Student Resource Area for: Guiding Children's Social Development and Learning, 6E
Chapter 10 - Fostering Self-Discipline in Children:
Communicating Expectations and Rules
Key Points
I. Reflect in problem situations.
 Observe children carefully before talking.
 Use reflections to accurately describe the child's perspective.
 Remind yourself to describe the child's point of view before your
own.
 Pay attention to children's age when deciding which type of
reflection to use.
 Avoid using "but" as a way to connect the reflection to the rest of
the personal message.
II. Express your emotions to children.
 Identify the emotions you experience.
 Become sensitive to your own array of internal clues that signal a
particular emotion.
 Use a wide range of feeling words of differing intensities.
III. Identify behaviors.
 Name the behavior that is affecting you.
 Describe the behavior, not the child.
IV. Formulating reasons.
 Give children specific reasons for why you approve or disapprove
of their behavior. Link those reasons to safety, protecting property,
or protecting people’s rights.
 Phrase reasons in terms children understand.
 Give a reason every time you attempt to change a child's behavior.
V. Enact rules.
 Study child development norms.
 Get to know the children in your group as individuals.
 Only implement legitimate rules.
 Tell children what the rules are.
 Reward children's approximations of the rule.
 Use positive personal messages thoughtfully.
 Look for situations in which children delay gratification, control
their impulses, resist temptation, or carry out prosocial plans.
Revise unreasonable rules.
 Use language that is clear and to the point.
 Determine whether children have the same understanding of the
rule that you do.
 When in doubt, assume that children have not understood, rather
than concluding that they are deliberately breaking the rule.

Practice thinking about what you want children to do as well as
what you wish they would refrain from doing.
 Catch yourself saying "No" or "Stop."
 Tell younger and less experienced children what the alternatives
are.
 Let older or more experienced children generate alternatives for
themselves.
 Talk and act simultaneously.
 Ask children to help make the rules.
VI. Communicate with families.
 Become familiar with overall program rules related to child and
family participation.
 Find out what expectations families have for their children's
behavior.
 Communicate your discipline approach to families.
 When talking to family members whose discipline style differs
from the authoritative one you are learning, emphasize similarities
rather than concentrating on the differences in philosophy.
VII. Avoid common pitfalls.
 Talking in paragraphs.
 Failing to use the personal message for fear of making a mistake.
 Talking about personal feelings only in problem situations.
 Giving up midway.
 Focusing on short-term rather than long-term goals.
 Making expectations known from a distance.
 Waiting too long to express emotions.
 Disguising expectations.