1
Table of Contents
Introduction………………………………………………………………………………2
The Group Contract………………………………………………………………………2
Leadership and Co-Leadership Styles……………………………………………………3
Theory of Group Practice Skills, Values and Beliefs…………………………………….4
Observations and Leader / Co-Leader……………………………………………………7
Group Models…………………………………………………………………………….8
Perspectives of Leader / Co-Leader……………………………………………………...11
Effectiveness of Leader / Co-Leader…………………………………………………….12
Group Roles……………………………………………………………………………...13
Group Members and Social Environments………………………………………………14
Group Dynamics…………………………………………………………………………17
My Strengths and Weaknesses…………………………………………………………..18
Conclusion……………………………………………………………………………….20
Appendix A-Videotape Transcription
Appendix C-Student Evaluation Form
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Introduction
In the treatment group, I was the recorder/observer. In this paper, I will set out my
knowledge of group work as it relates to various textual analyzes and my experiences in
the treatment group. I will also discuss in detail my observations of the leader, co-leader
and group members in relation to group dynamics and social environment. As I identify
my strengths and weaknesses, it is my intention to provide in detail how the course
objectives were achieved in my group experience. This paper has been written based on a
series of group meetings, together with a group videotaped session.
Explain the importance of an individual and group contract and how this was
accomplished in your small group. Show how you use aspects of the contract handout or
how you modified it or use another contract for.
Group contracts are defined as “mutual agreement that specify expectations,
obligations and duties”. (Toseland & Rivas, 2005, p. 209) The goal of preparing a group
contract is to help the group clarify the group purpose (Toseland & Rivas, 2005). In our
group, we discussed the preparation of a contract and the contents therein. In defining the
purpose of our group, we discussed an opening statement for our group. Two aspects of
the opening statement that Greg brought to our group were that he provided the group
with a statement about the purpose and function of the group (Toseland & Rivas, 2005).
Further, as a group leader, Greg “…present[ed] a positive, hopeful image of what can be
accomplished in the group”. (Toseland & Rivas, 2005, p. 197) We thoroughly discussed a
verbal group contract; however, a contract was never prepared. Unfortunately, our verbal
intentions did not result in a written contract. One of the members offered to prepare the
contract over the break; however, this group member did not follow through with this
3
commitment. Based on the handout that Dr. Gallant provided us on a group contract, I
think our group would have found much benefit. In reviewing the group contract, the
group members reflect and evaluate their membership in the group. It would have
provided our members with an advanced level of commitment to the group process. As
provided by Corey and Corey (1997), the members ask themselves questions such as
“will my present attitude have a reasonable chance of getting me what I need out of this
group and will my behavior take me on the direction I want to go? I believe that
reflecting on these questions would have enhanced our growth in the group process, as
we would have had the opportunity to reflect on our emotions at the beginning, middle
and end stage of the group process. Looking back, I wish I had insisted on the preparation
of a group contract. I was able to establish an individual contract based on my
expectations and goals in the group. As part of my individual contract review, I reviewed
motivation, capacity, opportunity, as well as my expectations (Timberlake, Farber &
Sabantino, 2002). After completing my diaries and establishing my regret of not having a
group contract, I decided to prepare an individual contract. My purpose for creating the
individual contract was so that I could look back on the group experience and identify
both my strengths and limitations as a group member. In this regard, I am hopeful that
the next time I am involved in a group, I will feel comfortable preparing a contract.
Identify your knowledge of leadership and co-leadership styles. Explain your
understanding of behavioral and social work theories.
Toseland and Rivas state, “The goal of effective leadership is to meet the
socioemotional needs of members and to help the group as a whole, and each member
achieves goals that are consistent with the value base of social work practice”. (Toseland
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& Rivas, 2005, p.97) I believe our leader Greg and co-leader Heather were able to
provide a friendly and inclusive leadership style, as they remained open to new ideas
(Toseland & Rivas, 2005). Greg and Heather were able to create an inclusive
environment by “providing members with opportunities for leadership roles by praising
leadership efforts”. (Toseland & Rivas, 2005, p.106)
In my opinion, the theories that the leader and co-leader incorporated were Field
Theory and Social Exchange Theory. Field Theory is defined as “views the group as a
gestalt, that is, an evolving entity of opposing forces that act to hold members in the
group and to move the group along in its quest for goal achievement”. (Toseland &
Rivas, 2005, p.61) This theory is supported by our group’s ability to respect the roles of
each member, the cohesion of the group and the consensus regarding goal attainment
(Toseland & Rivas, 2005). Social Exchange Theory is defined as “focus[ing] on the
behavior of the individual group members” (Toseland & Rivas, 2005, p. 62). I believe
that this theory is significantly relevant to our group experience in that we established a
group wherein rewards are maximized and punishments are minimized (Toseland &
Rivas, 2005). The leader and co-leader challenged the group members to learn from one
another and to really look inside themselves at what we could offer the group. The belief
behind Social Exchange Theory, as well as in our treatment group, is that “ordinarily
nothing is gained unless something is given in return, there is an exchange implied in all
human relationships” (Toseland & Rivas, 2005, p. 62).
Give a brief account of your own theory of group practice, of leadership style, and skills,
and the feelings, values, and beliefs which you bring to your professional practice with
5
groups and how these impact on your awareness of leadership as it relates to diversity
and multiculturalism issues.
In group practice, I believe it is crucial to the process to ensure the autonomy of
its members.
The worker’s leadership skills and intervention strategies should vary depending
on the degree to which the group as a whole and its individual members can
function autonomously. The less autonomous the group, the more the worker
must play a crucial role in leading the group (Toseland & Rivas, 2005, p. 97).
As Dr. Gallant has expressed to us in class, it is important that the worker and group
leader do not disempower its members. I feel that having a voice in a group setting is
very important to the growth of the individuals in the group. I feel that in order to be
fulfilled, one has to take an active role in the process. Also, I believe that a strength-based
perspective adds to the success of the group. In this regard, “…strengths-based social
work practice helps client systems uncover and promote strengths from within”
(Saleebey, 1997 as cited in Timberlake et. al, 2002, p. 76). In working with diverse
populations, it is important to recognize and acknowledge each member’s strengths and
how the group can benefit from one another. In keeping with a strengths perspective, as
part of my practice I would strive to incorporate leadership styles and skills that work
towards the achievement of personal goals. “Group leadership skills are behaviors or
activities that help the group achieve its purpose and accomplish its tasks to help
members achieve their personal goals” (Toseland & Rivas, 2005, p. 105). I would
implement these skills by designing my group similarly as I feel that Greg and Heather
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have done in expressing to the members that it is ‘our’ group. In the videotape Greg
expressed to the group,
This is your group as much as it is mine and just because Heather and I are the
leaders does not make it our group. This is our group together. If you guys have
any suggestions or if there is anything that you guys want to do let me know. I
will be more than willing to set something up (Greg, March 6, 2007).
I believe that Greg expressed the style of our group when he spoke these words and I
would strive for a similar approach to social work groups.
The values and beliefs that I would follow in group work practice falls under the
guidelines of the Social Work Code of Ethics. As social workers, I believe that it is our
personal and professional responsibility to adhere to the Code of Ethics. In this regard, I
believe that confidentiality is very important in the group process. “Professional social
workers have a duty to maintain the confidentiality of what is said by clients.”
