YOUR PERSONAL UNI WINGMAN
ISSUE 3, 2014
QUT Guild
Wingman
Beauty
on a
Budget
Dan
v Nad
This
Battle of
Semester
the Bands
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There are 20,000 reasons why
we value your feedback!
Contents
Because you took the time
to give your feedback
in 2013, QUT set a target
to donate $20,000 to
students in need.
We’re listening... Everyone from the
Vice-Chancellor to your tutors are listening
to what you have to say. So add your voice
to the 147,784 responses we’ve received
in the past 18 months to the Pulse, Insight,
Unit exit and Tailored teacher surveys.
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What’s to love in
Brisbane? Culture,
Craft Beers and
Coffee.
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20
Customer Service
Sins in your hellish
customer service
job.
Highlights from
the Semester one
QUT Social Sport
Competition.
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So far, a total of $14,778 (as at July 2014) has been donated because
of your valuable survey feedback.
, Insight
, Unit exit
Every time you submit a Pulse
or Tailored teacher
survey QUT makes a 10 cent donation
on your behalf to the Student Learning Potential Fund or Student
Food Bank.
2
QUT Guild and the
A21 Campaign
raise money with
Cocktails.
16
Let Sophie take you
on her adventure
to Vietnam and
Cambodia
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On the hunt to stop
a feral pest with
Farmer Biggie Bob.
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A Letter from your
Editors
It
is hard to believe that eight months of 2014 have
passed already and Semester two is now in full swing.
Hopefully, you have printed off your study guides by
now, but if you haven’t, throwing around a few phrases
that refer to your ‘friendship with the environment’ should
keep your parents happy for another month at least.
If you are a new student this semester, especially those
who have joined us from the far reaches of the world,
welcome to QUT. As we always say, university is about
more than just lectures and libraries, so expect that cool
things are also happening outside the classroom. Ask
any student who studied here last semester and they will
surely gush with excitement at the opportunity to recount
the lewse times we had together, well those that they
remember anyway.
From the World’s Largest Toga Party (which surpassed
the Riverstage capacity), to Beach Party, State of Origin
nights, Traffic Light Party, the A21 Charity Cocktail Night
and numerous Club pub crawls and launch events in
between, the QUT Guild is committed to creating the
ultimate lifestyle for those who enjoy a little party with their
studies. If anything, it is comforting to know that QUTies
will never let assessment or exams interrupt a good time.
If being outdoors is more your thing, however, look no
further the QUT Social Sport Competition which is running
again in Semester two. Over 1400 students joined teams
competing in sports such as soccer, touch, volleyball,
dodgeball and badminton, before finishing the season
with an epic celebration of both the winners and wooden
spooners.
This semester, get keen for Oktoberfest, Sex Week, Ball
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Pit Party, Laser Tag on Campus, International Ball, more
Club events and QUT’s very own Battle of the Bands –
already rumoured to be the most exciting new music
event Australia has never seen. If you’re spending a lot
of time on compus don’t forget about the new lockers and
microwaves which have been installed at both campuses;
to find out where, check out the QUT Guild Facebook
page.
In this edition of UNIVERSE Magazine, we are also
extremely proud to introduce you to some fantastic new
contributors and hope you enjoy the diverse musings of
your fellow classmates. Forget Alain De Botton, this edition
will rediscover your love for Brisbane, remind you of that
stressful first semester and readorn your beauty case
with products that won’t break the bank. Find yourself
and your friends in the in the QUT Guild social pages,
join the campaign against nightmare retail customers and
let Farmer Biggie Bob bring more salt to your earth in his
Farmers Update from Chinchilla.
Having spent the entire winter break clicking pens
and jabbing keys to bring this third edition to you, we
cannot wait to assume our regular roles and spend
hours of class time doing what students actually do
best – procrastinating. When we are not writing with our
student contributors or attending those law tutorials that
unfortunately carry participation marks, you will definitely
find us at the Botanic Bar and we would encourage you
to stop and say hi. Until our next beverage together,
however, we wish you the best of luck in your studies and
hope that this semester is as EPIC as the last.
Rory and Daniel
A Message from your President,
Secretary and Treasurer
Is it just us, or has this year gone faster than a rat up a drainpipe? Luckily, we are still in that calm before the assessment
storm hits hard, and it’s only really a couple of months until we all go on holidays for three months. Anyone that has
been to uni before will know that juggling your social life and maintaining good grades is a bit like being a bull in a china
shop. So thank goodness for holidays and the opportunities they bring; whether it’s wetting a line or strapping on the
feedbag, we all need time to recover from the events of the year.
And what an epic year it has been at the Guild so far. Our campus culture, sport and advocacy are certainly stronger
than ever while we have now affiliated over 120 clubs & societies and more than doubled their funding. We think is a
pretty big deal considering that when we took office there were less than 40 clubs, and most of them were inactive. We
are now also running a social sport competition with 9 sports and over 1400 participants, despite starting out with just
two poorly attended sports when our team took office in 2012.
In fact, the year has been going vertical with the World’s Largest Toga Party, Clubs Conference, Traffic Light Party,
Beach Party, Charity Cocktail Night, our Social Sport Competition, a win at Northern University Games, exam support
stalls at all 3 campuses and a heap of club events to keep us on our toes last semester. It is time to take a breath,
however, and realise that there hasn’t been a fat lady singing yet, so get keen for more to come in semester two.
Particularly exciting is the lockers at both KG and GP campuses which the Guild has newly installed. We understand
how much students need a safe place to store belongings while out drinking, and we thought, “why not add a power
point so they can charge their phones?” For just $1 you can have a locker for 24 hours and charge your phone or laptop
safely while you’re enjoying a jug at the Botanic Bar.
We also know that uni isn’t always fun and games and you can be assured that our commitment to student advocacy
is at an all time high thanks to Shane Snow and our dedicated Student Rights VPs. From appeals against exclusions to
deferred exam applications, your personal uni wingman has you covered.
Unfortunately, the State Government introduced a new Tertiary Transport Concession Card (TTCC), which all students
need to carry, along with their concession Go Card and student ID to be eligible for the 50% fare discount. The problem
is that many students have applied for the card, and been approved, but have not actually been sent their card. If this
has happened to you, and you don’t feel like dumping Translink for Uber, please email president@qutguild.com and we
will sort it out for you. Your Guild is also actively campaigning against the unfair Student Services and Amenities Fee,
and the proposed 1am lockout and 3am nightlife curfew.
It has been a busy year so far, and here’s to an epic Semester two!
Courtney, James and Peter
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2014 GUILD EXECUTIVE
Semester one for QUT Sport was epic and hectic. We have
been absolutely run off our feet expanding social sport
and increasing sports club funding, bringing you parties
and organising our new fitness classes for Semester two.
Leading into Semester two, we have delivered:
• More teams to every single social sport competition.
• FOUR new social sports – Badminton, Table Tennis,
Six-a-side Cricket and Kick It Touch.
• A massive Sports Awards Night with thousands of
reasons to party, KFC and Pizza
• Registration included a QUT Sport t-shirt, sunnies
and drinks.
Also look out for our limited edition QUT Sport t-shirt,
fitness boot camp and nutrition updates and recipes.
SPORT
CAMPUS CULTURE
It has been a cracker of a year so far with the World’s
Largest Toga Party, Beach Party, Club Pub Crawls and
Launches; if you remember it, you probably didn’t drink
nearly enough.
Us lads have had a blast partying with you across
Semester one and would like to thank-you for having a
good time too, especially when we casually overfilled
Riverstage capacity at the best Toga Party in the history
of the universe.
We are looking to do it all again in Semester two with some
epicly lewse events. Grab your lederhosen and prepare
to immerse yourself in German dranking culture during
September, when we bring back our annual Oktoberfest
event. You should also get keen for not one, but three new
events, with Laser Tag on campus, International Ball, and
Battle of the Bands. Come along, meet some new dranking
buddies and get ready for an awesome Semester two!
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It has been a fabulous year here in the Gender and Sexuality
portfolio. We kicked off Semester one with a bang, hosting
our annual Cocktail Charity Night which broke our own
fundraising record and saw $2671 donated to the A21
Campaign. A21 is an organisation that works to eradicate
human trafficking, slavery and sexual exploitation through
their commitment to prevention, protection, prosecution
and partnerships.
This semester we will bring sex out of the closet, with a
week of free condoms for all and tickets to Sexpo Brisbane.
There will also be a Battle of the Sexes Competition and
a mini Mardi-Gras, which we have renamed to MartinGras in honour of our fabulous G&S VP (gentlemen, he’s
single!). Stay safe and party hard QUT!
G&S
STUDENT RIGHTS
When things don’t quite go according to plan, your
personal uni WINGMAN will be there to help you out.
Whether its complaints against QUT, academic issues
or general difficulties on campus, as your Student Rights
VP’s we are dedicated to supporting you throughout the
semester. Just pick up the phone and call 1800 WINGMAN
or our 24 hour number 0421 486 937.
It was great to know so many of you got to your exams with
stationary from our Exam Support Stall and don’t forget
that Epic Notes will help you get through the semester
without any study at all.
As it is tax time once again, make sure you take advantage
of the QUT Guild tax help service, which free to all QUT
students. Sessions have already commenced and will run
until the end of semester. To book a session on Tuesday,
Wednesday or Friday, contact our reception on 3138
1666.
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corner store
the student rights
hub
QUT Guild can help you navigate
university procedures and get you
through your degree with as little
stress as possible. Need help
with special consideration, review
of grades, exclusion appeals
or combating harassment and
discrimination? We can answer
your university questions and get
things sorted out. Drop us a line
at wingman@qutguild.com,
give us a call on 1800
WINGMAN, or find
us at Kelvin Grove
and Gardens Point
Campuses. You
can also contact
us 24 hours a day,
7 days a weeks
with any urgent
matters on 0421 486
937.
All the snacks you could ever want
to get you through those late night
study sessions can be found at
the QUT Guild Corner Store which
is located on Level 4, Y Block, at
the Gardens Point Campus. The
Corner Store also stocks QUT
merchandise, lab coats and safety
glasses, calculators, Go Cards,
and mobile phone credit, as well
as the biggest collection of bulk
lollies this side of obesity. Happy
Hour happens every day from
2-3pm so come visit us to receive
20% off bulk lollies.
the guild Bbars
The Botanic Bar and The Grove
can be found at Gardens Point
and Kelvin Grove Campuses
respectively. They are
your QUT equivalent
of Gossip Girl’s
‘The Met Steps’
but
with
the
best
student friendly prices
Brisbane has ever seen. Don’t
despair under 18s, we’ve
got $1 schooners of
soft drink for you
during
O-Week
and
Welcome
Week - so don’t be
shy. University isn’t just
about lectures and libraries so
you’ll also find all the best events
here including Toga Pre-Party,
Beach Party and TGIF Ball Pit
Party; as well as our sneaky $4
deals. Get Keen!
the qut guild is your personal uni wingman
providing the services, support and events
that will help you through your studies
and connect you with the good times on
campus.
second hand book shop
Save your pennies for the finer things in life (like enjoying those
kg news and post ‘student-friendly’ deals at the Botanic Bar) and buy your prescribed
Everything you need in one
place – from milk, magazines
and stationary to Go Cards and
cheaper lunch options, as well
as all your favourite bulk lollies
with the Happy Hour between 1011am every day. The newsagency
is also an Australia Post Office
and provides the full range of post
services including B-Pay, money
orders and overseas mailing.
