Extreme Makeover: Self-Control in an Out of Control World
October 24, 2004
For the past four weeks we’ve been speaking about Extreme Makeovers. If you’ve ever seen the
TV show, you know that Extreme Makeovers are all about the total transformation of one’s outer
world.
Thousands of people are getting in line, trying to get on this show to be injected or
trimmed or enhanced or augmented or chiseled or nipped and tucked and liposucked… all for the purpose of trying to change their appearance.
But what we’ve recognized through this series is that no matter what you do to
change your outside world… you will always have your inner world to deal with.
So we’ve turned this makeover “thing” inward and have spoken about Balancing
Life’s Demands, Being “As-Is” in a “Should-be” World, and Finding Real Faith in
a Real World.
I want to talk this morning about another issue needing a makeover in so many of
our lives… an issue that to one degree or another… we all struggle with… and that
is self-control.
What is it about self-control? How is it that this “thing” is able to hide so well from when we
need it the most…
When you’re in that argument and you’re desperately wanting to control your
anger… when you’re up late at night and know that box of Twinkies is calling your
name…
When you’re all alone in that vulnerable moment and you know you should stay as
far from the internet as you can…
From our thought lives… to emotions, the words that we say, to relationships…
habits, drinking, out of control ambition… whatever… the question comes down to,
how do I control those things so they don’t control me?
Lacking self control is kind of embarrassing, isn’t it? We want to be in control. People like
Rush Limbaugh hold it out there as one of the great virtues… and yet, no matter what persona
we create for our outer worlds… we’re ultimately left with what is deep inside.
For Rush… it was his addition to pain medication. What is it for you? What is for
me? Well… you’re looking at it? Food… lack of self-control. For those of you
who don’t struggle with this one… it would surprise you how many level down this
reaches (explain).
As vulnerable a group we are… truth is, we still avoid talking to even our closest
friends at times about things we lack self-control in. Why is that? I think its
because of how deep those roots go in terms of who we are…
Because when you lack self-control it leads to failure. Then it leads to these
feelings of hopelessness. “Am I ever going to shake this addiction? Will I ever be
free?”
The image that comes to my mind about lacking self-control is Pig Pen. You remember Pig Pen,
Charlie Brown’s friend? Pig Pen is this guy who would go through life and he had this cloud
following him wherever he went.
It was a stink cloud. It was nasty. It was ugly. Wherever Pig Pen went, that cloud
just kind of loomed around him.
That’s what I think the lack of self control is like… except for us, it’s often far more
hidden.
But it’s with us wherever we go… especially when we’re tired or hurting… when
we’re most vulnerable.
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And yet, one of the worst things about this whole “self-control” issue is that we
simply can’t blame it on anybody else. There’s nobody to blame but us.
It’d be great if we could blame somebody else. That would be nice. There’s a
scene in Bruce Almighty where Jim Carey is given god-like powers and with it, he
causes a rival of his, a news anchorman, to loose control.
Unlike Jim Carey in that scene, God wants to help develop self-control in our lives.
But to understand why we struggle with this self-control thing so much, we’ve got to step into
that ugly, looming, stinky cloud and look around. And as I step into that cloud and look around,
I see something that is universal with all of us here.
That cloud is filled with hurt and pain and betrayal and woundedness.
Ultimately, those root issues of shame, fear, rejection, and woundedness are like
weeds in the garden that keeps self control developing in our lives the way God
intended.
When was the last time you hit the “pause” button in your life and reflected on why
you feed out of control is certain areas of your life?
Sometimes we’re afraid to take that look into the stink clouds… because we don’t
want to address the root pain/hurt that would answer that question.
So rather than address the pain, we simply try to control the pain to make the hurt
go away.
Let’s think of a very obvious illustration. When you’re physically sick. When you’ve got some
physical pain. When I’ve got a congested head, when I’m achy, when I’m coughing – things like
that. I want to make the pain go away so what do I do? I reach for medication.
My medication of choice is Nyquil. I don’t drink alcohol but I do take Nyquil. In
the ingredients it says “Jack Daniels and food coloring.” That’s what it is! I love
it! It’s great.
It doesn’t make the symptoms go away but you really don’t care because you’re just
so tired. I don’t just drink one of those little plastic shot glasses. Oh no! Two!
What’s the point? When I’m hurting I want to feel better. And that principle
that’s true in my physical world is also true in my inner world.
And this cloud that brings about pain from my past and my present, I want to make
that pain go away so what I’ll do is I’ll reach for a medicator to medicate my inner
world.