(Cournoyer, 2005, p. 92) I believe that we all have biases. “As values reflect people’s
general beliefs and prescribe desirable ways of being and behaving, they provide
members with a sense of societal and family norms, expectations, and stability”
(Timberlake et. al, 2002, p. 45). I believe that saying that we have no judgments towards
anyone is an unrealistic statement. The only way to create change is to acknowledge our
biases and from there, change our attitudes and behaviors. I have developed a new
admiration for incorporating spirituality into social work. Spirituality can be expressed
as, “…a universal and fundamental aspect of what it is to be human—to search for a
sense of meaning, purpose and moral frameworks for relating with self, others, and the
ultimate reality”. (Canda & Forman, 1999, p.37 as cited in Timberlake et. al, 2002, p. 48).
7
Dr. Gallant has introduced me to different forms of spirituality that I believe can be used
in diverse social work settings. For example, Dr. Gallant sharing with us his slide
presentation entitled ‘O Great Spirit’. This is something that would be valuable in
working with groups as each member of the group can identify with same. Everyone can
interpret what spirituality means to them and I believe it lends itself to the closeness of
the group. I believe and value the importance of creating a trusting and non-judgmental
environment.
Multicultural group work consists of anti-oppressive group work, ethnic-sensitive
practice, minority practice, cross-cultural approach and cultural/multicultural competence
(Toseland & Rivas, 2005). “It is important for the group leader to recognize that the
cultural backgrounds of members can have a profound effect on how they participate in
the group”. (Toseland & Rivas, 2005, p. 133) As discussed above, I believe that
awareness is key in working with diverse populations. As a group facilitator, it is my duty
to educate myself on the diversity issues of the group members and acknowledge the
differences that exist. No two people are the same and we all come to the group holding
different beliefs and values. Being in the social work program, I have had many
opportunities to explore how my environment affects my outlook on society. Society and
the media affects how we view people and the world and this is why it is so important,
especially in social work, to look within ourselves and how our values may be portrayed
unto others. In working with diverse populations, it is important for the group leader to
engage in a process of self-exploration” (Toseland & Rivas, 2005).
What were your own observations of the group leader/co-leader?
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I believe that Greg’s vulnerability really lent itself to the group and his strength as
the group leader. When Greg opened up to the group about his anxiety disorder, it
provided everyone in the group the opportunity to share their fears without feeling
judged. Although I believe Greg unconsciously did it, I believe that by opening up about
his fears to the group, Greg was able to establish a personal rapport with the group much
quicker than perhaps would have been done otherwise. In what little time we had in our
groups, I observed Greg’s approach to openness in the group to be extremely effective in
motivating the other group members. I observed Heather to be more articulate as she was
able to relate information gained from the text and introduce it into group, whereas Greg
was able to relate personal experience and connect with the group on a personal level. I
observed Heather to be very ‘by the book’. I feel as though Heather did not challenge
herself to consider something different than the text teaches us. I observed the confident
levels of the leader and co-leader to be on opposite ends of the scale. In this regard,
Greg’s confidence started out low but as the group progressed I observed him to really
embrace the leadership role. I observed Greg to be unsure at times in his mannerisms, as
you will notice in the videotape he tends to figet when he feels nervous. Greg
acknowledges when he feels nervous and how he finds it difficult to sit still when feeling
anxious. On the contrary, Heather exudes confidence in both her verbal and non-verbal
communication. All in all, the leader and co-leader provided a good balance to one
another. Greg always came prepared to group with activities and Heather is able to act on
the spot and is more instinctive. (Diary, Week of April 3-5, 2007)
Describe the group model or combination of group models which you feel should guide a
leader in his or her actions to achieve specific goals in working with a group or which
9
you feel should guide you in the future. What is your theoretical perspective? What are
the advantages and disadvantages of such a perspective? How does your approach
resemble the various models advanced by Toseland and Rivas?
Social Goals Model focuses “…on socializing members of democratic societal
values. It values cultural diversity and the power of group action”. (Toseland & Rivas,
2005, p. 48) Remedial Model focuses “…on restoring or rehabilitating individuals by
helping them change their behavior. Uses a leader-centered group approach with the
worker actively intervening in the group’s process”. (Toseland & Rivas, 2005, p. 50)
Reciprocal Model or the Interactional Model emphasizes “the reciprocal relationship that
exists between group members and society. This encourages workers to use group
processes to foster a therapeutic environment in the group as a whole. Also encourages
the worker to help the agency and the wider community better understand and meet
individual member’s needs”. (Toseland & Rivas, 2005, p. 50). The Mainstream Model is
“…characterized by common goals, mutual aid, and nonsynthetic experiences”.
(Toseland & Rivas, 2005, p. 51) Based on the above interpretations of each of the
models, I believe our treatment group followed the Reciprocal Model as our group was
designed “…to help members cope with distressing life events”. (Toseland & Rivas,
2005, p. 50) Also, I believe we also progressed following the Mainstream Model as we
identified a goal of our to helping members become empowered and function
autonomously both in and outside of group (Toseland & Rivas, 2005). I believe that the
type of model that is incorporated into group work is dependant on whether it is a task or
treatment group. “The usefulness and appropriateness of different practice models
suggest that group workers should make differential use of group work methods,
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depending on the purposes, objectives, and goals of the groups they are leading.”
(Toseland & Rivas, 2005, p. 51) In a task group, I believe a leader should be guided by
the Social Goals Model. As a group leader, I would argue that incorporating a Social
Goals Model is also extremely beneficial in a treatment group as it promotes the belief
that groups promote growth by empowering members to set and achieve goals for
themselves (Toseland & Rivas, 2005).
When I see myself as a social worker, I believe that I will assess the needs of
group members and incorporate a social work model that best fits the needs of the
members. At this time, it is difficult to distinguish which model I will incorporate into my
group practice because I believe that a combination of approaches are most beneficial as
long as emphasis is placed on the strengths of the group members.
Group workers emphasized group members’ strengths rather than their
weaknesses. Helping was seen as a shared relationship in which the group worker
and the group members worked together for mutual understanding and action
regarding their common concerns for their community. As concerns were
identified, group members supported and helped one another and the worker
mediated between the demands of society and the need of group members
(Schwartz, 1981 as cited in Toseland & Rivas, 2005, pg. 46)
In my theoretical perspective as a leader in the future, I will incorporate the
person-in-environment as a knowledge base and looking at how the environment
influences the individual. The advantages that I identify with such a perspective is that I
am not only examining the commonalities shared between the client and the environment,
but also I am valuing the individual’s uniqueness. My perspective incorporates each of
11
the four models described by Toseland and Rivas as Social Goals Model focuses on
socializing members, the Remedial Model uses problem solving and task centered
methods, the Reciprocal Model examines the clients needs in response to their social
environment, and the Mainstream Model assists members to feel empowered outside of
the group (Toseland & Rivas, 2005).
What perspective did the group leader or co-leader in your group choose; what
characteristics did he/she exhibit, and how effective or ineffective were they?
I believe that Greg utilized a facilitative and action perspective. In this regard, I
believe Greg set out to involve group members through his self-disclosure and
expression, responding to the group when needs arise and guiding interactions (Toseland
& Rivas, 2005). Further, Greg’s action skills were supportive as he was constantly
providing advice and suggestions to the members and linking members (Toseland &
Rivas, 2005). For example, in our videotape Greg was able to link the members
experiences and bring it back to the group effectively so that it did not devaluing each
member’s experience. Greg stated,
Seems just to be able to link your four situations together, they are so vastly
different but which all four of you seem to have in common is the sense of the
feeling of loss of control…Its just different how four different problems vastly
different from each other could have that one common bond (Greg, Videotaping
March 6, 2007)
As co-leader, I believe Heather used assessment skills by reflecting back to
members and identifying and describing thoughts. Heather was actively questioning the
members and analyzing information and responses to her questions (Toseland & Rivas,
12
2005). For example, in the videotape session Heather states, “Is that something that has
happened to you in the past”? In response to Nicole revealing that she gets sick on plans.