Avoid the usually long postal lines
and visit us at Level 4, C Block,
Kelvin Grove Campus.
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textbooks at the QUT Guild Second Hand Bookshop. Selling a wide
range of textbooks for as little as $2 and also buying any current edition
textbook from any University - you can save a lot of money. Send us an
email at bookshop@qutguild.com to put your books aside early, or visit
us at G Block, Room 201, Gardens Point Campus.
DID
YOU KNOW?
The QUT Guild has installed lockers
on both GP and KG
Campuses. You will find them near D Block and the amphitheatre
respectively and they cost $1 for 24 hours. Each locker also has
its own powerpoint so you can now securely charge all of your
devices.
student
issues.
The QUT Guild believe students tasked with personal responsibility should be afforded individual liberty.
The recent by-election in Stafford saw a successful new assault on young
people. The grand orchestrator behind tightening the curfew on pubs and
increasing the drinking age to 21 has now been elected to parliament.
Anthony Lynham is part of the fringe left-wing authoritarians that want to
stamp down hard on all young people.
Since the vast amount of violence occurs before Lynham’s proposed
3am lockout, why should we be bared entry to pubs at midnight and
sent out onto the streets at 3am when it is the more dangerous place
to be? Would it not be more appropriate to allow patrons to remain in the
clubs where there are large amounts of supervision and security?
Students must take a stand and tell these politicians to drop what will be
an unfair and ineffective policy. If Labor were elected tomorrow, QUT would
become a very dry place. Goodbye Botanic Bar.
Earlier this year the State Government introduced a new Tertiary Transport
Concession Card (TTCC), which needs to be carried at all times, in addition
to your concession Go Card and student ID, to be eligible for the 50% fare
discount.
Tertiary Transport
Concession Card
Many students correctly applied for their TTCC but have still not
received their card and face fines of $227 if they are caught by
Translink inspectors. The QUT Guild has been actively working with
the Transport Minister’s team to ensure that applications are dealt with
properly and efficiently.
If you are experiencing ongoing issues with your TTCC or have any
questions about the new process, please email your name and student
number to president@qutguild.com and the QUT Guild will be happy to
assist you.
Warning: If you love paying
taxes, you will hate this article. As
you may not be aware, there has
been some division in the current
Coalition Government over their position on the SSAF. The Liberals seem to
hate it and the Nationals seem to want it; causing the issue to take a back
seat in both the media and their political agenda.
As students, we are all used to this idea of taking a back seat to other less
important issues. Like all students, we also hate paying taxes as much
as we hate studying for exams, so your Guild representatives have
tracked down National Party MPs to chat with them about the issue.
Not only were most of the Nationals horrified by the stories we had to tell of
outrageous spending and corruption from the days of Compulsory Student
Unionism (The SSAF before it was called the SSAF), but the SSAF has
now been brought back onto their radar by Senator McGrath, who wishes
to lodge a Private Members Bill that will hopefully bring about its demise.
Next stop – the swing senators and Clive Palmer (wish us luck; Jacqui
Lambie probably won’t like this small package of reform).
9
t
he Perfect
Bathroom
By Harrison Orchard
As a student about to
commence the last semester
of his fourth and final year at
university, I feel I have many
insights to share, especially
compared to those who are
still finding their way around
campus.
A lot of these are fairly intuitive,
like the best time to study in
the library, or recognising the
calls of coffee time. Yet, with
time and a desperate need,
comes a plethora of extra
tips and tricks. For example, I
know the best place to park,
where to get the best meal on
a cheap budget and even the
rooms you can enter without
card access (read: you’re
really not allowed in). In fact,
my years of strolling around
between classes with no
sense of urgency has left me
with a list of great locations
that I consider fairly hidden.
The most personal and
important of these being great
bathrooms.
No other function is ignored as
much as needing to use the
bathroom. It is inconvenient
at the best of times and sheer
torture at the worst. But it’s an
inevitable evil to be faced by
everyone on the enrolment
list. The only way to come to
terms with what you have to
do is find where to go and
then lessen the woes.
While this may be a gross
topic to some, it is a totally
important topic for others.
Bathrooms mean a lot more
than simply a place to use
a toilet. For the more selfconscious of us, they provide
a mirror to ensure we look
good between tutorials. For
the more tech-inclined, they
are usually installed with a
Dyson Airblade; because
y’know, if something isn’t
broken, it doesn’t mean you
can’t make it a whole lot better.
I have been at QUT for four
years now and the mission of
finding the perfect bathroom
has been a consistent feature
of my university education.
There
was
a
certain
immediacy and forcedness to
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my search at first. However,
as my subjects became more
advanced and I was sent to
the more obscure nooks of
campus, my search gained
some footing.
Throughout the search, there
have been a few concepts
that have swayed the way I
find bathrooms worth using.
One of the more applicable is:
the higher the floor, the nicer
the bathroom. It seems that in
most blocks, all the important
stuff happens above ground,
and therefore those important
people receive world-class
facilities. This is particularly
evident in Z-block at Gardens
Point. If you drop a floor, you
drop a standard. Plus why
wouldn’t you want to ascend
to where all the heads of
faculties do their business?
But not all buildings subscribe
to this rule; I have seen some
terrifying things in the higher
floors of S-block. But location
aside, nothing can trump the
future furnishings of P-block.
Yet, across the city at Kelvin
Grove, the standard appears
to be generally higher across
all facilities. I do need to say
this with some discretion
though; it’s likely due to
maze-like layout of many
of the buildings. Someone
definitely took the KG-creative
approach when designing
bathrooms. When the urge
comes, Z2-block is worth a
visit, being fairly clean and
expansive underfoot. It also
gives a ‘hardly-used’ effect,
with little chance of someone
spoiling the serenity. I can
also tell you that the Library
contains an elusive toilet stall
complete with window and full
city-views. If you can find this
one, you deserve it.
I know that I will miss QUT
after graduation. There’s a
certain anthropological charm
about the way that so many
different people exist together.
I feel there’s still so much
more I haven’t yet done. But
at least I can say I’ve shared
my wisdom on where best to
go in that time of need.
livin’ Llarge in
brisbane
By Meredith
McLean
Earlier in March Alain De Botton felt the cold shoulder of
controversy after messing with the wrong city. The UKbased philosopher, while passing through our town,
declared Brisbane a terrible demonstration of chaotic
ugliness created by urban developers with no reins
holding them back. Understandably, no Brisbanite took
kindly to this comment.
Having spent most of my adolescence in Nowheresville,
Brisbane is a gem I get to wander through every day. I’m
sure many of you feel the same. De Botton went on to say
beauty is in the eye of the beholder and that there is so
much subjective criteria to assessing beauty. But for me,
this isn’t a Pass or Fail. P’s get degrees, 4’s open doors
but Brisbane is forever <3
I’m not just talking about the waterfront of Brisbane that
De Botton so brazenly criticized. Brisbane is like any
other city a person can love – you have to take time to
see it all. I’ve seen couples fall in love on golf courses.
I’ve seen boats lazily pass by like old friends tipping their
hats in the streets. I’ve watched giant posters get stripped
off leaving a naked face on the QPAC building. And that
same building always eagerly awaiting a new sheet to
go up, promising dazzling shows and culture you simply
can’t see elsewhere.
Brisbane for me will always be culture, craft beers and
coffee. Brisbane is the place where I learned the phrases
“coffee hunting” and “cider brain”. It is true that on an
evening out in Brisbane I’ve been called whore, slut, skank,
and all sorts of combinations of insults we’re not allowed
to print. But I love Brisbane anyway. I’ve had a homeless
man compliment my hat and a drunk dreadlocked man
throw me onto a dancing crowd as if I were floating in the
ocean. I’ve met a lady who could draw my face perfectly
in a latte and a lost child who played with me in the park on
a sunny afternoon until her mother returned and thanked
me with ice-cream.
But these everyday experiences aren’t the only things
Brisbane rewards its residents. The Brisbane Festival
is coming up and I can’t stop telling everyone about it.
Besides the usual suspects; Sunsuper Riverfire, Brisbane
Airport Lightgarden and The Telstra Spiegeltent Garden
Bar for a bevvie after the show there is going to be a extra
spectacular line-up this year.
QPAC will be hosting the Australian debut of Philip Glass’
Opera “The Perfect American”, telling the tale of Walt
Disney’s final years. On that note of U.S relations, The
American Ballet will also be greeting our city with its first
and only visit to the country. Exxopolis will be coming to
Brisbane as well. This monumental and interactive walk-in
inflatable sculpture, which comes to nearly 1000m², has
astounded audiences around the world. Imagine Gold
Coast’s Infinity but less trashy.
QUT will again be teaming up with Theatre Republic to
support and promote our student theatre culture! At QUT’s
very own, and much beloved La Boite Theatre, we will
be treated to an array of productions – some crazy, some
passionate and all of it absolutely brilliant.
Brisbane festival isn’t until September though. So until
then here are some of my favourite haunts at the moment
for any avid Brisbanite.
Superwhatnot is tucked away on Burnett Lane in the CBD.
Go for the beers, go for the music or go because that’s
where your friends will be – whatever you do don’t leave
until you’ve had a good gulp of their tasty craft beers.
If you are looking for a daytime affair to fill your hours
instead of that really boring lecture Scout is just a 15
minute stroll from QUT’s Kelvin Grove campus. They offer
great coffee, tasty treats and some of the friendliest table
service I’ve witnessed for a laidback café. I’m writing this
in Scout right now, and I will definitely be returning.
Habitat is the newest joint at West End. These guys are
a bit more schmick than your usual joint so prepare for
pricey dishes and craft beers. However, the food is so onpoint, the service makes you feel like you’ve made a new
friend and the coffee is so undeniably satisfying that those
extra dollars are well spent.
Brisbane is a place that keeps surprising and continually
keeps innovating cultural, cuisine and beverage-based
experiences which is really what we’re all about. It certainly
continues to inspire me. If you love your Brisbane give it
some love at the festival or just look up at the buildings
once and a while. And study once and a while too I
suppose. I guess all I can say is Alain can shove that one
up his de Botton.
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By Amelia Coleman
... by Carissa Kemp
You approached us while we were at the bar immediately diverting all of your
attention to her. She turned around to me widening her eyes; I knew that meant
she was interested. I sat next to the both of you for over an hour, listening to
her giggle and you flirt. She asked me to go to the bathroom with her where
she told me to leave the two of you for the night. We headed back to our seats
where she continued to touch your knee to which you replied with suggestive
remarks. I saw you exchange phone numbers as you put your arm around her
to head off. But she stumbles and falls onto the ground, you’re eagerly there to
pick her up. I pushed you off her and guided her out to my car.
