Funny Girl is a musical play about the life of actress Fanny Brice, from her first forays
into show business and love affair with gambler Nick Arnstein to her success and final
divorce.In this funny monologue, Fanny expresses her burning desire to become an
actress and that soon it will be her turn to make it in show business.
FANNY:
"Suppose all ya ever had for breakfast was onion rolls. Then one day, in walks
(gasp) a bagel! You'd say, 'Ugh, what's that?' Until you tried it! That's my problem - I'm a
bagel on a plate full of onion rolls. Nobody recognizes me! Listen, I got 36 expressions.
Sweet as pie and tough as leather. And that's six expressions more than all
those...Barrymores put together. Instead of just kicking me, why don't they give me a
lift? Well, it must be a plot, 'cause they're scared that I got...such a gift! 'Cause I'm the
greatest star, I am by far, but no one knows it. Wait - they're gonna hear a voice, a silver
flute. They'll cheer each toot, hey, she's terrific!, when I expose it. Now can't you see to
look at me that I'm a natural Camille, and as Camille, I just feel, I've so much to offer.
Kid, I know I'd be divine because I'm a natural cougher (coughs) - some ain't got it, not a
lump. I'm a great big clump of talent! Laugh, they'll bend in half. Did you ever hear the
story about the travelling salesman? A thousand jokes, stick around for the jokes. A
thousand faces. I reiterate. When you're gifted, then you're gifted. These are facts, I've
got no axe to grind. Ay! What are ya, blind? In all of the world so far, I'm the greatest
star! No autographs, please. What? You think beautiful girls are gonna stay in style
forever? I should say not! Any minute now they're gonna be out! FINISHED! Then it'll be
my turn!"
Alice in Wonderland tells the story of a little girl named Alice who falls into a rabbit-hole
and ends up in a magical-fantasy world populated by strange creatures and talking
animals. This monologue is right at the beginning of the story. Alice is sitting on the
riverbank with her sister, reading a book. All of a sudden she sees a white rabbit,
wearing a coat and carrying a watch, run past her. The rabbit complains that he is late.
She follows the rabbit and ends up falling down a rabbit hole...
ALICE: [Angrily] Why, how impolite of him. I asked him a civil question, and he
pretended not to hear me. That's not at all nice. [Calling after him] I say, Mr. White
Rabbit, where are you going? Hmmm. He won't answer me. And I do so want to know
what he is late for. I wonder if I might follow him. Why not? There's no rule that I mayn't
go where I please. I--I will follow him. Wait for me, Mr. White Rabbit. I'm coming, too!
[Falling] How curious. I never realized that rabbit holes were so dark . . . and so long . . .
and so empty. I believe I have been falling for five minutes, and I still can't see the
bottom! Hmph!. . . . . After such a fall as this, I shall think nothing of tumbling
downstairs. How brave they'll all think me at home. Why, I wouldn't say anything about it
even if I fell off the top of the house! I wonder how many miles I've fallen by this time. I
must be getting somewhere near the center of the earth. I wonder if I shall fall right
through the earth! How funny that would be. Oh, I think I see the bottom. Yes, I'm sure I
see the bottom. I shall hit the bottom, hit it very hard, and oh, how it will hurt!
Sandra has been helping her best friend choose an outfit for her date...with Jimmy, the
guy Sandra yearns for.
SANDRA: Why would I be mad? Just ‘cause it’s a double date and my guy isn’t going
to be there ‘cause I made him up, so it’s just me and you and your
date...Jimmy. Perfect, perfect Jimmy. And his dimples.
(Beat.)
I mean—it’s Jimmy. He doesn’t want to go out with me, he wants to go out with
you. And he doesn’t like me, even though—you know. I’ve been completely and utterly
in love with him since second grade...and I left all those little presents on his desk, and
hung around by his locker every day, and I put a tent in his backyard and slept there
with that big Valentine’s day sign I made.