Later Heather reflects back and uses her assessment skills by saying,
“I think that in some ways you were sick of the vulnerability of being sick in front
of your boyfriend. You are in a vulnerable situation and your body is kind of
rebelling against you and doing something you do not want to do and so that can
be a very stressful situation (Heather, Videotaping, March 6, 2007)
Therefore, based on my analysis of the group sessions, as well as the video
transcription, I believe that both the leader and co-leader effectively put into practice their
perspective on group leadership.
What did the leader and co-leader do well?
I used Dr. Gallant’s handout entitled Group Members’ Perception of Group
Leaders Role and Activity in the Group to assess what I believe was the overall
effectiveness of the leader and co-leader. The areas I observed the leader and co-leader to
really excel in were their openness to allowing members to express their feelings, their
strong ability to motivate the group members to interact with them and the group, and
communicated respect for the autonomy of the members. I believe that Greg was very
aware of his needs, motivations and problems and genuinely conveyed a caring and
concern for the group members. I observed Heather to be very professional and sensitive
in her ability to extract the core meanings from both verbal and non-verbal interactions.
Greg and Heather did not have the opportunity to address conflict within the group and
therefore, it is difficult to comment on this area of the group process. In this regard, I
identify that in working in a real life treatment group, these are areas where we will have
13
to learn from experience. Based on what I observed in our treatment group, I believe that
Heather would be more comfortable than Greg in addressing a conflict as I believe that
Heather is very knowledgeable on different social work techniques. I observe Greg to be
very non-confrontational and I could see Greg continuing with the group and not
addressing issues head on, rather trying to deflect attention away from the conflict. I think
that both Greg and Heather took on an enabler role as they reached out to members and
valued the thoughts and opinions of each member, as well as mobilizing the strengths of
the members and introducing resources in group sessions (Toseland & Rivas, 2005).
What would you do differently had you been the leader or co-leader?
If I had been the group leader I would have asked the group members to take
more of an active role in the weekly group sessions. I would have asked the members to
take turns in preparing something for group. I think that the leader and co-leader,
specifically Greg, took on a lot of responsibility by preparing something new each week
for the group such as imagery and meditation exercises. I think by asking the members to
prepare something, it would have emphasized their ownership in the group. In our
treatment group, we discussed our goals for the group as whole but I would have like to
see more weekly discussions on how those goals have been met for each individual
member. How everyone was relaying what they learned in the text into their weekly
reflections and how it relates to our treatment group. My goal would be to have the
group members express how they intend to carry out their role and by what methods in
order to make the group meaningful and effective (Toseland & Rivas, 2005).
Describe how you perceived the different roles of the group members.
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I perceived the roles of the group members to be different based on the level of
experience and confidence of each of the members. Some of the members had a lot of
experience working in groups, whereas some members had no experience at all. The
experience level varied and this definitely impacts the roles of the group members. It was
interesting how although some of the members were more comfortable with the group
process, they did not use their confidence as an opportunity to dominate the group or
intimate those members who were less comfortable in the group. I observed people really
coming into themselves as the group progressed and just as Dr. Gallant states in class, “it
was like giving birth to a new social work self”. (Diary, Week of April 3-5, 2007) I will
discuss below my observations of the interactions of each of the groups members.
Briefly identify information on each member in the group and an inventory of each
person as he or she interacts with his or her social environment (what are the clientsystem interaction issues)
Toseland and Rivas identify environmental factors come primarily from three
factors. These factors include the immediate physical setting, the agency or organization
in which the group functions and other social systems including the social environment
(Toseland & Rivas, 2005).
Melanie is not from Windsor and lives in the University area with her boyfriend
and friends. Melanie expressed to the group how going home over the break brings her a
lot of joy. My impression of Melanie is that she has a really good grasp of concepts and is
able to stay calm under pressure. Melanie expressed, “I felt more stress over skiing then
writing a paper because I felt like it was up to me physically and I do not know how else
to describe it”. (Melanie, Videotape, March 6, 2007) Melanie tends to stay more reserved
15
in classroom setting but in our treatment group she appeared to become comfortable in
the group early on. As I observed Melanie over the course of the treatment group, she
became comfortable and confident in the group setting and I think it really lends herself
to her success in placement as well as the success she expresses in her personal life.
I observed Nicole to be very self-aware. She identifies the good and bad in
situations. In the videotape she discussed getting sick when flying and how this is
something that is upsetting to her, especially when flying with her boyfriend. Nicole later
acknowledges that her experience brought her to realize just how compassionate and
understanding her boyfriend is. I think Nicole’s positive outlook is an asset. Nicole did
not speak much about her family and friends, other than that she lives with her parents.
Nicole’s level of preparedness for group leads me to the conclusion that she puts her all
in everything that she does. Nicole seems to be commitment to every task.
Karen is very reserved and limits what she shares. I observed her to make
enhancements over the course of the treatment group, but she takes relatively small steps.
Unfortunately, I did not get much of an opportunity to get to know Karen and it is
difficult for me to comment on her social environment. Karen was always very friendly
in class and in group sessions but I always got the impression that there was more to
Karen. There was another Karen waiting to come out and hopefully, I can get to know her
better over the next year.
As discussed above, Heather exudes a sense of confidence in her social work
abilities. Heather also is very reserved and does not disclose much about her personal life.
She seems to be ambivalent about who she can trust. Heather’s openness in group only
extended to sharing that she was sick over the break. My impression of Heather is that
16
she enjoys the challenge of being the social worker, but is less comfortable in a client
role. What I do know about Heather is that she lives with roommates in a house near the
university.
Greg seems to find comfort in surrounding himself with loved ones. Greg speaks
very passionately about his family and his girlfriend. In the videotaping Greg stated, “I
remember I got myself so worked up because first of all I worship the ground my
girlfriend walks on”. (Greg Videotaping, March 6, 2007) I believe that Greg’s strong
support system provides him with that extra push we all need to really challenge
ourselves.
Crystal went above and provide in sharing with the group. She shared with the
group how her religious beliefs play a significant role in her decisions and daily life. My
impression of Crystal is that she is non-judgment and trusting. Crystal stated,
You have the choice to believe in Christ or not and he does not want you to serve
him if its half hearted or if you don’t really mean it or its not what you desire and
that same free will you guys have showed me and we have to do what we believe
and to listen to each other and I think everyone has been really supportive
(Crystal, Videotaping, March 6, 2007)
Crystal’s faith provides her with a strong sense of self and a strong conviction in others.
Through her spirituality and family, Crystal appears to lead a very healthy, well balanced
lifestyle.
The other Melanie disclosed to the group a lot of very personal information. She
shared with us her struggle with a learning disability, as well as the difficulties moving on
from a break-up with her boyfriend. Melanie expressed,
17
But again, friends and family, I have such good friends that are like you know,
you got to do what’s good for you and they just really supported me because I did
not think that if I did not have these people to take to that I would have been able
to come up with the same result (Melanie, Videotape, March 6, 2007)
Melanie’s family and friends are clearly a large part of Melanie’s life and she values their
input. Their support is a constant for her. Melanie also expressed displeasure in her work
but she does not dwell on it and perceives it as an income that is paying for her car. I get
the impression from Melanie that she finds it difficult being away from friends and
family as the majority of them live in the Toronto area. Melanie discussed struggles she
has faced recently and relates all of her discussions back to the unconditional support and
guidance she gets from those around her.