I’m now sitting in the Mater Hospital as she is connected to cords and
machines, taking one breath at a time. Her body looks so fragile, lifeless. So
I am sending this to you in the hope you remember exactly who we were. It is
the bill for numerous blood tests and a stomach pump. You pay the bill and
apologise for spiking her drink or I report you to the Police, your decision.
Garage Sale
It’s 1pm; surely people turn up to a garage sale on time. Our roller door is wide
open and the sun is blistering down. I stand in a corner watching car after car
drive by. I feel numb. Finally some couples and families turn up, talking softly
and walking slowly. My eyes were fixated on one woman, picking up an item,
and putting it back down, only to pick up another and hesitate. She grabs a
handful of the pink size 0000 onesies and makes her way over to me. I snap
out of my dreamy state and give her a warm smile. She refers to her pile and
asks me if they had been worn. “No”, I say, “everything is brand new and has
never been worn.”
Throughout the afternoon, I watch family after family walk around. Looking at
the bassinet, diaper covers, shoes, beanies and clothes. All I want is for the
day to be over and yet time is ticking past so slow. Each dollar that is given to
me makes my heart sink just that little bit more; knowing that they are taking
what should have been mine. I close the roller door just as the sun is setting
and place myself in the middle of the room. $372 is what she was worth.
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1. A person of a specified kind with whom one has to deal.
“I’m pretty sure natural selection should have weeded you out by now…”
I thought so…
I see you judge me when you walk past... But you must know that we were
wonderful together. She would stroke my head at night and tell me that
everything was going to be okay. Her eyes, they always lit up when she was
around our family. To this day I still remember catching that first glimpse of her
as she turned the corner and walked down the isle. She was my soul mate;
like two roads intersecting each other and sharing a united space in the world.
We shared that space together for 42 years until she passed away from breast
cancer. She didn’t want me to sell the house, but I knew that she deserved all
I could give her. We lost everything we had, and it still wasn’t enough.
Attached
noun
Raise your hand if you currently work
in some sort of hellish customer
service job.
Albert and Mary
Now I sit here on the street, with only a blanket and the stars to keep me
company. Every day at 2:30pm I hear your black boots stomp across my floor.
Some days you’re carrying a coffee, others, a notebook. It’s been months, and
not once have you ever looked down to acknowledge my presence. Much like
my wife, you turned a corner that leads you to where I am today. For even if our
roads cross momentarily, we share a united space in the world. All I ask is if
your road crosses mine, you smile and consider donating anything you have.
You will find me on the corner of Albert and Mary Street.
customer
When working in customer service
(whether it’s only for a short time or
throughout your entire university
experience), there will come a time
when you find yourself thinking, “I
don’t get paid nearly enough for this
crap!”
I Was Wearing
The day I met you I was wearing a
grey singlet with light denim jeans.
You approached me and introduced
yourself with a radiant smile. You paid
for my coffee and said you would like
to see me again.
The day we had our first date I was
wearing a long black dress with a
white blazer. We shared a pizza and
your eyes never left mine. You told me
about your family and said you would
like to see me again.
The day we had our first kiss I was
wearing a blue singlet with tights and
pink joggers. We walked to the top of
the mountain and your hands pulled
me in close. You kissed me and said
you would like to see me again.
The day we went to the beach I
was wearing a red bikini with black
sunglasses. We tackled each other in
the waves and lay our towels next to
one another. You rubbed sunscreen
on my back and said you would like
to see me again.
The day we had sex I was wearing
nothing. You turned off the lights and
we got under my covers. You left
before I woke up and you texted me
saying, “It was good to see you.”
You must treasure the clothes I wear,
because, only when I was wearing
clothes did you respect me. After
they were left in a lifeless pile on my
bedroom floor I never saw you again.
Instead of a human being, you are
looking for things hanging on a shop
coat hanger.
In fact, customer service makes
assholes of us all and I stand by the
opinion we were driven to this point
by countless inconsiderate beings of
hell. That’s right, I am talking about
any customer who manages to get
under your skin from that very first
moment. They are the most painful,
most frustrating, most enraging of
all the human race—The Super Shit
Customers.
Having conducted vast research
(myself, friends, partners of friends,
colleagues, me again), I have
discovered that there are more than
a few customer behaviours that send
you absolutely crazy while working.
Now don’t get me wrong, there
are times when customers can be
absolutely lovely, however; there
are so many more times where
the customer is just flat out, down
right, unequivocally, unreasonably,
unbelievably incorrect. When you
have to fake a stupid smile and say
something like, “I am very sorry that
you feel that way (read: you are a
douchebag)”, and practically spend
the rest of the transaction kissing ass.
In support of my fellow customer
service assistants, I have compiled
a list of Customer Service Sins. I
wish their actioning caused horrible
shoppers to burst into flames, but in
the meantime, print it out, stick it up at
work and play ‘Bitchy Bingo’. You are
not alone my fellow, angry, underpaid
and unfairly unable to slap horrible
people, customer service liaisons.
WE WILL NOT BE SILENCED!!!
CUSTOMER SERVICE SINS
• Customer answers the phone mid transaction. If no one died, then you’re just an asshole.
• Massive line of people waiting and then the Baroness McBarge cuts in: “Oh I just have a question”. Well
that’s nice, I have a lawnmower. Oh I thought we were just pointing out stuff that was irrelevant. My bad.
• Customer tries to tell you how to do your job, when they clearly have no idea. Do you want my name
badge? Here you go, run the shop. BYE BYE BITCH.
• Customer addresses you with any of the following: clicking, whistling, grunting, barking the request
rather than saying hello, or the word “Oi”. Nope not serving you. NOPE.
• Customer wants you to do something blatantly against company policy; “but that other employee said
you could do it last time I was here”. Well then both you and that other employee are twats, aren’t you?
• “I practically pay your wage, that’s how often I come here.” But you don’t pay my wage do you? So sod
off!
• Bra money. Nothing in that is as pretty as your purse… so don’t keep your cash there!
• “I think I have a loyalty card, what does it look like again?” It looks like you’re about to waste a whole
bunch of my time.
• Customer is rude when you have no idea what product they are rambling on about indecisively. “You
know the one? You had it out the front, it’s new, it was sort of a blackish colour with writing on it… YOU
KNOW?!” No I do not know, and clearly neither do you—come back with some more useful information,
you idiot.
• Customer stands in line for five minutes but when they get to the counter they still have no idea. JUST
SORT YOUR SHIT OUT. #srsly
• Customer who puts the money on the counter instead of your outstretched hand. Jerk.
• Customer who doesn’t read the fairly reasonable fine print of a deal and totally loses their mind about
you supposedly ‘ripping them off’. Sir, it also says you should jump up your own ass… just thought I’d
point that out too…
• “Would you like a receipt/bag?”
“No.”
“Enjoy the rest of your—”
“Umm, can I have a bag?”
• Customer who tells you how much change you will be giving them. Oh thank you so much, I had forgotten
how to do basic math until just then.
• Customer who says it’s cheaper elsewhere. Bloody go elsewhere then. Please and thankyou.
• Customers that try bad jokes. “Is that cheque or savings?” “You mean slavings?” HARDY HARRRR HAR.
• Customers who don’t acknowledge anything you say… I SAID HOW ARE YOU!!!!
• Customers that are condescending. Just bugger off.
• Finally, customers who treat you like a robot rather than a human being... No words, just stop being so
douchy… thanks.
13
4
2+
2=
2=
4
Libra
Scorpio
Everything the light touches is your kingdom.
No power in the ‘verse can stop you. Even the
smallest person can change the course of the
future. The future’s not set. There’s no fate
but what we make for ourselves. The power
is yours!*
*This inspirational paragraph is fully original,
with any similarities to quotes from highly
regarded sci-fi films/animated movies/
television series being purely coincidental.
You will be forced to deal with another
person in an uncomfortable situation. This
may be interacting with others on a major
assignment, or being stuck next to an
odorous man on the bus. But by positively
contributing (whether in sharing the work load
in, or offering the stanky man your deodorant
and/or wet wipes, respectively) both parties
will leave feeling fulfilled and rewarded.
Sagittarius
Capricorn
It’s time for a healthy new start. Self-restraint
and smart decisions are key. That means no
more two minute noodles, and no more Red
Bull. Now if you’ll excuse me, my Mac ‘n’
Cheese is almost done, and I spy one can of V
left in the fridge to wash it down!
More like Crapricorn! This is not going to be
a good few months for you. Your love and
career prospects are pretty dire, and you’re
not exactly abuzz with creativity either. Sorry
dude, I wish I had better news. But I made a
pretty good play on words there, so the good
news is my creativity is in fine form!
Let the world see your inner self. Unless your
inner self is boring. In that case, let the world
see the self you’ve perfected after studying
interesting people.
You are about to experience love. True,
unconditional love. It will enter your world,
like a sudden burst of all-encompassing
sunshine, changing you forever.*
*Just to be clear, when I said ‘love’, I meant
‘a tapeworm infection’. I hope that clarifies
things.
Stop being so obstinate, and let others have
a say. You’re becoming really bull-headed.
April 20 - May 20
Gemini
Cancer
Let your inner love flow forth, like what happens
when you lacerate a pus-filled wound.
Scientists have found a way to burst cancer
cells in lab rats using nano-bubbles! Sucked
in, cancer!
4
The paper-lined bed always cracked
beneath my body. Once comfortable,
I’d place my wide brim school hat
over my face and daydream about
afternoon tea. Maybe mum would
But my failure was in the timing. When
I broke the news there was still a good
twenty minutes left before the bell. I
didn’t know how to leave the situation.
It was awkward and I panicked. I saw
a teacher from the corner of my eye
coming past and took it. I stumbled
X-Y=?
Thankfully, no one questioned me. I
had always been clumsy, even more
so in my chunky black Clarks. As
I limped away, trying to remember
which ankle was supposed to be
sprained, I remembered thanking
God for sick bay. It was my great
escape.
X-Y
The days of sick bay, however, are
long gone. There is nothing like that
in adulthood, yet there are plenty of
uncomfortable situations ahead.
Instead, you have to do things, stick
things out and deal with situations
you’d rather not.
No longer can we fall asleep in the
back seat of the car and let someone
else drive. We are behind the wheel
and we must decide which direction
to take. Likewise, if you don’t go
grocery shopping, you won’t eat, and
if you don’t wash your clothes, you’ll
be turning your underwear inside out.
On the other hand, you can now drive
where ever and whenever you want.
And you may have to do the grocery
shopping, but there is also no one to
tell you off for eating an entire Sara
Lee Cheese Cake for dinner. So I
guess, when you put it that way,
adulthood is actually pretty, well, sick.
C
Taurus
Usually, the protocol for year eight
break ups was getting your second
best friend to break the news and then
gasp and gossip about the drama
through whispers and notes for the
remainder of the day. You could also
never speak to said boy again. These
were the rules. But I felt wrong making
someone else do it and I also only
had the one best friend; so I planned
to tell him at lunchtime, and I did.