(Beat.)
I was there a week. He was at his uncle’s.
(Beat.)
Then when the sign didn’t work, I thought—you know. Bigger. Maybe he just couldn’t
read my writing, so I spent everything I had on a huge billboard that said—Jimmy, I love
you, ask me to the spring formal...but I spent all my money on the billboard so I couldn’t
afford a ticket... I just watched through the window. It was raining. I stood there, in the
rain, and watched you and Jimmy dancing. Together. You were staring into his eyes
the whole time. Those beautiful, sparkling eyes—full of mystery, full of promise. Eyes
you could lose yourself in.
(Beat.)
Then I got bit by a raccoon.
"PIGGY PRINCESS"from the play "Flowers in the Desert" by D. M. Larson
PAULA: I've always loved taking care of animals. Horses, cats, dogs, and
especially pigs. Momma Nell, one of my foster mothers, used to call me that, her
little piggy. And I did look like a little piggy that's for sure. I was plumper than a
Buddha doll.
Momma Nell used to dress me in pink too. I love how she let me call her
Momma. And pink still is my favorite color. One time Momma bought me this
most beautiful pink dress for a school dance. It was all sparkly like pink
diamonds. Are there pink diamonds? And the dress had these big old puffy
shoulders like Cinderella. I felt like a princess for the whole ride there. I shoulda
just turned and gone home cause that was the best part... The boys at the dance
said so many mean things to me... they laughed at me... I laughed too... I wanted
them to see me laughing... like I wanted to be the joke... I decided piggies
shouldn't try to be petunias.
(Smiles, then looks thoughtful and sad) Momma Nell was the best foster mother I
ever had until she got sick. Too sick for me to take care of anymore. I wish they
woulda let me try a little longer. I wanted to be there for her like she was for me.
(puts on a smile) But I sure know how to take care of animals. That's what I love to
do now. I'm like St. Francis of A-sissy. (Sighs) And I would sure love to be a saint
like Francis, then all this suffering would be worth while.
"Where's My Prince Charming" by D. M. Larson
Princess: Okay, people. I wished upon a star. I guess it does make a difference who I
are! Do I have to be some poor nobody wannabe? Do I need some kind of kryptonite
like a little pea? Did my prince get turned into a frog and he's now hiding in some
creepy bog waiting for me to find him? I don't even know how to swim.
What's the use of dreaming anymore. No one is beating down my door. I need to be
some kind of damsel in distress to get some attention I guess.
Where's my Prince Charming? Is there something about me that's alarming? All I get is
Prince Pampered who spends his whole life hampered by being royally stuck up. Or
there's Prince Never Grow Up who is way too pretty in his curls. All these boys make
me want to hurl. Why can't I find a man sized prince who will sweep me off my feet and
take me to far away lands. He will hold me with his strong hands and devote his life to
me.
Is that what I want? Is that what I dream about? If I don't get it, will I forever pout and
cry because I didn't get my way?
I just want to feel special. I want to feel like they care. I want them to bravely face any
challenge for me.
Enter my heart if you dare.
Lock me in a tower. Make me your precious flower. I want you to battle your way
against dragons to win my love today. Quit playing with your toys and prove your worth
to me, boys. I promise I will be the perfect princess for you to please. I will be good to
you and I won't be a tease... much. Who am I kidding? I'm chasing a dream. They
say I got everything in life but it is nothing it seems. Where is my happy ending?!
OPERATOR:
Neverland 911, what's the emergency? You are being
kidnapped by pirates? Can you be more specific?
Which pirate is kidnapping you? Well, if he's limping
on a peg-leg then it's probably Long John Silver,
but if he has a hook then it's probably Captain-ohHe's got a hook and a pegleg?
Oh dear. Please hold.
Neverland 911, what's the emergency? Being harassed
by mermaids? How dreadful. Please hold. Neverland
911, how can I help you? Trapped in Skull Cave?