Lastly, Claudine openly discusses with the group some challenges she has faced
in the past in her personal life. Claudine also discusses her relationship with her husband
as being a stable and constant support. When Claudine discussed her uneasiness in
getting needles, she mentioned how her husband was right there by her side. Claudine
quickly confides in people and she is instantly trusting. I believe her ability to trust comes
from the support she feels from those around her and therefore, she conveys that same
trust unto others. Presently, Claudine does not work on account of her injury but she
projects a positive attitude and gives 100% into everything she does. Claudine, more than
anyone I ever met, really takes the positive energy she absorbs from her environment and
spreads a little out in every step along the road.
Describe the dynamics which occurred in your group experience in terms of the roles of
your group members and in light of the theory and stages of group development. What
18
group dynamics seemed to be helpful to the group process? What group dynamics
seemed to distract from the group process?
As the observer, I was able to sit back and watch the group dynamics unfold. By
observing the group members’ behavior, I was able to learn about each group member
(Toseland & Rivas, 2005). I believe that our group was able to establish cohesion is a
short period of time. I observed the leader and co-leader’s ability to engage the group
without overpowering the group. Toseland and Rivas (2005) note the importance of the
worker in assessing the function of the group by examining group culture, beliefs, values
and feelings held by the group members that effect the group as a whole. A group
dynamic that I believe played a significant role in the success of our group was the
support that was shared by each of the members. Our group members showed support for
one another both verbally and through body language. At times, I believe that the energy
level of some of the group members may have hindered the group dynamics. When
people come to group conveying a disinterest in the group, it brings everyone else down.
A remedy that we established was to discuss what might have caused our lack of energy
and move forward with the group from there. (Diary, Week of April 3-5, 2007)
What were your strengths and weaknesses as a recorder or observer?
Some of my strengths that I identified were that I was organized in preparing and
providing material to the group in a timely manner. I felt that by providing the group
members with detailed summary notes, this would assist them in preparing for the group
meeting. One of the key skills I was able to provide to my group was my ability to
provide positive feedback. I was extremely conscious of how feedback was being
received by the group members. Further, a strength I identified for myself was how
19
focused I remained on the group and the actions of each of the group members. I identify
one of my characteristics to be a good listener. I took my role as observer seriously and I
felt that each of the members was giving their all to the group process and therefore, it
was my responsibility to focus and provide feedback. When each member spoke, not only
was I attentive to the individual speaking but to the entire group. I tried to pay close
attention to how each member reacted when others were speaking so that I could provide
precise feedback on the group dynamics. It was difficult at times focusing on both verbal
communication and body language, but I believe I effectively accomplished the task.
Some of my weaknesses that I identified were that feedback was not provided on
a regular basis to the group members and often it was not directed to the individuals;
rather it was centered around the group as a whole. According to the feedback guide for
small groups, Corey and Corey (2002) note that effective feedback consists of being
provided throughout the course of a group and avoiding global feedback. Although I did
provide specific feedback to the group members at the ending stage of our group, the
group members would have benefit from one-on-one feedback on a regular basis. I
should have taken the time to become more textually engaged regularly so that feedback
was providing in correlation with the text. I relied heavily on my experiences and the
experiences of others as a guideline and I believe that I should have integrated more of
the text into the treatment group process. Overall, I believe that I was able to provide a
non-judgmental approach to the group. I never felt like I centered out any one member
negatively, as I maintained the importance of focusing on the individual’s strengths.
(Diary, Week of March 27-29, 2007)
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Conclusion
As I look back on my first diaries, I remember how nervous I felt entering this
course. When Dr. Gallant stated, “if we are shy and don’t let it out of ourselves, we are
going to have a social work anti-septic”, it challenged me to approach this course
differently than I had done before. I expressed a sense of comfort in just showing up for
class and this class really engaged me in a way that I had not experienced before. I have
learned that social work is just about memorizing a textbook and thinking that you can go
out and fix people, its about learning from one another through respect, acceptance and
genuineness (Dr. Gallant lecture) (Diary, Week of February 13-15, 2007) So when asked
if I accomplished the course objectives, I would answer absolutely. If the course
objectives include learning from those around me, challenging myself to step out of my
comfort zone and learning about the beginning, middle and end stages of group work, I
believe this paper is evidence that I have been fully engaged in all aspects of this course.
In the future, I will continue to be active in my learning experience. I hope that as
a social work, I will have the opportunity to practice and build upon my knowledge of
group work practice and engage others in my learning experience. I found great
fulfillment in being part of an inclusive, empowering and strengths-based environment
where I did not feel judged. These are lessons that no text book has taught before. I have
learned so much from Dr. Gallant, the treatment group and the experiences of the task
group. I learn that every group is different and you have to make changes according to
the needs of the group members. Dr. Gallant discussed how in small groups there is more
cohesion and how it is easier to be ‘real’. The realism that our group was able to establish
had no boundaries.
21
In relating my overall experience of the course to the text, I found the online notes
and summaries of the chapters to be extremely helpful. Dr. Gallant providing us with this
material is an example of his commitment to the course and our learning experience. As I
write this paper and reflect on my group experience, although the work load was
challenging at times being the recorder/observer, I realized how each week my group
motivated me to want to engage in the process. What I enjoyed most about the course and
the group experience was getting to see two sides of the group process. In our treatment
group, we established cohesion and things ran pretty smoothly. Whereas, the task group
was less structured and I appreciate their honesty as they let us be a part of their
experience.
I want to end this paper with a quote by Dr. Gallant that was shared with us in the
beginning of the course that stayed with me throughout. In the words of Dr. Gallant, “the
biggest sin we commit is the inability to love one another”. My goal is to continue to be
open to the experiences before me. I will take the lessons I learned in this course and
continue to engage and challenged myself into ‘my greatness’.
22
References
Corey, M. & Corey G. (2002). Groups: Process and practice (6th ed.). Pacific Grove,
CA: Brooks/Cole.
Cournoyer, B. (2005). The social work skills workbook (4th ed.). Toronto: Brooks/Cole
Publishing Co.
Dumouchelle, T. (2007). Theory and Practice of Social Work 2. University of Windsor.
[Excerpts from Diaries 1 and 2].
Gallant, W. (2007). Theory and Practice of Social Work 2. University of Windsor,
[Lecture and Class Discussion].
Timberlake, E., Farber, M., & Sabatino, C. (2002). The general method of social work
practice. Boston, MA: Allyn and Bacon.
Toseland, R. & Rivas, R. (2005). An introduction to group work practice (5th ed.).
Boston, MA: Allyn and Bacon.
Treatment Group Members. (2007). Theory and Practice of Social Work 2. University of
Windsor. [Excerpts from Videotape Transcription].
23
Appendix A
Videotape Transcription
Greg-Hey guys. Wells its been a few weeks now and I can tell we definitely made some
progress and thank you guys for showing up today. We have an exciting day planned for
you guys. We are going to do a relaxation activity, as well as talking about some different
coping strategies. I know we have not seen each other in a week and I am sure we have a
lot to catch up on whether we had some stressful situations during the past week but
hopefully everybody had a nice relaxing break from school and the daily grind. So that
being said, Heather had a new thing to share with us.
Heather-I just want to go over the rules a little bit. I know that we have been in group for
a little while but just to refresh everybody’s memory. Alright, number 1 is respect for the
beliefs, ideas and opinions of all the group members. I don’t think that’s a problem that
we have had so far but we just want to make sure we are open and accepting of anything
anyone in the group would say. We also want to make sure that we are respectful of what
other people say and we also want to make sure we are respectful of other people’s
privacy. A lot of you are students and you don’t want to go and talk about here with other
people. Its just for staying inside the group. And the ball, you all remember about the
ball. Whoever has the ball has the right to speak. So, you have to let them have the floor
and if you want to say something, you can request the ball. And then our third rule, be
open and feel free to share your feelings, talk about you experiences. That’s what were
here for and that’s what makes a group. So, that being said…
Greg-Well, I remember Claudine had mentioned to us before that she would like to do a
sort of visualization exercise. So, during the break I got some relaxing ocean sounds. So
we are going to do a little relaxation exercise because I am sure we are all a bit tense and
nervous at this point in time.