C
Aries
May 21 - June 20
14
Feb 19 - March 20
Once my ailment caught the teacher’s
attention, with a meek apologetic
expression, I was in.
We had been dating for seven and
a half days, so it was pretty much a
long-term relationship. I had decided,
with counsel from my mum, that I was
just not ready to have a boyfriend.
Having made my decision, all that
was left to do was tell the boy.
on the edge of the footpath almost
falling over and screamed like the
high school girl I was. Clumsy ol’
me. The teacher quickly came to my
rescue.
AB
Don’t make any big decisions today. Wait
until the planets align and your aura is recentred, or at least until that LSD wears off.
Depending on when your sense
of flight kicked in, cue show time.
Giving the performance of your life
you would trudge into class, your
eyes heavy like the textbooks under
your arm. Having always been a little
iron deficient I never had a problem
looking pale and this helped to
convince my audience.
X-Y=?
Like sickies from work, however, it
was important that you didn’t abuse or
overuse the sick bay. My ultimate sick
bay use was avoiding an extremely
awkward social situation: the year
eight break up.
AB
Aquarius
March 21 - April 19
It was, however, important to start the
groundwork early if you wanted out.
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Pisces
Jan 20 - Feb 18
Actually, I cannot recall a time I went
there feeling genuinely sick - only
sick of being at school.
2=
Nov 22 - Dec 21
Essentially the train of thought went a
little like this, “I am not really feeling
this day. I think I will go and lie down
and wait for someone to take me
home.”
Oct 23 - Nov 21
2+
Sep 23 - Oct 22
It was the place one could take refuge
when deciding you no longer wanted
any part of a particular school day.
When mum came to pick me up,
we would walk to the car, my face
beaming, “I’m free bitches!” it said.
Under her breath she would ask me
to at least pretend to look sick.
4
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Seriously. You
are too sweaty. I can see the pages of this
magazine turning translucent in your sweaty
hands! Cut it out!
Aug 22 - Sep 22
take me past Macca’s and I might
catch today’s episode of Go Go Stop.
2=
You may have been feeling stressed and
overwhelmed lately. The only remedy is, as
two wise prophets once said, to ‘Treat Yo Self.’
Whether, it be clothes, fragrances, massages,
mimosas, or fine leather goods, just go out and
TREAT YO SELF.
July 23 - Aug 23
Ah sick bay, a little room hidden away
behind the reception desk at school.
Guarded by the always-sceptical
office lady, it was a beautiful place
that smelt of disinfectant and just a
hint of freedom.
2+
Virgo
C
C
Leo
By Edwina Seselija
AB
Divining the Deviant.
Look here for guidance,
the Universe knows your
path
AB
with Celeste E.L Jones
Soul Seaching?
2+
Horoscopes
I wish there
was a Sick Bay
for Adulthood
X-Y
June 21 - July 22
15
BEAUTY
on a Budget
We didn’t just visit the beautiful ancient
temples in Siem Reap to learn about
their incredible historic meaning but
were also able to speak with Buddhist
monks and locals who spend time at
the temples worshipping and praying.
My
Whirlwind
Trip to
Vietnam
and
Cambodia
By Sophie Winter
During the mid year break I travelled
to Vietnam and Cambodia as part of a
multimedia journalism tour, organised
through QUT’s C.I. Project elective.
I must admit I was not expecting
the trip to be as truly amazing as it
turned out to be. As I’m sure the other
12 students who took part would
agree - it was an extremely enriching
experience – physically, mentally and
emotionally.
Not only were we able to better
our journalistic skills in a ‘real
world’ environment; we also had
the opportunity to learn firsthand
about the culture and lifestyle of the
Vietnamese and Cambodian people.
They say “you don’t know what you’ve
got until it’s gone,” but I believe you
don’t know what you’ve got until you
really take the time to think about it
and how lucky you are to have it. As
an Australian, it is always a shock
travelling to less fortunate countries
and seeing the crazy cultural and
economic differences; however, this
trip has opened my eyes more and
I have now experienced overseas
travel on a whole new level.
We not only walked the busy streets of
Hanoi as tourists but also spent time
talking to and conducting interviews
with local people, discovering that
everybody had their own fascinating
story to tell.
16
We saw children who should be
enjoying their exciting first years
of school, but instead stood on the
streets selling a handful of postcards.
“One dollar postcard?” was the most
fluent English words they were able to
speak.
We also spoke to the owner of a rural
girls school in Cambodia who helps
talented young women finish their
education; giving them a chance to
fulfil their dream careers. I was even
able to sing to a group of girls from
the school after they asked me if I
played music and handed me their
nylon-string, spongebob-decorated
guitar.
Words cannot describe how amazing
the overall experience was and how
much of an impact it has had on my
life perspectives.
I could continue raving on about how
good it was for ages but I’m sure
everybody would much rather get out
there and make their own memories
than spend time reading about
somebody else’s.
So if you do ever have the chance
to travel and are looking for a really
rewarding experience (even if it’s not
for university credit), Vietnam and
Cambodia are definitely two countries
to add to your bucket list. Just make
sure that you immerse yourself in the
culture as much as possible and try
to give as much as you take from
the experience. It will be worth it – I
promise!
U
Words by Jordan Cannon
niversity is expensive. After you buy textbooks, top up your
go card and make sure you have food to eat, there isn’t
much leftover to spend on makeup, let alone anything else.
So when NARS, Chanel, MAC and Estee Lauder seem like
worlds away, it’s important to find good products on the lower end
of the market. There is actually some great quality available and
most products are readily available in store, so no online shopping is
required.
Here are my top picks of beauty products on a budget. You can get
a whole face of makeup that will last you longer than a semester for
under $40.
Here are my top picks of beauty products
on a budget. You can get a whole face
of makeup that will last you longer than
a semester for under $40.
Foundation is the base of your makeup
so you want to spend the most on this
product. My pick is the Maybelline FIT
Me Shine Free Foundation stick priced
at only $15.95. This foundation is a
medium coverage so it’s more effective
than a BB Cream but not as heavy or
expensive as full coverage. Due to the
stick formulation it is also suitable for
both dry and oily skin, making it the
perfect foundation year round. The
whole FIT Me range is often on sale at
anything from 20% off to half price, so
it really is the perfect option for cash
strapped uni students.
Concealer is another must; especially
after those late nights spent finishing
assessment (not that we left it until the
last minute or anything…eek). A little
concealer under the eyes goes a long
way but it doesn’t have to be pricey.
Essence offer a duo concealer for only
$4.50 and you receive not one, but two
different shades of cream correctors.
Moving on to lashes. Mascara can
have such a dramatic impact but it
is hard to suggest just one because
the effectiveness of a mascara is
very dependent on each person. Any
Maybelline mascara is great and you
can always catch them on sale for $10,
but if you are really looking for something
cheap, then Essence is the way to go.
They offer a total of twelve different
mascaras ranging in price from $3.50$5 but my favourite is the Multi Action
Mascara for $4.50 and is comparable to
MAC Zoom Lash which retails for $33.
This will save you over $25, which can
then spent on food and other expenses.
Lastly, you want a lip product; lipstick or
lipgloss depending on your preference.
Rimmel have a huge selection of
affordable lipsticks starting at just $9.95
and often have promotions that make
them even cheaper. I also recommend
Daiso to grab a bargain gloss at only
$2.80 each and you are guaranteed
heaps of variety.
So where can you get your hands on
these products? As I mentioned before,
each brand I have recommended is
available in local stores. Maybelline
and Rimmel are available at Priceline,
Target, Kmart and Chemist Warehouse,
while Essence is available at Priceline
and Target and Daiso Makeup is only
available at Daiso.
17
18
19
20
9
on
titi
pe
om
tC
or
Kick It Touch
You love touch but you also love
kicking balls? Por que no los dos!
This semester we’ve expanded
our extremely popular touch
footy program to not only
cater for those teams
who missed out last
time, but also for
those that love to
‘kick it’ in style.
Sp
s
me
Ga
A special mention should also go out
to our mates at the University of New
England, who were awarded the Patrons
Population Cup Per Capita Champion
and Griffith University who took out
the Spirit of the Games Award.
And if you’re keen Semester two, you
can expect another big QUT Sport
season. Over the winter break, we
listened and put in the hard yards to
bring you THREE new sports and an
even bigger sporting venue!
ial
Wooden Spooners:
• UQ LNC (Touch Tuesday)
• QUT SUN(Touch Thursday)
• Crédisc (Ultimate)
• Nordic Vikings (Dodgeball)
• Slamdrunk Funk (Basketball)
• Pink Ladies (Netball)
• MedRad (Volleyball)
• EPIC (Waterpolo)
• Popped
Shoulders
(Football)
QUT Sport claimed an incredible 18 medals
across the competition, with 6 Gold, 9 Silver and 3
Bronze.
Congratulations to all QUT Sport athletes who
journeyed to the Sunshine Coast and participated
in a variety of sports including basketball, football,
futsal, handball, hockey, lawn bowls, netball, rugby
7’s, tennis, tenpin bowling, touch, ultimate and
volleyball.
The 2014 QUT Guild
Social Sport Program
had a roaring start in
Semester one with the
introduction of TWO new
sports - Badminton and Ultimate
(Frisbee), as well as the expansion
of all other sports to accommodate
more keen social athletes!
So
c
Congratulations to the following teams who won a
carton of beer for winning their respective competitions:
• Bounce (Netball)
• Ghostface Killahz (Basketball)
• Wings (Volleyball)
• Aquaholics (Waterpolo)
• Dye Hard With our Balls in Hand (Dodgeball)
• Got The Runs (Touch Thursday)
• Touch ‘n’ Go (Touch Tuesday)
• Holy Rollers (6-a-side Football)
• Hucking Fabulous (Ultimate)
For the
second
year in a row,
QUT Sport has
taken out Northern
University Games,
winning the Jodie
Martin
Memorial
Shield for Overall
Champions!
ern
th ni
or U
Our Social Sports’ Awards Night was
one massive celebration complete with
free KFC, Pizza and thousands of reason$
to party.
N
rts
po
l S rds
cia wa
So A
After 10 massive
weeks
of
social
sports,
free
shirts,
sunnies, and a drink after
games, QUT Sport thought
its athletes deserved an extra
epic conclusion to the season.
SEMESTER
ONE
Cricket
For those still mourning the loss
of the XXXX Gold Beach Cricket
Tri-Nations series, weep no more!
QUT Sport will be hosting its very
own beach cricket style tournament
on campus this semester. With
only eight short overs, expect
lightning paced matches sure
to enthral even those who
can’t normally stand the
game
(read: unAustralian)!
Badminton and
Table Tennis
We are also expanding our
badminton night to include table
tennis. Those who have registered
can join our sports nights at the
HealthStream Stadium and enjoy
our multicultural culinary surprise
scheduled to occur sometime
throughout the semester.
If you are interested in joining any of
the existing social competitions or
keen to test out your skills in anyone of
our three new sports, register yourself
or your team at www.qutsport.com
under
the
‘social
sport’ tab.
