Toronto, young
children who were frequently praised for displays of generosity tended to be slightly
less generous on an everyday basis than other children were. Every time they had
heard "Good sharing!" or "I’m so proud of you for helping," they became a little less
interested in sharing or helping. Those actions came to be seen not as something
valuable in their own right but as something they had to do to get that reaction again
from an adult. Generosity became a means to an end.
Does praise motivate kids? Sure. It motivates kids to get praise. Alas, that’s often at
the expense of commitment to whatever they were doing that prompted the praise.
5. Reducing achievement. As if it weren’t bad enough that "Good job!" can
undermine independence, pleasure, and interest, it can also interfere with how good a
job children actually do. Researchers keep finding that kids who are praised for doing
well at a creative task tend to stumble at the next task – and they don’t do as well as
children who weren’t praised to begin with.
Why does this happen? Partly because the praise creates pressure to "keep up the good
work" that gets in the way of doing so. Partly because their interest in what they’re
doing may have declined. Partly because they become less likely to take risks – a
prerequisite for creativity – once they start thinking about how to keep those positive
comments coming.
More generally, "Good job!" is a remnant of an approach to psychology that reduces
all of human life to behaviors that can be seen and measured. Unfortunately, this
ignores the thoughts, feelings, and values that lie behind behaviors. For example, a
child may share a snack with a friend as a way of attracting praise, or as a way of
making sure the other child has enough to eat. Praise for sharing ignores these different
motives. Worse, it actually promotes the less desirable motive by making children
more likely to fish for praise in the future.
*
Once you start to see praise for what it is – and what it does – these constant little
evaluative eruptions from adults start to produce the same effect as fingernails being
dragged down a blackboard. You begin to root for a child to give his teachers or
parents a taste of their own treacle by turning around to them and saying (in the same
saccharine tone of voice), "Good praising!"
Still, it’s not an easy habit to break. It can seem strange, at least at first, to stop
praising; it can feel as though you’re being chilly or withholding something. But that,
praising; it can feel as though you’re being chilly or withholding something. But that,
it soon becomes clear, suggests that we praise more because we need to say it than
because children need to hear it. Whenever that’s true, it’s time to rethink what we’re
doing.
What kids do need is unconditional support, love with no strings attached. That’s not
just different from praise – it’s the opposite of praise. "Good job!" is conditional. It
means we’re offering attention and acknowledgement and approval for jumping
through our hoops, for doing things that please us.
This point, you’ll notice, is very different from a criticism that some people offer to
the effect that we give kids too much approval, or give it too easily. They recommend
that we become more miserly with our praise and demand that kids "earn" it. But the
real problem isn’t that children expect to be praised for everything they do these days.
It’s that we’re tempted to take shortcuts, to manipulate kids with rewards instead of
explaining and helping them to develop needed skills and good values.
So what’s the alternative? That depends on the situation, but whatever we decide to say
instead has to be offered in the context of genuine affection and love for who kids are
rather than for what they’ve done. When unconditional support is present, "Good job!"
isn’t necessary; when it’s absent, "Good job!" won’t help.
If we’re praising positive actions as a way of discouraging misbehavior, this is unlikely
to be effective for long. Even when it works, we can’t really say the child is now
"behaving himself"; it would be more accurate to say the praise is behaving him. The
alternative is to work with the child, to figure out the reasons he’s acting that way. We
may have to reconsider our own requests rather than just looking for a way to get kids
to obey. (Instead of using "Good job!" to get a four-year-old to sit quietly through a
long class meeting or family dinner, perhaps we should ask whether it’s reasonable to
expect a child to do so.)
We also need to bring kids in on the process of making decisions. If a child is doing
something that disturbs others, then sitting down with her later and asking, "What do
you think we can do to solve this problem?" will likely be more effective than bribes or
threats. It also helps a child learn how to solve problems and teaches that her ideas and
feelings are important. Of course, this process takes time and talent, care and courage.
Tossing off a "Good job!" when the child acts in the way we deem appropriate takes
none of those things, which helps to explain why "doing to" strategies are a lot more
popular than "working with" strategies.
And what can we say when kids just do something impressive? Consider three possible
responses:
* Say nothing. Some people insist a helpful act must be "reinforced" because, secretly
or unconsciously, they believe it was a fluke. If children are basically evil, then they
have to be given an artificial reason for being nice (namely, to get a verbal reward).