Claudine-I like going to the beach. That’s what I call it so when I do imagery the ocean
sounds are a bonus.
Greg-Excellent. Well I hope this takes you back there and out of this cold weather that
we have been having last week. This should only be a five minute exercise but it is
something that you can take and apply to this. It took me all of five minutes to do once I
had the words in front of me to describe a situation you can create your own and I just
download if off the internet so it took about maybe five minutes to do. I want you guys to
close your eyes and take a couple deep breaths. Just listen to my words and listen to the
music.
[relaxation exercise]
Heather-does anybody want to reflect on the exercise we just did? What is your reaction
to that?
24
Crystal-I would like to. I thought that was a really good exercise and I thank Claudine for
suggesting we have that. I can like literally see myself in that beach. It was very relaxing
and I think I feel more relaxed now that I have done that.
Melanie-I too felt awesome after doing that and I totally could picture myself on the
beach with the music and it was really great and I could just feel everything lift away
from my body. I was sitting in the chair on the beach and everything just left me and I felt
so relaxed. It felt really good.
Greg-I have to say myself I felt more relaxed just reading it and listening to it. Its almost
the fear we are sitting in a very stressful situation so when you put yourself out there and
my initial fear was that I was going to stutter through this whole thing and its going to
look ridiculous then it would have been that I am going to watch myself looking
ridiculous and then once I started going I felt myself be relaxed even though I wish I was
in your situation and could close my eyes and visualize myself there but I felt this even
relaxing for myself getting my first few words out there.
Claudine- Thank you for taking my idea into consideration because its been a really good
exercise for me to overcome my own anxiety and so forth and what was really unique
when you were reading it is I could actually visualize the warmth of the sun absorbing to
my cheeks especially with it being so cold the last few days, it was really wonderful to be
able to and you become so tranquil and to actually visualize the sun beaming down it was
very powerful and you were very soft spoken and very gentle and it lends itself to the
relaxation.
Heather-Personally I feel that the exercise shows us how powerful our mind is when we
visualize something and it can be that intense an expense that shows how powerful our
mind is and how much power the mind has in terms of overcoming our anxieties we can
see that the power of our mind is there and that when we reflect on our anxiety we have
the power with our own minds to overcome it.
Greg-This is your group as much as it is mine and just because Heather and I are the
leaders doesn’t make it our group. This is our group together. If you guys have any
suggestions or if there is anything that you guys want to do let me know. I will be more
than willing to get something up. I found myself with a lot of spare time over this past
week where I was almost wishing that I had more things to do, more things to set up. If
you guys have any ideas of anything you guys want to do or any relaxation exercises or if
there are any topics you guys want to talk about. Don’t be afraid to let us know because
99.9% I will address it. I don’t see why it wouldn’t happen.
Heather-just anything that has worked for you, feel free to bring it up in the group
because it might help someone else. Even if it’s a little unconventional, we are still open
to ideas.
25
Greg-Like I said, this only took five minutes. You can download notes right off the
internet and I just went on and you type in ‘ocean sounds’ and boom, just downloaded it,
threw it on my laptop and you’re ready to go in five minutes.
Claudine-It makes it a lot more simpler because sometimes we don’t know where to look
or how to bring ourselves to a relaxation exercise the so that information is really good
and maybe we can get emailed.
Greg-Sometimes other seems like so intimidating. How did you get this? How did you
get this but a lot of the stuff is right there and with the technology we have today is so
easy to find something as easy as that in five minutes and boom you got yourself a
relaxation technique that you could use. They had forest sounds, they had a whole bunch
of other things that you could use and if you aren’t into that there are plenty of other
things. I hope were all hearing that beach really soon because I am sick of the cold
weather. So like I said, its been over a week actually since we have all gotten together
and I am sure we all had different experiences so I would like to go all around the room
and just talk about your week. Talk about the different things, the stressful situations you
guys have faced and how did you feel about it. What were your thoughts? What did you
do when it came about? So would anybody like to start off?
Melanie-Over the past week I went home and had a really good time and felt really
relaxed that all the school was done after Thursday handing in our papers and I was at
home, everything was great and I went cross country skiing and I am not a skier and I
found myself at the top of the hill and I panicked. I was stressed out and I had anxiety
come over me and I really did know what to do because I had never done it before and I
was breathing really fast and so I stopped and remember some of our techniques from
before-breathing, deep breathing and I closed my eyes and said I was going to get
through this and I will make it down the hill and I did. I fell. I did do it and it wasn’t the
best experience but it felt good at the end because I did get down and it was okay and so
it was one of the most stressful things. I felt more stressed out over that writing a paper
because I felt like it was up to my physically and I don’t know how else to describe it. I
like adventure and I like going on roller coasters or doing things that are fast and exciting
but it was up to me and no one could get out of the situation but myself. I panicked. I
couldn’t believe how I felt. It was a surprise to me.
Greg-Have you ever been down a hill like that?
Melanie-No. Never. And that’s why I thought cross-country skiing I could do it but then
the hill came out of nowhere.
Greg-Its almost like a fear of the unknown. You say you don’t get to tests because you
have been taking tests since Grade 1.
Melanie-Ya.
26
Greg-Like you don’t know what is going to happen but then you know it seems that once
you put yourself out there and realize its not that bad.
Melanie-Ya. That’s exactly it.
Greg-I fell down. I did it. I may not have been the most graceful person in the world but I
got down there.
Melanie-I think that it was the fear of the unknown because I have never had to go
through anything like that before and back to the roller coaster thing. When you are on a
roller caster you sit there and you know you are going to make it through or whatever but
because I had to go down the hill, but like I said it did end up doing it and I felt better
when I felt myself relax a bit more and then I did it. So it was kind of a silly thing I
thought that this was the most anxiety over the past week but that was it, it really was.
Greg-Did you find yourself enjoying if after that?
Melanie-No.
Greg-You eliminated that from the checklist of things you’d like to do. You wouldn’t
have known it if you wouldn’t have tried.
Melanie-Exactly.
Nicole-This past week I went on vacation. The vacation was amazing but the trip was
absolute hell. I have a lot of anxiety and I have a lot stress over flying.
Heather-That’s a common fear.
Nicole-For me, its no so much that the plane is going to crash. That does enter my mind,
especially when you have a lot of turbulence, which we experienced on the way there
continuously but my fear, anxiety and stress has to do more with getting sick on the
plane. And I was flying with my boyfriend and it was the first time we were flying
together and I am like ‘I do not want to get sick, I am going to be embarrassed, I do not
want to throw up in front of him’.
Heather-Is that something that has happened to you in the past?
Nicole-Oh ya. I usually get sick. Probably about five times out of ten I get sick. About
half the time. I get sick on the landing not the take off.
Heather-when the pressure changes?
Nicole-Ya, when the plane does one of those….it does something funny to my stomach. I
found the thing that helped me the most was just being really honest with him before we
went on the plane. I was very up front and voiced my concerns. I just said you know this
27
is the situation and its pretty funny because he is a pilot. So I mean he can handle pretty
much anything and so I think that I knew that I was in good hands but at the same time it
is so hard to feel such high anxiety and I did get sick twice. So that was a lot of fun. But
you know what, after it happened I was like you know what its not such a big deal and its
kind of like you know what it happened and I can’t control that it happens sometimes and
you know, it was like it happened and its not such a big deal and it was almost like I felt
more relieved after it happened and I never thought that I would have felt that way. I
thought that I would have felt more anxiety, more stress after it happened but I was
totally like you know what it happened and I can’t help it and all I can do is just use the
self talk and work myself through that.