The tide is coming in? Oh my! Please hold. Neverland
911, what's your problem? Your rowboat's falling apart?
And you're being attacked by a tick-tocking crocodile?
Oh you poor dear! Please hold. Neverland 911-Hey
Thumbelina! How you doin' girl? He did?! Why, you
need to dump that Tom Thumb. Uh-huh? Uh-huh? No,
I'm not busy. You tell me all about it!
Set in New York City during the Great Depression, this reinvention of the classic fairytale introduces an interesting twist on the fairy godmother character -- A wise, old
homeless woman.
GODMOTHER: (Southern Dialect.)
Now what’s that sound creeping into my old ears?
Ah, it’s just as I feared, a sound this old gal
has heard all too often, knows all too well, in
fact. Ain’t nothing quite like the lonesome wish
of a young, helpless heart.
Child, you got a look
on your face like you spent the whole day crying
tears the size of huckleberries. Am I right?
You look like a girl who is crock-full of dreams,
and all of them have gotten squished one way or
another. And now you, you just don’t know what
to do. Yes, indeedy, child, I’ve been watching
out for you, little Cinderella Fitzgerald, and
why you ask? Well, think of me as your fairy
godmother, but without all that magic and witch-
craft. I don’t need a crystal ball to know that
all of your trouble starts with the phrase,
“I met a boy.” Well, honey, your story is
older than the pyramids.
In this very silly spoof of fairy-tales, a bitter Wicked Witch curses the soon-to-be
Sleeping Beauty.
WICKED WITCH:
So, looks like everyone is having a marvelous time. Hello, good to see you. Nice to
meet you. Hi there, I’m the Wicked Witch, here’s my card. Let’s do lunch sometime. Ah,
and here’s the birthday girl, surrounded by all of these gifts and her good little fairy
friends. And here’s King Jonathan and Queen Jessica.
You certainly invited a great number of people. But somehow you seemed to have
overlooked the one person who could have been your most delightful guest. But no, no,
don’t apologize. My feelings are hurt, yes, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t brought along
a special gift for the princess. A brand new, never-seen-before, Curse of the Wicked
Witch! “For all the tears you’ve made me shed, you’ll prick your finger on something
pointy and fall down dead. And if your friends are feeling blue, in just one day they’ll
drop dead too!” HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Runs off cackling… continues cackling looking
for the exit.) How do you get out of this place? Oh – HAHAHAHAHA! (Exits.)
12 Years Wise
A female monologue for teens
by Gabriel D
I'm twelve. Yes, I'm only twelve. I don't know everything you do. But I need you to
listen to me. Because I think I know something here..
I know when you yell at mom its usually because you think you 're right and she's
wrong. But if mom's crying because you're yelling about how wrong she is then I think
you're even more wrong ..
I'm only twelve. As you like to remind me. You know more stuff. But I know there must
be a better way to make your point than to stick mom with it until she cries. Maybe you
could soften your point.. Like I did with Jackie ..
I didn't tell you or mom this but... Jackie took my favorite dress without asking. The one
I was going to wear my first day back at school.And went to a sleepover and got grape soda all
over it. It's ruined. I wanted to yell at her. To tell her right in front of you and mom how
insensitive she was and how she's a bad sister because she didn't think of me at all and
how she is totally selfish...But the last time I did that she didn't talk to me for a week and ...No
instead I downloaded that funny movie about the school dance she was dying to see and we
watched it and laughed and when we were both really happy together them I told
her quietly, privately in her room about how excited I'd been to wear the dress my first
day back at school and what I loved about it. She said I was just telling her to make her
feel bad.I said ... I said I was just telling her because I wanted her to know how I felt. Because I
wasn't sure she knew. And she said... she kinda knew but not how MUCH it mattered to
me.So when she finally apologized, I knew it was real not because you or mom made
her. But because she loves me. So I'm saying...maybe instead of yelling at mom when she
gets home..Maybe you should take her on a really nice date instead.I'm just saying... Do you
want Mom to be nicer to you ... Or do you just want to be "right"? It's up to you, dad.