For some of us, we reach for food. For others, it’s shopping, staying hyper-busy,
inappropriate sexual relationships, the need for a drink here and there to get you
through the day… whatever it is – to make that hurt or need or emptiness go away.
These medicators become our temptations because when they work so well, it’s hard to not want
them again. So all of a sudden these medicators become our temptations and we can’t control
them.
Let’s have a little mass confession. If anything I’ve said so far makes a little bit of
sense to you experientially like you’ve been there before, let’s see your hands.
The good news of this message is that God deeply cares about your past pain. God
deeply cares about your present pain. God deeply cares about how you walk
through the rest of your life here on earth.
This may sound strange… but there a little selfishness in the way God cares about
our pain. Truth is, He loves us so much that He wants to spend time with us… He
loves when we walk in deep intimacy with Him.
And yet, He knows that these pains from our pasts… as well as the lack of selfcontrol they can produce… tend to steer us away from Him rather than toward Him.
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And so, amidst a list in Galatians 5 that includes love, patience, kindness, and
gentleness, we’re told that God’s heart is to also impart to us self-control.
So the, how come we don’t have more self control? If God’s on the case, why are
we still so far from the mark?!
Let me just share three reasons why we’re not further along in terms of selfcontrol...
1. The need for self control is always on.
In other words, that self control switch always has to be on in your life. You sitting here right
now during this message and you are exerting some self control.
You’re exerting self control not to stand up and a head home toward your
comfortable couch!
It needs to be on in the midst of those crisis… as well as those infrequent lull times.
It needs to be on when you’re with your family and friends… and when you’re
alone.
Why is that a problem? Because when something is always on, it can tire out.
What Paul says in Galatians is that self-control is a fruit… a byproduct of walking
in the Holy Spirit.
I don’t know about you… but my ability to walk in self-control is very much related
to the consistency in which I’m walking in the Spirit.
Without walking in intimacy with God… our “self-control” reserves will quickly
run dry.
2. The presence of temptation is always there.
Self control has to always be on b/c our temptations, our medicators, are always there.
I spoke to someone who shared with me how shopping was her thing. “I can’t
control my shopping. I like to spend.” If that’s your deal there are malls and
countless stores everywhere.
And when the malls shut down each night, the home shopping channels and the
internet are made available to you around the clock.
What about food? It’s the same thing… if food is a medicator then 24/7 there is a place you can
go to indulge. It’s not easy…
They are all spending a fortune marketing their food to you. They put pictures in
the window. These pictures make their food look really, really good. I see that
picture, I want to go in there. They don’t put pictures of liver and onions.
It’s delicious looking food and you see it. You go in and you just point to the
picture! “Give me one of those!”
My point is this. You don’t have to search very far for the temptations in today’s
world. They’re everywhere.
3. The absence of self control is runs deeper than we realize
You know, most people in our world live their life at a very superficial level where they pretend
like they’re in total control.
One of the things I love about this church is we admit it... at least we’re learning the
freedom to admit it… that we’re not quite as together on the inside!
But most people live on the surface. And when you live on the surface you don’t
really think about self control that much.
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And, when we do, we throw out those phrases that do nothing but mask what’s
inside… stuff like, “I can handle it. If I really wanted to stop, I could. My issue
isn’t that bad. It’s not as bad as others I know.”
That is denial. Denial keeps you at the surface. If you can stop why haven’t you?
How bad does it have to get before you do stop? Is it going to take divorce? Is it
going to take hospitalization? Are you going to kill somebody? What does it take?
“My issue isn’t so bad”. Well… that may sound persuasive to some, but it only
allows someone to reject what is their responsibility… to ignore their inner world…
and to keep denial alive.
Then, oftentimes, when someone addresses their issues, they often try to fix the problem instead
of fixing themselves.
For example… with shopping: Instead of saying, “I need to fix myself.” We say
this, “I’m going to fix the problem. I’m going to cut up my credit cards and I’m not
going to go to anything that’s on sale. I’m not going to go to sales.”
That might be part of the problem… but we need to go deeper… we need to look to
the root of our behavior.
We do this with food. We try to fix the food and make the food work for us. Let’s
just take out all the taste of all the food and we try to fix the food. I’m ok eating
Styrofoam rice cakes for the rest of my life. Replacing rice cakes for chocolate
cakes maybe part of the solution… but it isn’t the goal.
