Rites of Passage
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Marriage
Under Jewish law, as set out in the Talmud, there are three alternative ways in which a Jewish marriage may be
contracted: by a written document, by an oral contract sealed by giving an item of value, or by permanent
cohabitation. The traditional Jewish ceremony is a joyous occasion which combines all of these alternative
contractual elements, accompanied by religious blessings and elaborate symbolic ceremonials. However it is the
voluntary actions of the parties rather than the words of the celebrant which create the marriage relationship.
Mikvah
Within four days before the wedding, the bride immerses in the mikvah (ritual bath). Her immersion is accompanied
by a blessing (bracha) and an appropriate prayer. The purpose of the immersion is to effect spiritual purification in
preparation for the physical relationship of marriage.
Wedding day fast
It is customary for bride and groom to fast on the day of the wedding until after the ceremony. This assists them to
come to the chuppah (wedding ceremony) as a spirit of solemnity akin to the Jewish Day of Atonement (Yom
Kippur). In addition, their sins are forgiven on that day, as it is considered important to enter upon marriage as a new
chapter in life with one’s conscience cleared of the errors or lapses of the past.
The wedding feast is therefore described in English as a “breakfast”.
Wearing white
The bride wears a white dress, reminiscent of the white garments that symbolise purity on the High Holydays. In
some congregations the groom wears a tallit. Chasidic bridegrooms wear a white kittel (a long cotton coat) - another
reminder of the dignity, purity and spirituality of the occasion.
The Veiling
Before the ceremony the bride sits veiled among the women. The groom then enters and, in memory of the story of
Jacob, Rachel and Leah (Genesis 30; 21-27), he raises the veil to see the bride for the first time on that day.
The Marriage Contract
One of the prescribed elements is the delivery of a written marriage contract by the groom to the bride, and it is
usually signed before the public ceremony. The document called the Ketubah, or “writing”, is often highly
ornamented. The form of the document is prescribed in the Mishna, compiled in the third century CE. It includes
provision for the wife’s future maintenance by the husband, and provision of a lump sum in case of death or divorce.
(In Australia its legal terms are, of course, subject to Australian family law.) The document is read out during the
marriage ceremony.
The Chuppah
The public ceremony takes place under a canopy called the chuppah, which may take the form of a prayer-shawl
supported by poles, or which may be a portable structure. It symbolises the marital home in which husband and wife
will create. It can either be set up in the open air or in the formal setting of the synagogue. The groom comes under
the chuppah first in order to await the arrival of his bride. The bride stands on his right in fulfilment of the biblical
words: “At thy right hand does the queen stand” (Psalm 45:10). At a Jewish wedding the bride and groom are
regarded as royalty on their wedding day.
The parents of both the bride and the groom stand beneath the Chuppah at the ceremony. However the operative parts
of the ceremony are performed only by the bride and groom, and neither is “given away” by a parent.
The Chuppah - the Marriage Canopy
The Seven Blessings
Under the Chuppah the Cantor sings the Seven Blessings. The fifth, sixth and seventh are are translated below:
Let the barren city be jubilantly happy and joyful at her joyous reunion with her children. You are blessed, Lord,
who makes Zion rejoice with her children.
Let the loving couple be very happy, just as You made Your creation happy in the garden of Eden, so long ago. You
are blessed, Lord, who makes the bridegroom and the bride happy.
You are blessed, Lord our G-d, the sovereign of the world, who created joy and celebration, bridegroom and bride,
rejoicing, jubilation, pleasure and delight, love and brotherhood, peace and friendship. May there soon be heard,
Lord our G-d, in the cities of Judea and in the streets of Jerusalem, the sound of joy and the sound of celebration, the
voice of a bridegroom and the voice of a bride, the happy shouting of bridegrooms from their weddings and of young
men from their feasts of song. You are blessed, Lord, who makes the bridegroom and the bride rejoice together.
The Ring
The operative part of the ceremony is the giving of an item of value with the intention of sealing the marriage
contract. This is the wedding ring, which is placed on the bride’s right forefinger simultaneously with the
pronunciation of the formula “Behold you are consecrated to me according to the laws of Moses and of Israel.” This
formula brings the marriage into existence. There is a growing custom for the bride then to place a ring on the
groom’s finger, and pronounce a similar formula, although this has no effect in Jewish law.
The ring must be the groom’s property. It should be plain and without jewels in order to make no distinction between
rich people and poor and to avoid any deception or misunderstanding as to its monetary worth. It must be an object
of value, but need not cost more than the lowest common coin. The round and endless shape of the ring suggests the
hope that the couple will enjoy well-rounded and lifelong happiness.
The Breaking of the Glass
The bride and the groom then drink wine from a cup. The ceremony comes to a dramatic conclusion as the groom
smashes a glass by stamping on it. The traditional reason for this custom is that it recalls the destruction of the
Temple in Jerusalem. As it is written in the Psalms: “If I set not Jerusalem above my chiefest joy…”. However it is
notable that the contract of betrothal is sealed by the breaking of a plate, and this may be analogous.
After the Ceremony
The third alternative way of contracting a Jewish marriage, by cohabitation, is symbolised after the ceremony by the
couple entering into a room alone.
The wedding feast then takes place, with singing and dancing, and in some traditions with entertainment of the bride
and groom by the guests. There is also a tradition, not often followed, that the groom’s speech is a formal
commentary on the laws of marriage, and there is a growing practice that bride and groom make a joint speech.
For seven days after the wedding, the couple are to leave their work and business. Many couples celebrate these
festive days in their own homes, indicating that this is where their future joy will be found. In some communities,
friends of the couple will arrange evening parties in their homes to read the seven blessings.
Divorce
Should a couple decide that their marriage has irretrievably broken down, and that there is no hope of reconciliation,
Judaism allows divorce. Divorce, like marriage, is the voluntary act of both the parties, and it is effected by the
husband delivering, and the wife voluntarily accepting, a Bill of Divorcement, known as the Gett.
Although effected by the parties and not by a court, the practice is for the delivery and acceptance of the Gett to take
place in the presence of the Rabbinical Court, which ensures that the procedures are correctly followed and maintains
a permanent record. The Bill of Divorcement is written by a scribe in Aramaic, and is kept by the wife after the
delivery and acceptance proceedings.
The concept of the Bill of Divorcement is very ancient, referred to in the book of Deuteronomy (24: 1-4). However
problems can arise from inconsistencies between the operation of the modern civil divorce system, where a divorce is
decreed by the Court at the request of either party, and the Jewish system which requires the consent of both parties.
Under Jewish law the Rabbinical Court can decide that special grounds exist for a party to be compelled to give or
receive the Gett. The difficulty is that the Rabbinical Court in Australia has no enforcement powers if a party refuses
to co-operate. In order to overcome the hardship which can arise where a party is divorced under civil law but unable
to re-marry under Jewish law, the Jewish community has asked for legislation similar to that operating in Canada,
New York State and South Africa, which give the Family Court special powers to assist the parties.
The original marriage contract makes provision for maintenance and lump sum payment in the event of divorce.
However this contract is not enforceable under Australian law, and the civil law applies.
© 2003 NSW Jewish Board of Deputies