But if that cynicism is unfounded – and a lot of research suggests that it is – then
praise may not be necessary.
praise may not be necessary.
* Say what you saw. A simple, evaluation-free statement ("You put your shoes on by
yourself" or even just "You did it") tells your child that you noticed. It also lets her
take pride in what she did. In other cases, a more elaborate description may make
sense. If your child draws a picture, you might provide feedback – not judgment –
about what you noticed: "This mountain is huge!" "Boy, you sure used a lot of purple
today!"
If a child does something caring or generous, you might gently draw his attention to
the effect of his action on the other person: "Look at Abigail’s face! She seems pretty
happy now that you gave her some of your snack." This is completely different from
praise, where the emphasis is on how you feel about her sharing
* Talk less, ask more. Even better than descriptions are questions. Why tell him what
part of his drawing impressed you when you can ask him what he likes best about it?
Asking "What was the hardest part to draw?" or "How did you figure out how to make
the feet the right size?" is likely to nourish his interest in drawing. Saying "Good job!",
as we’ve seen, may have exactly the opposite effect.
This doesn’t mean that all compliments, all thank-you’s, all expressions of delight are
harmful. We need to consider our motives for what we say (a genuine expression of
enthusiasm is better than a desire to manipulate the child’s future behavior) as well as
the actual effects of doing so. Are our reactions helping the child to feel a sense of
control over her life -- or to constantly look to us for approval? Are they helping her to
become more excited about what she’s doing in its own right – or turning it into
something she just wants to get through in order to receive a pat on the head
It’s not a matter of memorizing a new script, but of keeping in mind our long-term
goals for our children and watching for the effects of what we say. The bad news is
that the use of positive reinforcement really isn’t so positive. The good news is that
you don’t have to evaluate in order to encourage.
Copyright © 2001 by Alfie Kohn. This article may be downloaded, reproduced, and distributed without
permission as long as each copy includes this notice along with citation information (i.e., name of the periodical
in which it originally appeared, date of publication, and author's name). Permission must be obtained in order to
reprint this article in a published work or in order to offer it for sale in any form. Please write to the address
indicated on the Contact page at www.alfiekohn.org.
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www.alfiekohn.org -- © Alfie Kohn
Copyright 2001 by Alfie Kohn. Reprinted from Young Children with
the author's permission. For more on this subject, please see the
books Unconditional Parenting and Punished by Rewards or
www.alfiekohn.org.
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Dan Gartrell
“You Really Worked Hard on Your Picture!”
Guiding with Encouragement
FOR AN ASSIGNMENT IN MY CLASS a few years ago, graduate student Randy
Bergstrom wrote a paper on giving encouragement to children. The opening
sections of his paper went like this:
Observation—The children start arriving at kindergarten at about 8:30 a.m., and I greet
them as they come in. They seem very receptive to my greeting, and I watch them disperse
to the different centers in the room. One boy is interested in striking up a conversation with
me about a picture he has colored.
Lamar reaches out and hands me his picture.
Randy: Wow! Looks like you used a lot of green.
Lamar: Well, yeah, frogs are green.
Randy: They are green, aren’t they?
Lamar: Yeah.
Randy: You used green there for your frog and blue over there and brown over there. (Lamar smiles.)
Lamar: Yep. I have a picture on the back too.
Randy: What colors did you use?
Lamar: I used different colors!
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*6+&,4!6+!<)3&#=&!>+6+)!?4&1)('&+:!
&4!4,(+.)(4!@&44)',+6A!A former
Head Start teacher, Dan is the author of The Power of Guidance, A
Guidance Approach for the Encouraging Classroom, and What the
Kids Said Today.
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Randy: I do see different colors! Yellow and pink and black. (Lamar looks at me with a
smile, gleaming with pride.)
Lamar: I would like you to have the picture that I colored.
Randy: Thank you! I will put it on my fridge.
Lamar peers up from his picture and smiles in amazement. He looks so pleased that I
would put his picture up in my home.
Reflection—I was really nervous that I might give Lamar praise instead of encouraging
him to keep on with his good work. I like to praise people, and sometimes I have to be careful not to embarrass them and make them feel uncomfortable.
When teachers begin to use encouragement, they sometimes find it difficult to know just
what to say. Especially when children’s art is prerepresentational, teachers can find themselves at a loss for words. I found myself feeling this way at first, and I tried to stay away
from, “Oh, you are so good at coloring.” I tried to look at Lamar’s picture in a different way
and to pick out things that were unique about it.