What about pornography? Pornography is big. There are over four million pornographic
websites. Fifteen percent of all websites are pornographic. Twenty-five percent of everything
that’s put into a search engine directs you to a pornographic sight. This is big.
And a lot of times we don’t want to talk about it. We don’t speak about it. But it is
killing men… whether they’re Christian or not. But the truth is that up to thirty
percent of pornographic users are women.
In the privacy of your own home, you know you are only a few mouse clicks away
from delving into a fantasy world that is very seductive and addicting.
People used to have to put on disguises and go to the other side of the tracks. Not
any more. It’s big and it’s damaging and it’s destroying lives and relationships.
So, what’s the problem? It’s the computers… let’s fix the computers so we don’t
get porn into our house.
It’s a good idea to fix the computer. But a lot of times that’s the only thing you
want to do. “Let me get a filter and fix my computer.” Honestly… that’s a good
thing… but we need to go deeper… we need to ask ourselves, “What’s broken
inside me?”
It’s not hard for me to point out the problems. Problems are easy. We’re all experts at pointing
out problems. Answering the questions, “What should I do?” is a whole lot tougher!
In spite of the fact that I’ve got my own issues that I’m working through in the
“self-control” department… let me share with you things that may be able to help
us move toward a life of self control.
The first thing we need to do is…
1. Take hold of God’s Promises
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Obviously, if the problem is deeper than we realize then we better dig below the
surface for help. But to do in a way that really heals, we need to digest what the
Bible says is true about us… that we are not slaves to sin.
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In the midst of temptation, when you’re reaching for that medication, whatever it
is, take hold of what Paul writes about in Romans 6, that “Sin is no longer your
master. You’re no longer subject to the law which enslaves you to sin. Instead you
are free by God’s grace.”
God, because of His grace, He has given us what we need to beat those things we
have no control over.
Next time that cycle is about to kick in-- and you know the cycle that I’m talking about – the
cycle that goes like this:
You see the temptation and give in… you begin to condemn yourself over how
often you give in to that temptation, you doubt whether you could even beat this
thing… you feel like a failure… you feel bad about yourself… and rather than turn
to God, you turn back to that medicator… hoping for that temporary “ok” feeling…
Before you get into that cycle, just say the words… their not magic… but they’ll
remind you of what is true… “I’m not a slave to that!” Then, invite God into that
scene… asking Him to take the truth of His Word from your head to your heart to
your actions.
2. Ask the deep questions.
If the answers are below the surface you’ve got to ask the deep questions. Some of you in here
you want to ask the deep questions of other people. You’ll turn the questions onto other people
first. What I want to challenge you to do is ask the questions of yourself.
If you see me eating lunch today you don’t necessarily need to come up to me when
I’m eating my seven-layer burrito and say, “So Craig, what pain are you trying to
hide?”
Work on your own stuff first. Ask the questions about yourself.
The surface question I’ve already given you. The surface question is “How do I fix
my computer?”
Here’s the deep question “What’s so broken inside of me that has me pursuing
counterfeit intimacy over a screen, that has me sowing even deeper roots of shame
and guilt into my life… that has me hiding from God and others?”
Can you think of what that counterfeit intimacy is in your life? Are you able to
point to where it came from?
As I said, for me, the food issue runs pretty deep. Of course, I’ve dealt with this for so long that
I’ve long disassociated overeating with its root causes.
But when I’m not doing well… I know what I need to do… first… I need to hit the
pause button and just spend some time with God.
That’s not an easy thing to do when you’re in the middle of one of the cycles. For
me… it is often about being too busy… which creates almost an emptiness inside.
Its not surprising that I feel empty… because of busyness and stress… I allow my
well to become empty. The language may sound strange… but in a very real way,
I’m ignoring my soul.
To be honest… that’s how I felt two weeks ago as I boarded my flight to California. I was
giving three workshops, one presentation, along with a host of other responsibilities. So, by the
time I got that all done… along with my sermon… I was tired.
I literally felt my soul aching for attention… aching to be in the Father’s presence.
Sometimes I listen to that cry… and I slow down… and spend the time with God.
And every time I do… its like He brings me back to life.
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In those moments, Jesus’ words become so real to me… “I am the bread of life.
He who comes to me will never go hungry..."
The only source that satisfies what my soul craves out for is God.
But there are other times when I just keep on going… and the well becomes drier
and drier… and without going to Jesus, whom the NT describes as Living Water, I
will grab a hold of what will make me feel at least temporarily better… without
having to look inward at where I am… with myself… and with God…
And that’s food.