Aladdin
written by Roger Allers, Ron Clements, Ted Elliott, John Musker, & Terry Rossio
Genie: Aaaaahhhhh! OY! Ten-thousand years will give ya such a crick in the neck!
Whoa! Does it feel good to be outta there! (pretends to have a microphone) Nice to
be back, ladies and gentlemen. (to Aladdin) Hi, where ya from? What's your name?
Aladdin! Hello, Aladdin. Nice to have you on the show. Can we call you 'Al?' Or maybe
just 'Din?' Or howbout 'Laddi?' (suddenly is wearing a kilt) Sounds like "Here, boy!
C'mon, Laddi!" Do you smoke? Mind if I do? Oh, sorry Cheetah, hope I didn't singe the
fur! Hey, Rugman! Haven't seen you in a few millennia! Slap me some tassel! Yo!
Yeah! (high-fives carpet) Say, you're a lot smaller than my last master. Either that or
I'm gettin' bigger. Look at me from the side, do I look different to you? That's right,
you're my master! He can be taught!! What would you wish of me, (as Arnold
Schwarzenegger) the ever impressive, (inside a cube) the long contained, (as a
ventriloquist with a dummy) often imitated, but never duplicated....he multiplies into
about 7 different Genies)...duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated,
duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated.... Genie! Of! The Lamp! (as Ed
Sullivan) Right here direct from the lamp, right here for your enjoyment wish fulfillment.
Thank youuuuu! (back) You get three wishes to be exact. And ix-nay on the wishing for
more wishes. That's it, three. Uno, dos, tres. No substitutions, exchanges or refunds.
Master, I don't think you quite realize what you've got here! So why don't you just
ruminate, while I illuminate the possibilities!
It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!
written by Charles M. Schulz
Sally Brown:
I was robbed! I spent the whole night waiting for the Great Pumpkin when
I could have been out for tricks or treats! Halloween is over and I missed it! You
blockhead! You kept me up all night waiting for the Great Pumpkin and all that came
was a beagle! I didn't get a chance to go out for tricks or treats! And it was all your fault!
I'll sue! What a fool I was. And could have had candy apples and gum! And cookies and
money and all sorts of things! But no, I had to listen to you! You blockhead. What a fool
I was. Trick or treats come only once a year. And I miss it by sitting in a pumpkin patch
with a blockhead. You owe me restitution!
A Little Princess
written by Richard LaGravenese & Elizabeth Chandler
Sara:
I don't have a mother either... she's in heaven with my baby sister... But that doesn't
mean I can't talk to her, I talk to her all the time... I tell her everything and I know she
hears me because... because that's what angels do. My mom is an angel and yours is
too. With beautiful satin wings, a silk dress, and a crown of baby rosebuds, and they all
live together in a castle. And do you know what it's made out of? Sunflowers. Hundreds
of them, so bright they shine like the sun. And when they want to go anywhere they just
whistle, like this...(whistles) and a cloud swoops down to the front gate and picks them
up and as they ride through the air, over the moon and through the stars... until they are
hovering right above us, that's how they can look down and make sure we're all right.
And sometimes they even send messages. Of course you can't hear them with all the
noise you were making... but don't worry they'll always try again... just in case you
missed them.
Ten Things I Hate About You
written by Karen McCullah Lutz & Kirsten Smith; adapted from the play by William
Shakespeare
Kat: I hate the way you talk to me. And the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you
drive my car. I hate it when you stare I hate your big dumb combat boots. And the way
you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick-- it even makes me rhyme. I
hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me
laugh -- even worse when you make me cry. I hate it that you're not around. And the
fact that you didnt call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you - - not even close, not
even a little bit, not even at all.