21
FROM The QUT SPORT ‘Nutrition
Desk’ with Alice doring:
VENA CAVA
QUTEFS
QUT SUN
2014 has been a milestone year for
QUT’s student-run theatre company
as it celebrates its 18th year in
operation. In a symbolic coming of
age, VC has successfully branched
out from its university home ground
with the sold out season of Brisbane
[a doing word] at the Judith Wright
Centre of Contemporary Arts and the
critically acclaimed a library for the
end of the world which was a highlight
of the Anywhere Theatre Festival.
The season has also included
numerous social events for theatre
lovers and creatives alike, industryled workshops, and an interactive
performance/party which was held
over three nights to celebrate the
company’s 18th birthday.
The Economics and Finance Society
has had an amazing first semester
providing the best events our
members could have asked for!
Semester one has been a big one
for us here at QUT SUN! We started
the year with our Medical Malpractice
Launch party at GPO. The music was
loud, the costumes were astounding
and the crazy dance moves really got
everyone’s blood pumping. We also
held our annual Graduate Information
Day, hosting a bunch of the local
hospitals and health services to
inform our future nursing graduates
of their opportunities post graduation.
Mid-semester break is well and truly over and Semester
two is now in full swing; complete with old habits of late
nights, takeaway meals, empty wallets and 2-minute
noodle dinners.
If you are resorting to takeaway meals or 2 minute noodles
leading up to pay day, chances are you are consuming
meals high in saturated fats, carbohydrates and with
limited nutrient value. So to save your wallet and your
waistline, and to fuel your brain for study, look for recipe
ideas which use in-season fruits and vegetables and
wholegrain cereals.
Here’s a quick, easy and healthy recipe which can be
made for the price of two-minute noodles. ENJOY!
BOOT
CAMP
Spent too long procrasbaking last exam block? Want to
lose that excess weight or get shredded? QUT Sport has
your back!
QUT Sport is teaming up with QUT Running to host an
intensive afternoon bootcamp session followed by a
dietician workshop.
The afternoon will take place on 4:00pm Wednesday 27th
August (week 7)
The bootcamp session will:
• Be a group circuit session
• Target your upper and lower body
• Build strength, toning and conditioning
• Involve both aerobic and anerobic fitness.
•
The dietician workshop will explain:
• the truth behind nutritional information on product
packaging
• Lipids and the killer ‘Acidic Foods’
• detoxing, alkaline foods and acid build up prevention
• the battle between diet vs exercise and how to find
the perfect balance.
Get keen for an epic free afternoon with subway provided!
For more information, and to register, contact your QUT
Sport VPs David Lewis and Jack McGuire at sport@
qutguild.com
22
Jamie Oliver’s Mexican
Filled Omelette
INGREDIENTS
1 ripe avocado
3 limes
15 g fresh coriander
3 tablespoons fat-free natural yoghurt
olive oil
1 small onion
1 carrot
½ white or green cabbage
1 fresh red chilli
8 large free-range eggs
60 g Cheddar cheese
METHOD
1. Combine avocado, limejuice, coriander stalks,
yoghurt and a splash of oil in a blender and blend
until smooth.
2. Peel and grate onion and carrot. Finely slice cabbage
and chilli (very finely). Combine in a bowl.
3. Add most of the coriander leaves and pour over the
avocado dressing; toss together.
4. Whisk all eggs together with a splash of water and a
pinch of salt and pepper.
5. Put a large frying pan on medium-low heat and drizzle
some oil when hot. Pour in a quarter of the egg mixture
and swirl it around in the pan before grating a ¼ of the
cheese over and allowing it to melt.
6. Cook the omelette gently for just under 2 minutes.
7. Slide onto a plate, spoon over a quarter of the avocado
slaw and then gently fold up the sides and roll over.
Vena Cava has much to offer in
Semester two with the upcoming
musical production [title of show]
(Aug 26-30) and the annual Fresh
Blood Festival (Aug 8 & 9), a
multidisciplinary showcase of student
works including theatre, visual art
and live music.
For more information about the
shows, events, workshops and how
to get involved, head to our website
at venacava.com.au or follow us on
social media.
Our first professional development
workshop, the Wolf of Eagle Street,
catered to all students who were
eager to hear the inside scoop on
what it’s like to work in financial
services and to hear good advice
from representatives of Macquarie
and PriceWaterhouseCoopers.
Our second major event, the Beer
Stock Exchange, was held at the
Exchange Hotel and turned out to be
one of our most successful events
ever. Attendees choose carefully
between what stocks (read: beer,
wine, or spirits) they wanted to
acquire in order to achieve investment
supremacy.
In second semester, EFS is excited
to announce our biggest event of the
year - Fastrack, a night definitely not
to be missed. Corporates from the
industry will network with students
and make those connections that
could secure a better chance of
vacation work or graduate programs
for the year to come.
Our amazing SUN mentors have also
been running Student Nurse Assisted
Practice Sessions (SNAPS) which
assisted 119 fellow nursing students
with their clinical skills and questions
across 12 sessions throughout
semester one. If you missed out,
don’t worry – another 10 sessions will
be held during Semester two.
Our committee members have
been working day and night to put
together some hectic social events
for Semester two including our ‘Ward
Round’ Pub Crawl and Annual Charity
Ball in October. For more information
about our programs and events, or if
you’d like to become involved in the
committee, you can find us at
www.facebook.com/QUTSUN
Check out our Facebook page,
website or email us for more
information.
Facebook:www.facebook.com/qutefs
Website:www.qutefs.org
Email:efs@qutefs.org
23
QUT
QUIDDITCH
QUT
BIG LIFT
QUT
ULTIMATE
QUT
BALL STARS
The wonderful world of Harry
Potter comes to campus with QUT
Quidditch! We are a hangout for
people (of all sports capabilities and
study-areas) who are dedicated to
having fun.
Despite being a relatively young
organisation, QUT Big Lift continues
to broaden its support network in
the QUT community and beyond
while striving to ‘pay it forward’. Our
members include QUT students from
all corners of the world pursuing
a range of degrees as well as a
dedicated leadership team.
Semester one was great for the QUT
Ultimate Club, taking home the silver
medal at Northern University Games
and finishing our first season of the
QUT Ultimate Social League!
“If you can dodge a wrench, you can
dodge a ball.” – Patches O’Houlihan,
2004.
We play Quidditch every Friday
(weather permitting) in the Botanical
Gardens, so bring your broom and
join us from 3-5pm. It’s then off to the
Botanic Bar to cool down.
Last semester we also held a range of
social events; including watching the
Harry Potter movies and celebrating
International Harry Potter Day on
May 2nd (when the Great Battle of
Hogwarts ended) with a Trivia Night
at the Kelvin Grove Bar. Butterbeer
was consumed, Prizes won, and a
magical time had by all!
This semester we are organising a
Yule Ball and Triwizard Tournament.
Luckily, we don’t expect Voldemort to
affect our Tournament, so grab your
dress-robes, practice your spells,
and come join us!
To find out about our upcoming
events, like our Facebook page at
www.facebook.com/QUTQuidditch
and join our group www.facebook.
com/groups/QUT.Quidditch/
Our aim is to engage members in
activities of meaningful volunteering;
establishing a sense of community
awareness throughout Queensland
by
contributing
to
impactful
community-driven action. At the core
of our endeavours is developing
an understanding and building
relationships
with
Indigenous
Australians throughout the year. The
QUT Big Lift experience culminates
in an eight day trip to communities in
rural Queensland at the conclusion of
second semester.
While we look forward to planning
and embarking on this trip, currently
scheduled for 25 November to 2
December, semester one has been
devoted to spreading awareness
of our organisation; participating in
events with new and old members.
Memorable events include a Book
Swap hosted with the QUT Art
Museum to raise funds for the
Indigenous
Literacy
Foundation
as well as a goal-setting session
devoted to establishing a vision for
2014 and beyond. A team of Big
Lifters also took on the challenge of
participating in Live Below the Line,
surviving on less than $2 a day in
order to fundraise for disadvantaged
students in East Timor. These efforts
are coordinated during our bi-monthly
meetings, to which we invite anyone
interested to attend.
We encourage anyone who is
interested in becoming involved
to visit our active website at www.
qutbiglift.org or Facebook page:
www.facebook.com/qutbiglift
24
Participation in the QUT Ultimate
Social League was open to all QUT
Students and their friends, with the
competition running on a Wednesday
night. Students had the opportunity to
learn Ultimate Frisbee and play in a
friendly and social setting, while also
serving as a pathway to playing in
more competitive leagues such as the
Brisbane Ultimate Mixed League and
at the Australian University Games
(AUGs) in Semester two.
QUT Ultimate is sending a team down
AUGs and we are keen to see some
fresh faces. We are also looking for
people to play in our QUT Ultimate
Social League and join our Brisbane
Ultimate Mixed League team!
If you’re interested in playing
Ultimate Frisbee at QUT visit our
Facebook page at www.facebook.
com/qutultimate or email us at qut.
ultimate@gmail.com
Some see that statement as a quote
from the movie Dodgeball, but we
view this quote as the way we live our
lives. We’re the QUT Ball Stars, and
we’re the only social dodgeball club
in Australia! We have come together
from the Dodgeball Social Sport
competition to form the Ball Stars, and
we will be competing in competitions
across Brisbane.
We are also hoping and praying
for Uni Games to one day include
this great sport in their program.
Just imagine going to Uni games
and playing competitive dodgeball
against other universities, we are
going to do everything we can to
make this happen!
Your membership includes a Ball
Stars shirt, and a spot on our growing
team roster. You don’t have to be the
world’s greatest athlete or a member
of Globo Gym, just bring yourself
along to any of our games, the
Dodgeball Social Sport Competition,
or any of our social events and see
for yourself.
So dodge, duck, dip, dive, and dodge
your way into our club, and come play
some dodgeball with us, you’ll have
a blast! For more information, like us
on Facebook at www.facebook.com/
qutballstars or email
ballstarsdodgeball.qut@gmail.com
QUTNRS
NJMS
QUT Natural Resource Society is a
student-run organisation dedicated
to promoting networking between
industry and students studying
environmental and earth sciences
and engineering at QUT. The QUT
NRS hosts and facilitates a number
of social nights each year where you
can catch up on the latest news and
opportunities available to students
and gain valuable insight into aspects
of the natural resources industry.
BREAKING NEWS: QUT’s only
society representing the students
of
Journalism,
Media
and
Communication is now a part of the
landscape. Formed last semester out
of the need for a group that united
the faculties, the New Journalism &
Media Society now boasts a rapidly
growing member list and significant
plans for this semester. If you’re
interested in joining, or have any
queries, simply send us an email at
qutnjms@gmail.com.
QUT Natural Resource Society has
had a flying start to 2014 with many
successful events:
• Mine site trip to New Acland Coal
Mine where students received
firsthand experience as to what it
is like to work on a mine site.
• Industry Nights that linked
students to the latest news and
opportunities Mining, Resource
and Environmental Industries.