Heather-That’s good that you were applying the skills you learned.
Nicole-But on the flight back was much better than the flight there so that helped as well.
But how you experience the way there even though it turned out not to be as bad as I
thought it was going to be, I still have the anxiety and the stress about flying back but the
flight back was not as bad as the flight there so it turned out well.
Heather-I think that in some ways you were scared of the vulnerability of being sick in
front of your boyfriend. Your in a vulnerable situation and your body is kind of rebelling
against you and doing something you don’t want it to do and so that can be a very
stressful situation.
Nicole-Ya. Ya and I think that you are right about that because after it happened was like
you know what, that wasn’t that bad. It was more the build up that bothered me.
Heather-Obviously he is compassionate toward you.
Nicole-He said I almost broke his hand.
Greg-Just from doing some research in the book like I had mentioned in the past group. I
found out that worrying about what is going to happen instead of fighting it we should
just go with it. I feel like especially with my instances if I feel myself almost losing
control of myself and I was going to run off and curl up in a ball and I think with you
situation as well the more you think about it the more and more you try to stop it. You are
getting yourself worked up in a tizzy and its best just to go with it and I felt that
surprising as well that I should be fighting these feelings I am having. It said its best just
to ride it out and like you said it happens. Its almost like when Melanie got down the hill.
She’s like, okay, I fell. I’m okay. I’m still here. Okay, I got sick but its not the end of the
world. We can’t control it. It happens. The chances are you won’t see 90% pf the people
on the plane again. That’s what I tell my girlfriend when we go out.
Nicole-Yes, I agree completely for the anxiety about getting sick and then actually was
sick. I was like you know what, I can’t believe I was so stressed over that but then again
every single time I get on the plane I have anxiety about getting sick. It happens
regardless like every time I get on a plane.
28
Heather-I think as people who have issues with anxiety we have a lot of issues around
control. We want to be in control of situations that Melanie felt that with her hill, you
with the plane. We don’t want things to go away that isn’t ideal for us, but we can’t
control that and its your body and sometimes we have to accept that things aren’t going to
go your way.
Nicole-Let go of that control.
Heather-Definitely.
Karen-I have a fear of public speaking and over the last week I went to a birthday party
and I was asked to do a speech. So for a week ahead of time, I was sick, I had nightmares,
its crazy, its all that I could think about. I was completely obsessed over it. I found that I
went over the techniques learned in group to try to overcome it and try to get rid of some
of these things that might happen, so I prepared. I wrote a speech and I tried to go over
the ‘what if’s’. What could be the worst thing that could happen..i could get sick if front
of these people and I might run out and when it came right down to it it was the deep
breathing exercise that really helped. As I was standing there having to say the speech
and having to talk to these people, most of them that I did not know, if I could center
myself and so over these deep breathing exercises we learned I found that it was what got
me through it.
Greg-It sounds like what your saying is that being prepared is the key thing to your
success. Its like going into an exam without studying. That’s why we are going to be
nervous because we are not prepared. It seems like you went over every scenario in your
head.
Karen-That could go against you too though because….
Greg-Ya, you are also over-prepared as well.
Karen-It scares you even more but yes, it worked out. But it was good once I wrote
everything down that I wanted to say, I didn’t go over it word for word, but as long as I
had it with me and knew that I could refer to it and just try to relax and you know just
enjoy it as much as I could and that seemed to be the only thing that worked for me. It
was nice to have a technique that I could take with me, And that is the kind of thing that
can go with every situation, so if something else comes up I know I can rely on that
because I have tried it and it works.
Greg-Like I said most people think of breathing as an automatic thing that you do but
there is like a way to breathe and a way not to breathe. I felt I was breathing so poorly
myself that I was getting pain in my chest because I was breathing out of my chest
instead of my stomach and proper breathing techniques are very important and most
people don’t think about that because they just think breathing is a normal everyday task
that you don’t need to think about but taking a couple deep breaths through your stomach.
29
I remember I had to stand in a wake and going in line in a wake and I just was not in a
good spot for a few minutes and I just had to look at the ground, take a couple deep
breaths in case I felt myself getting anxious again. Do it again and just keep repeating the
task over the over. I got through it but I just remember thinking that just a simple
breathing exercise can get you through really stressful situations.
Heather-Over the break, I was actually quite sick for most of it and I think I mentioned
that to some people and actually when I was grocery shopping I fainted which was
extremely embarrassing. I didn’t really have any anxiety building up to it because it just
kind of happened. But after that every time I went out I knew I would be standing in line
for a while, I had such anxiety thinking I am sick, it happened before, I am going to faint
against. I almost worked myself up and again as Greg was talking about I would actually
almost start shallow breathing and almost make myself faint as a result of my anxiety. So,
I too had to really rely on breathing, breathing shallowly, I need to fix my breathing,
breathe deeply so that doesn’t happen again. I am feeling better now so its not something
that is not stressing me out anymore. It was kind of a traumatic experience.
Greg-Seems just to be able to link your four situations together, they are so vastly
different but which all four of you seem to have in common is the sense of the feeling of
loss of control and I know that with myself too I can imagine with other people where
you like to think you are in control of yourself and that one little thing hits and your not
in control of yourself for two seconds and you don’t know what to do with yourself and
you just start getting yourself worked up. Its just different how four different problems
vastly different from each other could have that one common bond. I have a strange
situation. Somebody had sent an email to my girlfriend and I have no idea who it was and
sent her like an awful email alleging all these horrible things that I had done that were
completely untrue.
Heather-Its actually really funny that you would mention that because the exact same
thing happened to my roommate over the break. Someone messaged her on facebook to
her all these horrible things about her boyfriend and that he had been cheating and things
like that but it was all untrue and fabricated.
Greg-I remember I got myself so worked up because first of all I worship the ground my
girlfriend walks on. Well, Crystal can attest to that because when she hears me talk to my
girlfriend at co-op placement she can tell I am talking to Jessica just by the way I am
talking to her because you don’t sound like that normally. And I just remember thinking
that the same thing where I felt like I had no control like this person is alleging and I still
have no idea who did this.
Karen-It was anonymous then?
Greg-Yes, it was anonymous and she did not recognize the email. I looked at the email
address to see if I could figure out who it was.
Heather-there was no name on the email or anything?
30
Greg-Just it said ‘no subject’ and it was like a fake email account.
Heather-That’s a lot of trouble to go through to hurt someone.
Greg-Yes. It was just awful. Just panicking because she called me on the phone. After I
got off the phone with her I had so many thoughts like racing through my head and I had
to like sit myself down and relax its okay, you don’t need to panic about this situation.
Everything is going to be okay but I am assuming doom and gloom at the time and I am
assuming the worst. Oh my lord she is going to break up with me and this is going to be it
and I kept thinking of worst case scenarios. This is going to happen, this is going to
happen, this is going to happen and then I just felt myself, I just layed down for a couple
minutes because I had the time I wasn’t working that day and so I went and layed down
for a little bit and relaxed and I went for a long run on the treadmill, lifted the weights
and got my anger out. I was pretty mad. I was very mad so I felt that by taking my
aggression out by lifting weights and going for a run I was able to just calm and relax
myself and gather my thoughts. Once she realized too that this was the most ridiculous
thing in the world. There’s no way I would ever do this. She believed me. She knew I
was not the kind of person who would ever do such awful things. So the next day was
back to normal but I just remember I was thinking doom and gloom like oh my lord this
is going to happen and oh my lord this is going to happen with this. There goes
everything and there goes all the time we spent together and now its just once I was able
to relax, lay down and get over my anger and aggression out on things that wouldn’t
affect other people because I wanted to go around to start breaking things. I knew that
was a proper outlet for the anger I was feeling at the time, and the stress that I was feeling
because I was very frustrated and then I just found myself and then I was almost too tired
to get mad. You know when you just got to the point where its just like I didn’t go
overboard, I just did my normal exercise routine but like I said I was too tired to get mad.