The Goonies
written by Chris Columbus, story by Steven Spielberg
Chunk: Okay! I'll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I
stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew
School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on
the dog...When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served
lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out...But the worst thing I ever
done -- I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the
puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this:
hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa -- and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the
audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up
all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.
The Princess Diaries
written by Gina Wendkos, from the novel by Meg Cabot
Mia: Hi, um... hello. I'm Mia. Um, it's stopped raining! I'm really no good at speechmaking. Normally I get so nervous that I faint or run away, or sometimes I even get sick.
But you really didn't need to know that... But I'm not so afraid anymore. See, my father
helped me. Earlier this evening had every intention of giving up my claim to the throne.
And my mother helped me, by telling me it was ok, and by supporting me like she has
for my entire life. But then I wondered how I'd feel after abdicating my role as Princess
of Genovia. Would I feel relieved, or would I feel sad? And then I realized how many
stupid times a day I use the word 'I.' And probably all I ever do is think about myself.
And how lame is that when there's like seven billion other people out there on the
planet, and... sorry, I'm going too fast. But then I thought, if I cared about the other
seven billion out there, instead of just me, that's probably a much better use of my time.
See, if i were Princess of Genovia, then my thoughts and the thoughts of people
smarter than me would be much better heard, and just maybe those thoughts could be
turned into actions. So this morning when I woke up, I was Mia Thermopolis. But now I
choose to be forevermore, Amelia Mignonette Thermopolis Renaldi, Princess of
Genovia.
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
HUCK: Miss Watson told me to pray every day, and whatever I asked for I would get it.
But it warn't so. I tried it. Once I got a fish-line, but no hooks. It warn't any good to me
without hooks. I tried for the hooks three or four times, but somehow I couldn't make it
work. By and by, one day, I asked Miss Watson to try for me, but she said I was a fool.
She never told me why, and I couldn't make it out no way. I set down one time back in
the woods, and had a long think about it. I says to myself, if a body can get anything
they pray for, why don't Deacon Winn get back the money he lost on pork? Why can't
the widow get back her silver snuffbox that was stole? Why can't Miss Watson fat up?
No, says I to my self, there ain't nothing in it. I went and told the widow about it, and she
said the thing a body could get by praying for it was "spiritual gifts." This was too many
for me, but she told me what she meant--I must help other people, and do everything I
could for other people, and look out for them all the time, and never think about myself.
This was including Miss Watson, as I took it. I went out in the woods and turned it over
in my mind a long time, but I couldn't see no advantage about it--except for the other
people; so at last I reckoned I wouldn't worry about it any more, but just let it go.
Queen of Hearts
Disney Alice in Wonderland Queen of Hearts – ‘cut off her head’ monologue
Oh, I loathe that song! Stop singing, before my ears explode! (holding her ears)
My anvils! My stirrups! Did you hear me? I said stop that singing! Royal
Cardsmen, drag her away!!!!
You may have won the match, but you’ve just lost your head! Royal Cardsmen, Off
with her…….what? A Trial? Well, all right, but make it fast. I want to see her head
rolling around like a bowling ball. (weeping like a distraught witness) Because…she
beat me. She ADMITS she beat me! Do you hear? She confesses, she beat me,
she beat me….(suddenly happy again) So let’s hurry and get to the good part
where we cut off her head!
High School Musical 2
Gabbriela: Us working together sounded good but plans change and, people change.
The club talent show is a big deal for Sharpay and evidently for your future so it’s cool,
just make it happen, wear your new Italian shoes! Blowing off your friends? Missing
dates? If that’s you it’s good to know! But if along the way you act like someone you’re
not pretty soon that’s who you become. I’m sure you did, at the time, but I also meant
what I said, that I wanna remember this summer. But not like this Troy.
Wicked Queen:
I am so sick of being called the wicked queen! I am not wicked- I’m
obsessive. There’s a big difference. All I ever wanted was to be the fairest in the land.