• QUT vs UQ Earth Science Sports
Day where QUT took home the
Gold!
• Social BBQ’s throughout the
semester allowed students from
engineering, environmental and
earth sciences to catch up over
a few beers.
Membership is only $10, which
includes: entry into all events this
semester, free stuff and exclusive
updates
on
work
experience
opportunities!
Semester Two Events for QUT NRS
• 1st August:
Welcome BBQ,
R Block Courtyard Gardens
point 5:30pm, Cost: $10 for non
members
• 4th August: GSA Industry night
and trip to Hydrologger
• 20th August: AIG Trivia Night @
Botanic Bar
• 3rd September: QUT NRS Speed
Networking Event
• 26th September: Earthball
• 24th October: End of Semester
BBQ
Follow us on our Facebook page QUT
Natural Resource Society to keep up
to date on our events.
25
Fellowship of Medical
Engineers
Presents
Matthew Ames
We
talk, Matthew had returned
from one of his many
operations in Melbourne
for his osseointegration
implants. Matthew spoke
about where he was going
with his new prosthetics and
other various technologies,
such as direct nerve
connections to further
control his prosthetics.
first heard
of Matthew
A m e s
through
the Sunday Night program
on Channel 7 in August
last year. Shortly after his
feature went to air, we
contacted him through his
blog ‘Renovating Matthew’,
and to our surprise,
Matthew eagerly offered
to speak at an event
hosted by the Fellowship of
Medical Engineers.
Matthew is one of few
quadruple amputees in
Australia; he had all of his
limbs amputated in order to
survive the contraction of a
rare form of streptococcal.
Matthew gave a keynote
address on his experiences
as a patient with his
background as an engineer.
He was able to provide us
with a unique perspective,
as he was concerned
about his functionality as
a patient and the medical
technicalities
as
an
engineer.
Many medical engineering
students graduate and go
into the area of rehabilitation
engineering and designing
26
prosthetics. By having
Matthew speak, we were
able to provide our students
and other interested parties
a more rounded insight
of his dual prospective.
As a student, we focus
on the technical aspects
of design and application
but it is important to keep
in perspective the ultimate
goal to provide functionality
to the client.
Matthew
spoke
about
his experience following
his amputations as his
body prepared for the
prosthetics. He shared
the lessons learnt from
using various prosthetics
and talked us through his
ultimate goal of caring
for himself. We heard
how Matthew transitioned
into his new life without
limbs and about the major
changes that occurred in
his environment to cater
for the changes. These
included the installation
of a lift and outfitting
an automation system
throughout his home.
Matthew will soon be the
recipient of cutting-edge
prosthetics that will make
him Australia’s first bionic
man. Just weeks prior to his
The Goondi B&S Bash
Best Weekend, Guaranteed
Ever wanted to go out Woop Woop
and see the fair dinkum doinkers,
larrikins, kangas, true blue Aussies
and the best banana benders
Queensland has to offer? Well it’s
your lucky day ‘cos the QUTLNC is
bringing you the beautest ‘Satadee’
of your life, just a coupl’a hunned
clicks away.
After our very successful country
races event at Flinton, we decided
to go one better. This time we
are trekking out to Goondiwindi,
real heartland country; for a
B&S ball no less. Take the
best night you’ve had out in
Brisbane, times it by two, add
a bit of dust, a few stars
and a swag at the end of
the night and you’re close
to imagining just how great
this event will be.
The
Goondiwindi
Plucked Duck B&S
Ball is one of the
biggest
Throughout
his
talk,
Matthew emphasised the
importance of how his
multidisciplinary
team
worked
together
and
how medical engineers
make a difference in the
health industry. Following
Matthew’s
talk,
the
attendees were welcome to
ask him questions as part
of a casual Q&A session.
At the event we’ll set up camp, crack
open a stubbie, check out the Utes
on display and wait for the Ball to
start. The Ball is sure to be a blast,
and you’ll want to get dressed up,
but preferably in op shop sort. If any
other B&S is something to go by, then
anything you wear most likely won’t
be wearable anywhere else - unless
you have some decent bleach lying
around.
After the Ball everyone heads back
to the campsite to finish the night off
around a campfire and fall asleep
under the stars.
The next morning there will be a
Barbie, and time to say hooroo to
your neighbour for the night, before
we start the trip back home to the Big
Smoke.
If you want to find out more information
you can search the event “QUTLNC
B&S Bash” on Facebook or visit www.
thepluckedduck.org.au/ to check out
previous photos and more.
And don’t forget - SAVE
THE DATE! 27th of
September.
Matthew has expressed
interest in working further
with FoME and QUT next
year when he has his new
prosthetics. He has also
proposed inviting Channel
7’s Sunday Night program
to our next event as part of
their follow up story.
FoME would like to thank
the QUT Science and
Engineering Faculty for
their support of this event.
Bachelor and Spinster Balls that
happen in the country, with people
travelling from all over Australia to
attend. It will be held on Saturday
the 27th of September, and we’ll
be setting off from of Brisbane just
after the crack of dawn. Of course
we’ll also pull up along the way to
purchase some of the best (XXXX
Gold of course!) and sanga or two.
Goondiwindi
27
Woah! Looks like you made it through the first semester
warm up, great work champ. But it’s about time we turned
it up a bit for round two.
If you haven’t heard of us before, Med Rad is what they
call us. We are not only QUT’s largest social club, but also
provide all that you desire out of lectures and libraries.
We host some pretty cool events over the year such as
the 10,000 Reasons launch Party and the Boat Cruise
but you’re probably more interested in what’s planned for
Semester two.
Ever wanted to meet your Mc Steamy out on the town?
Well you’ll find him and his mates knocking off from a hard
day of saving lives on our Annual Scrub Scrawl. It’s a well
known fact that people in scrubs love to lend a hand and
most of all, party. While according to other considerably
credible reports, those who don’t lend a hand, usually end
up becoming best friends with their own. Nevertheless, as
a rule of phalange (thumb, we think) with awesome scrubs
comes great responsibility.
There’s no doubt Brisbane’s finest are looking for advice
for their “friends” on that hickey, or that mole that’s not
going anywhere. This is where your consultation is going
to count; saving lives from a bar is something noble in
my books. And don’t worry, so long as you know your
hand from your foot your advice is just as valid as your GP
after he’s had a few. The power of the srcubs my friend,
diagnose responsibly.
50% OFF
of a few nameless friends, you’d be feeling pretty good
about yourself hey? Hopefully you mended a few more
hearts than you broke, but hey who the hell are we to
judge. If you find yourself thinking, ‘that was the loosest
night of my life’ well we got something extra saucy for
you…
MedRad envisioned a dream so big and so daring it
involved Members of Parliament to make our vision come
to life. After many promises and underhanded dealings
(if you know what we mean) the night of RIVERFIRE has
been moved to coincide with the Annual MedRad Ball!
We have also managed to source the best ballroom in
Brisbane with a spectacular view of the Brisbane River for
brilliantly night.
student
laser hair reduction
This is a ball with all the extras. Canapés, a healthy drink
package and the best fireworks show of the entire year;
seriously, there is no better ball around. Also, that Mc
Steamy you met on the crawl is definitely going to be there.
Don’t skimp out this year, save the date for an absolutely
magical event.
To find out more about us, throw “Med Rad” into your
Facey search bar and check out all of our past events.
Our members also get cool deals every month at Boost
and other food outlets on campus; can’t get much sweeter
than that!
Looking forward to seeing you soon,
qld health licensed | medical grade lasers
C
M
Y
CM
Alright, so you’ve survived the crawl and saved the lives
The MedRad Crew
lip + chin
shoulders
back
MY
CY
CMY
arms
underarms
chest
K
ch
es
t
legs
buttocks
u
ar nde
m r
bikini
ANNUAL
SCRUB
CRAWL
FRIDAY 6 PM
29 AUGUST
28
STARTS AT THE
BOTANIC BAR
MEMBERS $10 | NON-MEMBERS $15
(INCLUDES MEMBERSHIP)
paddington call 3162 2100 morningside call 3162 1780 www.thelaserlounge.com.au
* Terms and Conditions apply. Enquire within.
29
By Jessica Boyle
Review By Kathy Pollock
TLC
E
Eatons Hill Hotel
07.06.14
lisa is an inspirational and incredible
woman. We randomly met on a bus tour
of Ireland about four years ago and have
been friends ever since. Elisa had been
diagnosed with a brain tumour when
she was younger, but having been in remission
for a number of years, Elisa always lived life to
its fullest - never taking anything for granted.
When posters began popping up around town advertising
TLC’s first ever Australian tour, I immediately flashed back
to primary school, 1999. Fanmail had just been released,
and ‘No Scrubs’ was topping the charts. My best friend
Jessica and I spent our lunchtime busting out dance
moves and singing about how we ‘can’t get it wit no
deadbeat ass.’ We of course had no idea what that meant,
and, full disclosure, I thought ‘Ain’t 2 Proud 2 Beg’ was
about money for years.
Last year, however, Elisa was informed that
a tumour had returned and this time it was
terminal. Despite being so sick, Elisa has never
lost her humour, loyalty or kindness.
Benttell the Penguin has travelled half way across
the world with Elisa. Being too sick to attend the
Blues Festival herself, Elisa sent Benttell under
my protection.
Not much has changed since then. Jessica and I are still
besties, and we both still share a soft spot for our girls
Tione ‘T-Boz’ Watkins, Lisa ‘Left-Eye’ Lopes and Rozanda
‘Chilli’ Thomas. Needless to say, we immediately bought
tickets to the show, and spent the following weeks
planning our outfits. The night of the concert, we changed
into our costumes, which were basically comprised of
cargo pants, camo crop tops, combat boots, and a hell
of a lot of scented body glitter. We also both wore black
stripes under our left eyes, in tribute to the group’s fallen
rapper, Left Eye, who died in a car crash in 2002. On
the way to Eatons Hill we grooved to the group’s albums
Ooooooohhh... On the TLC Tip, CrazySexyCool, Fanmail
and 3D.
For Elisa, Faith. Hope. Love. are the important
Benttell Does the Byron
Bay Blues Festival
My name is Bentell, I am a Penguin
(not an owl) and this was my first time
at the famous and fabulous Blues
Festival in Byron Bay. My Mum, who
is terminally ill, sent me on her behalf.
My mission: give the very talented
Mike Rosenberg (aka Passenger), an
Easter chocolate Bilby.
My happy feet were very keen to
celebrate the 25th Blues Festival. This
festival is not just about blues; I also
flapped my flippers to Jack Johnson,
India Arie, Elvis Costello, Dr John,
Suzanne Vega, and John Butler,
as well as hip hop, blue grass and
country music. I saw local Australian
artists such as Kasey Chambers &
John Williamson and international
acts like Suen Kuti from Nigeria (who
was worth seeing just for the booty
dancers) and Morcheeba. In fact, the
line up was incredible.
Across the six stages there were
so many highlight performances.