The gesture that let me know Lamar felt comfortable with the way the conversation went
was when he gave me his picture to take home. I knew then that he was proud of his work,
and he seemed excited to show me other pictures he had colored.
For years, at least since Dreikurs published Psychology in the Classroom
in 1968, child development theorists have drawn a distinction between
encouragement and praise (sometimes called effective praise and ineffective
praise). Some teachers, grown tired of this talk, may ask, “What difference
!"#$%&'()"'*$+,%-. • Young Children on the Web • May 2007
1
Available from NAEYC
does it make? Praise and encouragement are both positive.” Well, there is a
difference, which we will now discuss—a difference that affects how we guide
children in our classrooms.
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Guiding Children’s
Behavior:
Developmental Discipline
in the Classroom
by Eileen S. Flicker and
Janet Andron Hoffman
Observational techniques and
“developmental discipline” help
educators to individualize guidance practices for children from
birth through elementary school.
The importance of teachers and
families working together to create consistency between home
and school is also emphasized
in this comprehensive book. Discover new tools to deal with problematic behaviors, including tantrums, sleeping difficulties, and
bullying. From Teachers College
Press. Available from NAEYC.
Item: #788
Non-member price: $20
Member price: $20
Order online at www.naeyc.org
or call 800-424-2460
naeyc
What is the worth of a young child’s creation? Short answer: it’s an extension
of the child. What we say about the creation, the child hears us saying about her.
Then, isn’t it OK to give praise like, “I like the good job you did”? Well, in my
view, no. The “I like” sets the teacher in the power position of judging the child’s
work—and also the child (Kostelnik et al. 2006). The child may grow overly
concerned about what the teacher’s judgment will be next time.
Further, when a teacher says “Good job,” he does not explain exactly what he
values in a child’s creation. The child is left wondering what she did that was
“good” this time so that she can repeat it.
A teacher once told each preschooler at a table, “Good job.” Before she could
say this to the last child, he complained, “I know, teacher, ‘Good job.’ You say
that to all the kids.” Teachers often use praise as a shortcut, a quick, positive
phrase that is easy to say, but which some children may not buy. In short, the
child comes out of the experience less sure about his creative abilities, more
dependent on the teacher to make the call, and perhaps at the same time less
trusting in the teacher’s judgment (Leary & MacDonald 2003).
Praise is often public—“I like the way Amber is putting things away.” This
praise singles out individual children in order to coax the group into behaviors
the teacher wants. While some teachers may like this use of praise because
it works, the cost is unrecognized children who feel unworthy of praise and
resentful that the teacher has favorites. To steer clear of these negative group
dynamics, the teacher must either recognize every child or give acknowledgment
to the whole group: “Children, you are working very hard at putting things
away.” Use your public encouragement to build group spirit. Speak privately
with individuals who could use either extra recognition or reminders.
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As Randy reflected in the anecdote, when we move away from praise toward
encouragement, it can be hard to know what to say. A teacher put out white,
blue, and black paper as well as scissors, chalk, cotton balls, and white glue
and then asked the children to make pictures of what they and their family do
outside in the snow. She saw wonderfully varied results. A just-four-year-old
covered his blue paper completely with white chalk. The teacher acknowledged
his work by saying, “You really are using a lot of white chalk on your picture.”
He happily explained that his picture was a “bizzard” and his dad was back
there shoveling, but “you can’t see him!”
Here is the secret to effective encouragement. Pick out details in the child’s
effort, and say something positive about these. The child will then know we
truly care. If there is a story, preconceived or spontaneous, the child will be
likely to share it. If the task is ongoing, the child will be likely to persevere. (One
useful sentence starter is, “You really are . . . ”)
!"#$%&'()"'*$+,%-. • Young Children on the Web • May 2007
2
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So, what does all this have to do with guidance? Guidance begins by building
a relationship with each child—before and beyond conflict interventions. Notice
the effect that Randy’s encouragement had on Lamar. The boy didn’t say much
(although many kids will), but he smiled more than once, shared the picture
on the flip side of the paper, offered the picture as a gift, and was elated when
Randy accepted it. Randy even remarked that Lamar “seemed excited to show
me other pictures that he had colored.” Isn’t this what education should be
about? The positive connection made through encouragement affirms a child’s
efforts, validates the child within the context of the group, and begins to build
a trusting teacher-child relationship. Children who trust us as teachers in happy
times are more likely to trust us when conflicts occur.