Maybe attempted homicide was a bit extreme, but that doesn’t make me evil. Do you
have any idea what it’s like to constantly be around someone you know looks better
than you? It’s terrible! Besides, I was doing a favor for all of humankind. That girl is just
too happy for her own good! All I’m saying is that it wasn’t completely my fault, but I’m
still destined to go down in fairy tale history as “the Wicked Queen.”
Misunderstood Stepmother:
Snow white? I’ll tell you about Snow White! You think
she looks like that naturally? (she spends hours on her make up.) And who do you
think cleans all that up? It wasn’t snow white, I’ll tell you that. I never made her do any
chores. She’s just like my friends stepdaughter, in front of guests she refuses to let
anyone else lift a finger and then turns it around and makes us look bad. I’m telling you,
that Cinderella girl should get together with snow white. Let them fight it out as to who
gets to do the work. It’s like some kind of . . . Complex or something.
Where’s My Happily Ever After?:You’re right, you’re absolutely right. I don’t belong
here. But do any of us? Wait, wait, wait! We are more alike than you think! Queen
Narcissa- the seven dwarfs saved Snow White and then what happened? It left you the
Unfairest of them all! Now you’re hustling pool to get your next meal. How does that
feel? You, frumpy pigskin, right Rumpelstiltskin…my bad. Where’s that first born you
were promised, eh? Hook! Need I say more? Anastasia, remember when you couldn’t
get your fat foot in that glass slipper? Cinderella is out there right now, eating bon bons
and schmoozing with every last fairy tale creature that has ever done you wrong! There
are two sides to every story. And our side has not been told. So, who wants to come out
on top for once? Who wants their happily ever after?
Cinderella’s Dream: I had the strangest dream, my fairy godmother sprinkled happy
dust over Anastasia and Drizella, and they were so nice to me! I know that was only a
dream, but it was so nice, that I think I’ll try to pretend that it really happened. Whenever
they are mean to me, I’ll pretend they actually said something sweet and kind. “Sure, I’ll
wash you dresses, Drizella… I would love to polish your shoes, Anastasia. Right away
dear sisters, thank you!”(giggles) did you see their faces! They must to think I’ve gone
mad. Did you see how they hurried to their rooms and slammed the doors? They may
not actually be caring or good nature, but they’ll be too scared to come out of their
rooms for at least a few hours. So … Who’s up for a game of hide-and-seek while we’ve
got the run of the house?
Frog Prince: Hello. My name is prince Frederick and I am a . . . A fly addict. It’s all my
father’s fault. No, really. I’m not just trying to blame someone else. You see, when he
made up the list for my christening he made a slight error. He left my godmother off the
list and she got a little . . . Upset. She sort of flew off the handle and turned me into a
frog. She has since sought therapy to try and find better ways of dealing with her
stress. Anyway, I had to get a beautiful princess to kiss me so that I could turn back to
normal. You can imagine the line of them just waiting to do so. It took me twenty years,
but I finally found one willing to kiss my slimy frog lips. After my transformation we were
married and supposed to live happily ever after. Unfortunately, she broke up with me
because of my addiction. Well, that and the lily pads in the bathtub drain.
Prince’s Complaint: Aren’t there any normal princesses out there?? I’d like to meet a
princess who actually likes me- for me- not just because i came valiantly to her
rescue. A princess who reads by the hour because she likes books! Not because she’s
been locked in a tower for years. That would be refreshing! A princess who hide her
beautiful face in ashes and pretend to be a maid until i throw a ball, and then suddenly
there she appears- only to disappear again. I mean some guys think that’s interestingbut I’d like to actually finish our dance and say good night? And then really! You think
the best way to meet me is to eat a poison apple and get your seven best friends put
you in a glass coffin! A simple, “Hi, my name is Snow White.” Would work just fine for
me! Really! (Prince hears something) oh no! Gotta run. Another princess in trouble!