Michael Franti commanded the
stage and had the crowd in a frenzy
when he randomly ran through the
crowd and launched giant balls into
the audience. Allen Stone had such
30
great soulful energy and Joss Stone
(not related) also gave a powerful
performance. People of all ages
come to the festival, giving the event
a very relaxed and special vibe.
The event organisers got 5 out of 5
stars for their efforts. The toilets were
clean, food stores delicious and the
drinking holes readily available - even
free water. Various big screens had
also been erected, so despite being
height impaired, I was able sit back
and still enjoy the performances.
Of course, the most unforgettable
moment was going back stage and
meeting Mike from Passenger, who
was so authentically nice. He signed
my arse, gave me a kiss and even
gifted me a green rabbit, named G
Bunny, to give to my Mum as thanks
for the chocolate bilby! He even
called Mum on her mobile to chat. My
mission was accomplished!
The Byron Bay Blues Festival was
truly a unique experience; bringing
together expressive, creative and
like-minded people who want to have
a good time and support live music.
In the words of KC and
the Sunshine Band,
Blues Festival goers
are simply keen to ‘do
a little dance, make a
little love and get down
tonight’.
My new companion G Bunny did lead
me a little astray and I was arrested
for waddling on stage; but I will be
back again! In fact, I have already
purchased an early bird ticket. After
all, I am a bird.
In our keenness, we were a bit early, and there was
unbridled anticipation in the air as we mingled outside
the hotel in the cold, waiting for the doors to be opened.
As soon as they were, a tide of people – including us –
ran inside and made our way as close to the stage as
possible. Opening artist DJ Def Rokk played a mix of RnB,
hip hop and pop for the next half hour, including Mariah
Carey, Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson. It was like
being in a primary school disco, only this time with the
added perk of alcohol.
The second support was Aussie hip hop artist Kaylah
Truth, who gave a shout out to the original owners of the
land before she began. This was greeted with thunderous
applause from the audience. Her set was short and sweet,
with catchy beats and good raps.
As soon as she exited the stage, the crowd waited,
feverishly excited, for the main act to come on. Before
too long, a backing band entered the stage, followed by
back-up dancers, and finally, T-Boz and Chilli. Let me tell
you, time has graced these women. Both have barely
visibly aged since their musical prime, and their vocals
and dance moves were in top form. They started off with
‘Ain’t 2 Proud 2 Beg’, setting the tone for the rest of the set,
which was all killer, no filler. By the second song, however,
it was clear that they were experiencing some technical
difficulties. T-Boz and Chilli’s vocals were extremely quiet,
to the point where they had to press their mikes against
their mouths. They powered through until the end of the
song, before ducking off stage and switching to handheld mikes. From then on, to our relief, their sultry vocals
were in full effect.
The entire set was essentially cherry picked hits, so it’s
hard to point out any stand-out numbers. But ‘Red Light
Special’ sticks in my mind. T’Boz crooned seductively ‘I’m
feelin’ quite sexy, and I want you for tonight,’ while Chilli
acted out a risqué lap dance on an unoccupied chair.
The group performed moving renditions of ‘Unpretty’ and
‘Damages’, ‘Girl Talk’ perked us up again, and ‘No Scrubs’
turned the air electric. There wasn’t a single song that
didn’t deserve to be included, and the mix of pop, RnB,
and soul was perfectly balanced.
I admit to being curious about what the surviving members
would do in Left Eye’s absence. I was concerned at the
thought of a hologram, and cynical at the thought of a
stand-in (Although Lil Mama did a good job filling in
during the 2013 American Music Awards). In the end,
neither of these alternatives came to fruition, with the
group choosing to simply play original video clips in the
background, and occasionally play pre-recorded raps
from the original recordings. This was, in retrospect, the
most respectful way to go about it, and in regards to the
sound, fitted in seamlessly. At one point, Chilli paid her
respects to Left Eye and we all raised our hands in the air
in tribute. While it would have been ideal if the group had
chosen to play more songs featuring her, her presence
was undeniably felt all night long.
The band included a DJ, who in reality was more a
spruiker. ‘ARE YOU READY FOR TLC?’ he would ask
between songs, and we would cheer. And then he would
ask the same question, and we would cheer… and so
on, and so on, and so on, until eventually we were left
thinking, ‘You KNOW we want them - just bring on TLC!’
Also in between songs, he would play tunes by Daft Punk
and Pharrell Williams, among others, which felt jarring and
unnecessary. Surely there was enough un-played TLC
material to play without resorting to using other artist’s
music? He ultimately redeemed himself though, when he
teasingly said, ‘Is there a song you all want to hear?’ and
without further delay, the group finished with the classic
‘Waterfalls.’ The dancers pantomimed the tragic scenarios
that the lyrics tell, and it was a moving, emotional finale.
TLC may not stand for Tender Loving Care, but judging
by the enthusiasm and adoration that flowed between
the crowd and the group, it may as well be. It might
have taken twenty plus years to get here, and the path
may have been wrought with tragedy and drama, but it’s
safe to say that TLC’s first ever concert in Australia was
everything I imagined.
31
QUT GUILD
CHARITY
COCKTAIL NIGHT
THE
FACTS
• Human trafficking
is the second largest globally organised crime,
generating approximately 39 billion USD annually.
•
•
An estimated 30 million people are in forced labour internationally, with
58% of victims subject to sexual servitude, specifically in the Americas,
Europe and Central Asia.
Every thirty seconds, someone is forced into modern slavery.
“Human trafficking is the illegal trade of human beings,
mainly for the purposes of forced labour and sex
trafficking. As the fastest growing criminal industry, it
affects every nation across the globe.”
•
75% of recorded human trafficking victims are female, while 27% are
children.
•
The average age of trafficking victims is 12 years old.
•
The growth of trafficking of women from Eastern and Southern Europe into
Western Europe over the past 20 years has been unparalleled anywhere
else on the globe.
•
32
Only 1-2% of victims in Europe are rescued and only 1 in 100,000
Europeans involved in trafficking are convicted.
THE
EVENT
The QUT Guild Cocktail
Charity
Night was not only the best-dressed
event the Botanic Bar will ever see,
but it also helped to raise awareness
for the A21 Campaign, a non-profit
organisation that exists to abolish
injustice in the 21st century.
By attending and indulging on
cocktails that would have made Carrie
Bradshaw proud, QUT students
raised $2671 for both national and
international programs that form part
of the A21 mission.
THE
ORGANISATION
Christine Caine founded A21 in 2008
after recognising that many European
nations do not meet the Trafficking
Victims Protection Act’s minimum
standards.
Since establishing the A21 flagship
office in Greece (the centre for
trafficking in Europe), Caine has
facilitated the development of
global programs and initiatives that
encourage abolitionism. Today teams
in Ukraine, Australia, the United
States, Bulgaria, the United Kingdom,
Norway, South Africa and Thailand
support the Campaign.
The A21 mission is to prevent
trafficking, protect those who have
been the victim of trafficking and
further, to strengthen the legal
response to trafficking by providing
resources, restorative care and legal
representation to victims and the
vulnerable.
THE
A21 SOLUTION
Through their partnerships with law
enforcement agencies such as the
FBI, Royal Thai Police and Greece
Police Academy, as well as service
providers and community members,
A21 focuses on strengthening every
aspect of counter-trafficking.
In 2013, A21 rescued 118 victims,
housed 41 girls with full protection
and restoration care and provided
77 survivors with external support.
A21 lawyers were responsible for
68% of all trafficking convictions
in Greece and assisted with 80%
of sex trafficking cases and 83% of
labour trafficking cases in the same
country. Over 100,000 students also
commenced A21 school prevention
and awareness programs in United
State, Ukraine, United Kingdom,
South Africa and Australia.
operating in Greece will duplicate its
service in Bulgaria by the end of 2014,
significantly bolstering reporting
opportunities for European citizens.
For more information, or to support
the mission, please visit:
www.thea21campaign.org
In 2014, A21 expanded its fight
against human trafficking by opening
new resource centres in South Africa,
Thailand, Germany and Scandinavia.
The A21 national hotline currently
33
By Ebony Graveur
How the QUT Guild’s Wingman can Save the Day for You.
My First
Semester
The QUT Guild Wingman exists solely
to represent the interests of students
in disputes they may have with the
University. As the Wingman is not
employed by the University, he has
the freedom to advocate on behalf
of students free from the constraints
of being a QUT employee. In other
words he works directly for students.
Six-ish Months of Sleeplessness,
Bad Grades and a Disloyal
Alarm Clock.
Students can contact the Hub’s
Wingman 24 hours a day, 7 days a
week, using the emergency student
hotline 0421 486 937 or emailing
wingman@qutguild.com
The Wingman will arrange a meeting
to discuss the matter and make
recommendations as to how the issue
might be resolved. This often involves
writing appeals and applications for
students such as:
• Special
consideration
applications
• Review of grade applications
• Deferred exam applications
• Exclusion appeals
• Advanced standing applications
It takes around three years to finish a degree. Four, if you’re particularly keen and take on masters, or also if you’re
particularly distracted and defer into drunkenness. I’m six months in and so far I’ve graduated from an array of
miscellany, ranging from a diploma in Actual Coffee Addiction (majoring in Why it’s Okay to Spend More on Coffee
Than Food), a certificate in Being Awake For an Entire Week in April, and my personal favourite: a license to Win
Arguments by Default When Versing the Ignorant, Uneducated Masses. Despite managing to obtain these prestigious
qualifications, I also managed to learn some nifty lessons on the side. Listen up and you too, can know great things.
1
The criteria sheet is
relevant. In fact, it will
generally be more
accurate a guide than any
of the vague notes you
took at some point during
the semester. I originally
learnt this in grade eight
when I submitted a science
assignment titled, The Moon
is Not Made of Cheese,
Good Sir. “What is this
brand of brattery, child?”
was the only feedback I
received. The assignment
may have been a classic
and before its time, but the
criteria sheet (the insidious
and all-powerful ruler) had
no relation to it and was,
alas, my undoing. Clearly
I had forgotten this lesson
last semester because
I relearnt it in act one of
Ebony Goes To University:
A Rock Opera.
2
Don’t take up a new
hobby. Do not start
working in a bar. This
is especially true you when
you reveal your dream
is something other than
being a forty-five-year-old
bartender just like them they will definitely judge
you. And as funky as
making swell sipables can
be, the combined mental
and physical exhaustion
can also become too much
for your poor brain and
you drop either or both. I
worked all afternoon/night
three nights a week and
tried to find time for fulltime
study. Essentially I took on
two new, huge projects at
the same time and tried
to be amazing at both. My
advice: do not take on two
important, stressful and
time-consuming projects at
once.
3
Allow extra time for
when things go wrong.
If you find yourself
regularly planning your time
down to the microsecond,
consider
budgeting
for:
Suffering
Unlikely
Injuries;
Recovering
from Uncommon but Not
Dangerous, Yet Still Time
Consuming Illnesses; and
Responding To Extreme
Tragedies. These things
don’t usually happen, but
if they do it’s because god
hates you and wants you to
fail. So outsmart your deity
of choice by allocating
some time to Dealing
With and Recovering from
Remarkably Rare Disasters
before they strike. Also, be
aware that alarm clocks
will not work on Monday
mornings because they,
too, are sleeping.