I have not mastered this part of my life… but more than anything in my life, I know the voids in
our lives… the absence of worth, acceptance, healthy self-image, whatever it is… can only be
satisfied in Him.
I’ve looked and sought approval from many places and so have you. You’ve sought
approval from friends, from relationships, from your business, from achievement,
from hanging out with the crowd, from having the perfect kids. You’ve sought
approval from that.
You’ve tied your value to the wrong sources. Because when you don’t get your
worth from God you’ll look for it in things, such as all those things we’ve already
spoken about… but we’ll also look to people.
And when you give people the power to approve your life you also give them the
power to disapprove your life. And that’s way too much power.
And that’s why for many of you life will always be let down by others. You’ve
given them the wrong kind of power. The true power for self control isn’t in
people. It’s in a person, Jesus.
The cross is a symbol of what Jesus did for me. When He hung on the cross and He
sacrificed His sinless life to pay for my sins and He said to me, “Craig Simonian
approved!”
And when He stamped me with His approval that approval is what gives birth to a new
paradigm… it gave me the inner strength and self control to say no to things, to say, “That’s
enough!” to things, to keep the temptations and the medications at bay.
It’s that loving approval that gives me freedom… whether it is freedom to fail in my
area or the freedom to say no to the temptations.
Paul says in Ephesians 3, “I pray that from His glorious unlimited resources He
will give you mighty inner strength [that’s self control] through His Holy Spirit.
May your roots go down deep into the soil of God’s marvelous love and may you
have the power to understand how wide, how long, how high and how deep His love
really is. May you experience the love of Christ and then you’ll be filled with the
fullness of life and power that comes from God.”
It’s all about God’s love controlling me so that I have the inner strength to control
the other things in my world.
3. Invite Your Friends into Your Issues
Once you’ve been below the surface and you know what you’re struggling with then you invite
others along for the ride because your struggle with self control will get so much easier when
other people know what you struggle with.
It is so important to do life with other people. To invite people into your journey.
Jesus modeled this. When Jesus came into this world as our Savior… He chose not
to do it alone. He invited some guys, “Come on. Let’s do this together.”
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I know that I need people in my life. I wonder if as you’re sitting there you really feel you need
somebody else. Do you really feel like you need somebody else in your life? I do. Is that a sign
of weakness? You need to ask yourself that.
In his perfect, sinless state, God still looked at Adam and said, “There’s something
missing… I see a need in him.” That need was for community.
We need each other’s help… we need each other’s love & encouragement.
I need somebody to be so honest with me and say, “Craig, are you going after that
achievement for your own or are you doing it for God?”
I need safe friendships that can allow me to be vulnerable and say, Here’s what I’m
struggling with, and, Here’s where I need help.
When you go below the surface, be praying that God will bring some people into
your life that will go below the surface with you… someone who will love you
throughout the process.
4. Begin to Give Your Issues to the Father
If you want self control you’ve got to give your issues to Him. In other words, in order to
experience self control, we need to give up control… but not just to anyone… to Him.
God has some wonderful, what I would call, upside down principles in the Bible.
To really live, I must die. To win, I must lose. To be great, I must serve. To be
first, I must be last. And to get self control, I must give up control.
But when we do give Him control… He doesn’t “control” us, but rather begins to
develop self control in us. It is just something He will always impart to us as we
find our place in His presence.
He gives you the power to escape those things that are tempting you, that are
medicating you, that are controlling you. What a great truth, that He gives me
everything that I need.
Guys… all of us, to one degree or another… need a large dose of self-control in our lives. What
is your issue that you want to bring to God this morning? What is it that you do that tries to fill
the void or need or hurt that only God can fill?
Will you take hold of God’s promises for you in this area?
Will you begin to ask the deeper questions as it relates to that issue?
Will you invite not only God into those issues but your trusted friends?
Will you purposefully give your issues to God?
As we do these things, I believe we’ll find ourselves more and more able to control
those things in our lives rather than have them control us.
Maybe right now as we pray you might say a silent prayer and say, “God, I can’t!” Those words
are powerful words. Maybe say, “God, I need You. God, I’m willing to give You control.” He
hears the desires of your heart.
But what we really needed was for You to control our lives. We need Your presence to heal our
pain. We thank You that Your presence brings approval and Your approval brings inner
strength. We can control the temptations that normally defeat us. God, we want to be more
attractive. We ask for Your extreme makeover. We ask for it in the name of Jesus. Amen.