I got that part of my feelings out of the way, I can concentrate on the anxiety of oh my
lord what’s going to happen and now everything is fine.
Claudine-So she supported you and helped you overcome? She totally believed what you
said?
Greg-Yes and it was just like at the time, she was upset all the time which I could
understand as well, I would be questioning like what the heak is this and like after we
talked about it, its like there is no way and so then she like Greg its okay and then I kept
saying are you sure? Are you sure? I still had that little feeling from a couple days ago to
be honest. She says she trusts me but does she? And now its been almost four to five days
and things are back to normal and we had an amazing weekend so.
Heather-Well to try and turn something really negative into a positive at least you had
this test in your relationship and now you notice how strong your relationship is and how
much you two care about each other and the trust you obviously have.
31
Greg-Yes. I guess like everybody else’s situation, now that its out there. Its just that we
have not had anything like this. We have not gotten in a fight or anything or any
adversity. Now that I think about it its good that we have faced adversity.
Crystal-I had an excellent week and I think the stress I experienced was really it was not
like the everyday you know big things come up and you are stressed, it was just the little
things. I do not know if most of you know that I am very spiritual person and I am a
strong believer in Christianity and I devote a lot of my spare time to the church. I do a lot
of Sunday School teaching, I worked in the hospitality department, I do a lot of public
speaking and a lot of things I have to do in front of the church. Its really weird when you
are kind of like shy or you know the bible talks about how you know the spirit gives you
boldness and I can really see how I grow since I was younger and you know when I was
younger I would shake with the microphone and you are really nervous but you know I
am getting a lot better and I feel like I am able to put myself and make myself more
vulnerable to people that way and really let the spirit lead me to do what I believe God
wants me to do in order to draw others closing to him and I really wanted to hear that
over the last week I really noticed sometimes it can be really difficult to have that you
know firm stand in your beliefs and you know the courage to do the small that might
encourage others or you know like to not be afraid to sharing how you feel about
someone or not be afraid to share your beliefs or to encourage others when they can’t
encourage themselves. I have a friend we just hung out like 90% of the time because we
haven’t really had the chance to get to know each other very well and she just decided to
get out of a very long relationship, like a five year relationship and I am friends with who
she was with and I am friends with her and you know it was just it was very you know, I
felt that I was empowering her but also that I was empowering myself. I was really
helping myself to relieve some of those anxieties of reaching out to others just by being
up front, by letting myself be vulnerable to her in that way and I think its kind of you
know like the way Greg was talking about the way he was scared and panicked about
how he was really scared about what his girlfriend would say and he was holding her and
if should would believe him or not I kind of felt the same way when it comes to my
relationship with God. I kind of feel like I just don’t want to be in that place where I let
God down where you know like I don’t bring honour to him and its really important for
me to do that because I just feel like he has done so much for me and I can’t thank him
enough for that, honestly like I wouldn’t be where I am today and through all the things I
have gone through if it hadn’t been for my God and I really appreciate you guys listening
to that because you know not everybody is open to hearing that. Not everybody is open to
you know really encouraging and supporting me even if they don’t hold the same beliefs
and I really appreciate that from the group. I think I never have shunned anybody because
of their beliefs and I feel open to sharing that with you and I do not think that the best
thing for me to bring this to group and to that aspect of my life is that I need to have the
same tolerance for others and I have to have the same amount of respect that you guys
have showed me to other people I might meet on the street and I have to respect their
beliefs as well and I do not want to impose any of my beliefs on someone else. You know
I want to bring honour to Go, its free will you know, the bible talks about how its free
will. You have the choice to believe in Christ or not and he does not want you to serve
him if its half hearted or if you don’t really mean it or its not what you desire and that
32
same free will you guys have showed me and we have to do what we believe and to listen
to each other and not listen to each other and I think everyone has been really supportive.
I really appreciate it.
Greg-Thank you for sharing. Just by the fact that you show you worry about
disappointing God shows the fact that you care and I notice that as well things with me its
good to tell that way. Its not good to feel disappointment but it is good that you have that
feeling does show God that you care and honour and you don’t want to disappoint and it
showed that you care. I found that I was so worried about what was going to happen with
myself, it shows that my feelings are strong and that’s a good thing.
Heather-kind of like a higher power to work for and try to be a better person for.
Crystal-Yes, it definitely motivates me.
Greg-Its also another example of a good way of stress reduction that we have not heard
from before. We have not talked about before. I know Claudine uses visualization. I use
working out and everybody has there own little way of coping with stress. That’s a new
way that you deal with stress and anxiety and that’s great to share with the group too as
because I never would have thought that as well.
Melanie
I guess just as I have been listening to each of you talk I have been thinking like and it
occurred to me that I had a lot of things happen that were very stressful and I worry this
is all going on in my head. Do I create this immense amount of stress on myself? Do I
turn situations into big stressful things and make myself worry about and it’s a snowball
effect. So I am just going to kind of vent. The week before reading week I had a really
busy week. I know Claudine is in a lot of my classes. We had midterms, papers, Gallant’s
assignment and I have a really hard time with time management, I am not able to do
things far in advance. I am a procrastinator and I work well under that pressure of getting
it done on the spot and its not a good thing for me. I am realizing that the further I get in
my education things are taking me longer and I am not judging things properly.
Anyways, so I was not able to get one of my assignments done. So that carried into my
reading week. No so relaxing I guess. But like you were saying earlier I tried the whole
you know okay don’t fight it. I was really proud of myself I have been through a lot this
last year. I was diagnosed with my learning disability so it explained a lot about the way I
am right now. So, I was proud because I was able to complete other things for other
classes on time and I did well I feel. But then there was just this one assignment and so
that carried on and I tried not to fight it and I said you did the other stuff and that’s good
and you know just get it done but it kept carrying on and on and I am at home and I want
to visit with my family because I have not seen them since Christmas I eventually got it
done and it was like okay buckle down, deep breathe, relax and I just pulled a very
extended period of time for several hours and I got it done and that it always how it
seems to happen for me. I get this numbing effect where I can’t do it and then all of a
sudden there it is. So, I got it done. And then when I got home and I broke up with my
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boyfriend about two months ago. We were together for two years and unfortunately we
broke up over the phone. Not very good. He knew things were not right and we had
talked about it and he coaxed it out of me to where it happened over the phone. So he
knew I was in town and he wanted to get together and I was not so sure how I felt about
that and it was a very stressful thing. I was thinking to myself what was best for me and
what was best for him and I do not know if you need a sense of closure or at the same
time its been two months since we broke up. Like I told him from the beginning that we
would not be talking on the phone or anything we needed to cut things fresh so it was an
easy break and best for both of us to go your separate ways. Anyways, he calls me like
ten times and left me two messages and I was very stressed out about that. Okay, I should
get together with him assuming that it would be good for him but I do not know if its
good for me and I let that go for a few days and all of a sudden we talked and I was just
like well you know I do not know if I am comfortable with meeting and that was all it
took. You know we talked about it over MSN cause I did not want to talk on the phone.