Lost Boy from Peter Pan:
I saw Pirates! I saw Indians! Not only did I see Pirates, and
Indians, but I saw a wonderfuller thing. High over the lagoon I saw the loveliest, great,
white bird. It is flying this way. It looks weary and as it flies it moans, “Poor Wendy”. I
think there are birds called Wendies. See, here it comes! Look how white it is. Hey,
there’s Tinkerbell. Tink is trying to hurt the Wendy. She says Peter wants us to shoot
the Wendy. Let us do what Peter wishes. Out of my way, Tink. I’ll shoot it. I’ve shot the
Wendy! Peter will be so pleased!
Lion from Wizard of Oz:
Courage! What makes a king out of a slave? Courage! What makes the flag on the
mast to wave? Courage! What makes the elephant charge his tusk in the misty mist, or
the dusky dusk? What makes the muskrat guard his musk? Courage! What makes the
sphinx the seventh wonder? Courage! What makes the dawn come up like thunder? C
ourage! What makes the Hottentot so hot? What puts the “ape” in apricot? What have
they got that I ain’t got? Courage? You can say that again!
Wicked Witch of the West from Wizard of Oz:
Nikko, Nikko! Where is the commander of my aerobatic apes? There you are. I have an
important task for you. My enemies are about to enter the Haunted Forest. I want you to
rouse your men and snatch the sickening little girl and her equally nauseating little dog.
I’ll conjure up a spell to take the fight out of her. Now which of my creepy crawlie
creations shall I send to plague her? The flibberty gibbet? No! The fly by night? No!
Aha! I have it! The jitterbug! There is no more infectious bug in my book of spells. Once
bitten, they can never stop dancing till they drop! And when they do, you shall be there
to scoop up the little brat and the little brute and bring them both to me! Now go!
Annie:
Pipe down, all of you. Do you want Hannigan to hear you? I know, she’s talking in her
sleep. Shhhh, Molly. It’s all right, Annie’s here. Blow. It was only a dream. Now we’ve all
got to get back to sleep. It’s after three a.m. All right, I’ll read you my note again if you
promise to go back to sleep. (clears throat) “ . . . Please take care of our little darling.
We’ve named her Annie. She was born on Oct. 28 . . . “ So, you’re laughing are you?
Do you want to sleep with your teeth inside your mouth or out?
Hannigan from “Annie”:
Ah ha! Caught ya! I hear ya! I always hear ya! Get Up! All of ya! Well, is this the way
you say good-Morning? I know it’s 4 O’ clock in the morning. That’s Your problem. Now
what do you say? W h a t d o y o u S a y ? Tell me how much you love me. Rotten
orphans! You kids in here, get up! Put them things away. For this One’s shenanigans
you’ll scrub the floors and strip them beds for the laundry man. Rise and shine!
Shrek:
Once upon a time there was a little ogre named Shrek, who lived with his parents in a
bog by a tree. It was a pretty nasty place, but he was happy because ogres like nasty.
On his 7th birthday the little ogre’s parents sat him down to talk, just as all ogre parents
had for hundreds of years before. Ahh, I know it’s sad, very sad, but ogres are used to
that – the hardships, the indignities. And so the little ogre went on his way and found a
perfectly rancid swamp far away from civilization. And whenever a mob came along to
attack him he knew exactly what to do. Rooooooaaaaar! Hahahaha!
Fiona:
Oh hello! Sorry I’m late! Welcome to Fiona: the Musical! Yay, let’s talk about me. Once
upon a time, there was a little princess named Fiona, who lived in a Kingdom far, far
away. One fateful day, her parents told her that it was time for her to be locked away in
a desolate tower, guarded by a fire-breathing dragon- as so many princesses had for
hundreds of years before. Isn’t that the saddest thing you’ve ever heard? A poor little
princess hidden away from the world, high in a tower, awaiting her one true love