4
Do not procrastinate.
Know you will be no
cleverer
tomorrow.
The primary reason for my
procrastination was the
hope that I would soon feel
ready. Too often I delayed
beginning a task l out of
fear that the result would
be sub-par to that which
I could achieve later. I
would, however, eventually
become even more anxious
and as the deadline crept
nearer, I would then decide
that something was better
than nothing. And while this
is certainly true, ‘something’
can also become amazing
with three weeks’ worth of
editing.
Full-time university sure is something. In the same way that a three-year prison sentence is something; but where
sleeping is banned, you’re only allowed to study and you must traverse a steep hill spawned from the fiery depths of
hell. But after the final exam ends and you stand on the grass patch just beyond the library, unsure of what to do or
where to go now, a bird will fly down from to meet you. “Why do you remain in your Kelvin Grove when the door is so
wide open?” it crows and you notice it’s not a bird but a small Rumi. Eventually you receive an email asking you if you
would like to enroll in your next four units. The question mark is a key to the cell door and the Rumi disappears into the
trees. The sentence is now optional, like volunteer work but with books and fun. Suddenly, all the upcoming subjects
sound exciting and you realise that you are in the right place, heading towards a concentrated version of your wisdom.
34
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Defending academic dishonesty
allegations
Defending student misconduct
allegations
Combating
harassment,
discrimination and bullying
Grievances against the University
Complaints against academic
and non-academic staff
Course complaints
Research supervision grievances
The Wingman will also accompany
students to any meetings with QUT.
This may include:
• Misconduct allegations where
he will advocate on behalf of the
student to ensure that their rights
upheld.
• Disability advisors in order to help
prepare a disability plan that can
assist those students with special
needs to overcome their disability
and achieve success with their
studies.
• The QUT Student Ombudsman
where he can assist students
to prepare their case if they are
STUDENT RIGHTS
THIS YEAR IN
579
•
•
pursuing a grievance action
against the University.
Individual lectures that students
may have a dispute with; he will
try to mediate and negotiate a
resolution that is acceptable to
the student.
Faculty meetings over disputed
grades or any other issue;
the Wingman will accompany
students to make sure that their
rights are being upheld and
to arrive at a resolution that is
acceptable to the student.
The most effective way to be
successful in challenging an action
by the University is to prove that QUT
made a decision in breach of policy.
Unfortunately breaches do occur but
students are often unaware of what
University rules are. This is where
they need their Wingman. With over
twenty years experience in the role,
he is an expert on university policy
and procedures and will use this
knowledge to advocate for you!
TWENTY’14
192
COMPARED
TO
STUDENTS
THUS FAR IN
2014
STUDENTS
IN ALL OF
2011
ADVOCACY BY THE NUMBERS
2011
2013
IN JUNE 2014, THE GUILD ENSURED
THAT OVER 490 PEOPLE COULD
SEEK SPECIAL CONSIDERATION
FOR THE LWB432 EVIDENCE EXAM
2012
THAT’S AN INCREASE OF
Six hundred percent
600%
85%
OVER 85% OF
MISCONDUCT
IS RELATED TO
55%
PLAGARISM
IN JUST TWO YEARS
THE PREVIOUS GUILD ADMINISTRATION
DID NOT CARE TO REPRESENT STUDENTS
IN 2011
EXCLUSIONS AND
FAILURE OF PRAC PLACEMENT
MAKE UP OVER 55% OF ALL CASES
35
After
David and Goliath, Frodo and The Ring, The New York Giants and The New
England Patriots, Billy Madison and the third grade, Walter White and Jesse
Pinkman, Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed, Lawrence of Arabia and the Ottoman
Army, Darryl Kerrigan and the High Court of Australia, Luke Skywalker and Darth
Vader, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs in the eighties, Tweety and Sylvester;
There Was...
DAN v NAD
36
37
relationships and sex with Glenda Globston
Biggie Bob’s
Farmers’ Update.
A Boaring Story
Bryson Head, QUT Student and Melon Farmer
It’s 3am, you’ve been out all night with
your mates but with nothing to show
for it. You have also been bragging all
week about how many big boars you
got just the other day. Around the next
bend, however, you see it, in the middle
of the spotlight, the 120kg boar that’s
eluded you for the last 6 months. Now’s
your chance to prove to your mates that
your dog is up to it, that you’re as good
as you say you are, so you shout out to
the driver, telling him to gun it to close
the gap before letting the dogs off. It’s
game on.
Being the cooler months of the year, my
melon stories are somewhat lacking,
however, there is still a pest that roams
this great land of ours – wild pigs.
“
Some say Captain Cook and his crew
were the reason for their spread, and
others, well they just don’t say a lot. So
here’s a bit of a hunting story for you
all; but don’t worry, I won’t tell too many
porkies throughout.
This
feral
animal
is
devastating not only to native
habitats but to agriculture
as well. Wild pigs are pests
and they are destroying farm
and bushland all across
Australia. They kill livestock,
pets and native animals and
are notorious for spreading
disease, weeds and ticks.
They destroy acres of native
grassland and are becoming
the biggest problem in our
National Parks and State
Forests. Their damage to the
Australian Agriculture sector
totals an estimated $100
million, annually and is the
reason they are so commonly
hunted.
38
”
The Boar takes off into the crop sorghum that stands 1.3m high and is
as thick as anything. There is nothing
to be seen across the top of it and you
sure as hell don’t want to be running
blind into a 120kg boar.
So you wait, hoping that your dog can
handle it. Then you hear it, the piercing
squeal, and you know all you have to do
now it wait for the right moment before
you run in and flip it.
Its shaken off your dog, however, and
the chase is on again. Just a moment
ago you held from taking off blindly after
the tonner, but the adrenaline is rushing
through you now and you press on,
fearlessly.
You don’t know how many minutes have
passed but you’re out of breath and
going completely by sound and smell
(fact: A large boar can have such a
strong odour even a human can trace
them). After another good chase, your
dog has found it again. Each one of you
are tired and winded, you know this is
where a boar will be most deadly so you
approach with caution. Then you see the
chance to finish the kill; you take it and
just as quickly as it started, it is over.
Now you know there is one less pest that
will be destroying your crops this year.
Alasdair: Glenda, They call me
Ali G, but honestly, I’m probably
more like his lame mate Ricky C. I’d
like to think that my week abroad
in Melbourne has made me more
cultured in the art of drinking chai
and talking about my feelings, but
really, my housemates treat me like
Specialist Eldridge from the Hurt
Locker. Everyone’s bitch. I put on
a shit British accent and tell girls
I work in a law firm, but really: I’m
Irish, I don’t even study law and I
went to Raymont so I can’t even
pretend to be a frat boy. Should I
just become a promoter at Dunder
to pick up European chicks?
Glennie: Hey Ali G, sounds like
you’re either a wanna-be hipster
or suffering from an identity crisis;
which isn’t surprising considering
your full time mate and part time
boss Falvey tells me that you’re
probably still a virgin. I suggest
getting back to basics: sinking
beers at the Botanic Bar, fly fishing
for some trout and perhaps join a
local sporting team. League is a
real man’s sport, so you should
probably play Union instead.
YOUR
QUESTIONS
ANSWERED
The column that answers your relationship and sex
questions with no holds barred. Partner in crime not
performing? Dealing with a cheater?
Write to us at universe@qutguild.com
Courtney: Glenda you must help
me! My boyfriend and I want to
move in together now that we are
expecting, however, we can’t seem to
get our finances in order. We have
just bought a car together but I feel
like our expectations will be towed
away.
Glennie: Hey Barbie, don’t worry
about finances because Ken will
be the next Wolf of Wall Street; so
struggle through the snuggle for
now. He might be number 2.0 in your
books, but you’re his first, so maybe it
would be easier to just move into the
Penthouse?
David: Glenda, ever since I ran my
way into her heart, this girl and I have
been seeing each other. But I’m too
scared to make it Facebook official,
even though all that cardio has made
my heart extremely strong. If I don’t
act soon, however, I am worried my
Eskimo brother and twin might steal
her away from me when she gets
back from Norway. I guess it wouldn’t
be his fault, girls often confuse us
because we like to make the same
pose in every photo we take together.
I may have to start wearing bright
orange shorts so people can tell us
apart.
Glennie: David, that’s whatever
In short: Seriously just move in
you’re talking about for you. Send
your brother Cameron my way. xoxo
In short: Chav (noun): Burden on
society
P.S. I hear a baby isn’t the only thing
you should expect... Time for a
manicure
In short: She sounds pretty Medrad,
better move fast.
Alasdair, Still Undecided
Courtney, Law and PR
together.
Stacey: Hi Glenda, why does Salty: Glennie, I recently met a well
everyone keeps confusing me for my
hotter identical twin? Not only that,
but ever since I stopped dating my
last boyfriend, Ben, I am constantly
being called a cougar for my choice
in men. Maybe I should just cross the
Tasman to find love?
Glennie: Hey Christie, actually your
mum is the one that has it going on.
Fact. However, science has proven
that wealth increases attractiveness,
so you should get #Rich. Fact.
Moreover, there is nothing wrong
with being a cougar, but we all know
cougars are scary, so stop making
children cry. Rude. Fact.
In short: Turn Down for What.
Stacey, Law and IT
muscled man at a march against
Palestine in the city and we instantly
connected. The only problem is that
I vote left and he votes right. I have
intersectional feminism, he has
intersectional charm. I fight against
the man and he is the biggest man
I’ve met. I fight the patriarchy and he
is the chief. How can I get over these
differences so we can have a litter of
children together?
Glennie: Hey Kitty, no need to be
jumpin’ around all nimbly bimbly from
tree to tree. Have you tried blowing
smoke in his face; otherwise, there
is always the option of getting those
pants in womens’. If all else fails, you
could try expressing your love for him
by sticking posters to the light poles
at Kelvin Grove.
David, Law and Business
Chris: Hi Glenda, the only thing
I love more than myself is a picture
of myself. I don’t really need your
advice because I know I am always
right, I just want to read this out to
myself in my own voice after it has
been published. My hobbies include
empire building and wasting other
people’s money. I am the reason
people chant “Fuck off UTS” at Uni
Games.
Glennie: Hey Darth Vaderz, I see
the Empire has Striked back at a new
campus, and is building itself into a
Death Star. Hope you remember how
A New Hope ended.
In short: Axe the SSAF, I mean the
Empire.
Chris, Post Post Post Grad
In short: Meow
SAlty, Not Currently Enrolled
39
Late Assessment +
No Extension = 0%
Is your assignment due date approaching? Don’t panic!
If something unexpected disrupts your work on your assignment, you can:
» hand in what you’ve done by the due date,
» apply for an assignment extension by the due date.
Access the single extension request process at
www.student.qut.edu.au/studying/assessment/extension
Find people or resources to help with planning and time management at
www.student.qut.edu.au/studying/learning-support
CRICOS No.00213J
40
© 2014 QUT 20203