He wanted to talk on the phone but I said no I did not think that’s appropriate but we
were able to talk finally and so that helped with that. So then I am in Toronto visiting my
family having a good time. We had a big snow storm on Friday suppose to leave Toronto
Thursday night. I am suppose to drive back to Windsor Thursday night because I have to
work at Best Buy on Friday. But we had a big snow storm Thursday. So I was talking to
my dad and I have a little car that can be easily pushed around on the 401 and its
standard. Its hard to drive standard and so I was not so comfortable,. I am not very
comfortable driving in the winter yet I am still getting use to everything. My dad did not
think it was a good idea we had a lot of snow and they were calling for ice rain all
evening and into the morning. So I called my boss and said you know just giving you the
heads up. I don’t know, I can leave tonight as planned but will if I can I will be there by
eleven, but if the roads are bad I am not going to be able to drive. I talked to my
supervisor and she said right off the bat why didn’t you call earlier and I got very upset
about this situation and I talk about it for hours and hours after and I just couldn’t even let
it go. I could not believe this happened. I could not believe she was so rude and not
understanding at all. So I simply told her you know sorry, its snowing and its been
snowing all day. The roads are not good and basically by the end of the conversation she
was just like well, its your shift, its your responsibility. So, if you don’t show there will
be repercussions. Is she going to write me up or what is going on. I am not very happy at
Best Buy right now anyways and I just want to hand in my notice and quit but I have to
pay for me car so that won’t work. I am not very happy at this point. Snowball effect.
Anyways, I went into work on Sunday and I did not go in on Friday. I called that morning
and said the roads are too bad and I am not going to risk my life and have my car pushed
off the 401 so, yes, but I think just a lot of breathing at times. I had my family around me
and I think my family is such a good support. They keep me very grounded and being
here in Windsor it is hard being away from them for like extended periods of time. For
family was very good for me.
Greg-What was the result when you came in on Sunday?
Melanie-When I came in on Sunday I walked in the door I had a twelve hour shift on
Sunday. We had a store meeting until ten and then I worked from eleven till seven and so
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when I walked in at seven in the morning you know my department was all there and
they all just kind of oh there’s Melanie, you made it to Windsor safe and it was just kind
of I just laughed it off too like ‘hey you guys’. So it was okay and my supervisors cashed
me off that night and never said anything about it. So, I do not know where this stands
right now.
Greg-It almost sounds like she was frustrated at the time. Like she was frustrated at that
time and place.
Melanie-And I was too equally because I am a very loyal employee and you know if I
could I would drive, but it was not fair because you know because I am such a good
employee that you know I mess up this one time, sorry I did not leave two days in
advance. I should have checked the weather and known that this ice storm and stuff was
coming.
Greg-Sounds like she was not being very empathetic to your situation at all.
Melanie-No, she was not.
Greg-Going back to the situation about your boyfriend. It seems that you applied what we
talked about in the first week about saying no. You did some compromising by talking on
MSN but you knew you were not comfortable meeting in person. You knew you were not
comfortable talking on the phone because I know you said sometimes you said you were
worried about how your ex-boyfriend would feel. But if I say no, remember we talked
about taking care of yourself first.
Melanie-And I think that in my mind I was like what is good for me in this situation. But
then also what was good for him and I truly did not believe it was good for either of us to
meet and open all these wounds again. I had closure but I am the one who made the
decision and makes things hard and I am trying to look at things from his perspective but
for me its not good. We talked about that on MSN and he said he would be okay with it
but if you need some more time then that is fine and I was like okay, thanks. You know
good. I am glad we have that understanding now. Yes, saying no. But again, friends and
family, I have such good friends that are like you know, you got to do whats good for you
and they just really supported me because I did not think that if I did not have these
people to talk to that I would not have been able to come up with that same result.
Greg-Sometimes we think we are being selfish by saying no. We have to take care of
ourselves. It does affect other people too. So, if you are not getting proper sleep, being
able not to take on such a huge work load and not putting yourself in situations where
you knew that in your heart you were not going to feel comfortable, its not going to go
well. Its just going to lead to further anxiety and by putting your foot down and saying
no. Plus, just from the sound of it too you probably did benefit your ex-boyfriend too
because I am sure by meeting face to face is very powerful.
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Melanie-I mean its not that I was trying to……I still struggle with it a little bit because I
feel like I owe him seeing him face to face. You know two years but I had broken up with
him before Christmas break. We got back together and this was just final.
Heather-In the same, you are not wanting to go there. You not wanting to be open with
him is not going to benefit him either,
Melanie-No. What would be do just sit there. Hi, What was there to talk about.
Greg-Thank you very much.
Claudine-I am really glad that everyone shared today. It was very vulnerable today with
their fears and obstacles and I had a couple to overcome. I am getting goose bumps
thinking about my fear and phobias but I have come really far and I wanted to say how
the last trip to the doctor’s office where I had to give blood. Just even talking about it I
still get really choked up because I am really needle phobic as you guys know, but I
really felt that you guys really hit the nail on the hammer today about the control. And
usually I have to get my husband in the same room to sit me down and be with me so I
won’t hit the nurse because its very painful and frightening for me to go through what I
was really impressed about and really happy as I myself about I said no, you stay here, I
am going in by myself. I was just so happy when I took control and I said you know
what, its time to stop being a baby. Honey, you sit here and I will go by myself and I
breathed. Did some of the breathing exercises I have been taught. I did some imagery
going to the beach and it really worked because you know what is the first time I ever
watched the needle going in. I still get a little choked up talking about it because there is
still a lot of pain, but I did it. The second obstacle I overcame for the week I quit
smoking. I used a lot of deep breathing. It too shall pass and the reality is that I have
really used a lot of spirituality. Given myself a little prayer just debriefing to get rid of
that instant urge for the cigarette and I guess really I feel safe with you and that is a big
thing for me so I am glad that I did not have to go first because just hearing how
everyone else is so vulnerable today really allowed me to open up and be vulnerable with
you. So, I thank everyone for that and maybe next time I will leave them at home and I
can go to the doctor’s office for blood work.
Greg-You will have to keep us up-to-date on your progress and if there is anything yoou
ever want to talk about with us, feel free to share your feelings.
Claudine-You know what though, I am not alone now. It really lends itself because I
really felt like it was only me going through this anxiety about needles and being phobic
and stressing like a week before or completely avoiding the appointment all together and
accidentally losing the lab slip four times and I have done that I have a real aversion to
getting my blood work done. I just really feel like being a part of this group has really
helped me. Okay well, thank you for very much.
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Greg-well we have a coping strategy at the end and I think Claudine this would really
benefit you and it has benefited me. I have been doing this with myself lately which I will
talk about a little bit at the end.
Heather-So do you maybe want to talk about coping strategies? We were going to
brainstorm some coping strategies that people think worked and we will just write them
up and make a little list.
Greg-Sure.
Heather-So does anyone have any suggestions?
Greg-what activities or strategies do you guys use to alleviate your stress?
Self talk
Deep breathing
Acceptance
Exercise
Taking a chance
Prayer
Support systems
Visualization
Imagery
Encouragement
Greg-look at all these stress reducing activities we have come up with and all of these
take like pretty much no money and its just simple little things can take five minutes.
Visualization is a five minute exercise. This leads into our goal for next week. I have
been doing some reading and research and this is something that has worked for me and I
think this is something that would be beneficial to some of you as well. For a week, I
want you guys to keep a journal. At the end of the day, just write down what you did and
your thoughts and if you had a panic situation, write down maybe a half an hour before
that situation that was going on. Even something simple. Look at what you ate and what
you did. I had three panic situations this week. I had a cup of coffee a half an hour before
this happened. Just getting down to your feelings also relieves some of your stress
because we do not know how to verbalize what we are feeling. I am not asking you to
share your journals. Just another coping strategy I would like to see you try out. Maybe
write down a goal.
Heather-Maybe its something you may want to take with you and apply for next week.
Greg-Thank you very much.