Teachers who have really mastered the technique of encouragement use it
even when addressing conflicts. Encouragement begins with acknowledgment
of actions, words, and feelings. “I can see you are upset. It is OK to be upset.
Let’s help you get calm so we can talk about what happened.” Or “You are really
angry, but you used words and didn’t hit. I am proud of you.”
Maybe you are saying, “But those quotes use personal ‘I’ references! You
said earlier teachers aren’t supposed to use them!” Here is a guideline: Use “I”
messages selectively, when you want to reaffirm your relationship with a child
(Kostelnik et al. 2006) and in special circumstances when you need to assert
your authority (Ginott 1972). Years ago, Ginott outlined a describe-express-direct
crisis management technique: “There is a goldfish on the floor. I am concerned
it will die. Please put cups of water in the fishbowl while I scoop up the fish and
put it back.”
The use of “I” statements in this situation increases its emotional intensity.
Still, sometimes we have to address situations firmly. Acknowledging to
the child (and to ourselves) that we are upset can help us move on to
encouragement: “You worked fast, and we saved the fish. Now, let’s talk about
what happened.”
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These videos provide a clear and capable introduction to the use of acknowledgment to build
connections with children.
Educational Productions. 1997. Connecting with every child: Key to successful
discipline. Video. Unit 2 of the Reframing Discipline video series. Two videos, 25 min.
ea. Beaverton, OR: Educational Productions Inc. Online: www.edpro.com.
Devereux Early Childhood Initiative (DECI) and Video Active Productions in
partnership with NAEYC, 2007. Facing the challenge: Working with children who use
challenging behaviors. Video series. Disc one: 65 min; Disc two: 75 min. Villanova,
PA: DECI. Available from NAEYC.
5+)60,1$%,#'",+'2)
Practice, practice, practice. When interacting with children, acknowledge specific details in their
creations and efforts. Affirm their thoughts and feelings—not that they are right or wrong, but that
you recognize that the children think this way or feel that way. The connections you make in these
conversations will tell the child you care. Through trust comes growth, in both you and the child.
!"#$%&'()"'*$+,%-. • Young Children on the Web • May 2007
3
!"#"$"%&"'
Copyright © 2007 by the National Association for the
Education of Young Children. See Permissions and
Reprints online at
www.journal.naeyc.org/about/permissions.asp.
Dreikurs, R. 1968. Psychology in the classroom. New York: Harper & Row.
Ginott, H. 1972. Teacher and child. New York: Avon Books.
Kostelnik, M., A. Whiren, A. Soderman, & K. Gregory. 2006. Guiding children’s social development: Theory to
practice. Clifton Park, NY: Thomson/Delmar Learning.
Leary, M.R., & G. MacDonald. 2003. Individual differences in self-esteem: A review and theoretical integration. In Handbook of self and identity, eds. M. Leary & J.P. Tangney, 401–18. New York: Guilford.
Copyright 2007 by National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC).
Online: http://www.naeyc.org/yc/columns/guidance Reprinted with permission from NAEYC.
!"#$%&'()"'*$+,%-. • Young Children on the Web • May 2007
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STAR NET
Regions I & III
presents Apples Video Magazine
#169
STARNET is pleased to offer this program as part of the
Apples Video Magazine series. Apples Video Magazine is
an inservice training program designed specifically around
early childhood issues for practitioners, parents, and families. For viewing options, visit our website www.starnet.org
To purchase Apples Video Magazines, contact:
Letha Clark at (800) 227-7537 ext 251 or visit “Products” on
our website.
Stuck on Stickers?…STOP!
Features:
Alfie Kohn, Author & Educator
Linda Fritz, Teacher
Amy Lehr, Teacher
During this Apples Video Magazine we will investigate the use of praise and rewards on children’s
behavior. What benefit do children realize when they receive stickers and candy for good behavior?
Research tells us there is no benefit and, in reality, these practices have the opposite effect. When
they receive constant praise, children lack the opportunity to develop intrinsic motivation. In
addition, they have low self-esteem and are not risk-takers. Join us as we discuss this lively topic
with educators in the field and examine what is really behind OUR motivation to use praise and
rewards.
STARNET Regions I & III
Western Illinois University • Horrabin Hall 32 • Macomb, IL 61455
800/227-7537 • 309/298-1634 • Fax 309/298-2305
www.starnet.org
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