Parenting Article No. 43
TALKING WITH YOUR FAMILY
Perhaps the most important element of a family
that works well is good communication. It builds
a two-way connection between you and your
child in a way that helps them develop a healthy
personality and good relationships with you and
others. Every conversation is an opportunity to
connect with the members of your family in this
positive way.
It makes good sense to regularly stop what
you’re doing and simply sit and talk with those
close to you, your partner, children or parents.
Every day is loaded with opportunities for this
sort of interaction – time spent in the car, at
mealtimes, evening walks, washing the dog.
With very little effort we can make each day
memorable by talking and laughing with our
kids.
How you express yourself is just as important as
what you say. Children will take their lead from
you in many, many ways. Be conscious of how
you communicate your feelings. For example,
match your body language with the content of
your message. Avoid loud and aggressive
shouting matches. Practise calm. Rehearse what
you want to say particularly if it won’t be what
your child wants to hear.
It is possible that the reason that people have two
ears and one mouth is for listening twice as much
as talking. Being a good listener helps your child
feel loved, even when they are upset and you
can’t fix the problem. Ask them for their ideas
and feelings before beginning to talk about yours.
response that encourages your children to seek a
solution for themselves. Every time parents
provide an answer or make a criticism or
correction, the potential for a meaningful
interaction is reduced. A useful approach to
questions is to stop what you’re doing and attend
to your child. In this way you are creating with
your children their treasure-trove of special times
and events.
Notice what your child is doing well. Comment
and give praise to let them know exactly what it
is you appreciate about them.
For example,
“That’s nice” is not really an adequate
description of how you feel about something they
are engaged in. Be specific and include a
reference to what they are doing.
So, turn off the television, get involved in a
shared task and TALK with your kids. After all,
they take a lead from you when they form their
values and attitudes to the world. Share the
things that are important to you. Enjoy the
interactions that result and be cautious when
correcting. Involve your child’s friends in casual
discussions. If you lay the groundwork early
(some parents start talking to their child soon
after conception), chances are you will enjoy a
fantastic relationship with your child that enables
and encourages them to talk to you about
anything!
Listen to your child when they approach you
with a question or somehow indicate they want
your attention. It is often the case that the
important thing about questions is to make a
For a complete list of Regional Parenting Service articles go to the City of Greater Geelong website
www.geelongaustralia.com.au/community/family/services/article/8cbc84b53070368.aspx